FIC: Unembraceable Truths
Now I think I know how to cut, I think I'll actually post something...
Title: Unembraceable Truths
Pairing: LV/HP
Rating: PG-13 I think
Summary: They won't ever admit it.
Warnings: Confused ramblings that are partly mine but mainly Harry's, unbetaed so SPAG mistakes are mine, might be some British spellings.
Harry liked being face down.
Tom didn’t need to make eye contact with Harry to Legilimize him, but he did have to concentrate on the link and want to be in Harry’s mind. If they were face to face, the pasion and emotion between them during sex with eye contaact could mean that Tom could read Harry’s mind without even conciously wanting to. If Harry was facing away and not making eye contact, then usually Tom wouldn’t bother or simply wouldn’t think of it.
And if Voldemort didn’t look into his eyes, which gave enough of what he was thinking away to those that couldn’t read his mind, let alone the Dark Lord, then he didn’t read Harry’s mind, and then Harry could hide his true thoughts and feelings.
Harry was pretty sure that Voldemort didn’t even realise that Harry was attempting to keep something from him. Harry doubted he would even consider the possibility that Harry would try to keep something from him, mainly because Harry simply couldn’t keep anything from him. The Dark Lord knew everything that Harry did, every memory and thought and emotion that he had.
But that meant that he didn’t consider that what Harry was keeping from him was something he knew already. Something that he had known for over a year now.
The point of it though was that Harry wouldn’t ever admit it, and if he could pretend it wasn’t true, if he could pretend that it wasn’t obvious to the Dark Lord that he hated and feared and reluctantly served, then he wouldn’t have to. And if he could conceal that he didn’t want to admit this truth to himself, let alone anybody else, from his Master then Voldemort wouldn’t make him.
He wondered sometimes whether Voldemort did actually know, both about the truth and that he was trying to hide it. Harry assumed he knew and didn’t care either way most days, except the few days where he honestly believed thathe had somehow managed to keep this one secret from the Dark Lord, and the far more common but still incredibly rare days where he even managed to convince himself that the truth did not exist at all. Because it wasn’t true. It wasn’t. Wasn’t…
Harry also wondered why it was that Tom, who obviously knew all about the truth that wasn’t true at all, didn’t care about it. Here were times, not long ago at all, when Voldemort would have delighted in using this to bring as much pain to Harry as possible. But on this matter, he just hadn’t brought it up. He treated Harry the same as he had for the past couple of years- with cruelty, anger, hate, irritance, possessiveness. He took and owned and consumed and everything about Harry was his. But he didn’t use this piece of information- which he must know, it was unthinkable that he didn’t- against Harry.
There had to be a reason why. Unless there simply wasn’t. The Dark Lord was petty and his whims moved from harsh cruelty to unexpected kindness seemingly randomly sometimes. Perhaps it was best if Harry didn’t attempt to fathom the thoughts of his Master.
Harry used to like being restrained.
This of course was to hide the truth from himself rather than from the Dark Lord, but it rooted from the same thoughts as the reason why he liked to be face down.
However, recently Harry was beginning to prefer it when Tom didn’t restrain him. Because when Tom restrained him, Harry remember the truth that he sometimes forgot that he wouldn’t admit, wouldn’t embrace. He would remember that this fact was the reason that he liked to be restrained, because to be restrained meant that the fact was not true. But when he forgot it entirely, to be restrained reminded imself that he hadn’t been working to deny it, to make it less than true.
The fact was becoming a bigger part of Harry’s life the more he ignored and denied it, the more he hid from it and it from Tom.
But it didn’t change it.
Harry, restrained by Tom, unable to make eye contact but unable to forgetting who it was touching his skin, wished it wasn’t true.
He liked it when Tom touched him. He adored it when Voldemort fucked him. He loved it when the Dark Lord held him. He hated it when he couldn’t deny it any longer.
@)~~~~~
Any comments are appreciated; flames will used to flambé my christmas pudding.
Title: Unembraceable Truths
Pairing: LV/HP
Rating: PG-13 I think
Summary: They won't ever admit it.
Warnings: Confused ramblings that are partly mine but mainly Harry's, unbetaed so SPAG mistakes are mine, might be some British spellings.
Harry liked being face down.
Tom didn’t need to make eye contact with Harry to Legilimize him, but he did have to concentrate on the link and want to be in Harry’s mind. If they were face to face, the pasion and emotion between them during sex with eye contaact could mean that Tom could read Harry’s mind without even conciously wanting to. If Harry was facing away and not making eye contact, then usually Tom wouldn’t bother or simply wouldn’t think of it.
And if Voldemort didn’t look into his eyes, which gave enough of what he was thinking away to those that couldn’t read his mind, let alone the Dark Lord, then he didn’t read Harry’s mind, and then Harry could hide his true thoughts and feelings.
Harry was pretty sure that Voldemort didn’t even realise that Harry was attempting to keep something from him. Harry doubted he would even consider the possibility that Harry would try to keep something from him, mainly because Harry simply couldn’t keep anything from him. The Dark Lord knew everything that Harry did, every memory and thought and emotion that he had.
But that meant that he didn’t consider that what Harry was keeping from him was something he knew already. Something that he had known for over a year now.
The point of it though was that Harry wouldn’t ever admit it, and if he could pretend it wasn’t true, if he could pretend that it wasn’t obvious to the Dark Lord that he hated and feared and reluctantly served, then he wouldn’t have to. And if he could conceal that he didn’t want to admit this truth to himself, let alone anybody else, from his Master then Voldemort wouldn’t make him.
He wondered sometimes whether Voldemort did actually know, both about the truth and that he was trying to hide it. Harry assumed he knew and didn’t care either way most days, except the few days where he honestly believed thathe had somehow managed to keep this one secret from the Dark Lord, and the far more common but still incredibly rare days where he even managed to convince himself that the truth did not exist at all. Because it wasn’t true. It wasn’t. Wasn’t…
Harry also wondered why it was that Tom, who obviously knew all about the truth that wasn’t true at all, didn’t care about it. Here were times, not long ago at all, when Voldemort would have delighted in using this to bring as much pain to Harry as possible. But on this matter, he just hadn’t brought it up. He treated Harry the same as he had for the past couple of years- with cruelty, anger, hate, irritance, possessiveness. He took and owned and consumed and everything about Harry was his. But he didn’t use this piece of information- which he must know, it was unthinkable that he didn’t- against Harry.
There had to be a reason why. Unless there simply wasn’t. The Dark Lord was petty and his whims moved from harsh cruelty to unexpected kindness seemingly randomly sometimes. Perhaps it was best if Harry didn’t attempt to fathom the thoughts of his Master.
Harry used to like being restrained.
This of course was to hide the truth from himself rather than from the Dark Lord, but it rooted from the same thoughts as the reason why he liked to be face down.
However, recently Harry was beginning to prefer it when Tom didn’t restrain him. Because when Tom restrained him, Harry remember the truth that he sometimes forgot that he wouldn’t admit, wouldn’t embrace. He would remember that this fact was the reason that he liked to be restrained, because to be restrained meant that the fact was not true. But when he forgot it entirely, to be restrained reminded imself that he hadn’t been working to deny it, to make it less than true.
The fact was becoming a bigger part of Harry’s life the more he ignored and denied it, the more he hid from it and it from Tom.
But it didn’t change it.
Harry, restrained by Tom, unable to make eye contact but unable to forgetting who it was touching his skin, wished it wasn’t true.
He liked it when Tom touched him. He adored it when Voldemort fucked him. He loved it when the Dark Lord held him. He hated it when he couldn’t deny it any longer.
@)~~~~~
Any comments are appreciated; flames will used to flambé my christmas pudding.