not sure
have you ever had a friend realize how upset you are before you did? so i was talking to a friend of mine on aim and out of no where he asked if i was ok. as soon as i saw that i felt like i was going to cry. not because i was upset even though i was but because he knows me well enough to be able to tell something is wrong over aim and he cared enough to ask. i really didn't want to tell him the truth and upset him but i also didn't want to lie. so i told him i was ok but just not really happy with how this year is going. which is true but a definite understatement. i am ok. i will survive this. i will NOT enjoy it. it may do some serious mental damage. i may never come back once i get out of here.
this is my home but it doesn't feel like home any more. part of it is because the people that made it home aren't here and part of it is that everyone (including me) have changed and some for the better and some not. there are things going on that i don't feel i can talk about and i hate that feeling. some of it would upset other people, some of it doesn't make sense, some of it sounds like me being petty. you know how sometimes there are things you just need to say? you may not want advice or answers or help but you just need to say it. i'm sick of being told what to do and how to feel. i really hope i get out of here before i snap and end up in a padded room. this isn't the place for me anymore. i'm not exactly sure where that place is but it's not here. it's true- you can never go back home.
i hate being away from the people i need in my life. i know that there have been times when i picked up and left one spot and went somewhere new but each new place had new people and i found those that belonged in my life. i know there will never be a time when i can have all of these people with me but can't i have one or two? it's just cruel that i'm seperated from everyone i need. i never really thought much about how friendships change with time. the things that define a friendship change and how fast a friendship grows also changes. there are people who have none me my whole life and people who have known me for two years and it's hard to say who knows me best. part of it is that i've changed a lot in my life but not so much in two years- so the person i've known all my life has known all of the MEs and the person i've known for two years has only known ME. i hope that makes sense. i just need someone right now and their not here. so i'm not exactly sure how that's going to work out.
this is my home but it doesn't feel like home any more. part of it is because the people that made it home aren't here and part of it is that everyone (including me) have changed and some for the better and some not. there are things going on that i don't feel i can talk about and i hate that feeling. some of it would upset other people, some of it doesn't make sense, some of it sounds like me being petty. you know how sometimes there are things you just need to say? you may not want advice or answers or help but you just need to say it. i'm sick of being told what to do and how to feel. i really hope i get out of here before i snap and end up in a padded room. this isn't the place for me anymore. i'm not exactly sure where that place is but it's not here. it's true- you can never go back home.
i hate being away from the people i need in my life. i know that there have been times when i picked up and left one spot and went somewhere new but each new place had new people and i found those that belonged in my life. i know there will never be a time when i can have all of these people with me but can't i have one or two? it's just cruel that i'm seperated from everyone i need. i never really thought much about how friendships change with time. the things that define a friendship change and how fast a friendship grows also changes. there are people who have none me my whole life and people who have known me for two years and it's hard to say who knows me best. part of it is that i've changed a lot in my life but not so much in two years- so the person i've known all my life has known all of the MEs and the person i've known for two years has only known ME. i hope that makes sense. i just need someone right now and their not here. so i'm not exactly sure how that's going to work out.