"I know I'm not alone, just adolescents you and I."

[nickthewarbler]

Who: nickthewarbler and warble_on_jeff
What: Pressures of teen life
Where: Nick and Jeff's dorm roon, Dalton Academy
When: Saturday night
Rating: Sexual references

Comments

[warble_on_jeff]

Jeff looked up from the episode of Mythbusters he'd been watching as Nick walked into the room. His hair was a mess, and Jeff could almost feel the vibe of awkwardness coming off his roommate. Nick was deliberately taking his time looking back at Jeff, and the blonde knew it, though he couldn't place exactly why.

As he settled in the bed across from Jeff's, the blonde sat up, flopping the remote on the bed next to him. Resting his elbows on his knees, and his chin in his hands, he raised his eyes to meet Nick's. "What's going on, Nicky?" he asked, concern showing on his face. "Are you okay?"

[nickthewarbler]

Nick shrugged and twisted his lips to the side. "Yeah, I guess." It was all he said at first as he looked at the rug on the floor between their beds. "Maybe not so much? I don't know..."

He sighed again and then leaned over to dig some pyjama pants and a t-shirt out of his drawers with a quick check of the clock to see when his insulin was due. It was soon enough, he could get it out of the way. He got up and went over to his dresser to pick up his injection kit and then brought it back to the bed. "Abi wanted to have sex tonight."

[warble_on_jeff]

Something was definitely not right, and with his suspicions aroused, Jeff gave Nick a glance that clearly said that he wasn't buying any bullshit. "Nicky," he murmured, trying to gently goad him on toward getting out whatever was bothering him.

It didn't even occur to Jeff why that could be a problem. As far as he knew, people tended to do that when they were dating. "Yeah?" he replied, looking confused. "And? I mean, did she wanna try something freaky or something? You know what they say about private school girls..."

[nickthewarbler]

Nick unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off, balling it up to throw over into his laundry hamper. He made a huffy sound of annoyance over the fact anything was even bothering him. It seemed like a stupid thing to be upset about.

He blinked and gave Jeff a confused look, pausing as he pulled out the little vial of insulin with a clean syringe. "No? I mean, I don't think so. I assumed she just wanted it normal. That seemed to be all she wanted. But I just... we got into it, and it was, like, down to our underwear and stuff, and I just chickened out. I dunno. I didn't want it. So, I just told her I was feeling sick and had to go home. I thought I did. It seemed like an okay idea when she suggested it, but once we got going, I didn't. I wimped out, and I don't know why, because she's totally hot. Maybe I should have just done it," he mumbled and then capped the syringe with the needle and pierce the insulin vial with it, drawing it up slowly.

[warble_on_jeff]

Concern wasn't even the word for it anymore. Nick had Jeff genuinely worried, and he really didn't know what to say. He wasn't sure what to say or do to help Nick process through the situation, but he knew he genuinely wanted to help.

"You... You mean you... You haven't... You're not already..." He stumbled over his words a little bit, not quite knowing how he felt about that. It was an assumption he'd made, though apparently, an incorrect one. He remembered thinking, after Nick and Abi had been together for a bit, that he was kind of pissed Nick never told him about sleeping with her. They were best friends, and he thought something like that should be shared. It made him feel a little better to know that it hadn't happened yet. Actually... a lot better, strangely enough. "Well... I mean, I guess you shouldn't really do it if you don't want to..." He shrugged, watching quietly as Nick prepared the syringe for his injection. "You have no ideas? I mean... No ideas about why you didn't do it?"

[nickthewarbler]

Nick flicked the side of the syringe to force any air pockets to the top of it and then squeezed a little of the liquid through the needle to remove them. He chewed on the inner corner of his lip as he thought over the situation and then swabbed the patch on his stomach with an alcohol wipe before injecting himself with the insulin. He took it slow, a process he had learnt not to rush very early on when he used to bruise himself all over when he was learning how to do this. It freaked him out at first, but now it was just second nature

[warble_on_jeff]

Jeff was usually freaked out by needles himself, but he'd become used to Nick's having to inject himself on a regular basis, and he hardly even noticed anymore. It was just something that happened every day, like eating dinner, or going to class

[nickthewarbler]

"I don't want to make anymore stupid mistakes. I don't even remember losing my virginity, so I want to get it right the next time. It's just like she seems to think we're more progressed than we are. Don't get me wrong, there's been a lot of making out and stuff, and I like hanging out with her. I wouldn't be dating her if I didn't, but sex is just a different level of... stuff." Stuff. It was a word that could cover a whole lot of things without really committing to anything specific. It was because Nick couldn't quite put his finger on what had him so discontent.

He shrugged a shoulder half-heartedly. "I sort of feel like I should be doing it, but at the same time, is that enough of a reason to? Or is the fact we've been dating for, like, eight months now enough of a reason? I wonder when Kurt and Blaine did it. They started dating just before Abi and me. I feel sort of stupid. What dick fakes a sickie to get out of sex? I'm mental."

[warble_on_jeff]

Jeff let Nick talk, taking in everything he said. It was obvious that there was something deep getting to Nick, but Jeff couldn't begin to fathom what it was. He tilted his head to one side, his brow knit in confusion. "Stuff?" he asked. Jeff had never dated or been anywhere close to having sex, so he wasn't entirely sure what kind of "stuff" sex was a different level of.

"Well, if you're not ready, then you really shouldn't," Jeff reasoned, reaching out to rest his hand on Nick's shoulder. "Maybe you should tell Abi the truth. Cuz you know if you told her you're sick, she's just gonna think that when you feel better, you're going to go for it again. And I'm pretty sure you can't have the stomach flu or something every time you guys go out now..." Jeff gave a weak half-smile. "Nicky, you're really smart, and I know you know what you want and need to do deep down. And if that's waiting, Abi should understand, you know?"

[nickthewarbler]

Nick nodded, but was still quiet for a few moments longer. "Things change when you do that with someone, you know. It's a huge thing in a relationship and I just feel like it's something you should wait to do until you're really sure. It's... well, it's about making love, isn't it? It's sharing yourself with someone in a really private way, and I'm just not sure it's something I wanna be doing until I'm sure. Or... maybe until we're more serious? But then I just feel sort of weird, because everyone else is doing it, right? Some people are doing it and they aren't even in relationships. And those that are are probably doing it for their own reasons. It's just like it's going to take things more serious, and I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I really like her, but I don't know yet if I love her

[warble_on_jeff]

"That makes sense," Jeff agreed. "Totally. I mean... It is kind of a big deal... Hell, I haven't even made out with many chicks... Just that one girl I kissed when we played 7 Minutes in Heaven at that party we had." Jeff wasn't sure why, but hearing that Nick wasn't sure he loved Abi? Kind of relieved Jeff. Maybe he was a little jealous of his best friend spending so much time with someone else. He couldn't be sure.

Jeff shook his head as Nick settled into his bed, and took a few steps over to climb into his own. "If she breaks up with you for not being ready, Nicky... I mean... that would be really awful," Jeff said, rolling over onto his stomach and propping his head up on his hands. "I don't get why she'd do that. She's not a bitch."

[nickthewarbler]

Nick was rubbing his eyes with his fists, finding this whole thing had exhausted him. He was a young and relatively fit and healthy teenage guy, so he had no idea why this was playing on him so much. "I'm sort of self-conscious too. I don't know why. Getting naked with someone and, you know, being inside them and stuff. It seems like a huge deal. What if she thinks I look weird? Or what if I get there, and don't really know what to do? I mean, I have an idea. Ethan filled in a lot of the gaps when I interrogated him about it, but I don't know. I might suck

[warble_on_jeff]

"I guess it kinda makes sense," Jeff said. "I mean, I think everybody's nervous about that... Except E, but that's different, cuz he's Ethan. But Nicky, I bet you wouldn't suck... You're pretty much the most talented dude I know... So why wouldn't you kick ass in bed, too?" His tone was light and he was trying to cheer Nick up, but he had no idea how well it was working. And she won't think you'll look weird... You're a fine specimen of dude!" he continued, winking at Nick jokingly. "But in all seriousness, you're a good-looking guy, and if she's a virgin, she won't know if your junk looks different compared to other dudes' junk, right

[nickthewarbler]

Nick knew that all his insecurities right now were telling that he just really wasn't ready to take his relationship with Abi to the next level. He knew that being a teenager, the pressure was on, and he was wondering if he should do it. Hell, they had been dating the same length of time as Kurt and Blaine, who seemed to have the right consistency with everything. It was just the rest of the world that got them down. "Ethan's not a virgin. He hasn't been in ages. That's why he's comfortable with it all. And, yeah, I know I'm not a virgin either, but I don't remember my first time, so it's a bit hard to draw on that experience right now beyond just not wanting to fuck it all up again

[warble_on_jeff]

"Yeah, I know," Jeff replied gently, really wishing he could figure out what to say to make Nick feel better. Then again, it seemed to him that words really wouldn't fix anything... the only thing that would help, as far as Jeff could tell, would be for Nick to figure out just what was at the root of his discomfort, and begin to work through it.

"Blaine's really awesome. I bet he'd tell you." He paused, contemplating Nick's first question, which he'd left unanswered at first. "I... I think they do. I really hope they do. I mean, whenever I do it, I want it to mean something, you know? And be like... nice, and special... Maybe we're just... young and idealistic or whatever it is people say when you're a kid and you want good stuff to happen."

[nickthewarbler]

"I hope so too," Nick said with a sigh and then snorted. "But I'm pretty much walking proof not all first times are epic. I guess that's part of why I'm not sure about any of this. I'm still sort of anxious about that whole thing. Do you know I never told my folks I had sex? I always thought I would tell them if it happened, but I'm so ashamed of the whole thing, I couldn't. Dad gave me a bit of a Talk on Skype the other week about Abi, but he was pretty cool. He didn't embarrass me or anything. I just told him I was pretty sure I had a good idea of what I should be doing..."

He scrunched his nose up and tugged his lips to the side. "I'm fucking tired. This is exhausting. It should be this exhausting." He sat up again, cross-legged this time as he picked at a loose thread on his Dalton blanket. "I'm seriously going to need to jerk off or I'll never sleep tonight."