With or Without You
I am reeling under the weight of some kind of permanent decision made about my relationship with certain unnamed boy.
It's easy to just cut someone off from your life, but how do you continue to go on if you actually can't cut them off? There is a summer to heal, but I don't know that I want to return in September and not feel anything anymore. I miss you already, I miss you already, so much. Will you ever truly understand this? Yesterday I spent an entire day with you and we had the best time. I literally have not had that much fun and felt so connected to someone in such a long time. You opened me up slowly over the last few months without even knowing. And all I want to do is bury myself in your loving arms and breathe with you. Your lips on my neck, your fingers stroking my arms...I could have died last night and been so completely unbelievably happy just the way we were and never needed anything more.
How can two people have such chemistry, such an emotional connection, and yet be so unbelievably unsuited for each other logically? How could this have happened to us? I'm some sort of temptation that you can't have too close to you. You have to "get over me". And what is going to happen to us? I want to believe we can still be good friends but I actually don't know if that's possible. Because this physical thing is such a big part of how we are around each other. I don't want to have to stifle myself. Actively putting an end to this feels like the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I don't want to not see you. I don't want to lose you. It may sound dramatic, I don't care--I feel like I've actually said goodbye to you forever. Because we can never hug again the same way. If at all. I can never kiss you--I CAN NEVER KISS YOU ON THE CHEEK AGAIN because it would be too hard to stop. I feel like my body is revolting against me and I feel like I'm breaking.
I think it's just as hard for you. And maybe this is the best thing for both of us.
I wish you the ultimate happiness in everything you ever do. Whoever you marry is the luckiest girl in the world. But it could never have been me. So I guess I don't know why we even let it get this far. It was just so hard to stop.
I could write you all the most beautiful poetry in the world to justify my kisses. But if I do that I will break even more. But where do I put all of it? Tell me, where am I supposed to put all of this inside me, this overwhelming love and passion for you, how incredible you are, how much I want to be part of your life forever...? Tell me, where??
I love you.
It's easy to just cut someone off from your life, but how do you continue to go on if you actually can't cut them off? There is a summer to heal, but I don't know that I want to return in September and not feel anything anymore. I miss you already, I miss you already, so much. Will you ever truly understand this? Yesterday I spent an entire day with you and we had the best time. I literally have not had that much fun and felt so connected to someone in such a long time. You opened me up slowly over the last few months without even knowing. And all I want to do is bury myself in your loving arms and breathe with you. Your lips on my neck, your fingers stroking my arms...I could have died last night and been so completely unbelievably happy just the way we were and never needed anything more.
How can two people have such chemistry, such an emotional connection, and yet be so unbelievably unsuited for each other logically? How could this have happened to us? I'm some sort of temptation that you can't have too close to you. You have to "get over me". And what is going to happen to us? I want to believe we can still be good friends but I actually don't know if that's possible. Because this physical thing is such a big part of how we are around each other. I don't want to have to stifle myself. Actively putting an end to this feels like the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I don't want to not see you. I don't want to lose you. It may sound dramatic, I don't care--I feel like I've actually said goodbye to you forever. Because we can never hug again the same way. If at all. I can never kiss you--I CAN NEVER KISS YOU ON THE CHEEK AGAIN because it would be too hard to stop. I feel like my body is revolting against me and I feel like I'm breaking.
I think it's just as hard for you. And maybe this is the best thing for both of us.
I wish you the ultimate happiness in everything you ever do. Whoever you marry is the luckiest girl in the world. But it could never have been me. So I guess I don't know why we even let it get this far. It was just so hard to stop.
I could write you all the most beautiful poetry in the world to justify my kisses. But if I do that I will break even more. But where do I put all of it? Tell me, where am I supposed to put all of this inside me, this overwhelming love and passion for you, how incredible you are, how much I want to be part of your life forever...? Tell me, where??
I love you.