Long time, no see.
Well let's see a lot has happened since we last spoke. Jackie had Benjamin a beautiful baby boy. Parents moved to Spain and are now moving back from Spain in June. Stuff with school and production sky rocketed. I directed a few movies. God soo much I could've told. I wish I had kept up with my journal. I'd have a lot of good stuff...and bad stuff.
Here's what happened as of late. Remember Justin? Well we dated for about 8 or 9 months...we broke up Mid-February...It's funny that that happened...in the sense that I was just rereading what I wrote back in June when he and I started dating and I wrote...Let's see how long this will last until the inevitable comes...At least I was prepared. I'm not going to even begin to go into the millions of stories that I could possibly write about that relationship. It ended, and now things are good...finally, after a month of not speaking and a couple of fights. This might actually be one boyfriend that I can remain friends with after. Although, we're not at what I would've hoped, at least it's better than what I thought...or what I've salvaged from all my past boyfriends. I mean we're on speaking terms, we hang out occasionally and answer each other's phone calls...sometimes. :) I kinda wish we were better friends, but I think all girls want that...and also, I'm not so sure he and I could be best friends.
You know what I hate about guys that you date? It's not the same as it is with guys' ur friends with. Guys friends...ur their friend...and it's awesome. Guys you date, ur their gf...and after that...nothing else. I believe women see their boyfriends as their best friends, but guys separate it. I want a man where I'm his best friend as well. Justin use to tell me I was his best friend. I can actually thik of a few times, but a few months ago he told me that I wasn't his best friend, I was different and that I was "just" a girlfriend...and procceed to tell me about how it's ok b/c he doesn't have any best friends that are females, well except Tori...and Amy...and Danelle (his ex-gf). Ouch. Might have been the most painful thing he could've to said It still bothers me. Shit like that? U just don't say anything at all. You stop with Tori and Amy, unless ur just trying to hurt someone. I think that was the comment that did it for me. That one really hit the heart...and I just haven't been able to feel the same since, which I guess it a good thing, I guess. Despite everything we went through, I kinda always had hope for us. It's wierd but I never doubted that I'd end up with him. I never thought we were that different or "incompatible". I just think he stopped caring.
It is wierd, to be friends with an ex. It's sad for me sometimes...not b/c we aren't together or that I want him back. I get sad b/c I miss being in love with him. Being in the love is one of the single greatest feelings in the world. If you've ever had this feeling you know what I'm talking about. Being around an ex you use to be in love with is just sad. I miss that feeling he'd give me when I was around him. Like when he'd sleep with me every night or he'd rub my back and I'd smile. The moments of affection that made you fall deeper and deeper in love. I think it could've been something great. I miss the good times. I can't even think about Jersey or I get sad. That was one of the greatest weeks of my life. Like reading back on that today...crazy how everything changes. Lover one day...stranger the next. It's cool now though, moving on was the hardest part...the rest of it gets easier and easier every day...it's a process. Moving to LA will definently make it better though.
Moving to LA...another thing I can't even think about and or talk about. Every time I do want to cry. I'm so excited and thrilled...but on the other hand, I'm grabbing onto Tally with everything I got. It's just my best friends are here, I love my job, I love FSU, I know the roads, it's my home. I don't know exactly what I'm going to do for the first few months of living there when I haven't met anyone yet. Thursday night's gonna roll around and I'm going to be home alone thinking about how all of my best friends are partying it up at Big Daddys...without me...and how I wish I were there. I wonder if anyone will really even miss me. I mean they'll still go out, and life will go on, etc. I bring it up to people occasionally to see what they say, but I guess i don't know if I really think anyone will TRULY miss me...except Sandra, and a couple others. I don't know, it's just hard for me to think about right now, leaving everything behind. I guess it'd be nice to knwo that you were at least going to be missed. I dont' know what I'm talking about right now. I have like infinity things to say but I'm sensoring it all, and it's too vague and I'm probably not making any sense. It's hard to catch ppl up on the past 10 months.
Here's what happened as of late. Remember Justin? Well we dated for about 8 or 9 months...we broke up Mid-February...It's funny that that happened...in the sense that I was just rereading what I wrote back in June when he and I started dating and I wrote...Let's see how long this will last until the inevitable comes...At least I was prepared. I'm not going to even begin to go into the millions of stories that I could possibly write about that relationship. It ended, and now things are good...finally, after a month of not speaking and a couple of fights. This might actually be one boyfriend that I can remain friends with after. Although, we're not at what I would've hoped, at least it's better than what I thought...or what I've salvaged from all my past boyfriends. I mean we're on speaking terms, we hang out occasionally and answer each other's phone calls...sometimes. :) I kinda wish we were better friends, but I think all girls want that...and also, I'm not so sure he and I could be best friends.
You know what I hate about guys that you date? It's not the same as it is with guys' ur friends with. Guys friends...ur their friend...and it's awesome. Guys you date, ur their gf...and after that...nothing else. I believe women see their boyfriends as their best friends, but guys separate it. I want a man where I'm his best friend as well. Justin use to tell me I was his best friend. I can actually thik of a few times, but a few months ago he told me that I wasn't his best friend, I was different and that I was "just" a girlfriend...and procceed to tell me about how it's ok b/c he doesn't have any best friends that are females, well except Tori...and Amy...and Danelle (his ex-gf). Ouch. Might have been the most painful thing he could've to said It still bothers me. Shit like that? U just don't say anything at all. You stop with Tori and Amy, unless ur just trying to hurt someone. I think that was the comment that did it for me. That one really hit the heart...and I just haven't been able to feel the same since, which I guess it a good thing, I guess. Despite everything we went through, I kinda always had hope for us. It's wierd but I never doubted that I'd end up with him. I never thought we were that different or "incompatible". I just think he stopped caring.
It is wierd, to be friends with an ex. It's sad for me sometimes...not b/c we aren't together or that I want him back. I get sad b/c I miss being in love with him. Being in the love is one of the single greatest feelings in the world. If you've ever had this feeling you know what I'm talking about. Being around an ex you use to be in love with is just sad. I miss that feeling he'd give me when I was around him. Like when he'd sleep with me every night or he'd rub my back and I'd smile. The moments of affection that made you fall deeper and deeper in love. I think it could've been something great. I miss the good times. I can't even think about Jersey or I get sad. That was one of the greatest weeks of my life. Like reading back on that today...crazy how everything changes. Lover one day...stranger the next. It's cool now though, moving on was the hardest part...the rest of it gets easier and easier every day...it's a process. Moving to LA will definently make it better though.
Moving to LA...another thing I can't even think about and or talk about. Every time I do want to cry. I'm so excited and thrilled...but on the other hand, I'm grabbing onto Tally with everything I got. It's just my best friends are here, I love my job, I love FSU, I know the roads, it's my home. I don't know exactly what I'm going to do for the first few months of living there when I haven't met anyone yet. Thursday night's gonna roll around and I'm going to be home alone thinking about how all of my best friends are partying it up at Big Daddys...without me...and how I wish I were there. I wonder if anyone will really even miss me. I mean they'll still go out, and life will go on, etc. I bring it up to people occasionally to see what they say, but I guess i don't know if I really think anyone will TRULY miss me...except Sandra, and a couple others. I don't know, it's just hard for me to think about right now, leaving everything behind. I guess it'd be nice to knwo that you were at least going to be missed. I dont' know what I'm talking about right now. I have like infinity things to say but I'm sensoring it all, and it's too vague and I'm probably not making any sense. It's hard to catch ppl up on the past 10 months.