Last night was also the epic weirdness that is
The Eurovision Song Contest.
[To non Europeans, Eurovision is technically a singing contest, but really its a chance for hundreds of millions of Europeans to humiliate themselves, present a crazed caricature of themselves and their music taste to the rest of us, put themselves forward for scorn, and then vote politically to give Western Europe a good kicking. You can't vote for yourself, but usually everyone votes in blocs, and its one of the rare occasions Moldova's opinion matters as much as France's.
Here in the UK, and in my household, it is generally considered so awful it must be watched, like a car cash that goes on way too long at the end, as not only the 25 countries in the final vote but all the countries that didn't get through also. Also, please note that Eurovision isn't like, just Western Europe, or just EU countries. It's all of them (except, I don't know, maybe Belarus wouldn't, I dunno) and several countries that aren't really in Europe at all. I mean, Turkey and Russia, ok a bit of them is in Europe, but Israel?! Not. Even. A. Little. This is just one of many examples of the weirdness of Eurovision. ]
Anyway, this year I missed most of it [because I was at a John Barrowman concert instead - somehow that seems kinda ironic] but I got home in time to catch the end of the voting, and find out that the favourites, Norway, won, AND the UK came fifth. Which might not sound great, but REALLY REALLY IS. We usually come last or very low down in recent years. And, since the real aim is not to actually win Eurovision [because then you would have to host it the next year] but to do well enough that you feel confident talking about how awful the rest of the acts were, we totally achieved that.
This morning I listened back to all the performances, though not of the voting, and not the video because my computer kept going too slowly to watch it properly, so I also went back and read tweets about it from Wossy [Jonathan Ross], jamesmoran [a Doctor Who writer and funny person] and MissCay [who I believe is a journalist of some description] I have interspersed some funny tweets with my verdicts on the performances, and also a couple of quotes from the UK commentary, this year by Graham Norton since Terry Wogan resigned last year over the scandalous political and bloc voting, so its kinda like in fashion magazines where a panel bitch about what a celeb is wearing.
Eurovision 2009
"We don't see enough women on unicycles - certainly not on prime time television."
Opening act sounds scary, circus and child catcher, possibly gothic, hate her voice (more) when it gets high/loud
Dima Belan, last years winner, runs through walls. Crowds roars, drowning out his boy band voice, song bareable
jamesmoran It's started! And already it's utter nonsense. Oh fuck there's a weird babyadult in balloons.
jamesmoran Dear Americans: you are SO, SO lucky you can't see the Eurovision. And yet, at the same time, unlucky.
1. Lithuania - pretty good actually
Wossy The lithuanian gentlemen is wearing a kiss me quick hat minus the label.
MissCay Watching #Eurovision. Lithuania's entry appears to be their version of Justin Timberlake. Not even his FLAMING HAND can save him.
jamesmoran FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!
Wossy If the fire had come out of his arse I might have been impressed.
2. Israel "there must be another way" - ?? ok I guess for a peace song, your basic rubbish
"I'm a fool - those weren't old biscuit tins, they were old olive tins. Used as a percussion instrument in the Yemen"
Wossy #eurovision one of my dogs farted during the israel entry. Very apt.
3. France - Boring, stereotypical French song
"A bit paint by numbers"
MissCay Fucking hell, Edith Piaf lives! This entry just serves to remind me and Mr. Cay about how bad our French is.
4. Sweden - crap. This makes me sad, because last year I thought Sweden's entry was brilliant, I watched it over and over and over again. I think this year the singer was an opera singer, it all went a bit odd.
"Look out for the dress, it apparently cost 37,000 euros... if I was her, I might have saved a little money for hair and makeup"
jamesmoran "Can you make a promise?" Yes: I promise you won't win.
MissCay The Swedish woman looks like a singing toilet roll holder.
Wossy The swedish entry does look rather as if she has a past in adult movies. And perhaps a future judging from the yodelling.
"It's alright, you can let the dog back into the living room, it's over now"
5. Croatia - meh, ok. Nice male voice, the female is a bit reedy, but generally a nice entry, nothing extraordinary
"keep a close eye, there's a very dramatic costume change in the middle of this"
MissCay WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD SONGS?
"yYou'll notice the wind machine is perhaps quite a new discovery here in Russia, they use it quite a lot tonight, a nice bit of wafting"
6. Portugal - was quite nice actually, I'd happily listen to that again and again. Lovely.
"Now perhaps I've been here for too many days, or maybe they're pumping something into the air, but I quite like this next one. And even though they are wearing what is essentially traditional dress and there's a woman playing the accordian on stage... I quite like it. A very happy thing."
Wossy portugal have scrubbed kelly osbourne up for the occasion> nicely.
7. Iceland - quite like a normal pop song, cute but nothing special really
"Sadly due to the economic climate in Iceland, I fear they may have run out of money for costume. Not to worry- her mother had a root around in her closet and found a bridesmaid's dress from 1979. They've had it dry cleaned, and I don't think anyone is going to notice."
Wossy Iceland. She's wearing a dress that has been designed to hide toilet rolls.
MissCay What the fuck is up with the female's in this contests dress sense?
"I am told, that no one has won the competition wearing a dress that is entirely blue. Interesting fact."
8. Greece - catchy I guess, kinda boring. Last year, and the year before that, Greece had brilliant entries. And it won quite recently as well I think, maybe the year before Finland and Lordy? So this was a bit disappointing really.
"They've got a great piece of kit, a kinda long, light up coffee table, it does everything. I want one. I might buy it after the competition."
Wossy The Greece routine is copyright Shane Richie, Summertime Special 1981.
MissCay Good to see the Greek John Barrowman making an appearance with some hi-nrg Gay Disco stylings.
jamesmoran God, the poor guy's having an epileptic fit, but keeps going, bravely.
Wossy He is like a nightmare Ibizan sex pest.
Wossy If I wanted to look a greek gentlemans nipple i would have dinner at George Michaels house.
"If he wins, there'll be a keep fit video by christmas."
9. Armenia - seemed to have an ok chorus, but kinda scary verses also, possibly curious, actually I think I might quite like. In hindsight, I think this may have been one of my favourites, with Norway of course, Portugal and possibly Lithuania, maybe Azerbaijan. Hmmm.
"It's sort of an ethno-modern mix music, contains traditional instruments, and they say they're wearing traditional costumes, though only if you live in a village where liberachi is mayor, I imagine."
Wossy Love Armenia already. I'll have 2 falafel and extra hoummus to go.
jamesmoran it's the Armenian Cheeky Girls!
Wossy I am going to move to Armenia.
jamesmoran No techno-pirates or helium-sucking French weirdoes so far. Not proper Eurovision yet.
Wossy dem is some fine, hot, mediaeval bitches right there.
"I can't decide who my favourite is, they're both marvellous. Their mother must be very proud tonight."
10. Russia - boring. A bit power ballad, and the Russian lent it a sense of the gothic, but not much else to it, and I don't like how her voice sketches at the loud bits, and she skrieks a bit.
"There were some raised eyebrows when she was chosen to represent Russia, she was a very last minute entry into the selection process, but... her father is a billionaire... go figure."
Wossy scary russian lady. Her eyes have been stolen. Or she is suffering from renee zellwegger syndrome.
Wossy I hope someone puts that shower curtain back once Russia have finished with it.
"A woman on the edge of a nervous breakdown - nurse, get the screens! It is a grower, I like it more than I did... which isn't saying much."
11. Azerbaijan - catchy, quite good really, very Europop but likeable
Wossy what are those tights supposed to be ?
Wossy Looks like they cycled to the studio and forgot to take leggings off.
"It is catchy... I could imagine listening to that, drunk, in some dodgy club in Agiosnapa."
12. Bosnia & Herzogovina - boring. It's a nice song, but slow and well, a bit Balkan. Nice sound, and I like the melody, and it isn't freakish or vomit inducing, but, meh. Average.
"They do look a bit like the cast of Les Miserables..."
Wossy B&H. Their scientists have cloned Nicky Clarke. We must free him. Also, Tony Hadley wants his frock coat back.
Now the rest of Europe watch an ad break - I'd rather have ads than the weird ad alternative stuff the give us lucky BBC viewers, its always so bizarre.
"This slightly ironic - that they are showing a light hearted film featuring the police, when unfortunately heavy handedness of the Moscow police really marred what has been a fantastic Eurovision here in Moscow."
Wossy I am with Peter Tatchell. Figuratively. Go on Graham, say it ! They are backward fascists. Dumb ass russians.
13. Moldova - enthusiastic, very fast and shouty, loud, energetic, but hardly memorable, so so
"If you'd like a hora, push back the coffee table now... What's a hora? It's a traditional dance that unites three truths: friendship, love and faith. I'm exhausted already."
Wossy gotta love a singer called Nelly. Surely this is same song Armenia did ? Must be a timeshare.
"What an energetic hora. Not sure what the man with the stick is doing. Well done Moldova, that was very special."
14. Malta - the very definition of a power ballad. no need or desire to hear again.
"She's very friendly, she's never met a malteaser she didn't like."
Wossy Malta has set one of the dogs into a weird frenzy. he either loves her or hates her. Too soon to tell.
MissCay Malta-she's just a singing tent, isn't she?
jamesmoran You can't just stand there in a dress and sing. Where are the fucking techo-pirates, helium and ice skaters??
15. Estonia - boring. Again, there's nothing wrong with it exactly, it's hardly a Eurovision shocker, it just isn't very interesting.
"It's the Estonian for 'travellers'. Not sure whether you're allowed to say that word on the BBC, but there I have."
MissCay Cor. This Estonian bird is well fit. We like her in this house. Pity the song is boring as hell though.
Wossy missed estonia but she looked lovely.
"It does sort of grow on you. Bit like mould."
16. Denmark - Ronan. Keating. Nuff said.
"Ronan Keating has written this song. What's interesting is, Breik actually performs it as Ronan Keating. It's a bit Stars In Your Eyes this, it's a bit spooky."
MissCay HOLY SHIT, IT'S THE DANISH RONAN KEATING.
Wossy Denmark. John Thompson on keyboards. Young Steptoe on vocals.
17. Germany - oh god this is bad. Dita good, but song is painful. ARGH.
Wossy Germany !!! This is what John Barrowman dreams of after a cheese feast.
MissCay That German song was ACE. WE WANT YOU TO WIN TEUTONIC SAM SPARROW.
jamesmoran If he just kept the camera on Dita for the whole song, and not actually sung anything, I'd vote for them.
18. Turkey - ok song generally I guess, but the lyric "You kiss like it's your profession"?! Really?? Clearly, something has been terribly translated, because that? Is NOT A COMPLIMENT, and would get you a good slap.
Wossy What are the Turkish ladies wearing round their ankles ? Are they electronically tagged to ensure they return ?
jamesmoran Don't wag your finger at me, Turkish Holly Valance.
MissCay Why is Bubbles from Series One of The Wire acting as a backing dancer for the Turkish entry?
19. Albania - "the bad thing is you're about to see Albania" Not a good performance. No.
Wossy Albania. This is just wrong. Surely. Didn't anyone else enter in Albania ?
Wossy I am going to have nightmares about the albanian routine.
20. Norway - yay! This guy totally deserves to win - his voice isn't bad, and he wrote the song himself, and he plays the violin [Eurovision totally has a violin fetish btw]. And hes cute, though tbh I thought he looked more hot when he was pictured in the RT and um, looked more female. But still, he's got a touch of the fresh faced Zefron about him, and really enjoys himself and performs well. So W00T go Norway!
Wossy Norway kind of briliant. Wish they had a clown or a man dressed as a fish or in a sou wester.
21. Ukraine - energetic, generic, but um, what are you singing? "anti-christ is born" ?? oh wait, anti crisis. I see what you did there.
Wossy Ukraine have given me a headace. Her groin/ hip area is over-active.
jamesmoran Hamster wheels, half naked Roman soldiers, singer doing drum solo - best show so far!
22. Romania - the main lady was lip synching?? To another woman off to the side? well, ok, acceptable, again generic though, nothing special.
Wossy It's a bit like being on a cruise without the benefit of arriving anywhere at the end of the show.
23. UK - Jade and Webber. Joy. Boring. "I've earned the right"! BNP much? Ooh, key change. Glad to able to use my Webber tag again.
Wossy Please god let Andrew LW be dressed as the phantom or a cat.
MissCay This British entry appears to be singing this song like she has English as a second language. A winning tactic?
jamesmoran Hmm, we need a cool, modern, fresh song - call Andrew Lloyd Webber! And not anyone, you know, cool, modern or fresh.
jamesmoran "I've earned the right"? That's what that BNP leaflet said!
24. Finland - Oh no, no, no, I can't believe the effort I went to hear that. Normally I love and support Finland, but that was god awful, and m computer actuall skipped through most of it, and I went back to hear it. I really wished I'd just stuck with the Spanish, I would have been that much happier.
Wossy Finland have lost the plot. They should have phoned each other to co-ordinate outfits. Sir Ben Kingsley raps. Who knew ?
25. Spain - Um, random, not awful sounding but again quite generic. Quite like the backing music. Awful end.
The ISS opens the phone lines! I just. Really. Russia is just showing off now. Love the careful use of the word cosmonaut rather than astronauts. Yuri Gargarin. Huh.
Wossy Eurovision in SPACE? JESUS!
In conclusion:
Wossy well done boy wonder from Norway. Well done Jade and ALW. Well done Graham. Well done all of us for sitting through it all !
[To non Europeans, Eurovision is technically a singing contest, but really its a chance for hundreds of millions of Europeans to humiliate themselves, present a crazed caricature of themselves and their music taste to the rest of us, put themselves forward for scorn, and then vote politically to give Western Europe a good kicking. You can't vote for yourself, but usually everyone votes in blocs, and its one of the rare occasions Moldova's opinion matters as much as France's.
Here in the UK, and in my household, it is generally considered so awful it must be watched, like a car cash that goes on way too long at the end, as not only the 25 countries in the final vote but all the countries that didn't get through also. Also, please note that Eurovision isn't like, just Western Europe, or just EU countries. It's all of them (except, I don't know, maybe Belarus wouldn't, I dunno) and several countries that aren't really in Europe at all. I mean, Turkey and Russia, ok a bit of them is in Europe, but Israel?! Not. Even. A. Little. This is just one of many examples of the weirdness of Eurovision. ]
Anyway, this year I missed most of it [because I was at a John Barrowman concert instead - somehow that seems kinda ironic] but I got home in time to catch the end of the voting, and find out that the favourites, Norway, won, AND the UK came fifth. Which might not sound great, but REALLY REALLY IS. We usually come last or very low down in recent years. And, since the real aim is not to actually win Eurovision [because then you would have to host it the next year] but to do well enough that you feel confident talking about how awful the rest of the acts were, we totally achieved that.
This morning I listened back to all the performances, though not of the voting, and not the video because my computer kept going too slowly to watch it properly, so I also went back and read tweets about it from Wossy [Jonathan Ross], jamesmoran [a Doctor Who writer and funny person] and MissCay [who I believe is a journalist of some description] I have interspersed some funny tweets with my verdicts on the performances, and also a couple of quotes from the UK commentary, this year by Graham Norton since Terry Wogan resigned last year over the scandalous political and bloc voting, so its kinda like in fashion magazines where a panel bitch about what a celeb is wearing.
Eurovision 2009
"We don't see enough women on unicycles - certainly not on prime time television."
Opening act sounds scary, circus and child catcher, possibly gothic, hate her voice (more) when it gets high/loud
Dima Belan, last years winner, runs through walls. Crowds roars, drowning out his boy band voice, song bareable
jamesmoran It's started! And already it's utter nonsense. Oh fuck there's a weird babyadult in balloons.
jamesmoran Dear Americans: you are SO, SO lucky you can't see the Eurovision. And yet, at the same time, unlucky.
1. Lithuania - pretty good actually
Wossy The lithuanian gentlemen is wearing a kiss me quick hat minus the label.
MissCay Watching #Eurovision. Lithuania's entry appears to be their version of Justin Timberlake. Not even his FLAMING HAND can save him.
jamesmoran FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!
Wossy If the fire had come out of his arse I might have been impressed.
2. Israel "there must be another way" - ?? ok I guess for a peace song, your basic rubbish
"I'm a fool - those weren't old biscuit tins, they were old olive tins. Used as a percussion instrument in the Yemen"
Wossy #eurovision one of my dogs farted during the israel entry. Very apt.
3. France - Boring, stereotypical French song
"A bit paint by numbers"
MissCay Fucking hell, Edith Piaf lives! This entry just serves to remind me and Mr. Cay about how bad our French is.
4. Sweden - crap. This makes me sad, because last year I thought Sweden's entry was brilliant, I watched it over and over and over again. I think this year the singer was an opera singer, it all went a bit odd.
"Look out for the dress, it apparently cost 37,000 euros... if I was her, I might have saved a little money for hair and makeup"
jamesmoran "Can you make a promise?" Yes: I promise you won't win.
MissCay The Swedish woman looks like a singing toilet roll holder.
Wossy The swedish entry does look rather as if she has a past in adult movies. And perhaps a future judging from the yodelling.
"It's alright, you can let the dog back into the living room, it's over now"
5. Croatia - meh, ok. Nice male voice, the female is a bit reedy, but generally a nice entry, nothing extraordinary
"keep a close eye, there's a very dramatic costume change in the middle of this"
MissCay WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD SONGS?
"yYou'll notice the wind machine is perhaps quite a new discovery here in Russia, they use it quite a lot tonight, a nice bit of wafting"
6. Portugal - was quite nice actually, I'd happily listen to that again and again. Lovely.
"Now perhaps I've been here for too many days, or maybe they're pumping something into the air, but I quite like this next one. And even though they are wearing what is essentially traditional dress and there's a woman playing the accordian on stage... I quite like it. A very happy thing."
Wossy portugal have scrubbed kelly osbourne up for the occasion> nicely.
7. Iceland - quite like a normal pop song, cute but nothing special really
"Sadly due to the economic climate in Iceland, I fear they may have run out of money for costume. Not to worry- her mother had a root around in her closet and found a bridesmaid's dress from 1979. They've had it dry cleaned, and I don't think anyone is going to notice."
Wossy Iceland. She's wearing a dress that has been designed to hide toilet rolls.
MissCay What the fuck is up with the female's in this contests dress sense?
"I am told, that no one has won the competition wearing a dress that is entirely blue. Interesting fact."
8. Greece - catchy I guess, kinda boring. Last year, and the year before that, Greece had brilliant entries. And it won quite recently as well I think, maybe the year before Finland and Lordy? So this was a bit disappointing really.
"They've got a great piece of kit, a kinda long, light up coffee table, it does everything. I want one. I might buy it after the competition."
Wossy The Greece routine is copyright Shane Richie, Summertime Special 1981.
MissCay Good to see the Greek John Barrowman making an appearance with some hi-nrg Gay Disco stylings.
jamesmoran God, the poor guy's having an epileptic fit, but keeps going, bravely.
Wossy He is like a nightmare Ibizan sex pest.
Wossy If I wanted to look a greek gentlemans nipple i would have dinner at George Michaels house.
"If he wins, there'll be a keep fit video by christmas."
9. Armenia - seemed to have an ok chorus, but kinda scary verses also, possibly curious, actually I think I might quite like. In hindsight, I think this may have been one of my favourites, with Norway of course, Portugal and possibly Lithuania, maybe Azerbaijan. Hmmm.
"It's sort of an ethno-modern mix music, contains traditional instruments, and they say they're wearing traditional costumes, though only if you live in a village where liberachi is mayor, I imagine."
Wossy Love Armenia already. I'll have 2 falafel and extra hoummus to go.
jamesmoran it's the Armenian Cheeky Girls!
Wossy I am going to move to Armenia.
jamesmoran No techno-pirates or helium-sucking French weirdoes so far. Not proper Eurovision yet.
Wossy dem is some fine, hot, mediaeval bitches right there.
"I can't decide who my favourite is, they're both marvellous. Their mother must be very proud tonight."
10. Russia - boring. A bit power ballad, and the Russian lent it a sense of the gothic, but not much else to it, and I don't like how her voice sketches at the loud bits, and she skrieks a bit.
"There were some raised eyebrows when she was chosen to represent Russia, she was a very last minute entry into the selection process, but... her father is a billionaire... go figure."
Wossy scary russian lady. Her eyes have been stolen. Or she is suffering from renee zellwegger syndrome.
Wossy I hope someone puts that shower curtain back once Russia have finished with it.
"A woman on the edge of a nervous breakdown - nurse, get the screens! It is a grower, I like it more than I did... which isn't saying much."
11. Azerbaijan - catchy, quite good really, very Europop but likeable
Wossy what are those tights supposed to be ?
Wossy Looks like they cycled to the studio and forgot to take leggings off.
"It is catchy... I could imagine listening to that, drunk, in some dodgy club in Agiosnapa."
12. Bosnia & Herzogovina - boring. It's a nice song, but slow and well, a bit Balkan. Nice sound, and I like the melody, and it isn't freakish or vomit inducing, but, meh. Average.
"They do look a bit like the cast of Les Miserables..."
Wossy B&H. Their scientists have cloned Nicky Clarke. We must free him. Also, Tony Hadley wants his frock coat back.
Now the rest of Europe watch an ad break - I'd rather have ads than the weird ad alternative stuff the give us lucky BBC viewers, its always so bizarre.
"This slightly ironic - that they are showing a light hearted film featuring the police, when unfortunately heavy handedness of the Moscow police really marred what has been a fantastic Eurovision here in Moscow."
Wossy I am with Peter Tatchell. Figuratively. Go on Graham, say it ! They are backward fascists. Dumb ass russians.
13. Moldova - enthusiastic, very fast and shouty, loud, energetic, but hardly memorable, so so
"If you'd like a hora, push back the coffee table now... What's a hora? It's a traditional dance that unites three truths: friendship, love and faith. I'm exhausted already."
Wossy gotta love a singer called Nelly. Surely this is same song Armenia did ? Must be a timeshare.
"What an energetic hora. Not sure what the man with the stick is doing. Well done Moldova, that was very special."
14. Malta - the very definition of a power ballad. no need or desire to hear again.
"She's very friendly, she's never met a malteaser she didn't like."
Wossy Malta has set one of the dogs into a weird frenzy. he either loves her or hates her. Too soon to tell.
MissCay Malta-she's just a singing tent, isn't she?
jamesmoran You can't just stand there in a dress and sing. Where are the fucking techo-pirates, helium and ice skaters??
15. Estonia - boring. Again, there's nothing wrong with it exactly, it's hardly a Eurovision shocker, it just isn't very interesting.
"It's the Estonian for 'travellers'. Not sure whether you're allowed to say that word on the BBC, but there I have."
MissCay Cor. This Estonian bird is well fit. We like her in this house. Pity the song is boring as hell though.
Wossy missed estonia but she looked lovely.
"It does sort of grow on you. Bit like mould."
16. Denmark - Ronan. Keating. Nuff said.
"Ronan Keating has written this song. What's interesting is, Breik actually performs it as Ronan Keating. It's a bit Stars In Your Eyes this, it's a bit spooky."
MissCay HOLY SHIT, IT'S THE DANISH RONAN KEATING.
Wossy Denmark. John Thompson on keyboards. Young Steptoe on vocals.
17. Germany - oh god this is bad. Dita good, but song is painful. ARGH.
Wossy Germany !!! This is what John Barrowman dreams of after a cheese feast.
MissCay That German song was ACE. WE WANT YOU TO WIN TEUTONIC SAM SPARROW.
jamesmoran If he just kept the camera on Dita for the whole song, and not actually sung anything, I'd vote for them.
18. Turkey - ok song generally I guess, but the lyric "You kiss like it's your profession"?! Really?? Clearly, something has been terribly translated, because that? Is NOT A COMPLIMENT, and would get you a good slap.
Wossy What are the Turkish ladies wearing round their ankles ? Are they electronically tagged to ensure they return ?
jamesmoran Don't wag your finger at me, Turkish Holly Valance.
MissCay Why is Bubbles from Series One of The Wire acting as a backing dancer for the Turkish entry?
19. Albania - "the bad thing is you're about to see Albania" Not a good performance. No.
Wossy Albania. This is just wrong. Surely. Didn't anyone else enter in Albania ?
Wossy I am going to have nightmares about the albanian routine.
20. Norway - yay! This guy totally deserves to win - his voice isn't bad, and he wrote the song himself, and he plays the violin [Eurovision totally has a violin fetish btw]. And hes cute, though tbh I thought he looked more hot when he was pictured in the RT and um, looked more female. But still, he's got a touch of the fresh faced Zefron about him, and really enjoys himself and performs well. So W00T go Norway!
Wossy Norway kind of briliant. Wish they had a clown or a man dressed as a fish or in a sou wester.
21. Ukraine - energetic, generic, but um, what are you singing? "anti-christ is born" ?? oh wait, anti crisis. I see what you did there.
Wossy Ukraine have given me a headace. Her groin/ hip area is over-active.
jamesmoran Hamster wheels, half naked Roman soldiers, singer doing drum solo - best show so far!
22. Romania - the main lady was lip synching?? To another woman off to the side? well, ok, acceptable, again generic though, nothing special.
Wossy It's a bit like being on a cruise without the benefit of arriving anywhere at the end of the show.
23. UK - Jade and Webber. Joy. Boring. "I've earned the right"! BNP much? Ooh, key change. Glad to able to use my Webber tag again.
Wossy Please god let Andrew LW be dressed as the phantom or a cat.
MissCay This British entry appears to be singing this song like she has English as a second language. A winning tactic?
jamesmoran Hmm, we need a cool, modern, fresh song - call Andrew Lloyd Webber! And not anyone, you know, cool, modern or fresh.
jamesmoran "I've earned the right"? That's what that BNP leaflet said!
24. Finland - Oh no, no, no, I can't believe the effort I went to hear that. Normally I love and support Finland, but that was god awful, and m computer actuall skipped through most of it, and I went back to hear it. I really wished I'd just stuck with the Spanish, I would have been that much happier.
Wossy Finland have lost the plot. They should have phoned each other to co-ordinate outfits. Sir Ben Kingsley raps. Who knew ?
25. Spain - Um, random, not awful sounding but again quite generic. Quite like the backing music. Awful end.
The ISS opens the phone lines! I just. Really. Russia is just showing off now. Love the careful use of the word cosmonaut rather than astronauts. Yuri Gargarin. Huh.
Wossy Eurovision in SPACE? JESUS!
In conclusion:
Wossy well done boy wonder from Norway. Well done Jade and ALW. Well done Graham. Well done all of us for sitting through it all !