december 13th
This part is really really short, I'm sorry >.<
The evening we spent together will be burned into my memory forever.
I don't remember feeling so free and accepted ever before. We laughed, talked, foled around and ate way too much chocolate. We didn't note time passing by, we didn't care.
Jun told me things he never told anybody before, how he was in love with Kirito, how he had had doubts about Pierrot every now and then, but never actually wanted them to quit, how he was depressed and sad about how things had developed. He told me things he was ashamed for, angry, sad or happy about.
And I just sat there, eating chocolate, listening.
I consumed his words, his secrets and memories, his confessions and dreams. I didn't talk that much, I just listened. The image of him changed in my head, his outlines became more clear, his shape of his character grew more and more familiar.
As I watched him, listened to him, I realized my feelings for him changed, too. The butterflies stilled, they didn't tickle me anymore. There was no adrenaline when he hugged me, I wasn't shaking anymore when he leaned on me, my breath didn't hitch when he laid his head on my shoulder, and my heart didn't stop when his breath carressed my shoulder, as he slowly fell asleep.
There was just warmth, comfort and a strange kind of soothing calmness.
I could have sat there forever, with him.
I had to wake him and ask him if he wanted to sleep in my bed, with me, rather than on my old worn couch. I took my time, I woke him up as gently as possible.
Of course he agreed to sleep in my bed with me. We cleaned up a bit, just enough to calm our guilty conciousness and then climbed into bed. He was asleep almost the same second his head touched his pillow. Out like a light. As always. He didn't sleep that much, and certainly not very good. He was always tired.
I tried my best to keep from moving, I didn't want to disturb his slumber.
Somewhere during the night, he embraced me tightly.
I know he was awake at that time.
He knows I was, too.
Nothing happened, no kiss, no skin on skin.
Just hesitating cuddling, comfort, friendship.
Nothing happened, yet something happened.
Something I still can't quite grasp.
The evening we spent together will be burned into my memory forever.
I don't remember feeling so free and accepted ever before. We laughed, talked, foled around and ate way too much chocolate. We didn't note time passing by, we didn't care.
Jun told me things he never told anybody before, how he was in love with Kirito, how he had had doubts about Pierrot every now and then, but never actually wanted them to quit, how he was depressed and sad about how things had developed. He told me things he was ashamed for, angry, sad or happy about.
And I just sat there, eating chocolate, listening.
I consumed his words, his secrets and memories, his confessions and dreams. I didn't talk that much, I just listened. The image of him changed in my head, his outlines became more clear, his shape of his character grew more and more familiar.
As I watched him, listened to him, I realized my feelings for him changed, too. The butterflies stilled, they didn't tickle me anymore. There was no adrenaline when he hugged me, I wasn't shaking anymore when he leaned on me, my breath didn't hitch when he laid his head on my shoulder, and my heart didn't stop when his breath carressed my shoulder, as he slowly fell asleep.
There was just warmth, comfort and a strange kind of soothing calmness.
I could have sat there forever, with him.
I had to wake him and ask him if he wanted to sleep in my bed, with me, rather than on my old worn couch. I took my time, I woke him up as gently as possible.
Of course he agreed to sleep in my bed with me. We cleaned up a bit, just enough to calm our guilty conciousness and then climbed into bed. He was asleep almost the same second his head touched his pillow. Out like a light. As always. He didn't sleep that much, and certainly not very good. He was always tired.
I tried my best to keep from moving, I didn't want to disturb his slumber.
Somewhere during the night, he embraced me tightly.
I know he was awake at that time.
He knows I was, too.
Nothing happened, no kiss, no skin on skin.
Just hesitating cuddling, comfort, friendship.
Nothing happened, yet something happened.
Something I still can't quite grasp.