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I feel like a waste of life today. ...or everyday rather.
I went from 2 months of constantly being on the go - to doing Nothing. The Hilton has me scheduled once this week. Mal came to work with me on Sunday... that was a good time. I missed my work buddies. Denny and Mikey no longer work there which makes it less fun. Oh well.
For the past 2 weeks, I've been spending a lot of time with Amy and/or Gram. My gram has been so sad since pap died. Between her and my mom, I have to be the strong one.. I try not to cry when they're around, but I miss him so much. I was so excited to come back from Italy with stories and pictures all for him. He's why I started taking Italian courses... it made him so proud that his family was proud of being Italian... When he was growing up, it was an embarrassment, they were even discouraged to learn Italian - they had to be as American as possible.
It was so strange being away... I had never been overseas before or that far away from my family before. I was really homesick at first, but then I began to soak it all in.
My whole life, I've searched for a place or people that I fit with... I felt unbelievably at home in Florence. Almost all of us did. The culture was so... fitting? They live more relaxed - there's no stressing about unimportant things. They take school and work seriously... but family is of the utmost importance. In America, I see people put their work above everything.. People here are all hopped up of Ritalin and anti-depressants..... Hell, my gram has a bottle of "nerve pills" that she won't leave home without in case she gets too stressed. Why? Why do we live like this? Constantly on edge, running around, burning out... I don't like it.
Another thing the rest of the world seems to have down: drinking. I drank legally for 2 months and never got "fucked up". I don't think I saw anyone (non-American) who was out-of-control drunk. It's not necessary. Why do we do it?
Zip-locks. Italians don't understand them. My father is addicted to his FoodSaver (one of those vacuum-sealing machines). Giuseppe, "Why eat fruit that isn't in season? It doesn't taste as good." There's no reason to fill the fridge with things that you won't eat until a month from now. Why all the preservatives? Our bodies take considerably longer to decompose than theirs because we're chock full of preservatives. That's pretty sick.
I have more complaints about America, but I'll wait for another entry.
Frank. I don't know what to do about all this. He was so anxious to be an official couple. Then, I leave for a while and he wants to go on a break because he's lonely withoput a girlfriend by his side. Fine. Then, I get home and I get "I was thinking about 'us'... I want to try again." The day I get home! .What.the.fuck. He goes on to tell me that the lonely story wasn't true but this new story is... what the hell am I supposed to believe? Why would I want to jump back into a non-functioning relationship?
He wasn't honest with me. I'm constantly questioned... I have been since day one. He is SUPER jealous and in need of my full attention at all times. That just doesn't click with me.
He says he loves me... I'm skeptical. I used to believe it.. but now I think that he wants to be in love. I don't want to be in one of those situations.
The more I look at it... the more I realize that we might not be good for each other relationship-wise. I care for him so so much. He's important to me and at the very least, he's a great friend and very close to me.
I don't know. He's visiting this weekend... but so is Meagan. We'll see. School needs to start NOW.
I miss Italy. <3
I went from 2 months of constantly being on the go - to doing Nothing. The Hilton has me scheduled once this week. Mal came to work with me on Sunday... that was a good time. I missed my work buddies. Denny and Mikey no longer work there which makes it less fun. Oh well.
For the past 2 weeks, I've been spending a lot of time with Amy and/or Gram. My gram has been so sad since pap died. Between her and my mom, I have to be the strong one.. I try not to cry when they're around, but I miss him so much. I was so excited to come back from Italy with stories and pictures all for him. He's why I started taking Italian courses... it made him so proud that his family was proud of being Italian... When he was growing up, it was an embarrassment, they were even discouraged to learn Italian - they had to be as American as possible.
It was so strange being away... I had never been overseas before or that far away from my family before. I was really homesick at first, but then I began to soak it all in.
My whole life, I've searched for a place or people that I fit with... I felt unbelievably at home in Florence. Almost all of us did. The culture was so... fitting? They live more relaxed - there's no stressing about unimportant things. They take school and work seriously... but family is of the utmost importance. In America, I see people put their work above everything.. People here are all hopped up of Ritalin and anti-depressants..... Hell, my gram has a bottle of "nerve pills" that she won't leave home without in case she gets too stressed. Why? Why do we live like this? Constantly on edge, running around, burning out... I don't like it.
Another thing the rest of the world seems to have down: drinking. I drank legally for 2 months and never got "fucked up". I don't think I saw anyone (non-American) who was out-of-control drunk. It's not necessary. Why do we do it?
Zip-locks. Italians don't understand them. My father is addicted to his FoodSaver (one of those vacuum-sealing machines). Giuseppe, "Why eat fruit that isn't in season? It doesn't taste as good." There's no reason to fill the fridge with things that you won't eat until a month from now. Why all the preservatives? Our bodies take considerably longer to decompose than theirs because we're chock full of preservatives. That's pretty sick.
I have more complaints about America, but I'll wait for another entry.
Frank. I don't know what to do about all this. He was so anxious to be an official couple. Then, I leave for a while and he wants to go on a break because he's lonely withoput a girlfriend by his side. Fine. Then, I get home and I get "I was thinking about 'us'... I want to try again." The day I get home! .What.the.fuck. He goes on to tell me that the lonely story wasn't true but this new story is... what the hell am I supposed to believe? Why would I want to jump back into a non-functioning relationship?
He wasn't honest with me. I'm constantly questioned... I have been since day one. He is SUPER jealous and in need of my full attention at all times. That just doesn't click with me.
He says he loves me... I'm skeptical. I used to believe it.. but now I think that he wants to be in love. I don't want to be in one of those situations.
The more I look at it... the more I realize that we might not be good for each other relationship-wise. I care for him so so much. He's important to me and at the very least, he's a great friend and very close to me.
I don't know. He's visiting this weekend... but so is Meagan. We'll see. School needs to start NOW.
I miss Italy. <3