(no subject)
Just got off the phone with Travis, we've been on it since around 9:30, but for probably a little over than an hour, Becca was on the phone with us too (three way). While Becca was on the pphone with us, we all got into a large arguement (Becca and I v.s. Travis) about how it's different talking to a female than a male and someone would rather to talk one gender rather than the other in certain situations. Travis believes that talking to a boy is the same as talking to a girl, that it's all the same. Somehow, this arguement led to talking about emotions and how women are self-concious and men have other pressures. How each gender is raised differently. In the end, this all led to whether annorexics chose to be annorexic and whether homosexuals chose to be homosexual. Finally, we were arguing over sexuality. Travis says there's no such thing. You can say you're straight, and say, for example, you're female. You have always been attracted to men. All your life, you've been sexual attracted to the male gender, but one day you fall in love with a woman. You don't fall in love with her looks, she doesn't arouse you, you just fell in love with her personality. Even though you've always thought that you were straight and you still prefer men over women any day, would you risk being harassed and not sexually pleased for your life to be with that woman you love? He says that sexuality shouldn't matter, that you shouldn't allow yourself to be labled. For me, this is all hard to understand.
After fighting for a while, Becca got off the phone and that left just Travis and I. Each fight led to another fight. I was terribly frazzled (if thats even a word... I think it fits how I felt good enough). Eventually he just kept saying, "Goodnight Katie, I don't want to fight anymore". To me, this is just a way to run away. Plus, I don't know if any of you are like this, but I can't go to bed knowing someone's mad at me. So... I just made him stay on the phone. I tried to make us have a real conversation. We used to stay on the phone for 4 to 6 hours a night, laughing, enjoying being on the phone with eachother, just plain loving that you can hear the person you love breathing on the other line... even if they live over 3,000 miles away. That doesn't happen so often anymore. To try to fix things tonight, I just randomly said stories. Stories about old friends mostly. I told the stories about me going apple picking with Natalie and her family and about what games Natalie and I used to play when we were younger. Then I talked about how Andrea and I got locked in a bathroom together. All these old stories that usually make people smile but that just made Travis go, "mmhmm". It was pissing me off. I wanted to strangle him and yell, "why can't I make you happy anymore?!?!?!?!". I feel like I've been getting so emotional lately. I cry more. Things like that. For the past few months we haven't laughed so much, talked so much, so obviously, I feel like he loves me less somedays. He may think I'm crazy for saying that I don't think he loves me but,,.... I mean, I can't help but compare how we are to how we used to be. We used to be so close and we used to be able to talk all night with a smile never leaving our faces. I know he loves me, but sometimes I'm just afraid. He's perfect to me, I'm sure some other girl could find him perfect too. I just don't ever want to loose him. It scares me sometimes. Oh well.... We fight too much. He ended up hanging up on me. I ended up crying and calling him back. I couldn't resist. Of course that call didn't last long, but whatever.... We're off the phone now. Right after we hung up, I was feeling so bad that I, for some reason, had to get online and type this. He, while I was in the middle of typing this, sent me an uber long message. He was calling himself a horrible person and saying sorry alot. He told me he does love me and all this other stuff. I called him back and told him I love him too.... And even though it's not perfect, I guess that's how this night's going to end.
Today, other what just happened, was pretty good. Went over to Becca's and hung out with her and Ismail for a while. We played games, watched Shreck, watched an E TV show about child stars, and talked. After he left Becca and I just messed around on the computer and ate diner. Pretty dandy. Becca's my sweet thang.
This, I'd have to say, is a long enough post for 2:11 in the morning.
<3
Katie
After fighting for a while, Becca got off the phone and that left just Travis and I. Each fight led to another fight. I was terribly frazzled (if thats even a word... I think it fits how I felt good enough). Eventually he just kept saying, "Goodnight Katie, I don't want to fight anymore". To me, this is just a way to run away. Plus, I don't know if any of you are like this, but I can't go to bed knowing someone's mad at me. So... I just made him stay on the phone. I tried to make us have a real conversation. We used to stay on the phone for 4 to 6 hours a night, laughing, enjoying being on the phone with eachother, just plain loving that you can hear the person you love breathing on the other line... even if they live over 3,000 miles away. That doesn't happen so often anymore. To try to fix things tonight, I just randomly said stories. Stories about old friends mostly. I told the stories about me going apple picking with Natalie and her family and about what games Natalie and I used to play when we were younger. Then I talked about how Andrea and I got locked in a bathroom together. All these old stories that usually make people smile but that just made Travis go, "mmhmm". It was pissing me off. I wanted to strangle him and yell, "why can't I make you happy anymore?!?!?!?!". I feel like I've been getting so emotional lately. I cry more. Things like that. For the past few months we haven't laughed so much, talked so much, so obviously, I feel like he loves me less somedays. He may think I'm crazy for saying that I don't think he loves me but,,.... I mean, I can't help but compare how we are to how we used to be. We used to be so close and we used to be able to talk all night with a smile never leaving our faces. I know he loves me, but sometimes I'm just afraid. He's perfect to me, I'm sure some other girl could find him perfect too. I just don't ever want to loose him. It scares me sometimes. Oh well.... We fight too much. He ended up hanging up on me. I ended up crying and calling him back. I couldn't resist. Of course that call didn't last long, but whatever.... We're off the phone now. Right after we hung up, I was feeling so bad that I, for some reason, had to get online and type this. He, while I was in the middle of typing this, sent me an uber long message. He was calling himself a horrible person and saying sorry alot. He told me he does love me and all this other stuff. I called him back and told him I love him too.... And even though it's not perfect, I guess that's how this night's going to end.
Today, other what just happened, was pretty good. Went over to Becca's and hung out with her and Ismail for a while. We played games, watched Shreck, watched an E TV show about child stars, and talked. After he left Becca and I just messed around on the computer and ate diner. Pretty dandy. Becca's my sweet thang.
This, I'd have to say, is a long enough post for 2:11 in the morning.
<3
Katie