Just drive away, from my car crash of a heart....
I havent updated in like a month, and what a month its been. Amy's home, which is great. I didnt even realize how much i missed her while she was gone, it was just easier not to think about it. You must have come home because you knew we now need to always be together on 4th of july lol. Being sung to on the boardwalk, and being rained on. "hey is that keg greg?" "yes amy". Ive missed having someone to do the beach the way i like to do it. No sand or swimming lol, just expensive knock offs and beach pizza.And singing in the car is always better with company. Point being I missed you, but you knew that.
Work is crazy as usual, as is the rest of my life. Though I've come into some very important realizations lately.I find that even though i work seven days a week with very little sleep in between, i really like it. It's a tough schedule and its tiring, but you know what? It's time. I'm not in high school and I dont want to be. Nobody wants to grow up, but eventually everyone has to. I like working enough to support myself and not worry, and I finally have a job where I'm needed, not just working for no real reason. And its something that I'm doing for me and it makes me feel worthwhile. I couldnt stand listening to my parents wonder why I was only working 2 or 3 days a week.
Anyway. Ive also realized a few things about myself. There is nothing good about me. I am toxic. Not to be confused with intoxicating, which can be a good thing. I am needlessly, helplessly, poisonously toxic to everyone around me.Wherever I am, i destroy people and I cant do anything to stop it. I haven't done anything good for anyone, and I am so very far away from the person that I want to be. Everything I have strived to be is lost, I have been working so hard for everyone else, trying to help. Then i realized that I'm the person I tried so hard not to be. I'm everything I've always been disappointed in, and my own advice echoes in my head, but I can't really hear it. I just dont know what to do with myself lately, and tend to forget that when I hesitate, innocent bystanders are poisoned with my existence.
Work is crazy as usual, as is the rest of my life. Though I've come into some very important realizations lately.I find that even though i work seven days a week with very little sleep in between, i really like it. It's a tough schedule and its tiring, but you know what? It's time. I'm not in high school and I dont want to be. Nobody wants to grow up, but eventually everyone has to. I like working enough to support myself and not worry, and I finally have a job where I'm needed, not just working for no real reason. And its something that I'm doing for me and it makes me feel worthwhile. I couldnt stand listening to my parents wonder why I was only working 2 or 3 days a week.
Anyway. Ive also realized a few things about myself. There is nothing good about me. I am toxic. Not to be confused with intoxicating, which can be a good thing. I am needlessly, helplessly, poisonously toxic to everyone around me.Wherever I am, i destroy people and I cant do anything to stop it. I haven't done anything good for anyone, and I am so very far away from the person that I want to be. Everything I have strived to be is lost, I have been working so hard for everyone else, trying to help. Then i realized that I'm the person I tried so hard not to be. I'm everything I've always been disappointed in, and my own advice echoes in my head, but I can't really hear it. I just dont know what to do with myself lately, and tend to forget that when I hesitate, innocent bystanders are poisoned with my existence.