A brief overview of Dissidia: Final Fantasy, by the numbers.

[alucardcv3]

I
-Garland does NOT threaten to knock you down. Fail.

II
-Firion lost his rose. Have you seen it? The guy's just looking for his fother mucking rose.
-The Emperor is still the coolest villain of the franchise.

III
-The Cloud of Darkness is more attractive than any of you. And this should make you feel bad.

IV
-All Cecil has to do to become a Paladin is attack in the air. HANDY!

V
-Bartz Butts is still the coolest hero of the franchise.
-Exdeath is a tree. Whose name is Exdeath. But you already knew that.

VI
-Terra has the (pedophile) hots for the Onion Knight.
-Kefka became a Dark Knight fanboy and forgot all about Sons of Submariners. Double Fail.

VII
-Cloud likes extreme sports. Because he is EXTREME.
-Sephiroth is the butt slave of Firion. Seriously, any move Sephiroth makes is stupid and useless against Firion. This proves the game is broken, but I am not complaining.

VIII
-Anything having to do with Final Fantasy VIII is boring. Sorry.

IX
-Everone. HATES. Kuja.

X
-Kefka wants to "play with Tidus's balls." Don't take my word for it.
-Jecht is my eternal hero.