(no subject)
i should probably go.
far way so people dont have to see me. or know me.
and then i can start over.
im such a nice person. and i feel so bad when i cant do something for someone. and i shouldnt feel bad. its not my problem. i have gone out of my way so many times in my life to do something for someone and all i get paid back is with disrespect. i cant just stop. its too hard. but on saturday night, night of show of the year, i was feeling a little guilty for not being able to go to it for tkk; whom i love dearly. but i ended up having a wonderful time. i saw zorro and had some great shrimp from tgi fridays. i was thinking so little of it, it scared me.
and the night before, i made so many phone calls to so many different people to find ashley some tickets for the show. i NEVER ever talk on the phone unless i have to. i didnt have to. i did it because thats what friends do right? but i seriously think i went out of my way. i should have just gave her the number when i got instead of trying to make plans on where they should meet and every little detail.
SOMETIMES I THINK IM JUST TO NICE.
at shows, ill donate like 10 bucks to a band that needs it. and then, the next day i want to go shopping. guess what? i needed that 10 bucks. there goes one weeks allowence. i love helping out bands but i think i can be just too nice. is that bad?
i really love all my friends. if i can even call them that. we dont really hang out after school or anything like that. it just seems there isnt enough time to do it. and then everyone gets mad at me. im sorry that i cant hang out with everyone. i have other things to do. i have a family and i have taylor who lives down the street. i love her so much. i spend a lot of time with her even though shes my sisters age. but i hate how she acts amazing and she can be what i know for herself around me. and then when shes with people like brittany, shes completely different. she tries as hard as she can to play dumb/stupid around her. when shes with me, she doesnt have to try. or is it that im blind?
i must be blind about a lot of things. i know i am. i wish people would just point them out to me.
at the moment, i am extremely depressed. this is one of the only times i really do want to talk on the phone. so hit me up. i really do need to talk with someone.
and cody; i am absolutely in love with you. you are one of the very few that can make me smile and blush and feel happy all at once. i love talking to you so much. and we have got to chill soon.
goodbye.
RIP JamisonParker