So quietly...
So how can we find ourselves
Trapped in our own private hells
Where we just scream but no one can hear
'X' marks the spot where the dig begins
The treasure is found within
The broken hearts that are soaked with fear (doing a thing)
Don't try too hard to understand
Or you'll miss the, miss the point at hand.
I don't need to strive for something that is pathetic and fake like this life here.
It seems that this shithole will not let anyone come out alive... When these guys, I have been spending time with, drinking and such, were kids, everything was innocent fun... now they are 18-20... nothing has changed... except for the fact that fun isn't innocent and there is a shit load of it. Fun for them anyhow...
I am tired of giving people chances to prove themselves being better than they actually are.
Why can't I just be truthful to myself and say that I am different, there is NOTHING wrong with it, that I should be who I AM, and that is the only way people will see it and the only way they will want to be like me and the only chance they have to exist and being Fully human.
I have changed, I have coped to get out of the circle that they are stuck in...
Walking down the streets of Daytona Beach, FL... looking around... seeing nothing but drunk, ambitionless, brainless pigs ( I can not call them men or guys, they don't deserve to be) and girls who ought to be so fucking confused and blind that they should all be in a rehab... for a long time.
seriously...
The way this generation is moving and the direction it's moving in, I can't see this country going anywhere but downhill...
I have had enough of this.
"So it's true my words are contrived
I tell lies just to get into your mind
I'm as fake as a widow's smile.
This mask of glass is what I choose to wear
So I won't ever have the need to bear
The total truth to anyone but me."
But WHY? Oh god. WHy?
I don't believe I couldn't open my eyes to see love that was all around me... Person who were maybe naive but with the naivette, brought oh so much to my long-ago-prepared grave...
She gave me a chance, hope and belief to be alive and smell the freshness of life, imbibe the goodness of it. I loved it. I loved it.
I fucked it up...
Best thing that ever happened to me... is all it is now... happened... not happening any more.
I want to leave all the regrets and drown my lifeless body in the ocean.
...the thunder I heard yesterday morning was trying to tell me something, it was a predicament of this...
HAHA... Sitting in the drivers seat of my car at 5 a.m. talking to someone who is now so far away...
It was painful... :-/ so depressing...
Reality set in...
I could not see a way out, like a person who's decided to end his or her life... I was happy, I tried living the moments like they were last.
They may have been.
Like the lonely street that I was on... I could not see farther than 50 feet away... thats how foggy it was, so gloomy and dark... and depressing.
I was alone today, more alone that I can remember myself being in a long time...
I was a driver for the night, because guys got too drunk before I was even ready to go out...
I had to drop everybody off in the morning and oh god, did I feel isolated and lonely being in the same car with those people... I could not hear, or if I could, I could not understand what they were talking about or why... It's sad and upsetting when you can't even understand... or when you are misunderstood.
When I dropped them off... I finally got what I wanted, I felt so much better by myself, I could let the anger out and I did for the first time since last night... I screamed and cried as loud as I could, I could have gotten into an accident, as I was almost losing control of myself...
Hah.
Now I have nothing left...
...I'm just a bad actor stuck with a shitty script
All of my lines are cheap and the cast is weak...
Please do this now I beg
Duct tape my arms and legs
Throw me into the sea
Now watch the waves eat me
Setting my cold heart free
I'll wash ashore in weeks...
You can't save me.
You can't save me.
Trapped in our own private hells
Where we just scream but no one can hear
'X' marks the spot where the dig begins
The treasure is found within
The broken hearts that are soaked with fear (doing a thing)
Don't try too hard to understand
Or you'll miss the, miss the point at hand.
I don't need to strive for something that is pathetic and fake like this life here.
It seems that this shithole will not let anyone come out alive... When these guys, I have been spending time with, drinking and such, were kids, everything was innocent fun... now they are 18-20... nothing has changed... except for the fact that fun isn't innocent and there is a shit load of it. Fun for them anyhow...
I am tired of giving people chances to prove themselves being better than they actually are.
Why can't I just be truthful to myself and say that I am different, there is NOTHING wrong with it, that I should be who I AM, and that is the only way people will see it and the only way they will want to be like me and the only chance they have to exist and being Fully human.
I have changed, I have coped to get out of the circle that they are stuck in...
Walking down the streets of Daytona Beach, FL... looking around... seeing nothing but drunk, ambitionless, brainless pigs ( I can not call them men or guys, they don't deserve to be) and girls who ought to be so fucking confused and blind that they should all be in a rehab... for a long time.
seriously...
The way this generation is moving and the direction it's moving in, I can't see this country going anywhere but downhill...
I have had enough of this.
"So it's true my words are contrived
I tell lies just to get into your mind
I'm as fake as a widow's smile.
This mask of glass is what I choose to wear
So I won't ever have the need to bear
The total truth to anyone but me."
But WHY? Oh god. WHy?
I don't believe I couldn't open my eyes to see love that was all around me... Person who were maybe naive but with the naivette, brought oh so much to my long-ago-prepared grave...
She gave me a chance, hope and belief to be alive and smell the freshness of life, imbibe the goodness of it. I loved it. I loved it.
I fucked it up...
Best thing that ever happened to me... is all it is now... happened... not happening any more.
I want to leave all the regrets and drown my lifeless body in the ocean.
...the thunder I heard yesterday morning was trying to tell me something, it was a predicament of this...
HAHA... Sitting in the drivers seat of my car at 5 a.m. talking to someone who is now so far away...
It was painful... :-/ so depressing...
Reality set in...
I could not see a way out, like a person who's decided to end his or her life... I was happy, I tried living the moments like they were last.
They may have been.
Like the lonely street that I was on... I could not see farther than 50 feet away... thats how foggy it was, so gloomy and dark... and depressing.
I was alone today, more alone that I can remember myself being in a long time...
I was a driver for the night, because guys got too drunk before I was even ready to go out...
I had to drop everybody off in the morning and oh god, did I feel isolated and lonely being in the same car with those people... I could not hear, or if I could, I could not understand what they were talking about or why... It's sad and upsetting when you can't even understand... or when you are misunderstood.
When I dropped them off... I finally got what I wanted, I felt so much better by myself, I could let the anger out and I did for the first time since last night... I screamed and cried as loud as I could, I could have gotten into an accident, as I was almost losing control of myself...
Hah.
Now I have nothing left...
...I'm just a bad actor stuck with a shitty script
All of my lines are cheap and the cast is weak...
Please do this now I beg
Duct tape my arms and legs
Throw me into the sea
Now watch the waves eat me
Setting my cold heart free
I'll wash ashore in weeks...
You can't save me.
You can't save me.