Sparks
Why is it that some people can just never be happy? Perhaps I'm just a naturally self-destructive person. I spend my whole life wanting something like this, yet the moment I finally get it, I wonder if I truly want it right now. If I continue feeling the way I've been feeling, I feel like my boyfriend will no longer want to be my boyfriend. But I also don't want to settle for something I'm not ready for, and by doing so, risk feeling this way later and hurting both of us even more.
I like Paul. He makes me happy. He treats me like no one has ever treated me before. He adores me. He's everything I could possibly want. He thinks I'm adorable when I'm drunk; adorable in the morning with messy hair and no makeup, and adorable when I'm sick. We never fight, and we're really good at communicating. When I'm with him, it's perfect.
And then there are the times when I'm not with him. I hear about my single friends going to clubs and having fun, or I go to a party where I get hit on. I meet someone new, and I'm reminded how exhilirating it is to flirt; how fun the chase can be. I remember the adrenaline rush of a first kiss, and the excitement of getting to know someone new.
I'm 21 fucking years old. I won't want to party like this in ten years, twenty years, thirty years. It's right here, right now, or never at all. I don't think I've had my fill. This will be the only chance I have to act my age before I have to grow up and be a real "adult." Shouldn't I take advantage of this time while I have it? Shouldn't I go out with my friends, experience different men, and meet new people?
...but is it worth losing someone who means so much to me and who is such a huge part of my life now that I can't stand to think about him not being in it? Both sides have pros; both have cons. I can't prioritize one over the other, because I want both. I'm stuck in the middle, I'm stressed, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to miss out on something amazing because I'm just not ready, but I also don't want to end up having regrets down the road when it's too late.
HELP ME.
The moral of the story is: You wouldn't wanna be me right now.
I <3 answers,
~*Kim*~
I like Paul. He makes me happy. He treats me like no one has ever treated me before. He adores me. He's everything I could possibly want. He thinks I'm adorable when I'm drunk; adorable in the morning with messy hair and no makeup, and adorable when I'm sick. We never fight, and we're really good at communicating. When I'm with him, it's perfect.
And then there are the times when I'm not with him. I hear about my single friends going to clubs and having fun, or I go to a party where I get hit on. I meet someone new, and I'm reminded how exhilirating it is to flirt; how fun the chase can be. I remember the adrenaline rush of a first kiss, and the excitement of getting to know someone new.
I'm 21 fucking years old. I won't want to party like this in ten years, twenty years, thirty years. It's right here, right now, or never at all. I don't think I've had my fill. This will be the only chance I have to act my age before I have to grow up and be a real "adult." Shouldn't I take advantage of this time while I have it? Shouldn't I go out with my friends, experience different men, and meet new people?
...but is it worth losing someone who means so much to me and who is such a huge part of my life now that I can't stand to think about him not being in it? Both sides have pros; both have cons. I can't prioritize one over the other, because I want both. I'm stuck in the middle, I'm stressed, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to miss out on something amazing because I'm just not ready, but I also don't want to end up having regrets down the road when it's too late.
HELP ME.
The moral of the story is: You wouldn't wanna be me right now.
I <3 answers,
~*Kim*~