....
I have been compelled to break my livejournal lethargy.. x.x
I don't think I've been so depressed before... Today was supposed to be the best fucking day of my week, and pretty much my life in general. Two months or so ago, I found out Greenday, my favorite band, pretty much, was going to be playing in Hartford (today!) and I bought me two motherfucking tickets! All week I've been counting down, and freaking out, and looking forward to it. And finally it's here.
Ok, backstory time. Since I moved back from Texas, I haven't been paying my Mom rent, per say, but I have been giving her money for bills I partake in; heating, electricity, cell phone bill. It was once every month or two. No big. Recently it's been more, and it was fine, cause a lot of people I know my age still living at home pay some kind of rent. But its never the same amount, and it's largely an increasing number, as money is tight and my Mom cannot pay stuff on her own cause her job is bleh and my Dad is on his own and doen't contribute to the household (they are divorced)...
I have been trying to save for a car, and between my own bills and needing to give my mom money for bills I have been failing at the saving. I have about a grand saved, but can't add on to that, and haven't done so in weeks.
I got a second job, at the Spa at Norwich Inn, to attempt to suppliment what I make at Joanns. I just started there last sunday, as training, and don't know if it is a worthwhile excurtion yet...
I have been fairly depressed on and off, as I feel all desparing about my future, the lack of car and how it seems I might not get one any time soon... (I rely on the bus and now for the Spa, probably a bike to get to work)
Today, my Mom woke me up about 20 minutes ago and told me that our house phone had been shut off and the internet might soon follow cause that bill hasnt been paid in a few months, but that's ok as we were planning on using our cell phones and getting rid of the house phone. But, she then told me she needs about $250 for other things. $300 is was i had been planning to put away for the car today (payday) and now, It will not happen. I get paid biweekly, and next weeks paycheck will be mostly paying my own bills, so not much at all in two weeks will be able to be put away. So once again, it will be at least another month before I can save anything for car getting. Or in general.
She choice today to ask me, I assume, because it is my pay day. I went to sleep at about 4:30 am and I can't get back to sleep because my despair was so deep for a while as I laid down. I hope so much that I put it all aside tonight and enjoy the concert as much as I can, because it's going to be the only thing I get to do for myself for a long time. And also, goddamnit, Greenday is like.. my favorite band. I deserve to enjoy this and if I can't then... oh man, I just don't know... *sigh*
I could go on a bit more I'm sure, but it's almost pointless. I didn't post here for a long time because I didn't want my first post in almost a year to be a wank fest. I only did post now in an attempt to get it off my chest and maybeing be able to sleep a few more hours and maybe be able to enjoy stuff tonight and loose some of this epic crushing feeling... I may even post more often now too.
Double also: I have no idea what to do about my job. I'm stressing over whether or not to keep the Spa, where I have great potential to move up or to quit there after only two fucking days (maybe like 4 cause of next weeks scheduling) or whether to tell joann's I can work any day again and getting a second job at WalMart down the road before and/or after working at joanns.
I hate my life pretty much at the moment. Here I go now to cry for a bit and try to sleep a bit more before the concert.