Em Pleh!
For fuck's sake, I am so sick and tired of doing this time and time again.
Dad went out to dinner with a friend tonight while I was at my Mary Kay meeting. I got home and Danny told me Dad had said he'd be home by 10:15, or he'd call. 10:40, he still wasn't home or answering the cell phone (because it was off, as usual) or answering pages.
Long story short, I was freaking again. Turns out genius Danny screwed up... it was "10:45 or I'll call." It didn't get to the point where I called everyone I knew crying, and I didn't hop in the car to start searching the freeways for his flipped car, or anything. But I just can't keep living in this constant fear that I'll lose someone else.
I know I complain about this anxiety all the time. My biggest pet peeve is people who play the victim card, who complain about anything and everything around, yet don't do a damn thing to fix it. But I don't know WHAT to do anymore. I've tried being logical. I've tried deep breathing, convincing myself to relax, and nothing seems to work. Am I just destined to be afraid for the rest of my life every time I can't find someone I love?
The moral of the story is: Life is not my friend right now. I hate it more and more each day, and some days I just want out. Someone change my mind. Someone remind me why I used to enjoy this. Someone come sweep me off my feet, take my breath away, and remind me what it is I'm living for.
~*Kim*~
Dad went out to dinner with a friend tonight while I was at my Mary Kay meeting. I got home and Danny told me Dad had said he'd be home by 10:15, or he'd call. 10:40, he still wasn't home or answering the cell phone (because it was off, as usual) or answering pages.
Long story short, I was freaking again. Turns out genius Danny screwed up... it was "10:45 or I'll call." It didn't get to the point where I called everyone I knew crying, and I didn't hop in the car to start searching the freeways for his flipped car, or anything. But I just can't keep living in this constant fear that I'll lose someone else.
I know I complain about this anxiety all the time. My biggest pet peeve is people who play the victim card, who complain about anything and everything around, yet don't do a damn thing to fix it. But I don't know WHAT to do anymore. I've tried being logical. I've tried deep breathing, convincing myself to relax, and nothing seems to work. Am I just destined to be afraid for the rest of my life every time I can't find someone I love?
The moral of the story is: Life is not my friend right now. I hate it more and more each day, and some days I just want out. Someone change my mind. Someone remind me why I used to enjoy this. Someone come sweep me off my feet, take my breath away, and remind me what it is I'm living for.
~*Kim*~