(no subject)
thyngs sure have been weird lately.
i'm not sure if i like what's going on or not
things seem to be going my way
and i wonder if they actually are.
i don't want to ruin it by being skeptical.
and wonder about whether or not it's going to blow in my face any minute.
but i ALSO don't want to get used to it
and get comfortable with being happy
just to find out it's fake
or only temporary
all cryptic and shit, i am thuh master of saying what i need to say
without exposing anything at all in hopes that someone
understands and gets the message. But that is all becuase i'm not sure if I'm right
not sure if I have just realized something that is, in fact, true. That's why I think and
thats why I leave it simple and if anything more needs to be said, then
a reply is necessary. POOF. out of my hands, but I've made a stab, I've put
forth the effort. And it is SO perplexing, these little bumps in the road, these
little fucking potholes that come alone as they do and mix me up and tell me stories, imparting knowledge that will never leave me.
but this one was different. because this one saw through me and into me, this one was weird and told me what I was and what I was thinking, how I acted and why and probably understands me better than I do myself. No need to get all hung up over it, but still is odd and won't leave my memory for a very long time, indeed.
and it's pretty fucked that someone else's juvenile and exaggerated problems are making ME irritable. But so it goes.
And thank GOD someone out there likes to see me in pain, or I'd never be able to see through your hugs and fucking facade. It's so easy to laugh at me, so easy to make me cry. Must be funny, watching me squirm, must be a great thing to see me in pain, crying, begging for mercy in a relentless world of horrific happenings and beings. Must be great, being loved and wanted, even if they are just using you, at least they can stand to be around you.. no one can tolerate my presence unless they REALLY really want something, and they can't get it anywhere else.
Beat me, yes, pull my hair and make me SCREAM. I hope it gets you off.
I am being pushed to the limit and this has not happened in a looooong time. possibly years. I am irritated, pissed, annoyed, and I just want to say fuck it. FUCK IT ALL. I..have..to..get..OUT.
onnnnnnn a lighter... less emotional note
i got cussed out for the first time by a customer.. and OLD MAN, no doubt. damn the senior discounts and things. it was scary. he could have jumped accrooss thuh counter and killed me. but he didn't thank god.
and thats why being a customer service representive SUCKS BIG FLOPPY COCK. or small floppy cock. or just cock.
whiiiich reminds me. i ate chicken at work yesterday nd today.
me and justin and kait are going ot work out at thuh gym on tuesday.
good. times. i need to get back into shhhhape. maybe i'll join thuh national guard after all and get a 10 thousand dollar sign on bonus. i can work with thuh computer or something.
i don't know. i need a future, and i need a love.
and i need a fucking friend,
not a fucking judgement.