pensées. and no, i am not a pascal impersonator.
(a) i absolutely love this song. and fiona apple. and the beatles.
(b) i wish i knew how to just sit down at the computer and pour out pages and pages of story. i've tried so many times, but i always end up staring at the screen three hours later with nothing in front of me but a meticulously edited paragraph... it's so frustrating. because one of my oldest life goals is to publish a novel. i went through this phase about five years ago when i was terrified by the possibility that no one will remember me after i die... i've matured so much since then that the thought of not being remembered by future generations doesn't bother me as long as i make some small but meaningful impact on the world while i'm alive. but still, i can't even explain what that would mean to me to see something i wrote in print, on the pages of a real book that people i don't even know pick up off a shelf and glance at, maybe even read. i can't even imagine! and i've tried so many times too. even my quarter creative writing project for mr. phillips in eighth grade was a grand total of 16 pages and i worked on it for what... two months? maybe i just need to put more effort into letting go of my critical side. i have so many half-pages of unwritten stories on the downstairs computer that it wouldn't even be that hard to choose my favorite and just go with whatever comes into my head.
(c) how do you decide where you want to go to college? i'm starting to feel like i shouldn't have checked that little box on the psat that says you'll allow the college board to distribute your address. i feel like harry potter in the beginning of the sorcerer's stone... only i'm being bombarded with "PICK ME PICK ME I'M THE BEST COLLEGE IN [region] AND ANYONE WHO'S ANYONE WANTS TO COME HERE!" and not "dear ms. o'shea, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizadry." wow. i wish. but seriously, how do people have any idea whatsoever where they want to go? some of the people i know have already picked schools! i don't even know what i want to be! how do you choose?
haha i'm such a confused little adolescent soul :)
(b) i wish i knew how to just sit down at the computer and pour out pages and pages of story. i've tried so many times, but i always end up staring at the screen three hours later with nothing in front of me but a meticulously edited paragraph... it's so frustrating. because one of my oldest life goals is to publish a novel. i went through this phase about five years ago when i was terrified by the possibility that no one will remember me after i die... i've matured so much since then that the thought of not being remembered by future generations doesn't bother me as long as i make some small but meaningful impact on the world while i'm alive. but still, i can't even explain what that would mean to me to see something i wrote in print, on the pages of a real book that people i don't even know pick up off a shelf and glance at, maybe even read. i can't even imagine! and i've tried so many times too. even my quarter creative writing project for mr. phillips in eighth grade was a grand total of 16 pages and i worked on it for what... two months? maybe i just need to put more effort into letting go of my critical side. i have so many half-pages of unwritten stories on the downstairs computer that it wouldn't even be that hard to choose my favorite and just go with whatever comes into my head.
(c) how do you decide where you want to go to college? i'm starting to feel like i shouldn't have checked that little box on the psat that says you'll allow the college board to distribute your address. i feel like harry potter in the beginning of the sorcerer's stone... only i'm being bombarded with "PICK ME PICK ME I'M THE BEST COLLEGE IN [region] AND ANYONE WHO'S ANYONE WANTS TO COME HERE!" and not "dear ms. o'shea, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizadry." wow. i wish. but seriously, how do people have any idea whatsoever where they want to go? some of the people i know have already picked schools! i don't even know what i want to be! how do you choose?
haha i'm such a confused little adolescent soul :)