You do not have permission
I suppose I'm still a little "triggered" by an incident this weekend.
One of my coworkers is "A Nice Guy". This Nice Guy(tm) is a manipulative Fing Creep. I have complained about his behavior in the past. But he is "a nice guy" and I am forced to remain "professional" about it and not be "Difficult". Cuz I'll be blamed for making a big deal out nothing- his perfectly innocent behavior!
This weekend he switched to tapping me to let me know he is there to take over, as per policy. It is NOT policy to touch my back, my waist, or my hip. Especially not in a /lingering caress/.
Yes, I was irked the first time, then angry, and by the third time I was furious - primed to swing and deck him the next time he came around. Or SCREAM. Or just /something/.
Knowing he'd be all,
"Whaaat? I tapped like policy says I'm supposed to! What's HER problem?"
Or even, "I might have /accidentally/ touched her on the back as I went by behind her. But it was only so she wouldn't bump into me if she backed up suddenly. I'm trying to /avoid/ touching her and I still get in trouble??"
With his casual Nice Guy(tm) grin.
At BEST managers will separate us. Again. I've complained about him before for similar acts. Frankly, I dont care if it was last week or 6 years ago - you should keep the Creep the F away from me.
Which brings me to CONSENT.
"She didn't say No" does NOT equal consent! You don't get to DO and then see how she reacts to tell if it is OK. "Better to seek forgiveness than to ask for permission" is NOT how //this// works.
"She didn't react strongly enough (or quickly enough or whatever enough) for me to feel /punished/...so my behavior must be Okay!"
NO.
Assume "NO" until they say "Yes" when it comes to other people's property.
Say it with me:
No, you can't take my car.
No, you can't touch my phone.
No, you can't touch my body.
Sidenote: i dont know if I over-reacted on this. Customers were joking around & started mocking my coworker for his bald head.
He was behind me so I kinda assumed he was cool with it from his replies? Yes, I know men joke like that with each other & I just smiled along the first few times.
But it struck me that they were mocking his physical appearance. You don't do that with women. And if they had said something about MY looks this coworker would probably have intervened? So the next time they said something I stopped everything, folded my arms and /glared./ "What?" I gave full Angry Mom finger waggle. "Sorry."
I went back to pleasant customer service.
Was it necessary to intervene? I dunno.
One of my coworkers is "A Nice Guy". This Nice Guy(tm) is a manipulative Fing Creep. I have complained about his behavior in the past. But he is "a nice guy" and I am forced to remain "professional" about it and not be "Difficult". Cuz I'll be blamed for making a big deal out nothing- his perfectly innocent behavior!
This weekend he switched to tapping me to let me know he is there to take over, as per policy. It is NOT policy to touch my back, my waist, or my hip. Especially not in a /lingering caress/.
Yes, I was irked the first time, then angry, and by the third time I was furious - primed to swing and deck him the next time he came around. Or SCREAM. Or just /something/.
Knowing he'd be all,
"Whaaat? I tapped like policy says I'm supposed to! What's HER problem?"
Or even, "I might have /accidentally/ touched her on the back as I went by behind her. But it was only so she wouldn't bump into me if she backed up suddenly. I'm trying to /avoid/ touching her and I still get in trouble??"
With his casual Nice Guy(tm) grin.
At BEST managers will separate us. Again. I've complained about him before for similar acts. Frankly, I dont care if it was last week or 6 years ago - you should keep the Creep the F away from me.
Which brings me to CONSENT.
"She didn't say No" does NOT equal consent! You don't get to DO and then see how she reacts to tell if it is OK. "Better to seek forgiveness than to ask for permission" is NOT how //this// works.
"She didn't react strongly enough (or quickly enough or whatever enough) for me to feel /punished/...so my behavior must be Okay!"
NO.
Assume "NO" until they say "Yes" when it comes to other people's property.
Say it with me:
No, you can't take my car.
No, you can't touch my phone.
No, you can't touch my body.
Sidenote: i dont know if I over-reacted on this. Customers were joking around & started mocking my coworker for his bald head.
He was behind me so I kinda assumed he was cool with it from his replies? Yes, I know men joke like that with each other & I just smiled along the first few times.
But it struck me that they were mocking his physical appearance. You don't do that with women. And if they had said something about MY looks this coworker would probably have intervened? So the next time they said something I stopped everything, folded my arms and /glared./ "What?" I gave full Angry Mom finger waggle. "Sorry."
I went back to pleasant customer service.
Was it necessary to intervene? I dunno.