An extremely long time
It's been awhile.... and things have been good, and things have been terrible... Right now, I just don't know. I have so many bottled up feelings and emotions that all I want to do is cry, yet I know that doesn't solve anything. I don't like the way some people talk to me, I really don't. I don't like being looked down upon, because you know, I'm not perfect, and never will be. I put on this tough front, to guard my heart and my feelings, but really I'm emotionally sensitive. I get depressed very easily, and get butt-hurt about stupid things... If only you would realize this instead of just treating me like I'm 2. I'm a grown ass woman who WILL do as I please, and not let a MAN get in my way. I want companionship and friendship, with a little direction, but I also want the freedom to be me, and be accepted as me.ME Me MEEE.... I have that rock in your stomach feeling, because I want to speak up, but fear for what could lie ahead. To love somebody and hate them at the same time is the worst feeling in the world... I want you to be sensitive and caring enough to let my voice be heard instead of me getting emotionally detached from you. It's hard to believe that I do so much to make you happy, yet I feel like I'm getting slapped in the face every waking second of the day. I feel no motivation and find myself sore and tired all the time. I've walked out on one job, that lessened the stress a bit, but now I'm beginning to face the terrible reality of what is out there... I'm really starting to wish I could take time back to the point where I lived back with my parents, where my brother was just down the hall and i could go lay on his bed and just talk... I miss the days where I could wake up and have my dogs excited to see me. I miss my friends from highschool and being able to share my feelings with someone. I miss flirting for the sake of flirting and how much attention it got me. I miss the feeling of wanting to get away from my parents... because now, all I do is wish i was back at home. Back to the home-cooked meals, the dinner chats with my dad when he got home from work... the not having any expenses, not having to worry about bills... The good ol' days.... My head hurts, my heart aches... my stomach is in knots. I just don't know what to do... Sometimes I wish I could just shut my eyes, and go peacefully... or atleast find some kind of peace with myself. I know that if life didn't have its hard times, then it would be boring... but I don't like these contemplative times, where everything hurts. YOU pick me apart, when all I do is love you. YOU speak to me hostily, and make me feel guilty to no end. I really am trying to understand you, and just accept it, but I wish you would just open up and not take advantage of me. We could be the best thing for eachother but neither of us is willing to admit it... Please oh Please something change...... Im about to lose it.