Day 17: My proudest moment
Honestly, my proudest moment was walking across the stage at UF and getting my Bachelor's degree. Not because 'oooh, I finished college' but because when I looked up into the stand, I saw my family. My mom, her gentleman friend, My dad, his wife, my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew. My Grandma and her gentleman friend. These are people who have not gathered in one place for any reason in more than twenty years. then we all went out to dinner at, and I can't help but laugh at this, Sonny's BBQ restaurant. hahah. that is my proudest moment. It's indelible on my brain looking into the stands to see that.
Of course, the first thing out of my dad's mouth (and to the agreement of everyone else) was that if I go further in my college education, that I could just let them MAIL my degree to me. That none of them were going to sit through three hours of pointlessness for thirty seconds of me crossing the stage.
I had to laugh.
Now, today was weird. Well. No, it wasn't. Okay. so Sunday, I got a massive new 'do. I got a stacked A-line bob hair cut. And that's a big enough deal in and of itself. But I also got my typically florida, sun kissed blonde hair colored a dark coffee bean color. Like, imagine a class of pepsi as the sun hits it. It's a rich, dense dark brown with golden highlights on the edges where the light hits. It's really pretty. But it's a HUGE DRAMATIC change for me. Cue to Monday. I startled people. After the initial startle, though, they said how much they liked it. Today? One of the other teachers actually EMAILED me a compliment. The text of the email just said "I love your new 'do!"
Here is the sick part. I found myself thinking, "yeah they're just saying that to your face, Michelle. They're waiting till you walk away and then they're laughing about it behind your back. Because it's stupid, making such a drastic change. you're trying too hard." Seriously. that is the voice at work in my brain. I've had this voice for as long as I can remember. I've NEVER been able to accept a compliment as honest. I've always thought people were just telling me what I wanted to hear. *shrug* Thing is, I know this voice is false, and I don't really pay attention to it, but it's still there, and I don't know how to turn it off.
I think I might have trust issues. What do y'all think?
Of course, the first thing out of my dad's mouth (and to the agreement of everyone else) was that if I go further in my college education, that I could just let them MAIL my degree to me. That none of them were going to sit through three hours of pointlessness for thirty seconds of me crossing the stage.
I had to laugh.
Now, today was weird. Well. No, it wasn't. Okay. so Sunday, I got a massive new 'do. I got a stacked A-line bob hair cut. And that's a big enough deal in and of itself. But I also got my typically florida, sun kissed blonde hair colored a dark coffee bean color. Like, imagine a class of pepsi as the sun hits it. It's a rich, dense dark brown with golden highlights on the edges where the light hits. It's really pretty. But it's a HUGE DRAMATIC change for me. Cue to Monday. I startled people. After the initial startle, though, they said how much they liked it. Today? One of the other teachers actually EMAILED me a compliment. The text of the email just said "I love your new 'do!"
Here is the sick part. I found myself thinking, "yeah they're just saying that to your face, Michelle. They're waiting till you walk away and then they're laughing about it behind your back. Because it's stupid, making such a drastic change. you're trying too hard." Seriously. that is the voice at work in my brain. I've had this voice for as long as I can remember. I've NEVER been able to accept a compliment as honest. I've always thought people were just telling me what I wanted to hear. *shrug* Thing is, I know this voice is false, and I don't really pay attention to it, but it's still there, and I don't know how to turn it off.
I think I might have trust issues. What do y'all think?