A Falling Summer (1/3)
Master post
ONE
They couldn't stop laughing, tripping over each other and pressing their faces to the other's shoulder to muffle the sounds.
Everyone was passed out, people sprawled four to a bed, over sofas and sacked out on the plush carpet.
Jared and Chad were trashed on three bottles of cheap champagne and a couple of beers they'd found in the fridge, a two-person celebration.
Chad's tuxedo was in pieces around the suite, his jacket thrown over a lamp, his shoes shoved under the table by the door. His tie hung undone around his neck and he had his cummerbund around his head.
Jared finally caught his breath, stopped laughing enough to straighten up. He looked at Chad and the pink and grey cummerbund, to match Sophia's dress, hanging off his ears and he lost it again, snorting and laughing so hard his stomach cramped.
"Shh," Chad said loudly, gesturing with the half empty champagne bottle towards the living room. "You'll wake up the girlsss," he slurred the last word and hiccuped. Jared laughed harder, leaning his head against Chad's shoulder.
"Come on," Chad mumbled, grabbing Jared by the front of his shirt. He pulled him off down the hall to the only empty bedroom. It was supposed to have been Chad and Sophia's but they'd gotten into a fight halfway through prom, and she was currently sharing the sofa with Sandy, Jared's girlfriend, who adamantly refused to leave her best friend's side.
Which meant Jared and Chad had been left to their own devices, relegated to not getting laid on prom night and instead getting trashed on pink bubbles.
"Where are we going?" Jared hissed, tripping over his bare feet.
"To bed," Chad said over his shoulder and stumbled into the doorjamb.
Jared choked on a laugh and pushed past Chad to fall face first onto the bed. It was an enormous bed, enough for four people, Jared couldn't help thinking.
Jared rolled to his back and looked up. Chad was standing over him, the bottle of champagne still in his hand and trying to get out of his dress shirt. "Give me that," Jared demanded reaching to pull it out of Chad's hand. He tipped his head back and brought the bottle to his lips. Champagne spilled out quickly, overflowing, dripping down his chin and down his neck.
"You're wasting it, JT," Chad said, his voice like a whine. He knelt on the bed, in his white undershirt and dress pants and reached for the bottle.
He held it up and glared at Jared. "it's empty, fucker."
"Yup," Jared slurred, "I drank it all."
"You spilled it all, asshole," Chad said, pushing Jared back against the pillows and bending down. He pressed his face to Jared's neck and Jared let out a startled laugh when Chad's tongue came out and licked at his skin.
"Dude, the fuck are you doing?" Jared laughed, pushing at Chad's face.
"Fuck off, you wasted all the damn alcohol," Chad mumbled, his face buried in Jared's neck.
“So you’re licking it off me?” Jared’s shoulders shook, vibrating with tension and the force of holding himself still.
“Fuck yes I am,” Chad said and Jared’s skin hummed where Chad’s lips sipped the sticky sweet champagne from his skin.
Being drunk usually made Jared horny and it wasn't any different, too much fruity champagne buzzing through his system, making him silly and light headed and mostly turned on.
Chad's lips and tongue on his neck wasn't helping. His judgment was long gone and there was a pleasant warmth in his stomach from Chad's mouth on his skin.
"Chad, cut it out," Jared groaned, pushing at Chad's head.
Chad growled low and batted at Jared's hand. He mumbled something that sounded like an order for Jared to go fuck himself and his fingers came up to work at the buttons at Jared's throat.
"If you hadn't been so damn greedy," Chad said, muffled and impatient. Chad's fingers fumbled at Jared's collar, pushing the buttons through the tiny holes. He pulled the shirt off Jared's shoulders, just enough to bare his collarbone, the skin at the base of his throat.
Jared was only half sure Chad was playing around. It's what they did, joking around in front of their friends, their girlfriends, but that's all it was, boys making jokes. They weren't strangers to being in each others space, a constant twenty-four seven of elbows in each other's sides as they sat too close on the sofa, Chad pushing his feet into Jared's lap and demanding a foot rub, wrapping their sweaty arms around each other after football practice.
They didn't do this, though.
Jared blinked dizzily at the ceiling and felt like he was tipping backwards, his head rushing with the alcohol in his blood stream.
Chad stopped making noise and sucking the wetness from Jared's t-shirt and moved a fraction higher, until his lips were on Jared's collarbone. He kept his mouth still, lips hovering over Jared's skin, the barest touch. Jared's eyes slid closed, his lower lip caught between his teeth to keep from making embarrassing noises, when Chad's tongue came out to lick at his skin.
Jared couldn't say anything. He couldn't move, his body felt heavy and immovable, paralyzed with things he couldn't name. And his head was somewhere else entirely.
"Chad," Jared blew out a breath. "We're drunk," he said, putting a hand on the back of Chad's neck. He meant to pull him back, tug him off so they could get some space and go to sleep.
Chad made an appreciative noise at the brush of Jared's fingers on his neck and he ducked his head, forehead against Jared's shoulder.
"I'm so fucking horny," Chad admitted, his lips moving against the thin cotton of Jared's undershirt so that Jared could feel his breath on his skin. "I could kill Sophia."
Jared let out a quiet laugh, curling his fingers in the soft hair at the nape of Chad's neck. "You shouldn't have checked out that girl," he said, grinning into Chad's hair.
"Dude, did you see her?" Chad said, shoulders shaking with laughter. He lifted his head and grinned down at Jared. "She was fucking stacked, her tits were practically falling out of her dress."
Jared had seen her, he'd just made sure to check her out when Sandy wasn't paying attention. He'd learned a lot from Chad over the years, including what not to do to piss off his girlfriend.
"Mm," Jared agreed. Jared was pretty horny too, mostly from dancing pressed up against Sandy for three hours and then being expected to take care of himself while she consoled Sophia. It was fucking unfair. Sometimes dating his best friend's girlfriend's best friend had its drawbacks.
This wasn't how they'd planned on spending their junior prom. They'd made the limo driver stop at the drugstore so they could stock up on condoms, had made sure they'd found a suite with enough rooms and had spent a fortune on prom tickets, corsages and a nice dinner. And yet here they were, their girlfriends sharing the sofa bed in the living room, the two of them in a king sized bed.
Chad shifted his weight against Jared, settling himself so he wasn't bearing down on Jared's stomach. Jared's breath caught as Chad moved, his dick pushing at Jared's hip.
"Shit, sorry," Chad huffed, a startled laugh like he'd just realized that Jared could feel how hard he was.
"S'fine," Jared mumbled. This would be the time to get off each other and move to opposite sides of the bed. Any other time they wouldn't still be lying on each other like this, not if one of them, or both as the case was, were hard. But the champagne was floating through Jared, made his head feel a million miles away and his skin tingly with every breath Chad took and every rustle of clothing as he moved.
Chad shifted again and this time it was deliberate, a slow rock of his hips against Jared's hip, tucking his leg up underneath him so his knee pushed up and firm between Jared's thighs.
"Chad," Jared hissed. His back arched up into the pressure, his fingers tightening in Chad's hair.
"Get me off," Chad mumbled against Jared's skin and Jared wasn't sure he'd heard him right until Chad thrust again, dick rubbing against Jared's leg.
"Please, JT," Chad breathed, wet and warm against the sensitive skin of Jared's neck. "Get me off and I'll do you. "
Jared groaned and nodded, "fine, come on, fuck," he said, pushing Chad off him enough so they were on their sides, facing each other. Chad's cheeks were flushed pink, his eyes mostly black pupil.
"What do you want?" Jared asked cause it wasn't like he knew what to do, what Chad wanted. They talked about it enough, about fucking their girlfriends, and one time not that far back, last summer, they'd jerked off side by side.
"Jerk me off," Chad said, grabbing Jared's wrist and pressing his palm to the front of his pants. Jared's face flared hot and red as he felt Chad's dick, hot even beneath layers of material, pushing hard against his hand.
"Mm, yeah," Chad sighed, shifting his hips off the mattress.
Jared rested his forehead against Chad’s shoulder so he didn't have to see his face when he slipped his hand inside his pants, curling his fingers around Chad’s dick.
“JT,” Chad panted, “Don’t be a fucking tease.”
Jared laughed, even though he was so hard he hurt and he couldn’t catch his breath. This was probably the hottest thing that had ever happened to him, which threw him off guard, since he’d been having sex for the last year and this was fucking Chad, his loser best friend who said the stupidest shit.
But this was Chad, who made Jared laugh harder than anyone else, who listened and understood when no one else did, who was gasping and making little noises that were turning Jared on more than was right.
Chad’s fingers dug in to Jared’s shoulder, urging him on.
“M so close,” he admitted, mouth pressed hot and open to Jared’s throat.
Jared didn’t expect it to be quite so hot, watching Chad come. There was a secret little thrill at being the reason behind it, being the one to make Chad look like that, eyes closed, mouth wet and open. Jared swiped his thumb over the head of Chad’s dick and Chad hissed and shuddered.
“Come on, let me,” Chad mumbled, pressing his open mouth to Jared’s jaw and batting Jared’s hand away.
Chad’s fingers fumbled at the button, pulled the zipper down enough to get his hand inside and then he was curling sweat damp fingers around Jared.
Jared hissed, head falling back against the pillows.
“Is that okay?” Chad whispered, oddly unsure.
“Fuck, a little tighter,” Jared urged. He curled his fingers around Chad’s wrist, guiding him. “Yes, God, faster,” Jared groaned.
Chad’s hand sped up, making Jared’s hips push up off the bed, an awkward rhythm that was really doing it for him in a way that made him glad he was too drunk to really think about.
Jared came with a low choked off moan, panting, trying to catch his breath. Chad’s hand stilled but he kept it there, wrapped around Jared.
After a little while, when Jared’s breathing had returned to normal, Chad pulled his hand out, wiping his wet fingers on Jared’s pants.
“Mm, fuck,” Chad mumbled, rolling to his back. “I feel so fucking good right now.”
Jared made a low sound like a hum in agreement. He listened to the steady sound of Chad’s breathing and it didn’t take him long to fall asleep.
* * *
It was the sunlight streaming in through the hotel curtains that woke Jared.
It took him a minute to get his bearings, gingerly prying his eyes open and blinking into the harsh morning light.
The hangover hit him all at once, the pounding behind his eyelids and the nausea making his stomach roil.
He groaned and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. He couldn't think beyond the throbbing in his head and the feeling like he was going to throw up if he so much as moved.
"Oh my god," Jared muttered, burrowing his face in the pillows. He made a face, wrinkling his nose. Something reeked.
He sniffed, trying to figure out what smelled so fucking terrible and then all the color drained from his face as bits and pieces of last night slowly came back to him.
It was kind of blurry, and missing chunks of time, but he had a memory clear as day of Chad's face pressed to his throat, his hand down Chad's pants.
Jared's stomach flipped and he held his breath, trying to decide if he was going to puke his guts up. It settled after a minute and he relaxed back into the pillows.
He was pretty sure he wasn't alone in the bed but he hadn't quite worked up the courage to open his eyes and check. It was bad enough, the images in his head like a frightening movie, but seeing Chad, being faced with the reality of what they'd done, that thought was almost unbearable.
Instead, for reasons he couldn't own up to, he replayed the parts of last night he could remember. He and Chad had spent so much of their lives together there were so many things between them that weren't secrets. Last night had sort of be been like learning about him all over again, seeing him like that. It wasn't something Jared needed, or wanted.
"Fuck, JT," Chad muttered. Jared felt the bed shift and Chad was apparently a lot closer than Jared had thought, their arms brushing as Chad rolled to his side. "Why the hell did you let me drink so much?"
Jared kept still, trying not to brush up against Chad anymore than was absolutely necessary, and Jared was pretty sure it wasn't at all necessary.
"How bad is it?" Jared said, keeping his eyes on the ceiling. He just couldn't look at Chad.
"Ugh, I feel like I fucking got run over by a freight. What the hell was in that shit? I've never felt so tore up."
"It's the bubbles," Jared muttered. He'd once seen Chad drink a fifth of tequila and wake up the next morning craving a Waffle House breakfast with no sign of battle on him.
"That's some dangerous shit," Chad groaned.
Jared didn't know if Chad hadn't yet regained his memory or if he was just deliberately ignoring it. Jared hoped it was the latter, he'd be perfectly content to pretend last night had never happened and they could go back to being the same stupid best friends they'd spent most of their life being.
Chad answered the question, nudging Jared in the stomach. "What the fuck did we get up to last night?"
Jared's stomach was a knot of nerves and he was pretty sure before the morning was over he was going to end up on his knees in front of a toilet. He shrugged, trying to keep his voice even. "Drank about three bottles of champagne and passed the fuck out. Pretty much not how I'd planned on spending my prom. Thanks for that."
Chad snorted. "Oh, right. I wonder if Sophia's still pissed at me."
"Come on," Jared said, smiling, "how long have you known her? She's going to hold onto this one for a solid week, at the very least. You've got some groveling to do. And," Jared tried to sit up a little, still keeping his eyes anywhere but on Chad, "you better do it fast because I don't want to be forced to jerk off because Sandy's off consoling your girl."
"You know, I did you a favor."
"You did, huh? And what exactly was that? Letting me get stupid drunk on some shit girly drink and then pass out with you? Yeah, you're a real good friend."
"Dude, shut the hell up. I can't remember what happened, but I'm sure it was awesome. You were with me."
Jared didn't have to see Chad to know he was grinning his trademark shit eating grin. Jared didn't say anything. It would come back to him sooner or later and they were going to have to deal. Jared was fine with putting it off as long as possible.
"I feel like death warmed over," Jared mumbled, rolling over without glancing at Chad. "I'm going to go shower."
"I know this is fucked up, considering how shitty I feel, but I'm craving some pancakes. Hurry your ass up so we can go to Honey's."
Jared made a face as his stomach flipped uncomfortably. "I don't even know what the hell's wrong with you, I'm pretty sure I'm going to hurl all over you if you make me sit with you."
"Come on, I know you wouldn't make me eat alone. We'll bring you a bucket."
Jared flipped Chad off over his shoulder and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. There'd been a million nights like last night, minus the extracurricular activities, passing out in hotel rooms or guest rooms at whatever house they were partying at, waking up hungover and showering while the other sat on the counter and waited. Jared didn't need any of that now, he just wanted a shower, a Tylenol and to get home so he could go about forgetting last night.
He stripped, his shorts sticking to him with dried come. He shuddered a little and stepped into the shower, forcing himself to pretend it was a wet dream and not his best friend's hand.
The water wasn't hot enough to wash away the dirty gross feeling but Jared stayed under the spray until Chad was pounding on the door hurrying for Jared to hurry the fuck up.
* * *
Honey's, a local diner that had been around for eighty years, was busy with the usual Sunday morning crowd.
They had to wait for fifteen minutes to be seated, during which time they sat outside so Chad could smoke and bitch about how fucked up it was that Sophia had left him hanging last night.
Jared opened his mouth to say, "at least you got off" before he snapped it shut, remembering.
The hostess seated them at a booth in the back and gave Jared a look like she knew him from somewhere.
"You play for the Mavericks, right?" She said, popping her gum.
Jared nodded. "We do."
"Y'all had a slamming season," she gushed, leaning towards them and resting her arms on the table in a way that forced her tits together.
"Thanks," Jared mumbled, not in the mood.
Chad slid her a once over and then turned to his menu.
She looked put off and turned and marched off.
"I'm so hungry," Chad said, kicking his legs up under the table and resting them on Jared's knees.
Jared ignored him, it was either that or pick a fight and that was the last thing he needed today.
When their waitress arrived, the mother of a guy in Jared's physics class who recognized him and told them the coffee was on the house, Chad ordered a stack of pancakes, eggs, sausage bacon and hash browns.
Jared asked for water.
"You alright honey?" their waitress asked, giving Jared the concerned mother face.
"Fine, ma’am," Jared mumbled. "Just a little queasy."
"Well, if you change your mind, just give me a shout."
The smell when Chad's breakfast was delivered made Jared jump up from the booth.
"Uh, I gotta," he muttered under his breath and took off for the bathroom.
He threw up twice and when he was done he felt human again, and actually a little hungry.
"You look like shit," Chad said around a mouthful of food when Jared came back and signaled their waitress.
"No worse than you," Jared shot back.
Jared ordered toast and hash browns and when the food came he wolfed it down like he hadn't eaten in days.
Afterwards, Jared made Chad drive him home.
* * *
Jared knew the minute he saw Chad that Chad had remembered what happened the night of prom. He was standing, shoulders back, defensively, like he was waiting for an attack. When Jared said ‘hey’, he couldn't meet his eyes.
"What's going on between you and Chad?" Sandy asked, standing at their lockers before second period.
"PMS," Jared shrugged, shrugging like he really had no clue. "I gotta get to class," he said abruptly, kissing her fast on the corner of her mouth.
“So,” Jared said, cornering Chad outside of third period. Chad’s eyes widened, surprised.
“Do you want to agree to forget about it?” Jared said, putting it out there because anything was better than the guilt he’d been feeling.
Something like relief passed over Chad’s face. “Just like that?” He said, a little wary.
“Chad,” Jared said quietly, pleading. “We were fucked up. It meant shit, okay? We’re leaving this weekend for the farm and it would be nice if we could just do that denial thing we’ve both always been good at.”
Chad grinned then, a small reluctant smile. “I will if you will,” he conceded with a tilt of his chin.
* * *
Trey's parents had a house out on the lake and every year since middle school, he'd held a party on the last day of school. Jared and Chad had always taken turns driving to parties, but more often then not they both ended up passed out somewhere together, the car keys long since apprehended by some concerned student.
Jared was waiting when Chad came squealing around the corner, pulling into the driveway. Jared groaned when he saw Sophia in the front seat. Sophia and Chad had been involved in some weird dramatic on-again off again thing since freshman year and Jared found all the drama and angst exhausting. And he really fucking hated being the third wheel. Sandy had left right after school for her aunt's house in Washington and Jared was stuck playing referee. It wasn't a role he’d volunteered for.
"Hi Jared," Sophia said when Jared climbed into the back seat. She had her hand high up on Chad's thigh and she looked like she'd gotten an early start.
Jared liked her well enough, but she was weirdly possessive, which Jared found off putting. Chad seemed to think it was amusing.
The party was in full swing when Chad pulled into the massive winding driveway, rounding the curve as the house came into view. It was a massive beach house that sat right on the water, a deck leading from the house out into the lake.
"Fuck, yeah, let's go get fucked up," Chad crowed, throwing an arm around Jared's shoulder and pulling Sophia along by the wrist.
There were several kegs out on the deck and Jared found a couple plastic cups.
By twelve o'clock, Chad was completely wasted, Sophia was passed out on the kitchen floor and Jared was faintly buzzed and watching Chad with a weird sort of thrum in his blood.
"JT!" Chad shouted, though he was standing right above Jared, leaning over him where Jared was sprawled on a lounge chair.
Jared tilted his head back to look at Chad. His face was flushed, his eyes glassy and he reeked of beer and some kind of chips.
"I'm so wasted," Chad slurred, coming around to flop down on the chair with Jared. There wasn't enough room so Chad ended up mostly in Jared's lap, his leg thrown over Jared's, his arm around Jared's shoulder.
"Where's your girl?" Jared asked, though he knew full well that Sophia was sleeping it off.
Chad made a vague wave with his hand. "Um? She left, I think?"
Jared snorted. "Okay, maybe we should go find her."
Chad sighed, leaning his head on Jared's shoulder. "I can't feel my feet."
Jared was glad Chad was so blitzed because Jared was having a weird reaction to Chad on his lap, his breath warm on Jared's skin. Not that Chad was perceptive even when he was sober.
Chad smelled weirdly good, aside from his beer breath. His skin smelled like soap but better, like some sort of body wash and Jared would have to remember to give Chad shit about that.
As it was, he was having trouble concentrating with Chad sitting on him and acting like nothing had happened. Which was fine, Jared was fine with that, they'd agreed to let it go, and this wasn't any different than all the other times they'd gotten drunk and hung all over each other. But it felt different now, it felt bigger somehow. Jared hated how hyper aware he was of Chad. He chalked it up to it being barely five days since prom, hardly enough time to adjust and move on, and hoped it would go away. Things were going to be awkward if this was some new development in their friendship.
"Chad," Jared said quietly, his mouth close to Chad's ear. Chad went completely still. He tilted his head back against Jared's shoulder to look at Jared. He was pretty drunk but his eyes were unsettlingly clear.
He raised his eyebrows in question.
"I think we should get Sophia and get going."
Chad looked like he was thinking of arguing but he pushed himself unsteadily to his feet.
"I'm driving," Jared said, holding his hand out for the keys. Chad pulled him up off the lounge chair and threw him the keys to his truck.
"Hang on," Jared said, pulling Chad back with a hand on his shirt. "You have to help me with Sophia."
She was right where Jared had last seen her, asleep on the linoleum floor of the kitchen.
Jared knelt down and picked her up like she weighed nothing, hoisting her up into his arms.
"Grab her shoes and purse," Jared called over his shoulder to Chad. Chad didn't look like he was capable of finding his own ass but Jared took off for the truck and left him looking confused in the living room.
He buckled Sophia into the back seat and headed back into the party to find Chad.
He'd gotten himself another beer and was sitting on the front steps. He'd taken his shoes off, rolled his jeans up to his knees and was trying to take his shirt off without losing his beer.
"JT!" He called, when he saw Jared. "Im going swimming," he slurred, raising his beer in a toast, his t-shirt around his neck.
"I don't think so, I'm taking you home."
"You're no fun," Chad muttered, tucking his chin against Jared's shoulder when Jared bent to yank him up.
Jared ignored him and pulled him into the house while he found Sophia's things, for fear of Chad wandering into the lake and drowning.
Jared pushed Chad into the passenger's seat and buckled him in.
They took Sophia home. Her sister was waiting up and helped Jared get her upstairs.
"Thanks for looking after her," she said, glaring in the direction of the truck where Chad had his feet out the window.
"No problem," Jared said and took off to take Chad home and make sure he didn't hurt himself.
Jared used Chad's key to get in the house. No one else was up. "I'm not carrying you up the stairs, so you better fucking walk."
It took ten minutes to get Chad upstairs. Jared pushed him down on the bed and pulled the covers up over him.
Chad was fading quickly, eyes closing as his head hit the pillow. "Mm, why you always take such good care of me, JT?" Chad mumbled, slurred.
"Beats the heck out of me, I really can't stand you," Jared said. "I'm taking your truck. If you remember any of this, you should call me in the morning and I'll bring it back."
* *
Saturday morning Chad showed up at Jared's fifteen minutes early, which was unheard of for him. Chad was never on time to anything.
"Someone's excited," Jared's mom, Sharon, said when Chad came into the kitchen where Jared was eating breakfast.
"I smelled your french toast," Chad grinned, pulling out a chair.
Sharon kissed him on the cheek and set about making him a plate.
As Chad shoveled food into his mouth, Sharon went through her annual list of reminders about acceptable behavior while at the farm.
"Don't go giving your grandparents any trouble, they have enough on their hands without you boys causing a ruckus."
"Yes Ma'am," they said in unison, mouths full.
"And if you're going out, you be back home by curfew. And don't wait for them to ask you to help, offer."
Jared rolled his eyes at Chad, who grinned. They went through this every year, and every year there were never any complaints when they came home at the end of the summer. Jared's Mamaw and Papaw loved having them, and Jared and Chad loved spending their summers there.
After breakfast, Sharon walked them out to the car. "We'll be coming up for your birthday, so we'll see you then but I expect you to call me tonight after dinner, and every Sunday."
"Yes, Momma, just like every year," Jared said, getting into the passenger side of Chad's truck.
"Chad, drive safely, please. And don't forget, your father's expecting to hear from you tonight, too."
"Yes, Ma'am," Chad said, giving her the smile that had been charming Jared's mama since Chad was six.
"Okay, you boys be safe, call if you need anything." She leaned into the open window to kiss Jared's cheek and reached across the seat to squeeze Chad's hand.
* * *
TWO
Runyon County was forty-five minutes south of Abilene, a four hour drive from San Antonio.
"You know you have shit taste in music, right?" Jared said, halfway through the drive when the city had faded behind and made way for the endless stretch of farmland.
"Fuck off, my music is way better than that fucking grandpa shit you listen to."
"You wouldn't know good music if it bit you in the dick," Jared shot back, laughing at the appalled look Chad gave him.
When Jared was younger, sitting in the back seat with Megan in the middle, Chad asleep on her other side, Jared would sit with his face pressed to the window, waiting impatiently for the telltale signs that they were getting closer to Abilene, closer to Willow Lake and his grandparents. Not much was different this time around. As soon as they passed the old run down Outer Lake General store, high up on a hill off the interstate, Jared was sitting up, leaning against the door and waiting.
Chad took the exit for Route 3 and Jared could feel that familiar excitement building, a lifetime’s worth of memories of ice cream at Cady’s Creamery just past the abandoned mill, the senior center at the edge of the tiny town where Jared’s Papaw taught him and Chad to play pool, the farm supply store run by the same family for five generations where Jared got his first kiss when he was twelve from the youngest daughter.
“You’re five years old all over again,” Chad laughed, rolling his eyes at Jared who had rolled down the window and had his face lifted up to feel the hot breeze on his skin, and the old familiar smells of farming it brought with it. There was a fondness in Chad’s words, though, nothing mocking about the way he said it. They both knew better.
Route 3 dead ended into Old Lake Road, the stretch of empty asphalt disappearing between and beyond hundreds of acres of farm land, the hills rising up towards the horizon.
Cattle grazing in the golden light, the geese disturbing the calm waters of the river that followed the curve of the road, the dozens of kids sitting on the front steps of their homes eating popsicles. Jared watched it all disappear behind them and counted the farm gates just like he and Chad used to, fighting over how many there were until Mamaw and Papaw’s gate.
And then Chad rounded a bend and Willow Lake Farm was rising up before them, the miles and miles of sloping farmland that still made Jared’s pulse speed up, the promise of an entire summer at this place where all of his best memories were held spread out before him.
Jared tore his eyes away from the stretch of white fence that ran along the property and turned to look at Chad. Chad had his arm propped on the open window, his other draped loosely over the steering wheel and he was taking in the roll of the land, the sun hitting the fields like spun gold with a faraway look in his eyes, the corner of his mouth curved up in the hint of a smile.
“We’re here,” Jared said softly, unnecessary and sentimental but it didn’t matter. Chad grinned then, a full smile that made his eyes go soft at the corners. “We’re here,” he agreed, reaching out to curl his fingers around the back of Jared’s neck, a brief squeeze before he was letting go to maneuver his truck through the enormous wooden gate, up the old dirt road, red dust flying up behind them.
Jared’s Mamaw, Lucy Krammer, was in the front yard, an old James Madison High football cap tugged down low over her eyes, her graying hair tucked up underneath. The dogs were with her, four of them of indeterminate breeds, varying sizes, running around the yard as she bent low over the row of tomatoes in her sprawling garden.
Jared pressed his forehead to the window and bit his lip against the urge to do something stupid, like cry. There wasn’t anything Jared loved more than this place where most things worth remembering in his life had happened, except maybe his grandmother. Jared spent the school year marking down days, sending his grandparents letters asking about what had changed at the farm since his last visit. Part of him always expected his Mamaw to have been one of the changes, but she looked just the same as she had when he was eight, maybe a little more gray in her hair, a few more lines around her mouth. But still the same.
“My boys,” she called, straightening up and tilting her head back to smile at them from beneath the brim of her cap.
Jared didn’t bother waiting until the truck had stopped moving, he threw open the door and scrambled out.
“Jared,” Mamaw said softly, a watery smile stretching across her pretty face. She stood up on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around Jared’s back.
“Hi Mamaw,” Jared breathed into her sun soaked skin, the smell of the fields filling him with a longing that made no sense. He was here. This was real, and he and Chad had two and a half months.
Mamaw let Jared go with a gentle pat on his cheek. “I’ve sure missed you,” she said, smiling up at him.
Chad had parked the truck underneath the huge oak tree sitting in the front yard, one of the few such trees on the property.
“I think you’re more handsome than even the last time I saw you,” Mamaw exclaimed, rushing forward to pull Chad in for a hug.
Chad laughed, spine curved to throw his arms around Mamaw. Jared watched Chad’s bravado slip away, the way it did every year, all that cocky self-assuredness that he wore like armor somehow melted away bit by bit here.
“You beautiful boys must be starving,” Mamaw said, pulling back from Chad with a kiss on his cheek. She held out her hand to Jared and he took it with a grin. For all the growing up and independence he insisted upon with his parents, there was something about his grandmother babying him that Jared looked forward to.
“Come on into the house, we can get your things later,” Mamaw was saying. They followed her around the yard to the back porch that spanned the entire house, up the narrow creaking stairs and into the kitchen.
Jared’s grandfather was at the old oak table, bent over what looked like a piece of a car. He was covered in grease and sweat, a dirty straw hat abandoned at the table, the neck of his work shirt open over a stained t-shirt. He looked up, weathered, lined face breaking into a grin when he saw Chad and Jared.
“It’s about damn time,” he said a little gruffly, the old wooden bench sliding across the floor as he got to his feet.
Papaw was a good ten years older than Jared’s mamaw, and he looked it, lines in his face, the years spent out in the fields making his skin dark and leathery.
“You look real good, Papaw,” Jared blurted, laughing at the narrow look Papaw threw him.
Mamaw started tinkering around the kitchen, pulling things from the refrigerator, getting lunch ready.
Jared stepped toward his grandfather and held out his hand like his father had taught him. “What’s this shit,” Papaw said with a snarl, and pulled Jared against him, a hand flat on his back. Jared huffed out a startled laugh and tucked his chin against Papaw’s chin.
When he stepped back, Papaw said, “you too, kid,” and wrapped an arm around Chad’s shoulders.
Jared watched Chad step forward, closing his eyes and holding himself still for Papaw’s hug.
Jared turned to look at his grandmother who was standing at the island, hand stilled over a cutting board, watching. She caught Jared's eye and gave him a fond smile, eye closing in a brief, private wink.
Jared couldn't help his own smile and he resisted the urge to go over to her and hug her until he'd gotten enough.
"Well that's enough of that," Papaw said, all business. "I'm going to go get myself cleaned up, you boys get your things and get settled before lunch." Papaw clapped Jared on the back briefly and disappeared up the wooden stairs at the corner of the house.
Jared followed Chad back out to the truck. "Okay?" Jared asked softly, not wanting to push Chad but wanting to offer something, anything to get that distant, melancholy look out of his eyes.
Chad looked up, startled. "Me? Yeah, JT, I'm fine." There was a softness in his voice that Jared rarely heard, that only came out when Chad was thinking about things better left alone. "I mean come on," he said, lifting his head to look out beyond the house where the land curved and rose and melted out into the horizon. "It's summer, and we're here."
Jared nodded and threw an arm around Chad's neck, pulling him in against his side for a quick second. He was going to make a joke, a careless comment the way they usually did with each other but he pressed his lips to Chad's hair and whispered, "don't worry so much."
Chad pulled back suddenly, an unreadable expression in his eyes. But it was soft, not the fighting Chad coming out but the less familiar one, a little young, a little lost. "JT," Chad mumbled, eyes closing like he was trying to fight off something he couldn't bear.
Jared waited, watched while Chad became himself again, pulling away to go around to the bed of the truck.
They unearthed their things from beneath the pile of tarps and fought each other through the front door, knocking into each other all the way to the attic.
They had spent every summer in this room, the unfinished wooden floor and paneled walls, sloping ceilings and creaky fan just as much a part of Jared’s memories as the old wooden swing over the creek, the horseback rides over to the next county, the poker games out on the back porch.
They were barely up the steps when Chad elbowed Jared and said, “I call the window,” just like he did every year. And like every other summer, Jared ignored him but let him have it.
The room sat empty when Chad and Jared were back in San Antonio and Mamaw had left everything the same, the Transformer poster they put up when Jared was six and spent his birthday party sick on too much blue cake. There was a Girls of Maxim calendar over Chad’s bed, a UNC flag in Carolina blue over the narrow dresser, a pile of old sneakers and flip flops in the closet, a couple sticky Playboys in the box under the floorboard by the window and Jared’s stuffed turtle Chad had teased him into abandoning at the farm when he was nine.
“Nothing ever changes here,” Chad said quietly. He was standing at the tiny window by his bed where the ceiling sloped, looking out towards the old barn where Chad and Jared had carved wishes a few summers back.
Jared didn’t know if he was expected to answer so he said nothing, let Chad have whatever moment he needed. Jared agreed, though, that in all the years he’d been coming here, whether with his mom and dad and siblings or with Chad, nothing much ever changed. The routine and the people and the food and the chores were constants, a reassuring familiarity that Jared could always rely on. So little else in his and Chad’s lives had remained unchanging, it was a comforting promise to come back and know that whatever else had changed, this at least was the same.
Jared unpacked his duffle, stuffed his iPod underneath his pillow and shoved as many clothes as he could fit into the dresser. “Come on,” he said, straightening up. “I’m starving.”
* * *
“So, Jared, “ Papaw said, sitting down at the head of the table as Mamaw set dishes down in front of them. “It’s a big year coming up for you boys.” He took a sandwich from the platter and looked fondly at Jared.
“Yes, sir,” Jared agreed around a mouthful of macaroni salad. “Chad’s going to take us to State,” he said with a grin at Chad who beamed and bumped his fist with Jared’s.
“I know he will,” Papaw agreed, elbows on the table. “You just let us know when and where and me and your Mamaw will be there, the loudest in the whole damn place.”
Jared grinned and shook his head, laughing. They’d been talking about the State championships since he and Chad were in peewee football, getting slaughtered by kids older and bigger than they were.
“And what about college, hon?” Mamaw asked, turning to Chad, a maternal hand on his arm.
Chad shrugged. “You know. Probably UT or A&M. Whatever’ll take me,” Chad said, all nonchalance like this wasn’t something he and Jared had steadfastly refused to talk about. Because Jared had spent his life working towards UNC, playing football to make Chad happy and focusing the rest of the year on basketball. It had always been the one source of contention between them.
Jared swallowed and looked down, anything to not have to see that look in Chad’s eyes like Jared had betrayed him.
“And UNC for Jared,” Papaw said, beaming with all the pride only a grandfather could feel.
“Yes, sir.” Jared’s throat was dry and he suddenly wanted to be talking about anything but this.
Mamaw took pity on him and changed the subject, to the only other thing Jared didn’t want to talk about.
“Your mama sent me the most beautiful pictures of you boys at prom,” his grandmother said brightly, reaching for her iced tea.
Jared blanched. “Yeah,” he said awkwardly, trying to keep his voice as casual as possible. The last thing he wanted was his grandmother noticing something wasn’t right and poking into that sore.
“You boys sure looked handsome,” Mamaw said, smiling fondly at Chad.
“Thanks, we had a good time,” Chad said, clearing his throat. Jared looked over at Chad and felt something, a low heat flare up in his spine. Chad was watching Jared, sitting, an arm thrown casually across the empty chair beside him. Jared swallowed and looked away, at anywhere but Chad.
Mamaw was looking at him expectantly and Jared realized she wanted him to tell her about prom. Papaw was looking like he didn’t care much but was humoring his wife.
Jared shrugged, unsure what he was supposed to say. It wasn’t as though he could smile and say, “got shitfaced and fucked around with my best friend.” It probably wouldn’t go over well and Jared wasn’t about lying to his grandparents.
“It was fun,” Jared said finally, somewhat lamely.
“Well,” Mamaw said dryly, “I can take a hint.” She gave Papaw an exasperated look that seemed to scream, “teenagers,” and Jared blew out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding.
They finished lunch, catching up quietly on the things they’d missed since Easter, the last time everyone had been together, and then Papaw got to his feet. “I’m working on a project out in the barn,” he said, cracking his back and looking expectantly at Jared and Chad. “Why don’t you do the dishes and then meet me out there.”
Jared glanced over at Chad who was looking excitedly at Papaw. It was probably one of Chad’s favorite things about the summer, the project Papaw picked out for the two of them to help them with over the months. Last summer they’d arrived the first day to find a beat up 67 Mustang that hadn’t run in years waiting for them in the old barn.
“If we get this up and running, Jared,” his grandfather had said, “it’s yours.” That was a month before he turned sixteen, and by the time he got his license, the car was up and running. Still looked like a piece of junk but Jared wasn’t complaining.
After the kitchen had been cleaned up, they rushed out back to the barn where there was a lot of scraping and clanging coming from the closed doors.
Jared peeked his head in and Papaw looked up, a grim set to his mouth. “This is going to be a real pain in the ass, I’m telling you boys now.” He was standing over what Jared imagined had once been a perfectly fine tractor that maybe even ran. It looked like it was at least sixty years old.
“Sweet,” Chad whistled, grinning at Jared like Christmas had come. Jared rolled his eyes and Chad frowned and dug his elbow in Jared’s stomach.
“Cut it out, boys,” Papaw said, but it was distracted and he wasn’t paying them much mind, bent over the table where he had some blueprints laid out.
“I got this from a friend over in Trent county who’d been sitting on this since he inherited his farm from his granddaddy. Don’t know much about fixing up tractors, but if anything it’ll keep us good and busy.”
Jared bit back a groan. He didn’t so much mind all the projects, but they didn’t do it for him the way they did for Chad, who loved getting under the hood of something, taking it apart and figuring out how to make it run again.
“What are you going to do with this, Papaw?” Jared asked, taking in the ancient tractor and thinking if he had a hundred bucks he’d bet they wouldn’t be able to get this piece of shit to so much as stand up straight let alone run.
“I don’t know,” Papaw said, holding up what looked like a manual that had been put through a grinder. “I might sell it. I just thought it’d be fun to see if we could make it run.” He patted Chad on the shoulder. “I’ve got some good help for this one, should be able to get it done.”
Jared bit his tongue for the afternoon and let Papaw order him around.
By the time Jared was ready for a nap, it was almost four o’clock and hot as hell in the windowless barn. He was soaked through his clothes, dirt and grease mixing with the sweat on his skin.
“Okay,” Papaw said, climbing up from underneath the frame of the tractor. He wiped at his face with an old rag and checked his watch.
“I think you’ve earned a little fun,” he said, nodding at Jared and Chad. “You know when dinner is. ”
Chad threw down the wrench he’d been using and grinned at Jared. “Last one to the creek does the dishes,” he called, taking off through the back door of the barn.
Jared tossed a wave at his grandfather and took off at a run, following Chad across the field.
It was hot but a bearable sort of dry heat and the slight breeze felt good on his face as Jared ran through the dry crabgrass.
Chad beat him but only by a hair. He let Chad gloat for a second before he rolled his eyes and shoved him, shoes and all, backwards into the swimming hole.
Chad came up, spluttering, a huge grin on his face. "You've always been a sore loser."
Jared bent to pull off his shoes and socks and shrugged out of his t-shirt. "I just don't like cheaters," he shrugged. Chad laughed. "Whatever makes you feel better, sweetheart."
Jared took a breath and dove off the wooden dock his grandfather had built when Jared's mother was a girl. The water was warm from the sun, still cool against his skin and Jared let out a breath of pleasure as his body hit the water.
Jared held his breath and stayed under the water until his lungs were burning. When he came up for air, Chad was climbing the old gnarled stump at the bank.
Jared lay on his back, arms wide, treading water and watched Chad shuck out of his wet shirt. His skin had that in between color of a faded tan, the wet sheen of the water making him look like he was glistening.
He’d filled out a lot in his chest and shoulders over the last year, the pressure of being trained to take the position of captain of the football team having spurred him into the gym. Chad’s belly was marred by pale, angry scar that sliced across his skin, souvenir from a football injury sophomore year when a tackle from a kid who outweighed him by seventy pounds sent his intenstines halfway up his throat.
Jared watched Chad from beneath partially closed lids, under the pretense of being sleepy.
His throat was dry, his fingers itching with the faint memory of what had happened between them on prom night.
Jared let the cool water lap at his skin and thought about that night, about the way Chad had felt pressed up against him, their legs scissored together. They’d been mostly clothed, he hadn’t gotten to see much of anything.
Not that that was something he wanted, Jared told himself.
Jared opened his eyes, head tilted back towards the meager shade offered by the thin, young trees lining the bank and counted backwards in his head until he felt like he could look at Chad and not remember things better left forgotten, like the taste of cheap champangne on his tongue, the vibrations of Chad’s moans against his skin.
When he raised his head to glance at Chad again, Chad was sitting perched on the stump. There was a sudden flood of awareness in Jared then, a realization that Chad was looking at him, not in a friendly, casual way but in a way that made Jared hot all over.
Jared swallowed and looked away, disappeared underneath the water and stayed beneath the surface until he couldn’t breathe.
When he came back up, averting his eyes, Chad was diving off the stump into the water.
They hung out like that, swimming in silence, until Jared’s watch beeped.
“We should get back,” he said, rolling to his stomach and swimming towards the dock. He hoisted himself up out of the water and reached for his shoes.
He straightened, suddenly, feeling Chad come up behind him, his wet skin against Jared’s. Jared held himself still, held his breath and concentrated on keeping his heart rate steady, even.
Chad's fingers were cool when he reached out, touched briefly at Jared's hip before pulling back and giving Jared a look full of a dare.
"Race you for first shower?" He grinned, a glint in his eyes.
"You're on," Jared agreed and before Chad could say anything Jared dug his elbow in Chad's side, pushing him back and took off, his wet t-shirt in his hand.
He pulled warm, musty air into his lungs, and sprinted back across the field, the house looming ahead like the winner's line.
Jared was ahead of Chad by a few seconds and Jared reached the back steps with barely a lead. He opened his mouth to gloat and was stopped still by Chad slamming into him from behind, an arm around Jared's waist.
Jared's heart stopped somewhere in his throat as he felt the full force of Chad behind him, his chest pressed fully along the damp skin of Jared's back, close enough that Jared could feel Chad's heart racing, the heavy pull of air into his lungs.
"I win," Jared said stupidly, unmoving, afraid to take a step forward, to break the tension of the moment.
"Maybe," Chad agreed. He sounded nothing like himself, his voice ragged.
"Okay," Jared mumbled and moved then. He ran up the steps into the house and locked himself in the bathroom adjacent to their bedroom. He leaned against the door, panting, eyes closed and tried to remember that this was Chad, his best fucking friend.
He got naked, stripping out of his shorts, and climbed into the shower, grimacing at his dick. He was half hard, still trying to catch his breath.
He hadn't jerked off since before Prom. That’s what he reminded himself, the only reason he was mostly hard now. It had nothing to do with the feel of Chad pressed up behind him, every inch of skin touching off tiny points of pleasure along Jared’s spine, his shoulders, his lower back.
He stepped beneath the shower spray and bit his lip as he curled his fist around his dick. He was restless, his skin a mass of tingling nerves. As he rubbed his palm over the length of his cock, he felt it grow fuller, heavier in his hand. He sighed, heat rushing to his stomach, down his thighs.
He let the water slide down his skin, this erotic, thrilling sensation as he jerked his fist over his dick slowly, taking his time, trying to draw out the intensity, the build of pleasure beneath his skin.
He felt amazing, sun flushed and exhausted, turned on and hyper aware of every brush of breeze through the open window, every swipe of his thumb.
He braced a palm flat against the tiled wall, head bent beneath the stream of water down his spine and curled his hand a little tighter, worked his fist a little faster.
He didn’t need anything else really, no go-to fantasy from the pile stored up in the back of his brain. This was enough, the adrenaline in his blood from earlier, from the tension of those moments with Chad. There was a sense of anticipation between them, Jared couldn’t help feeling, not urgency but something building up between the two of them. It frightened the unholy hell out of him.
He shuddered as the intensity built, pleasure rising. Jared was close, could feel the familiar ache in his stomach, his balls tightening. He breathed in and out, letting it get heavier, harder.
There was a flash of something in the back of his brain, the faint sense memory of the last time he’d done this. Not this exactly, it hadn’t been his hand, but the reminder of what it felt like to come and suddenly it was Chad’s fingers curled around his dick, the feel of Chad’s lips on his skin.
“Shit,” Jared breathed, and hunched in on himself, stomach clenching as he came hot and sticky into his hand.
In the few minutes he spent trying to catch his breath, a thousand thoughts flooded his head. He watched the water wash his come down the drain, let his skin get clean, the grease from the afternoon scrubbed away and all he could think about was Chad’s wet skin on his, the arm around Jared’s waist, holding him back against his body.
With the haze of orgasm gone and reality settling in heavy like dread on his shoulders and in his stomach, Jared got out of the shower and dried himself off. He kept his thoughts neutral, tried to let go of each unwelcome one and focused instead on pretending he hadn’t just come hard thinking about Chad.
Chad was naked when Jared came into their bedroom, standing at the window and staring aimlessly out towards the lake.
Jared was so startled he dropped his shoes from the pile of dirty clothes in his arms.
Chad turned sharply, color flooding his cheeks in a way Jared had never seen before on Chad.
Jared grasped the towel around his waist with one hand and bent to retrieve his shoes and wet shorts.
There was a heavy silence in the room as Chad scrambled for a towel, slinging it low around his hips. Jared made a face at Chad, an ugly twisting of lips and nose and Chad cracked a smile, face changing as the corners of his eyes crinkled.
Chad slapped Jared on the back on his way out the door towards the shower.
part two
ONE
They couldn't stop laughing, tripping over each other and pressing their faces to the other's shoulder to muffle the sounds.
Everyone was passed out, people sprawled four to a bed, over sofas and sacked out on the plush carpet.
Jared and Chad were trashed on three bottles of cheap champagne and a couple of beers they'd found in the fridge, a two-person celebration.
Chad's tuxedo was in pieces around the suite, his jacket thrown over a lamp, his shoes shoved under the table by the door. His tie hung undone around his neck and he had his cummerbund around his head.
Jared finally caught his breath, stopped laughing enough to straighten up. He looked at Chad and the pink and grey cummerbund, to match Sophia's dress, hanging off his ears and he lost it again, snorting and laughing so hard his stomach cramped.
"Shh," Chad said loudly, gesturing with the half empty champagne bottle towards the living room. "You'll wake up the girlsss," he slurred the last word and hiccuped. Jared laughed harder, leaning his head against Chad's shoulder.
"Come on," Chad mumbled, grabbing Jared by the front of his shirt. He pulled him off down the hall to the only empty bedroom. It was supposed to have been Chad and Sophia's but they'd gotten into a fight halfway through prom, and she was currently sharing the sofa with Sandy, Jared's girlfriend, who adamantly refused to leave her best friend's side.
Which meant Jared and Chad had been left to their own devices, relegated to not getting laid on prom night and instead getting trashed on pink bubbles.
"Where are we going?" Jared hissed, tripping over his bare feet.
"To bed," Chad said over his shoulder and stumbled into the doorjamb.
Jared choked on a laugh and pushed past Chad to fall face first onto the bed. It was an enormous bed, enough for four people, Jared couldn't help thinking.
Jared rolled to his back and looked up. Chad was standing over him, the bottle of champagne still in his hand and trying to get out of his dress shirt. "Give me that," Jared demanded reaching to pull it out of Chad's hand. He tipped his head back and brought the bottle to his lips. Champagne spilled out quickly, overflowing, dripping down his chin and down his neck.
"You're wasting it, JT," Chad said, his voice like a whine. He knelt on the bed, in his white undershirt and dress pants and reached for the bottle.
He held it up and glared at Jared. "it's empty, fucker."
"Yup," Jared slurred, "I drank it all."
"You spilled it all, asshole," Chad said, pushing Jared back against the pillows and bending down. He pressed his face to Jared's neck and Jared let out a startled laugh when Chad's tongue came out and licked at his skin.
"Dude, the fuck are you doing?" Jared laughed, pushing at Chad's face.
"Fuck off, you wasted all the damn alcohol," Chad mumbled, his face buried in Jared's neck.
“So you’re licking it off me?” Jared’s shoulders shook, vibrating with tension and the force of holding himself still.
“Fuck yes I am,” Chad said and Jared’s skin hummed where Chad’s lips sipped the sticky sweet champagne from his skin.
Being drunk usually made Jared horny and it wasn't any different, too much fruity champagne buzzing through his system, making him silly and light headed and mostly turned on.
Chad's lips and tongue on his neck wasn't helping. His judgment was long gone and there was a pleasant warmth in his stomach from Chad's mouth on his skin.
"Chad, cut it out," Jared groaned, pushing at Chad's head.
Chad growled low and batted at Jared's hand. He mumbled something that sounded like an order for Jared to go fuck himself and his fingers came up to work at the buttons at Jared's throat.
"If you hadn't been so damn greedy," Chad said, muffled and impatient. Chad's fingers fumbled at Jared's collar, pushing the buttons through the tiny holes. He pulled the shirt off Jared's shoulders, just enough to bare his collarbone, the skin at the base of his throat.
Jared was only half sure Chad was playing around. It's what they did, joking around in front of their friends, their girlfriends, but that's all it was, boys making jokes. They weren't strangers to being in each others space, a constant twenty-four seven of elbows in each other's sides as they sat too close on the sofa, Chad pushing his feet into Jared's lap and demanding a foot rub, wrapping their sweaty arms around each other after football practice.
They didn't do this, though.
Jared blinked dizzily at the ceiling and felt like he was tipping backwards, his head rushing with the alcohol in his blood stream.
Chad stopped making noise and sucking the wetness from Jared's t-shirt and moved a fraction higher, until his lips were on Jared's collarbone. He kept his mouth still, lips hovering over Jared's skin, the barest touch. Jared's eyes slid closed, his lower lip caught between his teeth to keep from making embarrassing noises, when Chad's tongue came out to lick at his skin.
Jared couldn't say anything. He couldn't move, his body felt heavy and immovable, paralyzed with things he couldn't name. And his head was somewhere else entirely.
"Chad," Jared blew out a breath. "We're drunk," he said, putting a hand on the back of Chad's neck. He meant to pull him back, tug him off so they could get some space and go to sleep.
Chad made an appreciative noise at the brush of Jared's fingers on his neck and he ducked his head, forehead against Jared's shoulder.
"I'm so fucking horny," Chad admitted, his lips moving against the thin cotton of Jared's undershirt so that Jared could feel his breath on his skin. "I could kill Sophia."
Jared let out a quiet laugh, curling his fingers in the soft hair at the nape of Chad's neck. "You shouldn't have checked out that girl," he said, grinning into Chad's hair.
"Dude, did you see her?" Chad said, shoulders shaking with laughter. He lifted his head and grinned down at Jared. "She was fucking stacked, her tits were practically falling out of her dress."
Jared had seen her, he'd just made sure to check her out when Sandy wasn't paying attention. He'd learned a lot from Chad over the years, including what not to do to piss off his girlfriend.
"Mm," Jared agreed. Jared was pretty horny too, mostly from dancing pressed up against Sandy for three hours and then being expected to take care of himself while she consoled Sophia. It was fucking unfair. Sometimes dating his best friend's girlfriend's best friend had its drawbacks.
This wasn't how they'd planned on spending their junior prom. They'd made the limo driver stop at the drugstore so they could stock up on condoms, had made sure they'd found a suite with enough rooms and had spent a fortune on prom tickets, corsages and a nice dinner. And yet here they were, their girlfriends sharing the sofa bed in the living room, the two of them in a king sized bed.
Chad shifted his weight against Jared, settling himself so he wasn't bearing down on Jared's stomach. Jared's breath caught as Chad moved, his dick pushing at Jared's hip.
"Shit, sorry," Chad huffed, a startled laugh like he'd just realized that Jared could feel how hard he was.
"S'fine," Jared mumbled. This would be the time to get off each other and move to opposite sides of the bed. Any other time they wouldn't still be lying on each other like this, not if one of them, or both as the case was, were hard. But the champagne was floating through Jared, made his head feel a million miles away and his skin tingly with every breath Chad took and every rustle of clothing as he moved.
Chad shifted again and this time it was deliberate, a slow rock of his hips against Jared's hip, tucking his leg up underneath him so his knee pushed up and firm between Jared's thighs.
"Chad," Jared hissed. His back arched up into the pressure, his fingers tightening in Chad's hair.
"Get me off," Chad mumbled against Jared's skin and Jared wasn't sure he'd heard him right until Chad thrust again, dick rubbing against Jared's leg.
"Please, JT," Chad breathed, wet and warm against the sensitive skin of Jared's neck. "Get me off and I'll do you. "
Jared groaned and nodded, "fine, come on, fuck," he said, pushing Chad off him enough so they were on their sides, facing each other. Chad's cheeks were flushed pink, his eyes mostly black pupil.
"What do you want?" Jared asked cause it wasn't like he knew what to do, what Chad wanted. They talked about it enough, about fucking their girlfriends, and one time not that far back, last summer, they'd jerked off side by side.
"Jerk me off," Chad said, grabbing Jared's wrist and pressing his palm to the front of his pants. Jared's face flared hot and red as he felt Chad's dick, hot even beneath layers of material, pushing hard against his hand.
"Mm, yeah," Chad sighed, shifting his hips off the mattress.
Jared rested his forehead against Chad’s shoulder so he didn't have to see his face when he slipped his hand inside his pants, curling his fingers around Chad’s dick.
“JT,” Chad panted, “Don’t be a fucking tease.”
Jared laughed, even though he was so hard he hurt and he couldn’t catch his breath. This was probably the hottest thing that had ever happened to him, which threw him off guard, since he’d been having sex for the last year and this was fucking Chad, his loser best friend who said the stupidest shit.
But this was Chad, who made Jared laugh harder than anyone else, who listened and understood when no one else did, who was gasping and making little noises that were turning Jared on more than was right.
Chad’s fingers dug in to Jared’s shoulder, urging him on.
“M so close,” he admitted, mouth pressed hot and open to Jared’s throat.
Jared didn’t expect it to be quite so hot, watching Chad come. There was a secret little thrill at being the reason behind it, being the one to make Chad look like that, eyes closed, mouth wet and open. Jared swiped his thumb over the head of Chad’s dick and Chad hissed and shuddered.
“Come on, let me,” Chad mumbled, pressing his open mouth to Jared’s jaw and batting Jared’s hand away.
Chad’s fingers fumbled at the button, pulled the zipper down enough to get his hand inside and then he was curling sweat damp fingers around Jared.
Jared hissed, head falling back against the pillows.
“Is that okay?” Chad whispered, oddly unsure.
“Fuck, a little tighter,” Jared urged. He curled his fingers around Chad’s wrist, guiding him. “Yes, God, faster,” Jared groaned.
Chad’s hand sped up, making Jared’s hips push up off the bed, an awkward rhythm that was really doing it for him in a way that made him glad he was too drunk to really think about.
Jared came with a low choked off moan, panting, trying to catch his breath. Chad’s hand stilled but he kept it there, wrapped around Jared.
After a little while, when Jared’s breathing had returned to normal, Chad pulled his hand out, wiping his wet fingers on Jared’s pants.
“Mm, fuck,” Chad mumbled, rolling to his back. “I feel so fucking good right now.”
Jared made a low sound like a hum in agreement. He listened to the steady sound of Chad’s breathing and it didn’t take him long to fall asleep.
* * *
It was the sunlight streaming in through the hotel curtains that woke Jared.
It took him a minute to get his bearings, gingerly prying his eyes open and blinking into the harsh morning light.
The hangover hit him all at once, the pounding behind his eyelids and the nausea making his stomach roil.
He groaned and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. He couldn't think beyond the throbbing in his head and the feeling like he was going to throw up if he so much as moved.
"Oh my god," Jared muttered, burrowing his face in the pillows. He made a face, wrinkling his nose. Something reeked.
He sniffed, trying to figure out what smelled so fucking terrible and then all the color drained from his face as bits and pieces of last night slowly came back to him.
It was kind of blurry, and missing chunks of time, but he had a memory clear as day of Chad's face pressed to his throat, his hand down Chad's pants.
Jared's stomach flipped and he held his breath, trying to decide if he was going to puke his guts up. It settled after a minute and he relaxed back into the pillows.
He was pretty sure he wasn't alone in the bed but he hadn't quite worked up the courage to open his eyes and check. It was bad enough, the images in his head like a frightening movie, but seeing Chad, being faced with the reality of what they'd done, that thought was almost unbearable.
Instead, for reasons he couldn't own up to, he replayed the parts of last night he could remember. He and Chad had spent so much of their lives together there were so many things between them that weren't secrets. Last night had sort of be been like learning about him all over again, seeing him like that. It wasn't something Jared needed, or wanted.
"Fuck, JT," Chad muttered. Jared felt the bed shift and Chad was apparently a lot closer than Jared had thought, their arms brushing as Chad rolled to his side. "Why the hell did you let me drink so much?"
Jared kept still, trying not to brush up against Chad anymore than was absolutely necessary, and Jared was pretty sure it wasn't at all necessary.
"How bad is it?" Jared said, keeping his eyes on the ceiling. He just couldn't look at Chad.
"Ugh, I feel like I fucking got run over by a freight. What the hell was in that shit? I've never felt so tore up."
"It's the bubbles," Jared muttered. He'd once seen Chad drink a fifth of tequila and wake up the next morning craving a Waffle House breakfast with no sign of battle on him.
"That's some dangerous shit," Chad groaned.
Jared didn't know if Chad hadn't yet regained his memory or if he was just deliberately ignoring it. Jared hoped it was the latter, he'd be perfectly content to pretend last night had never happened and they could go back to being the same stupid best friends they'd spent most of their life being.
Chad answered the question, nudging Jared in the stomach. "What the fuck did we get up to last night?"
Jared's stomach was a knot of nerves and he was pretty sure before the morning was over he was going to end up on his knees in front of a toilet. He shrugged, trying to keep his voice even. "Drank about three bottles of champagne and passed the fuck out. Pretty much not how I'd planned on spending my prom. Thanks for that."
Chad snorted. "Oh, right. I wonder if Sophia's still pissed at me."
"Come on," Jared said, smiling, "how long have you known her? She's going to hold onto this one for a solid week, at the very least. You've got some groveling to do. And," Jared tried to sit up a little, still keeping his eyes anywhere but on Chad, "you better do it fast because I don't want to be forced to jerk off because Sandy's off consoling your girl."
"You know, I did you a favor."
"You did, huh? And what exactly was that? Letting me get stupid drunk on some shit girly drink and then pass out with you? Yeah, you're a real good friend."
"Dude, shut the hell up. I can't remember what happened, but I'm sure it was awesome. You were with me."
Jared didn't have to see Chad to know he was grinning his trademark shit eating grin. Jared didn't say anything. It would come back to him sooner or later and they were going to have to deal. Jared was fine with putting it off as long as possible.
"I feel like death warmed over," Jared mumbled, rolling over without glancing at Chad. "I'm going to go shower."
"I know this is fucked up, considering how shitty I feel, but I'm craving some pancakes. Hurry your ass up so we can go to Honey's."
Jared made a face as his stomach flipped uncomfortably. "I don't even know what the hell's wrong with you, I'm pretty sure I'm going to hurl all over you if you make me sit with you."
"Come on, I know you wouldn't make me eat alone. We'll bring you a bucket."
Jared flipped Chad off over his shoulder and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. There'd been a million nights like last night, minus the extracurricular activities, passing out in hotel rooms or guest rooms at whatever house they were partying at, waking up hungover and showering while the other sat on the counter and waited. Jared didn't need any of that now, he just wanted a shower, a Tylenol and to get home so he could go about forgetting last night.
He stripped, his shorts sticking to him with dried come. He shuddered a little and stepped into the shower, forcing himself to pretend it was a wet dream and not his best friend's hand.
The water wasn't hot enough to wash away the dirty gross feeling but Jared stayed under the spray until Chad was pounding on the door hurrying for Jared to hurry the fuck up.
* * *
Honey's, a local diner that had been around for eighty years, was busy with the usual Sunday morning crowd.
They had to wait for fifteen minutes to be seated, during which time they sat outside so Chad could smoke and bitch about how fucked up it was that Sophia had left him hanging last night.
Jared opened his mouth to say, "at least you got off" before he snapped it shut, remembering.
The hostess seated them at a booth in the back and gave Jared a look like she knew him from somewhere.
"You play for the Mavericks, right?" She said, popping her gum.
Jared nodded. "We do."
"Y'all had a slamming season," she gushed, leaning towards them and resting her arms on the table in a way that forced her tits together.
"Thanks," Jared mumbled, not in the mood.
Chad slid her a once over and then turned to his menu.
She looked put off and turned and marched off.
"I'm so hungry," Chad said, kicking his legs up under the table and resting them on Jared's knees.
Jared ignored him, it was either that or pick a fight and that was the last thing he needed today.
When their waitress arrived, the mother of a guy in Jared's physics class who recognized him and told them the coffee was on the house, Chad ordered a stack of pancakes, eggs, sausage bacon and hash browns.
Jared asked for water.
"You alright honey?" their waitress asked, giving Jared the concerned mother face.
"Fine, ma’am," Jared mumbled. "Just a little queasy."
"Well, if you change your mind, just give me a shout."
The smell when Chad's breakfast was delivered made Jared jump up from the booth.
"Uh, I gotta," he muttered under his breath and took off for the bathroom.
He threw up twice and when he was done he felt human again, and actually a little hungry.
"You look like shit," Chad said around a mouthful of food when Jared came back and signaled their waitress.
"No worse than you," Jared shot back.
Jared ordered toast and hash browns and when the food came he wolfed it down like he hadn't eaten in days.
Afterwards, Jared made Chad drive him home.
* * *
Jared knew the minute he saw Chad that Chad had remembered what happened the night of prom. He was standing, shoulders back, defensively, like he was waiting for an attack. When Jared said ‘hey’, he couldn't meet his eyes.
"What's going on between you and Chad?" Sandy asked, standing at their lockers before second period.
"PMS," Jared shrugged, shrugging like he really had no clue. "I gotta get to class," he said abruptly, kissing her fast on the corner of her mouth.
“So,” Jared said, cornering Chad outside of third period. Chad’s eyes widened, surprised.
“Do you want to agree to forget about it?” Jared said, putting it out there because anything was better than the guilt he’d been feeling.
Something like relief passed over Chad’s face. “Just like that?” He said, a little wary.
“Chad,” Jared said quietly, pleading. “We were fucked up. It meant shit, okay? We’re leaving this weekend for the farm and it would be nice if we could just do that denial thing we’ve both always been good at.”
Chad grinned then, a small reluctant smile. “I will if you will,” he conceded with a tilt of his chin.
* * *
Trey's parents had a house out on the lake and every year since middle school, he'd held a party on the last day of school. Jared and Chad had always taken turns driving to parties, but more often then not they both ended up passed out somewhere together, the car keys long since apprehended by some concerned student.
Jared was waiting when Chad came squealing around the corner, pulling into the driveway. Jared groaned when he saw Sophia in the front seat. Sophia and Chad had been involved in some weird dramatic on-again off again thing since freshman year and Jared found all the drama and angst exhausting. And he really fucking hated being the third wheel. Sandy had left right after school for her aunt's house in Washington and Jared was stuck playing referee. It wasn't a role he’d volunteered for.
"Hi Jared," Sophia said when Jared climbed into the back seat. She had her hand high up on Chad's thigh and she looked like she'd gotten an early start.
Jared liked her well enough, but she was weirdly possessive, which Jared found off putting. Chad seemed to think it was amusing.
The party was in full swing when Chad pulled into the massive winding driveway, rounding the curve as the house came into view. It was a massive beach house that sat right on the water, a deck leading from the house out into the lake.
"Fuck, yeah, let's go get fucked up," Chad crowed, throwing an arm around Jared's shoulder and pulling Sophia along by the wrist.
There were several kegs out on the deck and Jared found a couple plastic cups.
By twelve o'clock, Chad was completely wasted, Sophia was passed out on the kitchen floor and Jared was faintly buzzed and watching Chad with a weird sort of thrum in his blood.
"JT!" Chad shouted, though he was standing right above Jared, leaning over him where Jared was sprawled on a lounge chair.
Jared tilted his head back to look at Chad. His face was flushed, his eyes glassy and he reeked of beer and some kind of chips.
"I'm so wasted," Chad slurred, coming around to flop down on the chair with Jared. There wasn't enough room so Chad ended up mostly in Jared's lap, his leg thrown over Jared's, his arm around Jared's shoulder.
"Where's your girl?" Jared asked, though he knew full well that Sophia was sleeping it off.
Chad made a vague wave with his hand. "Um? She left, I think?"
Jared snorted. "Okay, maybe we should go find her."
Chad sighed, leaning his head on Jared's shoulder. "I can't feel my feet."
Jared was glad Chad was so blitzed because Jared was having a weird reaction to Chad on his lap, his breath warm on Jared's skin. Not that Chad was perceptive even when he was sober.
Chad smelled weirdly good, aside from his beer breath. His skin smelled like soap but better, like some sort of body wash and Jared would have to remember to give Chad shit about that.
As it was, he was having trouble concentrating with Chad sitting on him and acting like nothing had happened. Which was fine, Jared was fine with that, they'd agreed to let it go, and this wasn't any different than all the other times they'd gotten drunk and hung all over each other. But it felt different now, it felt bigger somehow. Jared hated how hyper aware he was of Chad. He chalked it up to it being barely five days since prom, hardly enough time to adjust and move on, and hoped it would go away. Things were going to be awkward if this was some new development in their friendship.
"Chad," Jared said quietly, his mouth close to Chad's ear. Chad went completely still. He tilted his head back against Jared's shoulder to look at Jared. He was pretty drunk but his eyes were unsettlingly clear.
He raised his eyebrows in question.
"I think we should get Sophia and get going."
Chad looked like he was thinking of arguing but he pushed himself unsteadily to his feet.
"I'm driving," Jared said, holding his hand out for the keys. Chad pulled him up off the lounge chair and threw him the keys to his truck.
"Hang on," Jared said, pulling Chad back with a hand on his shirt. "You have to help me with Sophia."
She was right where Jared had last seen her, asleep on the linoleum floor of the kitchen.
Jared knelt down and picked her up like she weighed nothing, hoisting her up into his arms.
"Grab her shoes and purse," Jared called over his shoulder to Chad. Chad didn't look like he was capable of finding his own ass but Jared took off for the truck and left him looking confused in the living room.
He buckled Sophia into the back seat and headed back into the party to find Chad.
He'd gotten himself another beer and was sitting on the front steps. He'd taken his shoes off, rolled his jeans up to his knees and was trying to take his shirt off without losing his beer.
"JT!" He called, when he saw Jared. "Im going swimming," he slurred, raising his beer in a toast, his t-shirt around his neck.
"I don't think so, I'm taking you home."
"You're no fun," Chad muttered, tucking his chin against Jared's shoulder when Jared bent to yank him up.
Jared ignored him and pulled him into the house while he found Sophia's things, for fear of Chad wandering into the lake and drowning.
Jared pushed Chad into the passenger's seat and buckled him in.
They took Sophia home. Her sister was waiting up and helped Jared get her upstairs.
"Thanks for looking after her," she said, glaring in the direction of the truck where Chad had his feet out the window.
"No problem," Jared said and took off to take Chad home and make sure he didn't hurt himself.
Jared used Chad's key to get in the house. No one else was up. "I'm not carrying you up the stairs, so you better fucking walk."
It took ten minutes to get Chad upstairs. Jared pushed him down on the bed and pulled the covers up over him.
Chad was fading quickly, eyes closing as his head hit the pillow. "Mm, why you always take such good care of me, JT?" Chad mumbled, slurred.
"Beats the heck out of me, I really can't stand you," Jared said. "I'm taking your truck. If you remember any of this, you should call me in the morning and I'll bring it back."
* *
Saturday morning Chad showed up at Jared's fifteen minutes early, which was unheard of for him. Chad was never on time to anything.
"Someone's excited," Jared's mom, Sharon, said when Chad came into the kitchen where Jared was eating breakfast.
"I smelled your french toast," Chad grinned, pulling out a chair.
Sharon kissed him on the cheek and set about making him a plate.
As Chad shoveled food into his mouth, Sharon went through her annual list of reminders about acceptable behavior while at the farm.
"Don't go giving your grandparents any trouble, they have enough on their hands without you boys causing a ruckus."
"Yes Ma'am," they said in unison, mouths full.
"And if you're going out, you be back home by curfew. And don't wait for them to ask you to help, offer."
Jared rolled his eyes at Chad, who grinned. They went through this every year, and every year there were never any complaints when they came home at the end of the summer. Jared's Mamaw and Papaw loved having them, and Jared and Chad loved spending their summers there.
After breakfast, Sharon walked them out to the car. "We'll be coming up for your birthday, so we'll see you then but I expect you to call me tonight after dinner, and every Sunday."
"Yes, Momma, just like every year," Jared said, getting into the passenger side of Chad's truck.
"Chad, drive safely, please. And don't forget, your father's expecting to hear from you tonight, too."
"Yes, Ma'am," Chad said, giving her the smile that had been charming Jared's mama since Chad was six.
"Okay, you boys be safe, call if you need anything." She leaned into the open window to kiss Jared's cheek and reached across the seat to squeeze Chad's hand.
* * *
TWO
Runyon County was forty-five minutes south of Abilene, a four hour drive from San Antonio.
"You know you have shit taste in music, right?" Jared said, halfway through the drive when the city had faded behind and made way for the endless stretch of farmland.
"Fuck off, my music is way better than that fucking grandpa shit you listen to."
"You wouldn't know good music if it bit you in the dick," Jared shot back, laughing at the appalled look Chad gave him.
When Jared was younger, sitting in the back seat with Megan in the middle, Chad asleep on her other side, Jared would sit with his face pressed to the window, waiting impatiently for the telltale signs that they were getting closer to Abilene, closer to Willow Lake and his grandparents. Not much was different this time around. As soon as they passed the old run down Outer Lake General store, high up on a hill off the interstate, Jared was sitting up, leaning against the door and waiting.
Chad took the exit for Route 3 and Jared could feel that familiar excitement building, a lifetime’s worth of memories of ice cream at Cady’s Creamery just past the abandoned mill, the senior center at the edge of the tiny town where Jared’s Papaw taught him and Chad to play pool, the farm supply store run by the same family for five generations where Jared got his first kiss when he was twelve from the youngest daughter.
“You’re five years old all over again,” Chad laughed, rolling his eyes at Jared who had rolled down the window and had his face lifted up to feel the hot breeze on his skin, and the old familiar smells of farming it brought with it. There was a fondness in Chad’s words, though, nothing mocking about the way he said it. They both knew better.
Route 3 dead ended into Old Lake Road, the stretch of empty asphalt disappearing between and beyond hundreds of acres of farm land, the hills rising up towards the horizon.
Cattle grazing in the golden light, the geese disturbing the calm waters of the river that followed the curve of the road, the dozens of kids sitting on the front steps of their homes eating popsicles. Jared watched it all disappear behind them and counted the farm gates just like he and Chad used to, fighting over how many there were until Mamaw and Papaw’s gate.
And then Chad rounded a bend and Willow Lake Farm was rising up before them, the miles and miles of sloping farmland that still made Jared’s pulse speed up, the promise of an entire summer at this place where all of his best memories were held spread out before him.
Jared tore his eyes away from the stretch of white fence that ran along the property and turned to look at Chad. Chad had his arm propped on the open window, his other draped loosely over the steering wheel and he was taking in the roll of the land, the sun hitting the fields like spun gold with a faraway look in his eyes, the corner of his mouth curved up in the hint of a smile.
“We’re here,” Jared said softly, unnecessary and sentimental but it didn’t matter. Chad grinned then, a full smile that made his eyes go soft at the corners. “We’re here,” he agreed, reaching out to curl his fingers around the back of Jared’s neck, a brief squeeze before he was letting go to maneuver his truck through the enormous wooden gate, up the old dirt road, red dust flying up behind them.
Jared’s Mamaw, Lucy Krammer, was in the front yard, an old James Madison High football cap tugged down low over her eyes, her graying hair tucked up underneath. The dogs were with her, four of them of indeterminate breeds, varying sizes, running around the yard as she bent low over the row of tomatoes in her sprawling garden.
Jared pressed his forehead to the window and bit his lip against the urge to do something stupid, like cry. There wasn’t anything Jared loved more than this place where most things worth remembering in his life had happened, except maybe his grandmother. Jared spent the school year marking down days, sending his grandparents letters asking about what had changed at the farm since his last visit. Part of him always expected his Mamaw to have been one of the changes, but she looked just the same as she had when he was eight, maybe a little more gray in her hair, a few more lines around her mouth. But still the same.
“My boys,” she called, straightening up and tilting her head back to smile at them from beneath the brim of her cap.
Jared didn’t bother waiting until the truck had stopped moving, he threw open the door and scrambled out.
“Jared,” Mamaw said softly, a watery smile stretching across her pretty face. She stood up on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around Jared’s back.
“Hi Mamaw,” Jared breathed into her sun soaked skin, the smell of the fields filling him with a longing that made no sense. He was here. This was real, and he and Chad had two and a half months.
Mamaw let Jared go with a gentle pat on his cheek. “I’ve sure missed you,” she said, smiling up at him.
Chad had parked the truck underneath the huge oak tree sitting in the front yard, one of the few such trees on the property.
“I think you’re more handsome than even the last time I saw you,” Mamaw exclaimed, rushing forward to pull Chad in for a hug.
Chad laughed, spine curved to throw his arms around Mamaw. Jared watched Chad’s bravado slip away, the way it did every year, all that cocky self-assuredness that he wore like armor somehow melted away bit by bit here.
“You beautiful boys must be starving,” Mamaw said, pulling back from Chad with a kiss on his cheek. She held out her hand to Jared and he took it with a grin. For all the growing up and independence he insisted upon with his parents, there was something about his grandmother babying him that Jared looked forward to.
“Come on into the house, we can get your things later,” Mamaw was saying. They followed her around the yard to the back porch that spanned the entire house, up the narrow creaking stairs and into the kitchen.
Jared’s grandfather was at the old oak table, bent over what looked like a piece of a car. He was covered in grease and sweat, a dirty straw hat abandoned at the table, the neck of his work shirt open over a stained t-shirt. He looked up, weathered, lined face breaking into a grin when he saw Chad and Jared.
“It’s about damn time,” he said a little gruffly, the old wooden bench sliding across the floor as he got to his feet.
Papaw was a good ten years older than Jared’s mamaw, and he looked it, lines in his face, the years spent out in the fields making his skin dark and leathery.
“You look real good, Papaw,” Jared blurted, laughing at the narrow look Papaw threw him.
Mamaw started tinkering around the kitchen, pulling things from the refrigerator, getting lunch ready.
Jared stepped toward his grandfather and held out his hand like his father had taught him. “What’s this shit,” Papaw said with a snarl, and pulled Jared against him, a hand flat on his back. Jared huffed out a startled laugh and tucked his chin against Papaw’s chin.
When he stepped back, Papaw said, “you too, kid,” and wrapped an arm around Chad’s shoulders.
Jared watched Chad step forward, closing his eyes and holding himself still for Papaw’s hug.
Jared turned to look at his grandmother who was standing at the island, hand stilled over a cutting board, watching. She caught Jared's eye and gave him a fond smile, eye closing in a brief, private wink.
Jared couldn't help his own smile and he resisted the urge to go over to her and hug her until he'd gotten enough.
"Well that's enough of that," Papaw said, all business. "I'm going to go get myself cleaned up, you boys get your things and get settled before lunch." Papaw clapped Jared on the back briefly and disappeared up the wooden stairs at the corner of the house.
Jared followed Chad back out to the truck. "Okay?" Jared asked softly, not wanting to push Chad but wanting to offer something, anything to get that distant, melancholy look out of his eyes.
Chad looked up, startled. "Me? Yeah, JT, I'm fine." There was a softness in his voice that Jared rarely heard, that only came out when Chad was thinking about things better left alone. "I mean come on," he said, lifting his head to look out beyond the house where the land curved and rose and melted out into the horizon. "It's summer, and we're here."
Jared nodded and threw an arm around Chad's neck, pulling him in against his side for a quick second. He was going to make a joke, a careless comment the way they usually did with each other but he pressed his lips to Chad's hair and whispered, "don't worry so much."
Chad pulled back suddenly, an unreadable expression in his eyes. But it was soft, not the fighting Chad coming out but the less familiar one, a little young, a little lost. "JT," Chad mumbled, eyes closing like he was trying to fight off something he couldn't bear.
Jared waited, watched while Chad became himself again, pulling away to go around to the bed of the truck.
They unearthed their things from beneath the pile of tarps and fought each other through the front door, knocking into each other all the way to the attic.
They had spent every summer in this room, the unfinished wooden floor and paneled walls, sloping ceilings and creaky fan just as much a part of Jared’s memories as the old wooden swing over the creek, the horseback rides over to the next county, the poker games out on the back porch.
They were barely up the steps when Chad elbowed Jared and said, “I call the window,” just like he did every year. And like every other summer, Jared ignored him but let him have it.
The room sat empty when Chad and Jared were back in San Antonio and Mamaw had left everything the same, the Transformer poster they put up when Jared was six and spent his birthday party sick on too much blue cake. There was a Girls of Maxim calendar over Chad’s bed, a UNC flag in Carolina blue over the narrow dresser, a pile of old sneakers and flip flops in the closet, a couple sticky Playboys in the box under the floorboard by the window and Jared’s stuffed turtle Chad had teased him into abandoning at the farm when he was nine.
“Nothing ever changes here,” Chad said quietly. He was standing at the tiny window by his bed where the ceiling sloped, looking out towards the old barn where Chad and Jared had carved wishes a few summers back.
Jared didn’t know if he was expected to answer so he said nothing, let Chad have whatever moment he needed. Jared agreed, though, that in all the years he’d been coming here, whether with his mom and dad and siblings or with Chad, nothing much ever changed. The routine and the people and the food and the chores were constants, a reassuring familiarity that Jared could always rely on. So little else in his and Chad’s lives had remained unchanging, it was a comforting promise to come back and know that whatever else had changed, this at least was the same.
Jared unpacked his duffle, stuffed his iPod underneath his pillow and shoved as many clothes as he could fit into the dresser. “Come on,” he said, straightening up. “I’m starving.”
* * *
“So, Jared, “ Papaw said, sitting down at the head of the table as Mamaw set dishes down in front of them. “It’s a big year coming up for you boys.” He took a sandwich from the platter and looked fondly at Jared.
“Yes, sir,” Jared agreed around a mouthful of macaroni salad. “Chad’s going to take us to State,” he said with a grin at Chad who beamed and bumped his fist with Jared’s.
“I know he will,” Papaw agreed, elbows on the table. “You just let us know when and where and me and your Mamaw will be there, the loudest in the whole damn place.”
Jared grinned and shook his head, laughing. They’d been talking about the State championships since he and Chad were in peewee football, getting slaughtered by kids older and bigger than they were.
“And what about college, hon?” Mamaw asked, turning to Chad, a maternal hand on his arm.
Chad shrugged. “You know. Probably UT or A&M. Whatever’ll take me,” Chad said, all nonchalance like this wasn’t something he and Jared had steadfastly refused to talk about. Because Jared had spent his life working towards UNC, playing football to make Chad happy and focusing the rest of the year on basketball. It had always been the one source of contention between them.
Jared swallowed and looked down, anything to not have to see that look in Chad’s eyes like Jared had betrayed him.
“And UNC for Jared,” Papaw said, beaming with all the pride only a grandfather could feel.
“Yes, sir.” Jared’s throat was dry and he suddenly wanted to be talking about anything but this.
Mamaw took pity on him and changed the subject, to the only other thing Jared didn’t want to talk about.
“Your mama sent me the most beautiful pictures of you boys at prom,” his grandmother said brightly, reaching for her iced tea.
Jared blanched. “Yeah,” he said awkwardly, trying to keep his voice as casual as possible. The last thing he wanted was his grandmother noticing something wasn’t right and poking into that sore.
“You boys sure looked handsome,” Mamaw said, smiling fondly at Chad.
“Thanks, we had a good time,” Chad said, clearing his throat. Jared looked over at Chad and felt something, a low heat flare up in his spine. Chad was watching Jared, sitting, an arm thrown casually across the empty chair beside him. Jared swallowed and looked away, at anywhere but Chad.
Mamaw was looking at him expectantly and Jared realized she wanted him to tell her about prom. Papaw was looking like he didn’t care much but was humoring his wife.
Jared shrugged, unsure what he was supposed to say. It wasn’t as though he could smile and say, “got shitfaced and fucked around with my best friend.” It probably wouldn’t go over well and Jared wasn’t about lying to his grandparents.
“It was fun,” Jared said finally, somewhat lamely.
“Well,” Mamaw said dryly, “I can take a hint.” She gave Papaw an exasperated look that seemed to scream, “teenagers,” and Jared blew out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding.
They finished lunch, catching up quietly on the things they’d missed since Easter, the last time everyone had been together, and then Papaw got to his feet. “I’m working on a project out in the barn,” he said, cracking his back and looking expectantly at Jared and Chad. “Why don’t you do the dishes and then meet me out there.”
Jared glanced over at Chad who was looking excitedly at Papaw. It was probably one of Chad’s favorite things about the summer, the project Papaw picked out for the two of them to help them with over the months. Last summer they’d arrived the first day to find a beat up 67 Mustang that hadn’t run in years waiting for them in the old barn.
“If we get this up and running, Jared,” his grandfather had said, “it’s yours.” That was a month before he turned sixteen, and by the time he got his license, the car was up and running. Still looked like a piece of junk but Jared wasn’t complaining.
After the kitchen had been cleaned up, they rushed out back to the barn where there was a lot of scraping and clanging coming from the closed doors.
Jared peeked his head in and Papaw looked up, a grim set to his mouth. “This is going to be a real pain in the ass, I’m telling you boys now.” He was standing over what Jared imagined had once been a perfectly fine tractor that maybe even ran. It looked like it was at least sixty years old.
“Sweet,” Chad whistled, grinning at Jared like Christmas had come. Jared rolled his eyes and Chad frowned and dug his elbow in Jared’s stomach.
“Cut it out, boys,” Papaw said, but it was distracted and he wasn’t paying them much mind, bent over the table where he had some blueprints laid out.
“I got this from a friend over in Trent county who’d been sitting on this since he inherited his farm from his granddaddy. Don’t know much about fixing up tractors, but if anything it’ll keep us good and busy.”
Jared bit back a groan. He didn’t so much mind all the projects, but they didn’t do it for him the way they did for Chad, who loved getting under the hood of something, taking it apart and figuring out how to make it run again.
“What are you going to do with this, Papaw?” Jared asked, taking in the ancient tractor and thinking if he had a hundred bucks he’d bet they wouldn’t be able to get this piece of shit to so much as stand up straight let alone run.
“I don’t know,” Papaw said, holding up what looked like a manual that had been put through a grinder. “I might sell it. I just thought it’d be fun to see if we could make it run.” He patted Chad on the shoulder. “I’ve got some good help for this one, should be able to get it done.”
Jared bit his tongue for the afternoon and let Papaw order him around.
By the time Jared was ready for a nap, it was almost four o’clock and hot as hell in the windowless barn. He was soaked through his clothes, dirt and grease mixing with the sweat on his skin.
“Okay,” Papaw said, climbing up from underneath the frame of the tractor. He wiped at his face with an old rag and checked his watch.
“I think you’ve earned a little fun,” he said, nodding at Jared and Chad. “You know when dinner is. ”
Chad threw down the wrench he’d been using and grinned at Jared. “Last one to the creek does the dishes,” he called, taking off through the back door of the barn.
Jared tossed a wave at his grandfather and took off at a run, following Chad across the field.
It was hot but a bearable sort of dry heat and the slight breeze felt good on his face as Jared ran through the dry crabgrass.
Chad beat him but only by a hair. He let Chad gloat for a second before he rolled his eyes and shoved him, shoes and all, backwards into the swimming hole.
Chad came up, spluttering, a huge grin on his face. "You've always been a sore loser."
Jared bent to pull off his shoes and socks and shrugged out of his t-shirt. "I just don't like cheaters," he shrugged. Chad laughed. "Whatever makes you feel better, sweetheart."
Jared took a breath and dove off the wooden dock his grandfather had built when Jared's mother was a girl. The water was warm from the sun, still cool against his skin and Jared let out a breath of pleasure as his body hit the water.
Jared held his breath and stayed under the water until his lungs were burning. When he came up for air, Chad was climbing the old gnarled stump at the bank.
Jared lay on his back, arms wide, treading water and watched Chad shuck out of his wet shirt. His skin had that in between color of a faded tan, the wet sheen of the water making him look like he was glistening.
He’d filled out a lot in his chest and shoulders over the last year, the pressure of being trained to take the position of captain of the football team having spurred him into the gym. Chad’s belly was marred by pale, angry scar that sliced across his skin, souvenir from a football injury sophomore year when a tackle from a kid who outweighed him by seventy pounds sent his intenstines halfway up his throat.
Jared watched Chad from beneath partially closed lids, under the pretense of being sleepy.
His throat was dry, his fingers itching with the faint memory of what had happened between them on prom night.
Jared let the cool water lap at his skin and thought about that night, about the way Chad had felt pressed up against him, their legs scissored together. They’d been mostly clothed, he hadn’t gotten to see much of anything.
Not that that was something he wanted, Jared told himself.
Jared opened his eyes, head tilted back towards the meager shade offered by the thin, young trees lining the bank and counted backwards in his head until he felt like he could look at Chad and not remember things better left forgotten, like the taste of cheap champangne on his tongue, the vibrations of Chad’s moans against his skin.
When he raised his head to glance at Chad again, Chad was sitting perched on the stump. There was a sudden flood of awareness in Jared then, a realization that Chad was looking at him, not in a friendly, casual way but in a way that made Jared hot all over.
Jared swallowed and looked away, disappeared underneath the water and stayed beneath the surface until he couldn’t breathe.
When he came back up, averting his eyes, Chad was diving off the stump into the water.
They hung out like that, swimming in silence, until Jared’s watch beeped.
“We should get back,” he said, rolling to his stomach and swimming towards the dock. He hoisted himself up out of the water and reached for his shoes.
He straightened, suddenly, feeling Chad come up behind him, his wet skin against Jared’s. Jared held himself still, held his breath and concentrated on keeping his heart rate steady, even.
Chad's fingers were cool when he reached out, touched briefly at Jared's hip before pulling back and giving Jared a look full of a dare.
"Race you for first shower?" He grinned, a glint in his eyes.
"You're on," Jared agreed and before Chad could say anything Jared dug his elbow in Chad's side, pushing him back and took off, his wet t-shirt in his hand.
He pulled warm, musty air into his lungs, and sprinted back across the field, the house looming ahead like the winner's line.
Jared was ahead of Chad by a few seconds and Jared reached the back steps with barely a lead. He opened his mouth to gloat and was stopped still by Chad slamming into him from behind, an arm around Jared's waist.
Jared's heart stopped somewhere in his throat as he felt the full force of Chad behind him, his chest pressed fully along the damp skin of Jared's back, close enough that Jared could feel Chad's heart racing, the heavy pull of air into his lungs.
"I win," Jared said stupidly, unmoving, afraid to take a step forward, to break the tension of the moment.
"Maybe," Chad agreed. He sounded nothing like himself, his voice ragged.
"Okay," Jared mumbled and moved then. He ran up the steps into the house and locked himself in the bathroom adjacent to their bedroom. He leaned against the door, panting, eyes closed and tried to remember that this was Chad, his best fucking friend.
He got naked, stripping out of his shorts, and climbed into the shower, grimacing at his dick. He was half hard, still trying to catch his breath.
He hadn't jerked off since before Prom. That’s what he reminded himself, the only reason he was mostly hard now. It had nothing to do with the feel of Chad pressed up behind him, every inch of skin touching off tiny points of pleasure along Jared’s spine, his shoulders, his lower back.
He stepped beneath the shower spray and bit his lip as he curled his fist around his dick. He was restless, his skin a mass of tingling nerves. As he rubbed his palm over the length of his cock, he felt it grow fuller, heavier in his hand. He sighed, heat rushing to his stomach, down his thighs.
He let the water slide down his skin, this erotic, thrilling sensation as he jerked his fist over his dick slowly, taking his time, trying to draw out the intensity, the build of pleasure beneath his skin.
He felt amazing, sun flushed and exhausted, turned on and hyper aware of every brush of breeze through the open window, every swipe of his thumb.
He braced a palm flat against the tiled wall, head bent beneath the stream of water down his spine and curled his hand a little tighter, worked his fist a little faster.
He didn’t need anything else really, no go-to fantasy from the pile stored up in the back of his brain. This was enough, the adrenaline in his blood from earlier, from the tension of those moments with Chad. There was a sense of anticipation between them, Jared couldn’t help feeling, not urgency but something building up between the two of them. It frightened the unholy hell out of him.
He shuddered as the intensity built, pleasure rising. Jared was close, could feel the familiar ache in his stomach, his balls tightening. He breathed in and out, letting it get heavier, harder.
There was a flash of something in the back of his brain, the faint sense memory of the last time he’d done this. Not this exactly, it hadn’t been his hand, but the reminder of what it felt like to come and suddenly it was Chad’s fingers curled around his dick, the feel of Chad’s lips on his skin.
“Shit,” Jared breathed, and hunched in on himself, stomach clenching as he came hot and sticky into his hand.
In the few minutes he spent trying to catch his breath, a thousand thoughts flooded his head. He watched the water wash his come down the drain, let his skin get clean, the grease from the afternoon scrubbed away and all he could think about was Chad’s wet skin on his, the arm around Jared’s waist, holding him back against his body.
With the haze of orgasm gone and reality settling in heavy like dread on his shoulders and in his stomach, Jared got out of the shower and dried himself off. He kept his thoughts neutral, tried to let go of each unwelcome one and focused instead on pretending he hadn’t just come hard thinking about Chad.
Chad was naked when Jared came into their bedroom, standing at the window and staring aimlessly out towards the lake.
Jared was so startled he dropped his shoes from the pile of dirty clothes in his arms.
Chad turned sharply, color flooding his cheeks in a way Jared had never seen before on Chad.
Jared grasped the towel around his waist with one hand and bent to retrieve his shoes and wet shorts.
There was a heavy silence in the room as Chad scrambled for a towel, slinging it low around his hips. Jared made a face at Chad, an ugly twisting of lips and nose and Chad cracked a smile, face changing as the corners of his eyes crinkled.
Chad slapped Jared on the back on his way out the door towards the shower.
part two