(no subject)
After a month of holding it in, Michael finally tells Brian about what happened during home plot. Brian then tells him what Guy had neglected to tell him about his trip to Pittsburgh. Michael totally breaks down as Brian holds him. Then once he calms down, Brian suggests getting high on the beach.
For once, Brian was sober. He'd actually been spending more time that way ever since he'd spent the weekend as a four-year-old, though he wasn't sure why.
He was in the kitchen, making a sandwich with whatever he could find--there'd been some kind of roasted fowl in the fridge, which for Brian's purpose he was going to call chicken, as well as tomato, lettuce--he just wished he could have some nice, spicy mustard, or even mayo. But there was butter, and some kind of soft, white cheese, so he spread a thin layer of that on in lieu of mayo. If Deb were around, he probably would have tried to convince her to make some fries, but he was on his own, so a sandwich and juice it was. At least it was apple juice--he'd had about enough of mango and orange juice, and the milk was in such short supply, it was probably better left for the kitchen crew. ...Not that he was trying to be considerate or anything.
Michael, ironically enough, was looking for his mother. Just her being here had been a calming influence but right now he just had the jitters, worse then normal, normal being his constant state of them lately. And it had nothing to do with reading more about Guy permiscuious habits in the latest book the bookshelf had offered, nope not at all. He really needed to learn to stop reading them, but he couldn't help it. He was so certain he'd find his mother in the kitchen that he blinked in surprise when he almost ran into Brian instead.
Brian turned and jerked his plate up to keep it from colliding with Mikey's shoulder, just as startled to see Mikey as he seemed to be. "Jesus, Mikey." He rolled his eyes and smiled faintly, regaining his composure and settling at the table. "Hungry?" he offered, holding out half of the sandwich to his friend.
Just looking at him for a few moments, he shrugged slightly to himself and came over to take the offered food. It's what he would have done if Brian had been Debbie after all. He mumbled a "Sorry" before taking a large bite and occupying himself with chewing
Brian wanted to thank him for helping to take care of him when he was four, but...he didn't really do thank yous, so he just kind of grinned at Mikey. "No big deal. So." He eyed Mikey, arching an eyebrow, able to read his friend as if he were transparent--to Brian, he was. "What's up, Mikey?"
Michael didn't need a thank you from Brian...because he knew Brian would have taken care of him if he'd been the one who'd become younger. Plus it had been fun. Michael had always feared and wanted to be a dad...and that thought was stopping right there. As if he didn't feel conflicted enough. He looked at Brian for a moment before shrugging. "Just read something I didn't like." Then he took another bite. Chewing was good for not talking.
Brian rolled his eyes. "Mikeeeey..." His tone was warning, lightly chiding. He would get the truth, he would get all of the truth, and Mikey knew it. No point in delaying the inevitable, it would just irritate Brian if he had to drag it out of him a sentence at a time. "Spill."
Michael sighed. He knew that voice and honestly? He was too tired to talk his way out of it. Plus...maybe it would finally feel better if he just told someone what happened. It couldn't get worse right? He sighed again before spoke. "Fine." He paused for a long moment, eyes not coming off the food in his hands. "Remember that coma weekend where you dreamed you went home?"
Brian didn't answer for a few seconds. "...Yeah, of course," he said finally, watching Mikey. He wouldn't look away, wouldn't show that any of the thoughts that simple question had stirred up hurt. "What about it?"
"I went somewhere too." He said softly, "But it wasn't Pittsburgh." Michael stopped to catch his breath. "I woke up in London. In 1937." He let that sink in, for both of them, before continuing. "The only person who knew who I was was Anthony..." It was one thing to remember it, it was another to actually be telling someone about it. He set the sandwich down to clasp his hands together.
Interesting. So Brian got stuck with Guy in Pittsburgh, and Mikey went back to London in his place. That was a fun trick. Except it really wasn't.
"Why didn't you say something sooner?" he asked, leaning back in his chair and eyeing Mikey speculatively. Something was seriously bothering him, and it gave Brian a sense of foreboding he didn't care for much.
Michael shrugged again, still not looking at him. "It wasn't a big deal. I saw what Guy's life was like." Except Michael was too much of an emotional person to not say that with a straight face. He'd seen Guy's life alright...a life that was Brian's, not Michael's. And the fear... "It was eye-opening."
Ah, but Brian already knew that about Guy. He had picked up on that months ago. Guy was far too like him--that was part of what he hated about him being with Mikey, after all. "You're still with him, right? Couldn't have been too bad..." No one would ever know just how fervently Brian was hoping Mikey would refute that, would say that no, they weren't together anymore. It would make things on this shit hole of an island a tiny bit better, at least.
Michael smiled slightly. "Yeah...I guess." He did still love Guy, that was certain. But he'd loved this Guy...not that one. That one had made him feel...not dirty but definatly as just a night's amusement. He'd had one stands before...but it never made him feel like this. "Just...seeing that other Guy, who didn't know who I was and suffering his advances..." He frowned and looked up. "I didn't know what to do."
"I know what I would have done," Brian muttered with a smirk, taking a bite of sandwich. Then he added quietly, almost resentfully, "You should have been in Pittsburgh with me." Not that he held Mikey responsible for not being there, and it sounded like Mikey would have liked that better, too.
Michael rolled his eyes and gave Brian a look that plainly said he wasn't amused at that. Then he sighed. "Me too." Then he paused before asking, "I know you told me stuff about what happened...but what happened with Guy? He won't talk about it..." Neither of them were talking about it with each other but Brian didn't need to know that.
Brian had no problem talking about it, though. "I took him to Babylon. He spent half the night watching you dance with Ben--the two of you were disgusting, by the way." He rolled his eyes and continued. "Then he got drunk and got arrested, and I got to bail him out." He smiled, remembering that Sunday, and added, "I got to meet your daughter." JR had been an adorable baby, and that Michael had been...incredibly happy. A husband, a father, all the things Mikey had always wanted and Brian had always thought were a waste of time that could be spent fucking.
Michale blinked...then dropped his head to the table and covered it with his arms. Oh god. this was worse then he'd thought. No wonder Guy wouldn't talk about it. He'd seen what everyone had been talking about; about the future Michael would have and be happy in. That didn't include the island or Guy. Michael would just have to try harder to show Guy that no matter who came to the island...he loved him.
And he couldn't not admit...a small part of him was jealous. Jealous that he hadn't gone to Pittsburgh and lived that, if only for a weekend and...no. He wasn't about to go there. Instead he just kept his arms covering his head. This didn't make him feel better...if anything he felt worse.
Brian didn't really know what to say. He didn't do comfort well to start with, and honestly, he'd liked Mikey better with Ben than he did with Guy. Ben had seemed...non-threatening. Willing to let his relationship with Mikey have the priority it deserved. "...I wish you could have been there," he said instead. "I could've given you a ride in my 'vettte'."
Michael didn't move from his position, keeping his arms over his head, just...hiding for a moment. From the mess that had become his life. Though it figured. He'd been happy at home, so he'd been brought here. He'd been happy here with Guy, so the island brought Ben. He'd managed to deal with it, so the island showed him what Guy had been like at home. He didn't think he could deal with this anymore. What next? Would it take Brian away? Or his mother, even as newly arrived as she was? Finally, he looked up at Brian, tears in his eyes, still not sure what to say, if anything.
Oh Jesus. Brian sighed and brushed the crumbs off of his hands, getting up to move to Mikey's side and slip an arm around him. He didn't have any words of comfort to offer--that wasn't his way--but he could lend Mikey his strength, at least.
He leaned into Brian, taking what was offered. He didn't have to say anything, Michael knew. This was exactly what he needed. They just sat there, leaning against one another when Michael finally found his voice, soft and cracked as it was. "You know, what makes this worse? That just adds to everything...if we were anywhere, but here? There is no way he'd ever love me. Pittsburgh, London...doesn't matter." He didn't say it, but the other was way implied as well. As much as he loved the Guy he had here...he knew he'd never love the one he'd seen in London. And oh how it hurt, heart ripping even, to admit it.
Brian closed his eyes, petting Mikey's hair, and then tilted Mikey's chin up. "Then he'd be a fucking idiot," he said simply, and gave Mikey a brief, chaste kiss before hugging him tightly.
Michael didn't respond to the kiss, more still in shock over his realization but did then cling to Brian, letting the tears finally fall after over a month of holding them in.
And Brian knew Mikey well enough to just hold him quietly and let Mikey cry. He closed his eyes and let out a quiet sigh. Why was nothing ever simple in this place? Jesus.
After a few long minutes, Michael sniffled and pulled back from Brian a bit, though not leaving the safety of his best friend's arms. "Sorry..."He said quietly, drying his face on the hem of his shirt, looking down at the table, not meeting Brian's eyes, slightly embarrassed now.
"Shut up," Brian replied gently. "...Hey. You wanna go get stoned on the trampoline?" Because that was what you did when you were upset. Did drugs. At least, that was what Brian did.
Michael couldn't help it. He chuckled, even if it was soft and slightly broken. "Sure." He said simply, feeling better now. Slightly, but better. Then he kissed Brian's cheek. "Thank you."
"Shut up," Brian said again, this time affectionately, with a roll of his eyes. He pulled back and grinned, taking Mikey's hands and pulling him to his feet. "Come on."
Now Michael even smiled. A small smile, but a smile none the less. He squeezed Brian's hand great fully and gladly followed.
For once, Brian was sober. He'd actually been spending more time that way ever since he'd spent the weekend as a four-year-old, though he wasn't sure why.
He was in the kitchen, making a sandwich with whatever he could find--there'd been some kind of roasted fowl in the fridge, which for Brian's purpose he was going to call chicken, as well as tomato, lettuce--he just wished he could have some nice, spicy mustard, or even mayo. But there was butter, and some kind of soft, white cheese, so he spread a thin layer of that on in lieu of mayo. If Deb were around, he probably would have tried to convince her to make some fries, but he was on his own, so a sandwich and juice it was. At least it was apple juice--he'd had about enough of mango and orange juice, and the milk was in such short supply, it was probably better left for the kitchen crew. ...Not that he was trying to be considerate or anything.
Michael, ironically enough, was looking for his mother. Just her being here had been a calming influence but right now he just had the jitters, worse then normal, normal being his constant state of them lately. And it had nothing to do with reading more about Guy permiscuious habits in the latest book the bookshelf had offered, nope not at all. He really needed to learn to stop reading them, but he couldn't help it. He was so certain he'd find his mother in the kitchen that he blinked in surprise when he almost ran into Brian instead.
Brian turned and jerked his plate up to keep it from colliding with Mikey's shoulder, just as startled to see Mikey as he seemed to be. "Jesus, Mikey." He rolled his eyes and smiled faintly, regaining his composure and settling at the table. "Hungry?" he offered, holding out half of the sandwich to his friend.
Just looking at him for a few moments, he shrugged slightly to himself and came over to take the offered food. It's what he would have done if Brian had been Debbie after all. He mumbled a "Sorry" before taking a large bite and occupying himself with chewing
Brian wanted to thank him for helping to take care of him when he was four, but...he didn't really do thank yous, so he just kind of grinned at Mikey. "No big deal. So." He eyed Mikey, arching an eyebrow, able to read his friend as if he were transparent--to Brian, he was. "What's up, Mikey?"
Michael didn't need a thank you from Brian...because he knew Brian would have taken care of him if he'd been the one who'd become younger. Plus it had been fun. Michael had always feared and wanted to be a dad...and that thought was stopping right there. As if he didn't feel conflicted enough. He looked at Brian for a moment before shrugging. "Just read something I didn't like." Then he took another bite. Chewing was good for not talking.
Brian rolled his eyes. "Mikeeeey..." His tone was warning, lightly chiding. He would get the truth, he would get all of the truth, and Mikey knew it. No point in delaying the inevitable, it would just irritate Brian if he had to drag it out of him a sentence at a time. "Spill."
Michael sighed. He knew that voice and honestly? He was too tired to talk his way out of it. Plus...maybe it would finally feel better if he just told someone what happened. It couldn't get worse right? He sighed again before spoke. "Fine." He paused for a long moment, eyes not coming off the food in his hands. "Remember that coma weekend where you dreamed you went home?"
Brian didn't answer for a few seconds. "...Yeah, of course," he said finally, watching Mikey. He wouldn't look away, wouldn't show that any of the thoughts that simple question had stirred up hurt. "What about it?"
"I went somewhere too." He said softly, "But it wasn't Pittsburgh." Michael stopped to catch his breath. "I woke up in London. In 1937." He let that sink in, for both of them, before continuing. "The only person who knew who I was was Anthony..." It was one thing to remember it, it was another to actually be telling someone about it. He set the sandwich down to clasp his hands together.
Interesting. So Brian got stuck with Guy in Pittsburgh, and Mikey went back to London in his place. That was a fun trick. Except it really wasn't.
"Why didn't you say something sooner?" he asked, leaning back in his chair and eyeing Mikey speculatively. Something was seriously bothering him, and it gave Brian a sense of foreboding he didn't care for much.
Michael shrugged again, still not looking at him. "It wasn't a big deal. I saw what Guy's life was like." Except Michael was too much of an emotional person to not say that with a straight face. He'd seen Guy's life alright...a life that was Brian's, not Michael's. And the fear... "It was eye-opening."
Ah, but Brian already knew that about Guy. He had picked up on that months ago. Guy was far too like him--that was part of what he hated about him being with Mikey, after all. "You're still with him, right? Couldn't have been too bad..." No one would ever know just how fervently Brian was hoping Mikey would refute that, would say that no, they weren't together anymore. It would make things on this shit hole of an island a tiny bit better, at least.
Michael smiled slightly. "Yeah...I guess." He did still love Guy, that was certain. But he'd loved this Guy...not that one. That one had made him feel...not dirty but definatly as just a night's amusement. He'd had one stands before...but it never made him feel like this. "Just...seeing that other Guy, who didn't know who I was and suffering his advances..." He frowned and looked up. "I didn't know what to do."
"I know what I would have done," Brian muttered with a smirk, taking a bite of sandwich. Then he added quietly, almost resentfully, "You should have been in Pittsburgh with me." Not that he held Mikey responsible for not being there, and it sounded like Mikey would have liked that better, too.
Michael rolled his eyes and gave Brian a look that plainly said he wasn't amused at that. Then he sighed. "Me too." Then he paused before asking, "I know you told me stuff about what happened...but what happened with Guy? He won't talk about it..." Neither of them were talking about it with each other but Brian didn't need to know that.
Brian had no problem talking about it, though. "I took him to Babylon. He spent half the night watching you dance with Ben--the two of you were disgusting, by the way." He rolled his eyes and continued. "Then he got drunk and got arrested, and I got to bail him out." He smiled, remembering that Sunday, and added, "I got to meet your daughter." JR had been an adorable baby, and that Michael had been...incredibly happy. A husband, a father, all the things Mikey had always wanted and Brian had always thought were a waste of time that could be spent fucking.
Michale blinked...then dropped his head to the table and covered it with his arms. Oh god. this was worse then he'd thought. No wonder Guy wouldn't talk about it. He'd seen what everyone had been talking about; about the future Michael would have and be happy in. That didn't include the island or Guy. Michael would just have to try harder to show Guy that no matter who came to the island...he loved him.
And he couldn't not admit...a small part of him was jealous. Jealous that he hadn't gone to Pittsburgh and lived that, if only for a weekend and...no. He wasn't about to go there. Instead he just kept his arms covering his head. This didn't make him feel better...if anything he felt worse.
Brian didn't really know what to say. He didn't do comfort well to start with, and honestly, he'd liked Mikey better with Ben than he did with Guy. Ben had seemed...non-threatening. Willing to let his relationship with Mikey have the priority it deserved. "...I wish you could have been there," he said instead. "I could've given you a ride in my 'vettte'."
Michael didn't move from his position, keeping his arms over his head, just...hiding for a moment. From the mess that had become his life. Though it figured. He'd been happy at home, so he'd been brought here. He'd been happy here with Guy, so the island brought Ben. He'd managed to deal with it, so the island showed him what Guy had been like at home. He didn't think he could deal with this anymore. What next? Would it take Brian away? Or his mother, even as newly arrived as she was? Finally, he looked up at Brian, tears in his eyes, still not sure what to say, if anything.
Oh Jesus. Brian sighed and brushed the crumbs off of his hands, getting up to move to Mikey's side and slip an arm around him. He didn't have any words of comfort to offer--that wasn't his way--but he could lend Mikey his strength, at least.
He leaned into Brian, taking what was offered. He didn't have to say anything, Michael knew. This was exactly what he needed. They just sat there, leaning against one another when Michael finally found his voice, soft and cracked as it was. "You know, what makes this worse? That just adds to everything...if we were anywhere, but here? There is no way he'd ever love me. Pittsburgh, London...doesn't matter." He didn't say it, but the other was way implied as well. As much as he loved the Guy he had here...he knew he'd never love the one he'd seen in London. And oh how it hurt, heart ripping even, to admit it.
Brian closed his eyes, petting Mikey's hair, and then tilted Mikey's chin up. "Then he'd be a fucking idiot," he said simply, and gave Mikey a brief, chaste kiss before hugging him tightly.
Michael didn't respond to the kiss, more still in shock over his realization but did then cling to Brian, letting the tears finally fall after over a month of holding them in.
And Brian knew Mikey well enough to just hold him quietly and let Mikey cry. He closed his eyes and let out a quiet sigh. Why was nothing ever simple in this place? Jesus.
After a few long minutes, Michael sniffled and pulled back from Brian a bit, though not leaving the safety of his best friend's arms. "Sorry..."He said quietly, drying his face on the hem of his shirt, looking down at the table, not meeting Brian's eyes, slightly embarrassed now.
"Shut up," Brian replied gently. "...Hey. You wanna go get stoned on the trampoline?" Because that was what you did when you were upset. Did drugs. At least, that was what Brian did.
Michael couldn't help it. He chuckled, even if it was soft and slightly broken. "Sure." He said simply, feeling better now. Slightly, but better. Then he kissed Brian's cheek. "Thank you."
"Shut up," Brian said again, this time affectionately, with a roll of his eyes. He pulled back and grinned, taking Mikey's hands and pulling him to his feet. "Come on."
Now Michael even smiled. A small smile, but a smile none the less. He squeezed Brian's hand great fully and gladly followed.