Uncontrollable Destiny (3/6) (V, PG-13, Lisa/Joshua)
A/N: Due to some discrepancies between the bit of V technology seen in the last episode and the V technology I used in this story, I spent quite a while debating whether or not I should post this part as it was written months ago or try to work the new canon into the story. After much deliberation I decided on the former (it is, after all, FANfiction), though it did stall the posting of this chapter for a while. Hopefully this doesn't detract from anyone's enjoyment of the story.
And now, Part III...
Part III: Not Alone
It didn't take Erica long to transition from caring friend to the concerned leader of an underground resistance. As soon as they moved to the living room and Lisa sat down on the couch, Erica began calmly grilling her. What exactly had Joshua told Anna? Had he exposed Erica and the others? Were they in danger? What exactly had Anna done to Joshua? She'd used Bliss somehow, but Erica didn't understand how.
Forcing herself to remain calm, Lisa began answering one question at a time. As far as she knew, the facts were these: Joshua had told Anna everything. He'd exposed every Fifth Column member he'd ever heard the name of. Those on the ship had likely been terminated while Lisa was unconscious. As far as those on the ground were concerned - mainly Kyle Hobbes, Erica Evans and Jack Landry - Lisa could only assume now that her mother knew about them, Anna would rather manipulate them than murder them.
Regarding how and why Joshua had betrayed them, the latter was relatively obvious, and the former was unclear to Lisa at the moment. She knew whatever he'd done; he'd done it to save her life. All she could assume was once he realized Anna was not about to blink in her game of chicken, he surrendered to save her. Maybe accepting the bliss again was a condition of that surrender. Maybe he was so guilt-ridden by his betrayal that he'd begged for it. Maybe Anna had wanted him to beg. Lisa didn't know, though she spoke all of the possibilities that had been running through her head aloud in the hopes that Erica might be able to make sense of them.
Finally - once Erica realized that though she and her friends had been placed in a more compromising position, there was no immediate danger - the tough questions ground to a halt. They sat in silence for a few minutes.
"Alright," the firmness in Erica's tone had subsided, replaced now with worry and uneasy curiosity, "I understand why Joshua betrayed us - he wanted to save your life and seeing as you may very well become Queen one day, if I understand everything right, I can identify with his reasons - but here's what I don't get: why would Anna use Bliss? I thought it was a gift - something good."
"It is. At least, that's what I've been taught all my life…but now I see things differently. I think…I think that she used it to purge him of all his human emotion. My mother…" Lisa struggled to find the right words for a minute, "…Tyler once used the word 'brainwashed' and maybe that's the closest I can get to describing what Bliss is and what it does."
It felt like a poor explanation at best, so Lisa continued. "Right now, he's numb. He cares about nothing; he loves nothing. His loyalty is directed toward Anna. Whatever she says, he'll do without question - even if that means killing himself or killing me."
"What can we do?" Erica asked. "He started feeling human emotions before, will he start feeling them again?"
She sighed sadly. "I don't know. But I'll do everything I can."
Mrs. Evens nodded. "I know you will."
Lisa slept on the Evan's couch that night, and spent the entirety of the following day with Tyler at the local county fair he dragged her to with his father. She got a little ill from the cotton candy, but enjoyed the Ferris wheel immensely.
Weeks trickled by. Much of Lisa's time was spent off of the ship with Tyler. After much deliberation, Anna determined that slow and steady did win the race and that since she and Tyler's mother were 'growing close,' it was alright for Lisa to take her time with Tyler. 'Growing close' seemed to be code for: "she's a member of Fifth Column; I want you to back off so we don't freak her out." Either way, Lisa felt sweet relief over the brief respite from her duties, though it left her with an agonizing amount of time to do nothing more than "twiddling her thumbs".
As for Joshua, Lisa barely saw him. It was not by her choosing, nor was it out of any attempt to avoid the Medic. He was merely preoccupied. According to Anna, Ryan's baby - a half-breed between V and human, something Lisa hadn't even been aware was possible - was taking up the majority of his time. Evidently, keeping the "little mutt" - as Anna had taken to calling it - alive was almost more trouble than it was worth.
Lisa's avoidance of Joshua ended when she had the unfortunate luck to experience a fainting spell in her mother's chambers. One minute she was standing, listening to her mother discuss some arbitrary detail, and the next she was on the floor, staring up at Joshua's face. Anna had uncharacteristically panicked, and since Joshua was in the immediate vicinity, he had been called upon to make sure that Lisa hadn't contacted anything serious. She hadn't, but Anna still insisted that he take her to the healing center, where he spent a good three hours examining her to ensure that she hadn't caught a virus non-lethal for humans but fatal for the V's.
It was then Lisa learned that a suspected tactic of the Fifth Column's splinter cells was the creation of a virus designed to kill V's and V's alone. The thought should have scared her more than it did, but Lisa figured that she was already frightened enough from the staggering pressure of everything else that was going on. Between loving Tyler, losing Joshua and sorting through the numerous human emotions percolating under her skin, Lisa was surprised that she had lasted so long as it was.
However, the endless tests did nothing to give Lisa any peace of mind. Up until then, she hadn't realized just how human the Joshua-of-before had become. Now that all of the human emotion had been effectively purged, she began to realize that so many of his actions had been influenced by the forbidden feelings.
He seemed like an entirely different being now, cold and indifferent. His voice was flat and emotionless, formal instead of friendly, completely lacking the gentle tone he had previously used around her. She remembered the warm - reserved - but kind Joshua. She missed the Joshua who could convince her by a mere look that it was going to be alright, the one who had risked everything in hopes that Lisa was feeling human emotion.
She missed her Joshua.
Lisa was startled for a moment by the thought that the 'old' Joshua was 'her' Joshua, but if the 'new' Joshua noticed the sudden tension in her posture and mannerisms, he didn't say a word. Not that the new Joshua would.
Instead, he bustled about her in silence, methodically checking to ensure that none of the injuries sustained during his interrogation and her torture were the cause of the fainting spell. She attempted to relax just a touch as Joshua shone a tiny blue penlight into her human eyes, watching them dilate as he asked her to look first to her right, then to her left.
"Exhaustion," he concluded finally, turning to Anna with as blank an expression as ever.
Lisa blamed it on the time she was spending with Tyler - and not on the fact that she simply had been far too troubled to be able to sleep. Anna seemed to accept that excuse, telling her that although Tyler was important to their goals, Lisa was not to purse him at the expense of her health. Lisa questioned her sincerity, but kept up the pretense regardless.
Joshua did not speak to her until after Anna and Marcus vacated the room. "I have sedatives, if you believe they would be helpful."
"Sedatives?" Lisa questioned, swinging her legs over the side of the exam table. The thin shift wrapped around her body rippled and crinkled as she moved. Joshua respectfully turned away as she removed the papery clothes and stepped into a dark blue dress, swift fingers working on attaching the clasps along the back.
"To assist you in falling asleep," Joshua answered. "You are having trouble, yes?"
"No. I can sleep when I try," Lisa lied.
Joshua pressed his hand against the area of skin where her neck met her shoulder. "Your muscles are tense. Many of the humans who come to the healing centers are suffering from the same problem. They call it stress. The sedatives will relieve then tension and help you sleep."
"Thank you." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.
Joshua tipped his head to the side, slightly bemused at her use of the human expression. "You're welcome."
At her puzzled expression, he continued. "You do not think that you were the only one who has learned a few pieces of human culture? Every one of my human patients expresses appreciation after a visit, and they all tell me that the proper response is 'you're welcome'."
Lisa marveled momentarily at his simple, easy compliance with the human culture, remembering that her mother's instructions before arriving at earth were to attempt to fit seamlessly into their culture, by learning mannerisms, nuances, and other idiosyncrasies. Joshua was, for all intents and purposes, simply following orders.
Still, the gesture of 'human' kindness almost, almost made her smile.
"It is a peculiar custom…" Joshua mused aloud, "expressing gratitude to someone for merely performing their job."
"It is." Lisa agreed, sliding her flat shoes onto her feet and slowly standing up. If it was possible for Joshua to look worried, he did - or maybe that was just the disapproving doctor inside him telling her that she really shouldn't be moving around just yet.
She wanted to say something. She wanted to do something. She wanted to shake him, scream at him, knock some of those precious human emotions into his skull and make him her Joshua again.
Instead, Lisa settled for slipping out of the room without even giving him a backwards glance.
She arrived at the Evans' front door, citing a previously standing date with Tyler in order to convince her mother - and Joshua, who was acting like a mother hen unwilling to let her leave the nest - that it was safe for her to leave the mothership. Anna had seemed tense and preoccupied when they spoke, but Lisa was honestly at the point where she couldn't care less. Let her mother's plans fall apart. What did it matter? She would simply concoct new ones in a few days.
This time when Erica opened the door, she found Lisa sobbing, completely overwrought with emotions so strong and so fierce that she couldn't bring herself to stand upright. Erica ushered her inside and led her to the couch, softly assuring her that everything was going to be okay.
Tyler arrived home and rushed to her side. He proved surprisingly adept at knowing what to do when a woman cried, handing her a box of tissues and gently rubbing her back. Something about his presence was soothing. He seemed worried, and she could tell that he wanted to ask what was wrong. All she would - all she could - say was that a close friend had been lost to her. Neither Erica nor Tyler asked who this friend was, but Lisa suspected that Erica knew.
Lisa slept on the couch again, and woke to the smells of breakfast cooking in the kitchen. She padded inside softly and found Erica hovering over the stove.
"Lisa!" she exclaimed as she turned around, "You're awake. How are you feeling?"
"Better."
Erica worried her lower lip. "I'm glad."
Lisa wanted to point out that she didn't exactly look glad, but was unsure how to phrase the observation without sounding rude or offended.
"How is he?" Erica asked after a second's silence, handing Lisa a glass of orange juice across the center island. "Is he okay?"
"He's…alive. I-I don't know what's wrong with me. He's alive, and I should be happy he's alive, but I feel…loss." Lisa took a sip of juice; it was sweet. "Almost like he's died again."
"That's understandable," Erica offered a tight smile.
"Is something wrong?" Lisa felt the words spill out before she could stop them.
"I'm worried about Tyler. I'm worried this will make him all the more eager to join the Live Aboard Program." Erica turned off the stove and scooped several heaps of eggs onto three plates.
"If it helps, I am doing my best to keep him safe. I don't want to see him hurt."
"I understand, Lisa. I do. But I'm a mother. Worry is in my genes." Erica glanced up as Tyler bounded into the kitchen, giving Lisa a quick kiss on the cheek. "Whatcha talking about?" he asked, commandeering a plate and dosing his eggs with a large amount of black-and-white seasoning.
"I was just thanking your mother for her kind hospitality toward me," Lisa answered.
"Are you feeling any better?" Tyler's free hand rubbed her shoulder gently.
"Much better. Thank you."
Tyler smiled at her, making her stomach turn over. She wasn't sure if it was a good feeling or a bad one.
"I have an idea for what could help cheer you up," Tyler offered, "you up for it?"
Flooded with relief at the mention of an excuse not to return back to the ship right away, Lisa nodded. "Sure."
Tyler's idea turned out to be exploring New York City…on his motorcycle. It meant that Lisa spent the morning with her arms wrapped snuggly around his waist to keep from falling off the bike, but it also meant that she wasn't required to keep up a conversation. They stopped for lunch in the afternoon, and by early evening Lisa was having such a good time flying through the city that she honestly and truly didn't want to return home.
Until it started to rain.
News of the 'Red Rain' had spread around the globe, but apart from a few scattered showers, New York City had been oddly clear and sunny for the past few weeks. The storm came from nowhere, thunder that rumbled in the distance, bright bursts of lightning that lit up the sky, and large droplets of rain that fell furiously. Within minutes, they were driving through sheets of crimson rain and powerful gusts of wind that almost threatened to flip the bike over. Up above, it looked as if the sky was bleeding.
They were closer to the Visitor's Healing Center than Tyler's house, so that became their destination by default. However, as Tyler attempted to turn into the alleyway adjacent to the building, he lost control. The motorcycle flipped onto its side and skipped down the alleyway. Everything happened so quickly that Lisa couldn't fully process it all. One second she was clinging tightly to Tyler, and the next second she was on the ground, gravel digging into her back and lower legs.
Lisa coughed, wiping blood away from her mouth with the back of her hand. Already an inch of water covered the ground, mixing with the darker blood. She tried to stand up, but the agonizing pain that filled her lower limbs prevented that course of action. She let out a scream, and the part inside her, the Visitor part, cried out as well, giving the sound an odd, distorted quality to its tone.
She heard footsteps and shouting, but she couldn't tell what the voices were saying.
Strong hands and arms lifted her aboard a long stretcher. A needle stabbed into her arm. Her eyes drifted shut.
The next thing she remembered was the sound of nurses and doctors scurrying around her. Everything altered from black to fuzzy for the next few hours. When Lisa woke up - fully, truly woke up - she found a length of stitches running up the length of her left leg and a thin papery substance wrapped securely around the opposite limb. Evidently, she had inadvertently caused more severe damage to her already traumatized outer human skin.
Joshua stood next to her, pressing a cool compress to her forehead, and murmuring all kinds of derogatory things about 'motorcycles' - something along the lines of "blasted unsafe human contraptions."
"Were you worried about me?" Lisa asked softly, suddenly feeling oddly uncomfortable at the realization that she was covered only by a papery blanket that reached from her upper chest to midway down her thighs. Normally, modesty was not an issue for V's. It certainly hadn't been for her before she'd started seeing Tyler. Then she'd learned there was an intimacy and a vulnerability about being naked next to someone.
He tilted his head to the side. "It was…unwise for you to be traveling on that particular form of human transport. Your mother would have disposed of me if I had allowed you to perish."
Well, Lisa supposed that was somewhat comforting. "What happened?"
"You severely ripped the artificial skin tissue on your lower limbs. It was fortunate that you were found by our Healing Center Staff. It would have been disastrous if a human had discovered you and seen your true skin."
"Tyler?"
"Tyler was healed almost immediately upon his arrival." Joshua informed her. "He is at home with his mother, resting."
Lisa frowned. "How long was I out?"
"You were unconscious for over eight hours, counting the reconstructive surgery on your left leg, and the re-grafting on your right. He stayed with you as long as he could, but once the rain ceased and it was safe to return home, his mother took him there to get some rest. They said they would be by tomorrow to see how you were doing - even though I assured them that you would make a full recovery and might just as likely be back on the mothership by then." Joshua pressed a cloth soaked in antiseptic to the gash on her forehead before skimming a tiny device over the cut. Lisa flinched as the skin healed under the bluish-purple ray of light. "You must know by now that the more frequent you make these life-threatening accidents, the longer it will take you to heal afterwards."
"Believe me…none of these incidents occurred on purpose." Lisa shifted slightly on the flat, silver table as Joshua set aside the disinfectant and bent over the black stitches on her one leg.
"When they found you, the human skin on your left leg was almost completely peeled away and your right was stripped bare." Gently, his fingers checked the integrity of the stitches. "You're lucky that this wasn't worse."
To Lisa's great surprise, Joshua stayed with her, even when it became obvious he could be working elsewhere. When she asked him why, his response was simply, "The Queen requested it."
Since Lisa had given him no such order, she could only assume that he was referring to her mother. Somehow, the knowledge felt like an even further betrayal. Not that he had ever truly betrayed her to begin with. From his point of view, she was the one who had betrayed him, not the other way around.
Still, regardless of how he felt about her - or if he felt anything at all - he stayed. Perched on a high stool next to the examination table, he sat with her throughout the night. Whenever she opened her eyes, there he was. Sometimes he was reading her medical chart or he was scanning through the information presented on the holographic scanners, or occasionally he was simply sitting, watching her with wide, curious eyes.
Once, she thought - just for a second, and no longer - that he was holding her hand while she slept, but Lisa instantly pushed that thought from her mind. He would not have touched her like that even when he was the Joshua she'd known.
"I don't understand it," he commented softly when she finally woke up for good.
"Don't understand what?" Lisa asked. Her voice sounded scratchy, and her throat was raw. Joshua lifted a small cube of frozen liquid to her lips. The moisture helped.
"Why."
That was all he said for a short time. He checked her stitches, fussed with the silver sensors on her temples and shoulders, and gently removed the wrap from her right leg.
"My toenails are gone," Lisa noted, wiggling her bare toes and wincing at the pain that curled through her legs.
"We had to re-graft much of the skin on your legs." He spoke as though he had informed her of this before, and Lisa realized that although he had, she had not fully understood the implications of his statement. "Your toenails will grow back in a few days," he assured her, a small, amused smile playing on the corners of his lips.
It was good to see him smile, even if it was only a small gesture.
"What don't you understand?" Lisa asked, unsure where she'd found that dose of bravery.
He looked, for a second, as if he was unsure how to answer. Then, finally, he spoke. "Why you're different."
"Different?" Lisa hoped her voice didn't betray her. "Different how?"
"I do not know," Joshua confessed. "But when I am with you…nothing is the same."
PART IV