Texas round 2

[alwaysamaya]

When i come here i gain respect for old people, and dread getting old all at the same time. Staying here 24 7 its easier to recognise the people they used to be before they aged, but thats disastrous too because its so clearly coming to all of us one day. I'm not worried about it, i'd just rather die when i can still eat soup and not linger for nothing, quit while i'm ahead. My grandad won't go outside for weeks at a time, he sleeps, eats and watches political reviews on telly, even reading defeats him now. I love him but i don't think he's happy and he's sinking more into himself with every month. My grandma is entirely taken over by depression and ocd and anxiety and a million other things. She is entirely addicted to her prescription medication, anything she feels can keep her mind under control, when actually they've dumbed out any bit of person she used to possess. She had a tantrum yesterday, shouting, crying, pleading the works. an 80 year old woman tantruming on the sofa, that shit is scary. She doesn't mean to but she's so wrapped up in herself she forgets whats right and wrong. She treats the home helpers like servants, like she was used to in zambia. Thedifference is so clear here, there isn't one member of staff at the old peoples facility who is not black or hispanic, and asians were funny about blacks back in the day and that comes out with her. If i were one of the women who came to wash her and she spoke to me that way i'd have smacked her by now. We walked to walmart today and no one walks here, we were the only lpeople on the street, actually on the highway, with all these SUV's whizzing by, its like walking down the m65. I love foreign supermarkets, american ones might be the best, so ridiculously excessive they are. We bought my sister some coca cola pyjamas that come in a can just because they sell it in the supermarket like a necessity. I don't understand how people can live in such a supersize ugly world, nothing is beautiful here, its commodity after commodity. Little streets and architecture, quaint wanderings - seem like a distant dream!
Anyway, we bought them some clothes today, they LOVE getting presents.
I'm just avoiding this work now, trying to do it while all's quiet.
CHEERFUL