today...
I know that I haven't written in here in forever, but I figured I'd write...
Today has been a very hard day for me. A year ago today, my mawmaw passed away at 10:28 pm. I doesn't seem like it has been a whole year! In a way I feel really guilty because it's like I haven't mourned long enough...or maybe for a long period of time. I think I have finally gotten to the point where I am at peace with the whole subject. I mean, I still miss her. I'll always miss her. But I know that she is in a much better place now. I would die to be there with her (literlly) but I know that I will some day. Today is not my day to go. Lord's willing it won't be for a very long time. But things were so much better when she was here. My family didn't fight as much because they wanted her to feel "at home" and when they did fight, I would just go to her and talk. I would cry on her lap while she rubbed my head and told me everything was gonna be okay. I miss that. I don't have anyone like her to do that anymore. I mean, yeah I have some really sweet friends and a really awesome boyfriend, but none of those can compare to a mawmaw. While we were in Florida, we saw my mawmaw's younger sister. She looks just like her and so many things she did reminded me of her. She even called me "Sweet Tater Pie" once because she knew that was what my mawmaw always called me (along with "sissy") and if Alicia wouldn't have gone with me, I would have broken down in tears. Just like I am now... but it's okay to feel the pain of losing her. And it's okay to feel lonely without her. It is not okay, however to feel depressed. I have so many people who care about me and who are always there for me no matter what I am going through. But most of all, I have God. Yes... now that I can be happy about! Yes, I have had a hard year, and yes, I have strayed away at times, but the good thing is that God will ALWAYS forgive me and He will ALWAYS take me back! THAT I CAN REJOICE IN!!! Throughout the year, I have realized that if I just call on Him, He will make things better! I could have jumped over half the year of depression I was in and just trusted in Him! So, whoever reads this, next time I go through a rough time, like losing someone close to me, please remind me of this and save me the heartache!!!! I love you guys!
April
Today has been a very hard day for me. A year ago today, my mawmaw passed away at 10:28 pm. I doesn't seem like it has been a whole year! In a way I feel really guilty because it's like I haven't mourned long enough...or maybe for a long period of time. I think I have finally gotten to the point where I am at peace with the whole subject. I mean, I still miss her. I'll always miss her. But I know that she is in a much better place now. I would die to be there with her (literlly) but I know that I will some day. Today is not my day to go. Lord's willing it won't be for a very long time. But things were so much better when she was here. My family didn't fight as much because they wanted her to feel "at home" and when they did fight, I would just go to her and talk. I would cry on her lap while she rubbed my head and told me everything was gonna be okay. I miss that. I don't have anyone like her to do that anymore. I mean, yeah I have some really sweet friends and a really awesome boyfriend, but none of those can compare to a mawmaw. While we were in Florida, we saw my mawmaw's younger sister. She looks just like her and so many things she did reminded me of her. She even called me "Sweet Tater Pie" once because she knew that was what my mawmaw always called me (along with "sissy") and if Alicia wouldn't have gone with me, I would have broken down in tears. Just like I am now... but it's okay to feel the pain of losing her. And it's okay to feel lonely without her. It is not okay, however to feel depressed. I have so many people who care about me and who are always there for me no matter what I am going through. But most of all, I have God. Yes... now that I can be happy about! Yes, I have had a hard year, and yes, I have strayed away at times, but the good thing is that God will ALWAYS forgive me and He will ALWAYS take me back! THAT I CAN REJOICE IN!!! Throughout the year, I have realized that if I just call on Him, He will make things better! I could have jumped over half the year of depression I was in and just trusted in Him! So, whoever reads this, next time I go through a rough time, like losing someone close to me, please remind me of this and save me the heartache!!!! I love you guys!
April