Some thoughts.
I'm living.
Really. I have this job I get up to go to every day and it seems tedious and frustrating and completely more than I can handle. I have my own office. It's small, but it's mine. It has a bathroom. I started organizing it today. It's really starting to feel like I belong there. I'm getting frustrated at the mistakes I'm making...which are few SO far, but I have a feeling they'll become more noticable and more frequent.
I'm her personal assistant. My boss is awesome. She could run her business a bit better, and I do hate it when she's around and I'm trying to get a project done...but she's a good person. We took an hour lunch together the other day and just talked. She showed me a lot about one of our clients. It's a shelter for homeless men recoving from addiction. It's an amazing place, but it's falling apart. I really want to visit. She is so passionate about this place and seeing the conditions they're living in...it made me passionate too. They're great men and we do soooo much for their mission, more than the directors are doing. They could care less, they're using it as a way to write off expenses for their church.
Our clients right now are:
1. Chester Education Foundation- Chester/Upland school district is one of the poorest and most disadvantaged school districts in the nation. This foundation works to change that.
2. Brotherhood Mission Ministries- the mission for homeless men recoving from addiction. There are 80 men there now. The oldest is 85. His name is Mickey and he's been there for 15 years.
3. Tel Hai- It's a retirement community which is having trouble with it's transportation system.
4. The ALS Association- The association for Lou Gehrig's disease.
SO! No matter how frustrated I get...look at who I'm working for. LOOK at who I'm sending proposals out for. I get my own office, I get to wear whatever I want, I start at 10:30, I get a raise in three months, and I'm getting PAID for this. (little pay, no benefits, but still...)
Anyway, it's good work, but God do I love to leave the work at work. I come home and I either chill with Chris and Janine or I watch TV and go to sleep. The bars have been fun when I've gone the 2 times I've gone with Janine, Berger, and Dana...I just wish I could go more. I feel like I'm living the responsible adult side of my life, but I'm missing out on the "hey, I'm still young and in my twenties" side. I miss Brian. I miss Austin. I miss Lauren. I miss Kim. I miss Dana. I miss John. I miss my entire crew from this summer, and every crew I've had throughout college.
I talked to Olsen the other night.
It was...awkward. When he left, I was the one that threw him a going away party. Cara refused to come (good thing) and we were really close that night as far as the friendship went. Then I never heard from him again. Apparently he wasn't suppossed to talk to me even on the phone the other night, ultimatum from Cara. They got married two months ago. It's strange to think that an ex-boyfriend....OLSEN of all people...is married. He's someone's HUSBAND.
I mean, I guess they are both around 25, but still...that's not too long away from now and I'm no where near ready for that. Hell, I'm not even with anyone right now and I definitely need some time before even approaching that topic seriously.
Marraige scares me because my parents only knew one another for four months before getting married. My mom married my dad for money, still upset over her bf Denny who died and my dad had just gotten out of a bad relationship with a girl named Karen. I guess there was love there at some point, but for as long as I can remember my mom has been talking shit in front of us about my dad. Not just to us either, to every neighbor, friend, or relative we come across. It's kind of embarrassing and I try to stick up for him....
I just don't want it to be like that. I want to love my husband and I want him to love me. I don't want to be ashamed of who I'm married to and I don't want to have an unequal and unreciprocated life with my husband.
I guess that's why I think about marraige a lot. It scares the living crap out of me, but I know I want it some day with the right person. I don't want to waste time on the wrong person because...well, because it's not worth it.
Anyway, enough serious talk.
In summary, I'm still in love and it's great even if it's just basically almost mind-numbing how pathetic it is when I look at it objectively....I feel like I'm living life because I have a meaningful job....and I can't wait to return to State College this weekend for Chuck's.
Finally, here's a snippet of my conversation with Lauren:
RustInTheRain3: g'night LOVE
lvk104: g'night SUPER lvoe
lvk104: SUPER LOVE
RustInTheRain3: g'night SUPER MEGA LOVE
RustInTheRain3: WITH CHERRIES ON TOP
lvk104: AND WHIPPED CREAM
RustInTheRain3: AND RAINBOW SPRINKLES
lvk104: AND CHOCOLATE SYRUP
RustInTheRain3: OR CHOCOLATE SPRINKLES
lvk104: AND PEANUTS
RustInTheRain3: BECAUSE THEY'RE BLACK....LIKE YOUR SOUL
RustInTheRain3: (that's as metal as i get)
lvk104: bwahahahahahahahahaha
RustInTheRain3: lol
lvk104: I just spit soda
RustInTheRain3: ahaha mission accomplished
Really. I have this job I get up to go to every day and it seems tedious and frustrating and completely more than I can handle. I have my own office. It's small, but it's mine. It has a bathroom. I started organizing it today. It's really starting to feel like I belong there. I'm getting frustrated at the mistakes I'm making...which are few SO far, but I have a feeling they'll become more noticable and more frequent.
I'm her personal assistant. My boss is awesome. She could run her business a bit better, and I do hate it when she's around and I'm trying to get a project done...but she's a good person. We took an hour lunch together the other day and just talked. She showed me a lot about one of our clients. It's a shelter for homeless men recoving from addiction. It's an amazing place, but it's falling apart. I really want to visit. She is so passionate about this place and seeing the conditions they're living in...it made me passionate too. They're great men and we do soooo much for their mission, more than the directors are doing. They could care less, they're using it as a way to write off expenses for their church.
Our clients right now are:
1. Chester Education Foundation- Chester/Upland school district is one of the poorest and most disadvantaged school districts in the nation. This foundation works to change that.
2. Brotherhood Mission Ministries- the mission for homeless men recoving from addiction. There are 80 men there now. The oldest is 85. His name is Mickey and he's been there for 15 years.
3. Tel Hai- It's a retirement community which is having trouble with it's transportation system.
4. The ALS Association- The association for Lou Gehrig's disease.
SO! No matter how frustrated I get...look at who I'm working for. LOOK at who I'm sending proposals out for. I get my own office, I get to wear whatever I want, I start at 10:30, I get a raise in three months, and I'm getting PAID for this. (little pay, no benefits, but still...)
Anyway, it's good work, but God do I love to leave the work at work. I come home and I either chill with Chris and Janine or I watch TV and go to sleep. The bars have been fun when I've gone the 2 times I've gone with Janine, Berger, and Dana...I just wish I could go more. I feel like I'm living the responsible adult side of my life, but I'm missing out on the "hey, I'm still young and in my twenties" side. I miss Brian. I miss Austin. I miss Lauren. I miss Kim. I miss Dana. I miss John. I miss my entire crew from this summer, and every crew I've had throughout college.
I talked to Olsen the other night.
It was...awkward. When he left, I was the one that threw him a going away party. Cara refused to come (good thing) and we were really close that night as far as the friendship went. Then I never heard from him again. Apparently he wasn't suppossed to talk to me even on the phone the other night, ultimatum from Cara. They got married two months ago. It's strange to think that an ex-boyfriend....OLSEN of all people...is married. He's someone's HUSBAND.
I mean, I guess they are both around 25, but still...that's not too long away from now and I'm no where near ready for that. Hell, I'm not even with anyone right now and I definitely need some time before even approaching that topic seriously.
Marraige scares me because my parents only knew one another for four months before getting married. My mom married my dad for money, still upset over her bf Denny who died and my dad had just gotten out of a bad relationship with a girl named Karen. I guess there was love there at some point, but for as long as I can remember my mom has been talking shit in front of us about my dad. Not just to us either, to every neighbor, friend, or relative we come across. It's kind of embarrassing and I try to stick up for him....
I just don't want it to be like that. I want to love my husband and I want him to love me. I don't want to be ashamed of who I'm married to and I don't want to have an unequal and unreciprocated life with my husband.
I guess that's why I think about marraige a lot. It scares the living crap out of me, but I know I want it some day with the right person. I don't want to waste time on the wrong person because...well, because it's not worth it.
Anyway, enough serious talk.
In summary, I'm still in love and it's great even if it's just basically almost mind-numbing how pathetic it is when I look at it objectively....I feel like I'm living life because I have a meaningful job....and I can't wait to return to State College this weekend for Chuck's.
Finally, here's a snippet of my conversation with Lauren:
RustInTheRain3: g'night LOVE
lvk104: g'night SUPER lvoe
lvk104: SUPER LOVE
RustInTheRain3: g'night SUPER MEGA LOVE
RustInTheRain3: WITH CHERRIES ON TOP
lvk104: AND WHIPPED CREAM
RustInTheRain3: AND RAINBOW SPRINKLES
lvk104: AND CHOCOLATE SYRUP
RustInTheRain3: OR CHOCOLATE SPRINKLES
lvk104: AND PEANUTS
RustInTheRain3: BECAUSE THEY'RE BLACK....LIKE YOUR SOUL
RustInTheRain3: (that's as metal as i get)
lvk104: bwahahahahahahahahaha
RustInTheRain3: lol
lvk104: I just spit soda
RustInTheRain3: ahaha mission accomplished