Older
Pairing: Victor/Logan
Setting: X-Men Origins: Wolverine movieverse
Type: First time
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Incest, moderate underage, some anachronisms. Please don't read if you're offended. Please do not archive without permission.
Summary: Victor and James at different ages.
Thanks to Wolfine for beta.
-James is 9, Victor is 12-
It's raining and James is cold. They're spending the night on a town streetcorner, covered by newspaper and soaked to the bone. Victor sits close to him, making plans for where to beg for their breakfast, or failing that, to steal one for them. The first strategy involves hiding Victor's sharp claw-like nails. There's a third strategy that involves using them, but James doesn't want to think overlong about that.
Victor's better at stealing things, because he's bigger and can run away faster when he's noticed. James doesn't feel very useful.
James shivers, lonely despite Victor being there with him, and wishing more than anything he could go home again. But he doesn't voice that. The rain conceals the tears that slide down his face, but he can't stop his shoulders from shaking once they start.
"Jimmy!" Victor shifts closer and puts an arm around him. "Don't cry," Victor says. "Don't cry. It'll be okay."
James nods tearfully and swallows against the lump in his throat.
"As soon as the sun comes up I'm going to get us some food. No matter what it takes." Victor glances upwards, then refocuses on James. "And an oilcloth so we don't get so wet next time it rains.
"Be brave, Jimmy," Victor tells him, and he strokes James' hair. "We'll make it, I promise. We're brothers. I'll always look out for you."
But James isn't brave. He's scared and sad. After he stops crying he clings to his brother all the tighter. He trusts Victor, but what would happen if Victor left him? And Victor's doing dangerous things to keep them both fed. What would happen to him if something happened to Victor?
-James is 10, Victor is 13-
James wants to get a job selling newspapers.
He's seen other boys his age do it, on the handful of occasions they've ventured into the nearest city, on streetcorners. Some have bags slung over their shoulders, others simply have a pile of papers at their feet. James isn't sure about all the shouting they do at passersby, but he likes the idea of having a job, being useful and being paid for it.
The only potential problem he sees with the idea is that Victor scrapes together most of the food they eat and steals most of the money they get. Victor has little to no interest in finding legitimate work, and they move around frequently. Victor talks a lot about the importance of moving to new places, always moving. If James were to get an actual job, they'd need to stay in or near the city.
When he asks Victor about it, Victor puts a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, Jimmy. I can take care of us."
"I want to," James protests. "You wouldn't have to steal any more. We could live on that. We could get a room to live in. Indoors."
Victor flexes his fingers slowly. "Nah." Victor hasn't filed his nails in over a year, but he hasn't needed to. He sharpens them on trees now instead. ""I don't think we could live on that. Not well anyway. And it'd be dangerous for us to stay in one place."
He looks thoughtfully at James. "I have a better idea."
-James is 11, Victor is 14-
They leave the city, travel south again and live like animals in the woods. Victor's become adept at catching rabbits and squirrels with his fast sharp claws, and he adds foxes to his repertoire. He also catches fish, slashing at the silvered creatures and snatching them up, holding them fast with his claws so they can't get away. James learns to hunt too. They don't go hungry much anymore. They still move around. Every now and then they go into a town to steal new clothes, fruit and sometimes bread, which they both wolf down with radiant pleasure. Sometimes Victor comes home with money in his hand and blood on his claws, and they actually buy these things instead of stealing them.
-James is 12, Victor is 15-
Victor discovers his secondary mutation quite by accident. He's been noticing his everyday injuries don't last for several years now--a scratch here, an animal bite there. They heal quickly. Splinters work their way out of him on their own. But all are minor hurts.
It isn't until he survives his first stabbing that they realize he's truly different. He's had all sorts of threats hurled at him when his thefts aren't slick enough, but the older he's become, the more violent the anger. In the bad part of one of the towns they frequent, a shopkeeper they've stolen from before finally knifes him upon catching him in the act. When the weapon sinks into his gut, Victor thinks that's it. But he doesn't feel incapacitated by the injury as he'd expected. He raises his head to look at the stunned shopkeeper and snarls. With one single vicious swipe he slices the man's throat open. Then he runs.
The wound in his stomach makes him stagger for a moment, but after that it doesn't even slow him down. By the time he stops running, there's only a scar.
Victor makes James stab him with his bone claws a few times, to test his theory about his gift for healing. They find that the shallower the cuts, the faster they knit up, but even the deep ones close, it just takes longer.
After that he downs their first bear, a large black bear, in the woods. Approaching from upwind so it won't smell them, they move silently. Victor doesn't wear any clothes, since taking on a bear could well get his garments destroyed. Clothes are one of the hardest things for them to acquire.
James hangs back at Victor's hand sign. Victor continues to approach until he is very close, then launches himself at the animal. He sinks claws into its neck, slashing again and again. He gets mauled, his face bloodied and his chest slashed, but the worst is his leg. The bear opens his thigh, not all the way to the bone, but close. It bleeds heavily. A distance away, James waits in an agony of suspense, able to make out Victor and the bear but not able to see the details of their struggle.
When he sees the bear fall on its side, James runs to Victor, takes his directions. Terrified, he holds the two pieces of torn meat that are Victor's thigh together so there's only a seam of blood showing. He puts pressure on the injury -- and like magic, within ten minutes the gaping wound has become a scar covered in dried blood. They lie on the ground for a while afterwards. Victor falls asleep, leaving James awake to contemplate this new turn of events.
By the time they get up, even the scars are gone.
Victor carefully skins the bear with his nails, planning to dry the pelt so they can use it to sleep on. He consistently amazes James with his survival skills.
Victor sleeps long and deeply that night.
* * *
When it takes him a long time to go to sleep at night, James hears Victor make rustling sounds. The first time it happens, he asks, "What are you doing?"
Victor stills for a moment and the soft noises stop. "Touching myself." He pauses, then adds, "Touching my penis. It's natural."
James accepts this explanation thoughtfully. He ponders it for a while. The sounds resume, and he falls asleep.
-James is 13, Victor is 16-
They squat in an abandoned, falling-down house by a lake. The structure is not completely sound and a wall is missing, but it's good enough. The climate is temperate most of the year, quite hot in high summer, but still cold in the snowy dead of winter. They have blankets, furs, stolen clothes, and two iron pots for cooking animals they've killed. It's as comfortable as they've ever been since the night James murdered their father.
Some days they swim naked in the lake, then lie out in the sun. One day when Victor gets out of the water, his penis is hard. James flushes and isn't sure why. He looks away. Victor smiles at him.
James isn't sure at what point he realizes what's going on, but he becomes accustomed to hearing Victor touch himself at night. He understands those rustling noises, finally, because he starts touching himself as well. At first he feels shy about doing it in front of Victor, but Victor gives no indication that he cares. Victor does it next to him all the time, and doesn't wait for him to go to sleep first anymore. As always, James decides to adopt the same attitude as his brother. Not for the sheer purpose of imitating Victor, but simply because Victor's older and very wise.
-James is 14, Victor is 17-
One night, with the house lit by moonlight, he's sleeping. He rolls over in his sleep to put his head on Victor's shoulder, which he often does unconsciously. He wakes up with a start when he realizes he's unintentionally pressed his penis against Victor's hand. He realizes at the same second that Victor's awake and stroking himself with the other hand. James freezes, then pulls back, but Victor rolls over with him, his fingers still loosely curled around James' hard member.
"Want me to?" Victor says softly. His voice is raspy from a few hours of disuse.
James feels a flash of excitement at the prospect, and his stomach lurches. "Touch me?"
"Yeah."
James doesn't trust his voice. He swallows. "Yes."
Victor slides down their makeshift bed of piled blankets and kneels between James' legs. He leans down and for a second James doesn't know what he's doing, but then Victor's tongue slips out and runs around the end of his penis. James moans, startling himself. Victor doesn't stop. His lips part and he takes James' penis into his mouth, and James is engulfed in a sheath of moving wet heat.
The feel of Victor sucking on his penis is unbelievably different from rubbing it himself. He could never have imagined how good it is.
James trembles, squeezing his eyes shut. He wants to reach down and touch Victor's soft hair, and put his hands on his shoulders, and thrust his penis up into Victor's mouth. He's afraid to do any of it, afraid to touch Victor or do anything to break the spell or make this stop. He lies still, with his arms rigid at his sides. Victor so carefully, ever so gently runs the tip of a claw up over the line dividing his balls, and he can't stop himself from crying out. In less than a minute, James' back arches and the incredible feeling takes over. Like when he touches himself, but much, much more so. The explosive sensation that shoots through him is unlike anything he's ever felt. He feels his own toes curl and his claws spring out from between his knuckles.
Victor sits up a little unsteadily, wiping his mouth. James holds his hands up and concentrates on retracting his claws. A moment of focus, of will, and they slide back obediently. Feeling free, and a little high, James pulls his brother into a tight hug, and Victor smiles.
James returns the favor. It only takes a few minutes. Victor tastes salty and bitter.
"My jaw hurts," he tells Victor afterwards.
"I know," Victor says. He grins and rubs his own jaw. "You'll get used to it."
James doesn't think he'll need time to get used to it. He's in love with it. He hugs Victor again.
He's never felt so full of joy, and the ache is gone within a minute.
* * *
The next night, after they eat, he and Victor lie next to each other. James wonders if they'll do the sucking thing again.
"There's something else we could do," Victor tells him, and his smile is almost shy.
"What's that?" James grasps him eagerly.
"Fuck," Victor says. "Want to?"
James looks at him blankly.
"Sex," Victor says. "We could have sex. Like last night, but more so. The real thing." And then, doubtfully, "You do know how babies are made, don't you?"
James just looks at him.
Victor's startled. "When you have sex with a woman, you can have a baby. I didn't realize you didn't know."
"How do you?" James asks. He thinks as soon as it leaves his mouth that it's a dumb question. Victor knows all kinds of stuff he doesn't.
"My dad... our dad said it's something two people do when they love each other.
"But I don't think we're supposed to do it," Victor adds after a moment.
"Why not?"
"Because we're brothers," Victor says simply. "And because you're only supposed to do it with women." Then he shrugs. "But the world's against us. We're all on our own, why live by their rules?" He pulls James closer. "If I want to, and you want to, who cares?" He stares James in the eye. "Do you want to, Jimmy?"
James feels loose and relaxed. "Yes." It makes sense, if it's something people do when they love each other. Victor's his best friend, his hero, his only friend and the only person he loves. Victor's the only star in his sky.
"Do you trust me?" Victor asks. His voice is husky.
"Yes." James presses the fingertips of his right hand to Victor's, lifting his brother's hand so their fingertips and palms rest against each other. "You're the only person I trust." He sounds gravelly to his own ears, and as he says it his voice breaks.
"Then lie back, and I'll do it to you."
Naked, Victor climbs on top of him. It's pretty dark, but in the moonlight James can see his penis is hard. He's clumsier than usual, and James realizes his hands are shaking. Victor sits on his pelvis. Victor weighs more than he would have expected, but he doesn't mind. Victor slides a hand over his buttcheeks, and traces one knuckle down to his asshole. It feels bizarre and exciting to be touched there, and by Victor. A shudder goes through him. Victor transfers spit from knuckle to asshole. Victor can extend and retract his claws somewhat, but his nails are always long and always sharp. So he's careful when he touches James.
Victor moves off him and presses James' knees upwards until the tendons in his thighs burn from the stretch. "I think it might hurt a little," he says by way of warning. "Tell me if it hurts and I'll stop." He aligns his penis with James' butt and maneuvers, wriggling slightly.
Victor pushes himself in slowly, but it hurts more than a little. The pain makes James see stars, but only for a second, and he wants very much to make his brother feel as amazing as Victor's made him feel. That want gets him through the moment. Victor gasps when he gets all the way in, and the sound of it is satisfying to James.
"It's okay," James says when he can breathe again.
"It feels more than okay to me," Victor says in a strangled voice. He rests his head in the hollow between James' neck and shoulder and thrusts his hips. He runs a hand over James' ear, and kisses his temple. "I love you," he whispers.
"I love you too," James says, and his chest bursts with warmth.
Afterwards, Victor rolls off him and holds him, and in that moment James feels very close to Victor. He thinks, as he drifts off to sleep, that they've found a whole new of level of closeness. His face rests against Victor's neck. Victor's scent has always been comforting to him.
The next morning, James lies in bed and watches Victor sleep. When Victor stirs and wakes up, he smiles lazily at James. The sun comes up and shines, and they end up doing a repeat of the night before in the warm morning light.
-James is 15, Victor is 18-
Victor's next big idea is that they should join the military. James is used to Victor's grand ideas, and he doesn't argue. Victor's lied for them, worked for them, begged for them, stolen for them, and killed for them. He's taken care of James. James will follow his big brother anywhere.
"You have to be sixteen to enlist, so we'll have to lie. I'm old enough, but if you're under twenty-one you need written parental" --Victor bites off the word bitterly--"consent. But I found someone who can forge letters for us. What do you think?" Victor looks at him expectantly.
James nods. "Okay."
He doesn't think to ask who's going to write the letters for them, or what that person will want from Victor in return. He goes to Victor and puts his arms around him.
"No matter what, once we get in, we can't let them find out about us," Victor says. "They wouldn't understand." He fixes his eyes on his little brother to impress upon him the seriousness of this rule. "It's very important, Jimmy."
James nods, releasing his brother. He remembers some stuff from before, but he's grown up largely outside of society. But Victor knows these things.
-James is 16, Victor is 19-
James decides to make a fresh start when they join the Union army, and introduces himself simply as Logan. James has been vulnerable all his life, he thinks, but Logan won't be.
Victor raises his eyebrows at him, but while he never stops calling Logan Jimmy, he also never comments further.
After so many years of just him and Victor, at first it's strange to be around so many people all the time. Logan gets used to that. What's stranger is the slow process of realizing what an extreme taboo his relationship with Victor is. Logan feels a low churn in his stomach every now and then when generic insults are tossed around among the soldiers in his brigade. The word motherfucker is tossed around as the highest form of joking insult, and men talk about doing so-and-so's sister a lot. Logan realizes family and sex are not ever supposed to mix. But no one ever says anything to him or Victor.
The biggest change is the sense of order. Their years of living on their own were wild and completely unstructured. Everything about military life is structured. They take orders, answer to superior officers, eat at designated times, salute and obey.
The constant marching doesn't bother either of them. They're outdoorsmen in every sense of the word. Victor's grown up broad in the chest and tough, and Logan is lithe with excellent endurance.
Despite the smells, the saluting, and the various sicknesses that take hold of the men around him, life in the U.S. military is cake compared to life as wandering homeless orphans. For the first time they have a regular income, and in the army there are steady rations every day, all different foods. They eat pork and salt beef, hard bread, cornmeal, dried fruit, beans and rice. The soldiers complain that the food lacks variety, but to Logan every day is a feast. The regularity of being given food is nice. Logan drinks coffee for the first time.
Getting used to fighting is harder. Seeing men die--killing men himself--is intense and frightening. The first time he takes a shot to the chest is terrifying. The pain is terrible, and he sees the panic written all over Victor's face which makes him feel even more scared. Victor runs to him and kneels over him, ignoring the deafening sounds and the fighting happening all around them, and takes him by the shoulders and pulls Logan's head into his lap. Logan thinks he cries but he's not sure. It's a very distracting business, being shot. At least at first. After it happens a couple times, it still hurts like hell, but it's bothersome, not frightening.
He never ever forgets the shock of pure fear that surges through him the first time he sees Victor take a mortal wound. His heart freezes for a second and he can't look away, can't think of anything else. Victor looks scared too as he sinks to his knees. But by the time Logan gets to him, it's clear he's going to be okay. They'd hoped, of course--Victor's survived fights with bears--but they didn't know for sure that they could both heal through such a dramatic injury as a gunshot. They see many of their comrades-in-arms die instantly when they're hit.
Logan cries afterwards, when he's alone, grateful and stunned.
Victor takes their apparent immortality as a sign that they're meant for this work, and Logan goes along with it.
-Logan is 17, Victor is 20-
The fact that their love is incestous doesn't bother him as much anymore. They've been doing it so long, it seems as natural as breathing, as eating. He thinks about it only in terms of the innate comfort it brings him when they sneak away. That and the vital importance of hiding it.
The men joke about sex with girls all the time. Logan admits to himself a certain amount of curiosity about women, a certain amount of desire to be close to one. The women he sees on the street arouse him. He's turned on by the idea when he entertains it. But sex with Victor quenches his physical lusts just as their relationship satisfies his emotional needs, and Victor's all he's ever known in that area.
Until Victor buys him a prostitute for his 17th birthday. The brothel is a strange, beautiful place, with many beautiful girls in beautiful dresses and outfits that aren't dresses at all. The madam, a still-attractive older lady, welcomes them politely. Logan gets the impression she's hiding amusement at his expense, but he doesn't care. The scent of the house overwhelms his senses; the place reeks of lust and sex, women and men, sweat and come. The girls line up so he can decide which one he wants. He chooses a dark-haired young woman with a shy, alluring smile. She's wearing a bright green dress that she lifts up a little as he looks at them, revealing her ankles, black shoes and a flash of her shapely legs.
Her name is Madeleine, and she's either pleased to be with him or does an impressive job of pretending to be. They hang around in the downstairs area for a while, and at some point when she undulates on his lap, Logan comes in his pants. Victor knows the expression that passes across his face and laughs at him, but again, Logan doesn't care. Victor's picked a woman of his own and has her giggling on his lap, her breasts bare but for his hands on them. Logan and Madeleine go up in her room after that and she gives him a cool wet towel to clean up. He takes off his clothes and getting cleaned up is not the foremost thing on his mind. She seems slightly surprised that he wants to go again, but willing and full of teasing and laughter. She sucks his cock, and her technique is more practiced than Victor's. He comes again, harder than the first time, bucking up into her mouth. He discovers her pussy isn't as tight as Victor's asshole, but it's soaking wet and slick which entirely makes up for that. When Logan slides up inside her he thinks he might die from how good it is.
-Logan is 145, Victor is 148-
Logan's long suspected Stryker knows about Victor and him, but it wouldn't do to have Zero and Fred and the others find out what they really do on their walks. Victor taught him long ago that other people can't know.
So when Victor asks him, "Walk?", Logan knows he wants to fuck. It's the third time this week, and when they're in any place with privacy or access to the raw wilderness, it happens more often. Victor's intense appetites have only grown over the years.
The others glance at them as they leave. "Why do you guys always take so many walks?" Wade calls. "You two going to go get off together?"
Logan keeps his face bland. Victor can field this one.
Victor smiles.
"With this guy? He complains too much. I'm saving it all for you, Wade." Victor puts his hand on his crotch, patting earnestly. "Come and get it when you want it."
Fred and Zero and even Wade laugh, but Logan notices Bradley looking at them thoughtfully, his eyes sharper and more perceptive then is really a good thing.
Logan nods at John as they leave and gets a nod in return.
"I think Bradley knows," he says after they've walked a little ways.
His brother laughs. "You're so paranoid, Jimmy," Victor says.
"No, really." But Logan lets it drop. Bradley's a quiet guy. If he does guess, Logan doubts he'll say anything. Bradley has always struck him as extremely discreet.
They go more than a few kilometers from camp. Victor finds a spot he thinks suitable and strips his shirt over his head. Logan pulls out the thin blanket secreted away in his shirt and spreads it on the ground. He takes his clothes off and lays them on a corner. He doesn't want them all dirty and grass-stained. Especially with the guys' joking about them going off to fuck, it could be a dead giveaway. Victor's clothes are already strewn on the ground. Logan frowns at them, disapproving. Over the last ten years his brother's slowly grown more and more careless about concealing their secret.
Logan lies on his stomach on the blanket next to Victor. His brother's cock is already hard, lubed up and ready to go. "Turn over," Victor says, leering.
Victor doesn't do formalities when he's horny these days. When he wants to get off, he wants to get off now. Logan's gotten more in the way of foreplay from the handful of prostitutes he's frequented over the years. But he doesn't really mind.
He is surprised, though, that Victor wants him on his back. Of late he usually finds himself on his stomach. Logan rolls over and spreads his legs.
Victor puts his hand on his own cock and gives it a couple slow pumps before applying it to Logan's asshole. Logan winces very slightly when Victor pushes in. Funny how after all the thousands of times they've done this over the years, it still hurts a little bit. But only for a second. After that it just feels right.
Logan can remember how worried he was the first time they snuck off for this purpose. It was shortly after they joined the Union army. He thought even if they didn't get caught having sex with each other, if someone saw them they'd be taken for deserters. Victor reassured him that they'd smell anyone who approached. Decades have passed. He's worried about it quite a bit, but they've never been caught.
Victor rocks into him gently. Logan feels full of his cock, and he likes the way Victor's muscles roll over his. He sighs.
Victor's hand gropes between them for his cock. Logan gasps when he squeezes it. He watches his older brother frown in concentration. It's warm out, even in the twilight, and a few drops of Victor's sweat fall on Logan's brow.
Victor makes several hard thrusts and grunts when he comes. He pulls out faster than Logan would like and rolls off him panting. Logan turns on his side and pillows his head on Victor's outstretched arm. Victor lowers his well-muscled arm around him. Logan doesn't know why, but although he hardly needs looking after anymore, he still wants the feeling this embrace provides. Protection, love, understanding... or echoes of those things, anyway.
After Victor gets his breath, he lies on his side and reaches down to grip Logan's cock. He has a palmful of lubricant, and Logan pumps into his brother's hand feverishly. Sometimes Logan comes from the hot friction between their bodies, and sometimes Victor jerks or sucks him off. He hasn't fucked Victor in a long time though. Victor only ever wants to top.
After, Logan rests against Victor while Victor drowses. He doesn't know how to articulate what's he thinking.
"Are you happy here?" Logan finally says. He thinks Victor's never been happier in his life.
"Sure," Victor answers, smiling without opening his eyes.
Logan puts his face down into the blanket for a moment. "Victor, we gotta talk." Victor looks over at him. "I think we should go."
Victor looks at him like he's crazy. Logan clarifies. "Leave the team. Get out of here. What are we doing out here?"
"Our jobs, maybe?" Victor says it with raised eyebrows, like it should be obvious to Logan.
Logan meets his brother's eyes. "Maybe we should consider looking for jobs that don't involve killing people."
Victor looks at him like he's crazy.
"I mean, what are we doing? We have no idea. Who knows what Stryker wants, what we're really accomplishing here?" Logan shifts uncomfortably. "Besides murdering and capturing people. We got a pardon for 'Nam. There's nothing keeping us here."
Victor looks agitated. "Killing people is all we were doing before, too. It's what we're good at. Who cares what Stryker wants?" His brother props himself up on an elbow. "Look. We're making a difference, Jimmy," Victor says earnestly. "Just trust him. This is a good gig. The only people dying are the bad guys."
Logan shrugs.
"We should get back, " Victor says, glancing in the direction of the camp.
"Yeah, big day tomorrow," Logan says tiredly.
Victor pats his thigh. "It'll be fun, you'll see."
Sometimes Logan feels like he's become the older brother, the caretaker, and Victor the younger. It's like Victor built maturity over the years he cared for them both, only to have it fall away brick by brick. He's become so bloodthirsty. The savage look that steals over his face, the stoop of his shoulders when he crouches to kill... sometimes he thinks Victor's devolving.
After they get up and put their clothes back on, Logan puts his arms around Victor and rests his head on Victor's chest. Pressing his face to Victor's neck, he inhales a deep breath. He gets a cocktail of raw testosterone, confidence, decades of familiarity and intimacy. It's like a drug to him.
In moments of clarity that have grown more and more frequent, he knows Victor's on the edge of being fucked up beyond all recognition. But when Logan breathes Victor in, he feels like he's home. He hopes he'll never have to be without that.
His heart feels heavy as they walk back to camp.
-fin-
Setting: X-Men Origins: Wolverine movieverse
Type: First time
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Incest, moderate underage, some anachronisms. Please don't read if you're offended. Please do not archive without permission.
Summary: Victor and James at different ages.
Thanks to Wolfine for beta.
-James is 9, Victor is 12-
It's raining and James is cold. They're spending the night on a town streetcorner, covered by newspaper and soaked to the bone. Victor sits close to him, making plans for where to beg for their breakfast, or failing that, to steal one for them. The first strategy involves hiding Victor's sharp claw-like nails. There's a third strategy that involves using them, but James doesn't want to think overlong about that.
Victor's better at stealing things, because he's bigger and can run away faster when he's noticed. James doesn't feel very useful.
James shivers, lonely despite Victor being there with him, and wishing more than anything he could go home again. But he doesn't voice that. The rain conceals the tears that slide down his face, but he can't stop his shoulders from shaking once they start.
"Jimmy!" Victor shifts closer and puts an arm around him. "Don't cry," Victor says. "Don't cry. It'll be okay."
James nods tearfully and swallows against the lump in his throat.
"As soon as the sun comes up I'm going to get us some food. No matter what it takes." Victor glances upwards, then refocuses on James. "And an oilcloth so we don't get so wet next time it rains.
"Be brave, Jimmy," Victor tells him, and he strokes James' hair. "We'll make it, I promise. We're brothers. I'll always look out for you."
But James isn't brave. He's scared and sad. After he stops crying he clings to his brother all the tighter. He trusts Victor, but what would happen if Victor left him? And Victor's doing dangerous things to keep them both fed. What would happen to him if something happened to Victor?
-James is 10, Victor is 13-
James wants to get a job selling newspapers.
He's seen other boys his age do it, on the handful of occasions they've ventured into the nearest city, on streetcorners. Some have bags slung over their shoulders, others simply have a pile of papers at their feet. James isn't sure about all the shouting they do at passersby, but he likes the idea of having a job, being useful and being paid for it.
The only potential problem he sees with the idea is that Victor scrapes together most of the food they eat and steals most of the money they get. Victor has little to no interest in finding legitimate work, and they move around frequently. Victor talks a lot about the importance of moving to new places, always moving. If James were to get an actual job, they'd need to stay in or near the city.
When he asks Victor about it, Victor puts a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, Jimmy. I can take care of us."
"I want to," James protests. "You wouldn't have to steal any more. We could live on that. We could get a room to live in. Indoors."
Victor flexes his fingers slowly. "Nah." Victor hasn't filed his nails in over a year, but he hasn't needed to. He sharpens them on trees now instead. ""I don't think we could live on that. Not well anyway. And it'd be dangerous for us to stay in one place."
He looks thoughtfully at James. "I have a better idea."
-James is 11, Victor is 14-
They leave the city, travel south again and live like animals in the woods. Victor's become adept at catching rabbits and squirrels with his fast sharp claws, and he adds foxes to his repertoire. He also catches fish, slashing at the silvered creatures and snatching them up, holding them fast with his claws so they can't get away. James learns to hunt too. They don't go hungry much anymore. They still move around. Every now and then they go into a town to steal new clothes, fruit and sometimes bread, which they both wolf down with radiant pleasure. Sometimes Victor comes home with money in his hand and blood on his claws, and they actually buy these things instead of stealing them.
-James is 12, Victor is 15-
Victor discovers his secondary mutation quite by accident. He's been noticing his everyday injuries don't last for several years now--a scratch here, an animal bite there. They heal quickly. Splinters work their way out of him on their own. But all are minor hurts.
It isn't until he survives his first stabbing that they realize he's truly different. He's had all sorts of threats hurled at him when his thefts aren't slick enough, but the older he's become, the more violent the anger. In the bad part of one of the towns they frequent, a shopkeeper they've stolen from before finally knifes him upon catching him in the act. When the weapon sinks into his gut, Victor thinks that's it. But he doesn't feel incapacitated by the injury as he'd expected. He raises his head to look at the stunned shopkeeper and snarls. With one single vicious swipe he slices the man's throat open. Then he runs.
The wound in his stomach makes him stagger for a moment, but after that it doesn't even slow him down. By the time he stops running, there's only a scar.
Victor makes James stab him with his bone claws a few times, to test his theory about his gift for healing. They find that the shallower the cuts, the faster they knit up, but even the deep ones close, it just takes longer.
After that he downs their first bear, a large black bear, in the woods. Approaching from upwind so it won't smell them, they move silently. Victor doesn't wear any clothes, since taking on a bear could well get his garments destroyed. Clothes are one of the hardest things for them to acquire.
James hangs back at Victor's hand sign. Victor continues to approach until he is very close, then launches himself at the animal. He sinks claws into its neck, slashing again and again. He gets mauled, his face bloodied and his chest slashed, but the worst is his leg. The bear opens his thigh, not all the way to the bone, but close. It bleeds heavily. A distance away, James waits in an agony of suspense, able to make out Victor and the bear but not able to see the details of their struggle.
When he sees the bear fall on its side, James runs to Victor, takes his directions. Terrified, he holds the two pieces of torn meat that are Victor's thigh together so there's only a seam of blood showing. He puts pressure on the injury -- and like magic, within ten minutes the gaping wound has become a scar covered in dried blood. They lie on the ground for a while afterwards. Victor falls asleep, leaving James awake to contemplate this new turn of events.
By the time they get up, even the scars are gone.
Victor carefully skins the bear with his nails, planning to dry the pelt so they can use it to sleep on. He consistently amazes James with his survival skills.
Victor sleeps long and deeply that night.
* * *
When it takes him a long time to go to sleep at night, James hears Victor make rustling sounds. The first time it happens, he asks, "What are you doing?"
Victor stills for a moment and the soft noises stop. "Touching myself." He pauses, then adds, "Touching my penis. It's natural."
James accepts this explanation thoughtfully. He ponders it for a while. The sounds resume, and he falls asleep.
-James is 13, Victor is 16-
They squat in an abandoned, falling-down house by a lake. The structure is not completely sound and a wall is missing, but it's good enough. The climate is temperate most of the year, quite hot in high summer, but still cold in the snowy dead of winter. They have blankets, furs, stolen clothes, and two iron pots for cooking animals they've killed. It's as comfortable as they've ever been since the night James murdered their father.
Some days they swim naked in the lake, then lie out in the sun. One day when Victor gets out of the water, his penis is hard. James flushes and isn't sure why. He looks away. Victor smiles at him.
James isn't sure at what point he realizes what's going on, but he becomes accustomed to hearing Victor touch himself at night. He understands those rustling noises, finally, because he starts touching himself as well. At first he feels shy about doing it in front of Victor, but Victor gives no indication that he cares. Victor does it next to him all the time, and doesn't wait for him to go to sleep first anymore. As always, James decides to adopt the same attitude as his brother. Not for the sheer purpose of imitating Victor, but simply because Victor's older and very wise.
-James is 14, Victor is 17-
One night, with the house lit by moonlight, he's sleeping. He rolls over in his sleep to put his head on Victor's shoulder, which he often does unconsciously. He wakes up with a start when he realizes he's unintentionally pressed his penis against Victor's hand. He realizes at the same second that Victor's awake and stroking himself with the other hand. James freezes, then pulls back, but Victor rolls over with him, his fingers still loosely curled around James' hard member.
"Want me to?" Victor says softly. His voice is raspy from a few hours of disuse.
James feels a flash of excitement at the prospect, and his stomach lurches. "Touch me?"
"Yeah."
James doesn't trust his voice. He swallows. "Yes."
Victor slides down their makeshift bed of piled blankets and kneels between James' legs. He leans down and for a second James doesn't know what he's doing, but then Victor's tongue slips out and runs around the end of his penis. James moans, startling himself. Victor doesn't stop. His lips part and he takes James' penis into his mouth, and James is engulfed in a sheath of moving wet heat.
The feel of Victor sucking on his penis is unbelievably different from rubbing it himself. He could never have imagined how good it is.
James trembles, squeezing his eyes shut. He wants to reach down and touch Victor's soft hair, and put his hands on his shoulders, and thrust his penis up into Victor's mouth. He's afraid to do any of it, afraid to touch Victor or do anything to break the spell or make this stop. He lies still, with his arms rigid at his sides. Victor so carefully, ever so gently runs the tip of a claw up over the line dividing his balls, and he can't stop himself from crying out. In less than a minute, James' back arches and the incredible feeling takes over. Like when he touches himself, but much, much more so. The explosive sensation that shoots through him is unlike anything he's ever felt. He feels his own toes curl and his claws spring out from between his knuckles.
Victor sits up a little unsteadily, wiping his mouth. James holds his hands up and concentrates on retracting his claws. A moment of focus, of will, and they slide back obediently. Feeling free, and a little high, James pulls his brother into a tight hug, and Victor smiles.
James returns the favor. It only takes a few minutes. Victor tastes salty and bitter.
"My jaw hurts," he tells Victor afterwards.
"I know," Victor says. He grins and rubs his own jaw. "You'll get used to it."
James doesn't think he'll need time to get used to it. He's in love with it. He hugs Victor again.
He's never felt so full of joy, and the ache is gone within a minute.
* * *
The next night, after they eat, he and Victor lie next to each other. James wonders if they'll do the sucking thing again.
"There's something else we could do," Victor tells him, and his smile is almost shy.
"What's that?" James grasps him eagerly.
"Fuck," Victor says. "Want to?"
James looks at him blankly.
"Sex," Victor says. "We could have sex. Like last night, but more so. The real thing." And then, doubtfully, "You do know how babies are made, don't you?"
James just looks at him.
Victor's startled. "When you have sex with a woman, you can have a baby. I didn't realize you didn't know."
"How do you?" James asks. He thinks as soon as it leaves his mouth that it's a dumb question. Victor knows all kinds of stuff he doesn't.
"My dad... our dad said it's something two people do when they love each other.
"But I don't think we're supposed to do it," Victor adds after a moment.
"Why not?"
"Because we're brothers," Victor says simply. "And because you're only supposed to do it with women." Then he shrugs. "But the world's against us. We're all on our own, why live by their rules?" He pulls James closer. "If I want to, and you want to, who cares?" He stares James in the eye. "Do you want to, Jimmy?"
James feels loose and relaxed. "Yes." It makes sense, if it's something people do when they love each other. Victor's his best friend, his hero, his only friend and the only person he loves. Victor's the only star in his sky.
"Do you trust me?" Victor asks. His voice is husky.
"Yes." James presses the fingertips of his right hand to Victor's, lifting his brother's hand so their fingertips and palms rest against each other. "You're the only person I trust." He sounds gravelly to his own ears, and as he says it his voice breaks.
"Then lie back, and I'll do it to you."
Naked, Victor climbs on top of him. It's pretty dark, but in the moonlight James can see his penis is hard. He's clumsier than usual, and James realizes his hands are shaking. Victor sits on his pelvis. Victor weighs more than he would have expected, but he doesn't mind. Victor slides a hand over his buttcheeks, and traces one knuckle down to his asshole. It feels bizarre and exciting to be touched there, and by Victor. A shudder goes through him. Victor transfers spit from knuckle to asshole. Victor can extend and retract his claws somewhat, but his nails are always long and always sharp. So he's careful when he touches James.
Victor moves off him and presses James' knees upwards until the tendons in his thighs burn from the stretch. "I think it might hurt a little," he says by way of warning. "Tell me if it hurts and I'll stop." He aligns his penis with James' butt and maneuvers, wriggling slightly.
Victor pushes himself in slowly, but it hurts more than a little. The pain makes James see stars, but only for a second, and he wants very much to make his brother feel as amazing as Victor's made him feel. That want gets him through the moment. Victor gasps when he gets all the way in, and the sound of it is satisfying to James.
"It's okay," James says when he can breathe again.
"It feels more than okay to me," Victor says in a strangled voice. He rests his head in the hollow between James' neck and shoulder and thrusts his hips. He runs a hand over James' ear, and kisses his temple. "I love you," he whispers.
"I love you too," James says, and his chest bursts with warmth.
Afterwards, Victor rolls off him and holds him, and in that moment James feels very close to Victor. He thinks, as he drifts off to sleep, that they've found a whole new of level of closeness. His face rests against Victor's neck. Victor's scent has always been comforting to him.
The next morning, James lies in bed and watches Victor sleep. When Victor stirs and wakes up, he smiles lazily at James. The sun comes up and shines, and they end up doing a repeat of the night before in the warm morning light.
-James is 15, Victor is 18-
Victor's next big idea is that they should join the military. James is used to Victor's grand ideas, and he doesn't argue. Victor's lied for them, worked for them, begged for them, stolen for them, and killed for them. He's taken care of James. James will follow his big brother anywhere.
"You have to be sixteen to enlist, so we'll have to lie. I'm old enough, but if you're under twenty-one you need written parental" --Victor bites off the word bitterly--"consent. But I found someone who can forge letters for us. What do you think?" Victor looks at him expectantly.
James nods. "Okay."
He doesn't think to ask who's going to write the letters for them, or what that person will want from Victor in return. He goes to Victor and puts his arms around him.
"No matter what, once we get in, we can't let them find out about us," Victor says. "They wouldn't understand." He fixes his eyes on his little brother to impress upon him the seriousness of this rule. "It's very important, Jimmy."
James nods, releasing his brother. He remembers some stuff from before, but he's grown up largely outside of society. But Victor knows these things.
-James is 16, Victor is 19-
James decides to make a fresh start when they join the Union army, and introduces himself simply as Logan. James has been vulnerable all his life, he thinks, but Logan won't be.
Victor raises his eyebrows at him, but while he never stops calling Logan Jimmy, he also never comments further.
After so many years of just him and Victor, at first it's strange to be around so many people all the time. Logan gets used to that. What's stranger is the slow process of realizing what an extreme taboo his relationship with Victor is. Logan feels a low churn in his stomach every now and then when generic insults are tossed around among the soldiers in his brigade. The word motherfucker is tossed around as the highest form of joking insult, and men talk about doing so-and-so's sister a lot. Logan realizes family and sex are not ever supposed to mix. But no one ever says anything to him or Victor.
The biggest change is the sense of order. Their years of living on their own were wild and completely unstructured. Everything about military life is structured. They take orders, answer to superior officers, eat at designated times, salute and obey.
The constant marching doesn't bother either of them. They're outdoorsmen in every sense of the word. Victor's grown up broad in the chest and tough, and Logan is lithe with excellent endurance.
Despite the smells, the saluting, and the various sicknesses that take hold of the men around him, life in the U.S. military is cake compared to life as wandering homeless orphans. For the first time they have a regular income, and in the army there are steady rations every day, all different foods. They eat pork and salt beef, hard bread, cornmeal, dried fruit, beans and rice. The soldiers complain that the food lacks variety, but to Logan every day is a feast. The regularity of being given food is nice. Logan drinks coffee for the first time.
Getting used to fighting is harder. Seeing men die--killing men himself--is intense and frightening. The first time he takes a shot to the chest is terrifying. The pain is terrible, and he sees the panic written all over Victor's face which makes him feel even more scared. Victor runs to him and kneels over him, ignoring the deafening sounds and the fighting happening all around them, and takes him by the shoulders and pulls Logan's head into his lap. Logan thinks he cries but he's not sure. It's a very distracting business, being shot. At least at first. After it happens a couple times, it still hurts like hell, but it's bothersome, not frightening.
He never ever forgets the shock of pure fear that surges through him the first time he sees Victor take a mortal wound. His heart freezes for a second and he can't look away, can't think of anything else. Victor looks scared too as he sinks to his knees. But by the time Logan gets to him, it's clear he's going to be okay. They'd hoped, of course--Victor's survived fights with bears--but they didn't know for sure that they could both heal through such a dramatic injury as a gunshot. They see many of their comrades-in-arms die instantly when they're hit.
Logan cries afterwards, when he's alone, grateful and stunned.
Victor takes their apparent immortality as a sign that they're meant for this work, and Logan goes along with it.
-Logan is 17, Victor is 20-
The fact that their love is incestous doesn't bother him as much anymore. They've been doing it so long, it seems as natural as breathing, as eating. He thinks about it only in terms of the innate comfort it brings him when they sneak away. That and the vital importance of hiding it.
The men joke about sex with girls all the time. Logan admits to himself a certain amount of curiosity about women, a certain amount of desire to be close to one. The women he sees on the street arouse him. He's turned on by the idea when he entertains it. But sex with Victor quenches his physical lusts just as their relationship satisfies his emotional needs, and Victor's all he's ever known in that area.
Until Victor buys him a prostitute for his 17th birthday. The brothel is a strange, beautiful place, with many beautiful girls in beautiful dresses and outfits that aren't dresses at all. The madam, a still-attractive older lady, welcomes them politely. Logan gets the impression she's hiding amusement at his expense, but he doesn't care. The scent of the house overwhelms his senses; the place reeks of lust and sex, women and men, sweat and come. The girls line up so he can decide which one he wants. He chooses a dark-haired young woman with a shy, alluring smile. She's wearing a bright green dress that she lifts up a little as he looks at them, revealing her ankles, black shoes and a flash of her shapely legs.
Her name is Madeleine, and she's either pleased to be with him or does an impressive job of pretending to be. They hang around in the downstairs area for a while, and at some point when she undulates on his lap, Logan comes in his pants. Victor knows the expression that passes across his face and laughs at him, but again, Logan doesn't care. Victor's picked a woman of his own and has her giggling on his lap, her breasts bare but for his hands on them. Logan and Madeleine go up in her room after that and she gives him a cool wet towel to clean up. He takes off his clothes and getting cleaned up is not the foremost thing on his mind. She seems slightly surprised that he wants to go again, but willing and full of teasing and laughter. She sucks his cock, and her technique is more practiced than Victor's. He comes again, harder than the first time, bucking up into her mouth. He discovers her pussy isn't as tight as Victor's asshole, but it's soaking wet and slick which entirely makes up for that. When Logan slides up inside her he thinks he might die from how good it is.
-Logan is 145, Victor is 148-
Logan's long suspected Stryker knows about Victor and him, but it wouldn't do to have Zero and Fred and the others find out what they really do on their walks. Victor taught him long ago that other people can't know.
So when Victor asks him, "Walk?", Logan knows he wants to fuck. It's the third time this week, and when they're in any place with privacy or access to the raw wilderness, it happens more often. Victor's intense appetites have only grown over the years.
The others glance at them as they leave. "Why do you guys always take so many walks?" Wade calls. "You two going to go get off together?"
Logan keeps his face bland. Victor can field this one.
Victor smiles.
"With this guy? He complains too much. I'm saving it all for you, Wade." Victor puts his hand on his crotch, patting earnestly. "Come and get it when you want it."
Fred and Zero and even Wade laugh, but Logan notices Bradley looking at them thoughtfully, his eyes sharper and more perceptive then is really a good thing.
Logan nods at John as they leave and gets a nod in return.
"I think Bradley knows," he says after they've walked a little ways.
His brother laughs. "You're so paranoid, Jimmy," Victor says.
"No, really." But Logan lets it drop. Bradley's a quiet guy. If he does guess, Logan doubts he'll say anything. Bradley has always struck him as extremely discreet.
They go more than a few kilometers from camp. Victor finds a spot he thinks suitable and strips his shirt over his head. Logan pulls out the thin blanket secreted away in his shirt and spreads it on the ground. He takes his clothes off and lays them on a corner. He doesn't want them all dirty and grass-stained. Especially with the guys' joking about them going off to fuck, it could be a dead giveaway. Victor's clothes are already strewn on the ground. Logan frowns at them, disapproving. Over the last ten years his brother's slowly grown more and more careless about concealing their secret.
Logan lies on his stomach on the blanket next to Victor. His brother's cock is already hard, lubed up and ready to go. "Turn over," Victor says, leering.
Victor doesn't do formalities when he's horny these days. When he wants to get off, he wants to get off now. Logan's gotten more in the way of foreplay from the handful of prostitutes he's frequented over the years. But he doesn't really mind.
He is surprised, though, that Victor wants him on his back. Of late he usually finds himself on his stomach. Logan rolls over and spreads his legs.
Victor puts his hand on his own cock and gives it a couple slow pumps before applying it to Logan's asshole. Logan winces very slightly when Victor pushes in. Funny how after all the thousands of times they've done this over the years, it still hurts a little bit. But only for a second. After that it just feels right.
Logan can remember how worried he was the first time they snuck off for this purpose. It was shortly after they joined the Union army. He thought even if they didn't get caught having sex with each other, if someone saw them they'd be taken for deserters. Victor reassured him that they'd smell anyone who approached. Decades have passed. He's worried about it quite a bit, but they've never been caught.
Victor rocks into him gently. Logan feels full of his cock, and he likes the way Victor's muscles roll over his. He sighs.
Victor's hand gropes between them for his cock. Logan gasps when he squeezes it. He watches his older brother frown in concentration. It's warm out, even in the twilight, and a few drops of Victor's sweat fall on Logan's brow.
Victor makes several hard thrusts and grunts when he comes. He pulls out faster than Logan would like and rolls off him panting. Logan turns on his side and pillows his head on Victor's outstretched arm. Victor lowers his well-muscled arm around him. Logan doesn't know why, but although he hardly needs looking after anymore, he still wants the feeling this embrace provides. Protection, love, understanding... or echoes of those things, anyway.
After Victor gets his breath, he lies on his side and reaches down to grip Logan's cock. He has a palmful of lubricant, and Logan pumps into his brother's hand feverishly. Sometimes Logan comes from the hot friction between their bodies, and sometimes Victor jerks or sucks him off. He hasn't fucked Victor in a long time though. Victor only ever wants to top.
After, Logan rests against Victor while Victor drowses. He doesn't know how to articulate what's he thinking.
"Are you happy here?" Logan finally says. He thinks Victor's never been happier in his life.
"Sure," Victor answers, smiling without opening his eyes.
Logan puts his face down into the blanket for a moment. "Victor, we gotta talk." Victor looks over at him. "I think we should go."
Victor looks at him like he's crazy. Logan clarifies. "Leave the team. Get out of here. What are we doing out here?"
"Our jobs, maybe?" Victor says it with raised eyebrows, like it should be obvious to Logan.
Logan meets his brother's eyes. "Maybe we should consider looking for jobs that don't involve killing people."
Victor looks at him like he's crazy.
"I mean, what are we doing? We have no idea. Who knows what Stryker wants, what we're really accomplishing here?" Logan shifts uncomfortably. "Besides murdering and capturing people. We got a pardon for 'Nam. There's nothing keeping us here."
Victor looks agitated. "Killing people is all we were doing before, too. It's what we're good at. Who cares what Stryker wants?" His brother props himself up on an elbow. "Look. We're making a difference, Jimmy," Victor says earnestly. "Just trust him. This is a good gig. The only people dying are the bad guys."
Logan shrugs.
"We should get back, " Victor says, glancing in the direction of the camp.
"Yeah, big day tomorrow," Logan says tiredly.
Victor pats his thigh. "It'll be fun, you'll see."
Sometimes Logan feels like he's become the older brother, the caretaker, and Victor the younger. It's like Victor built maturity over the years he cared for them both, only to have it fall away brick by brick. He's become so bloodthirsty. The savage look that steals over his face, the stoop of his shoulders when he crouches to kill... sometimes he thinks Victor's devolving.
After they get up and put their clothes back on, Logan puts his arms around Victor and rests his head on Victor's chest. Pressing his face to Victor's neck, he inhales a deep breath. He gets a cocktail of raw testosterone, confidence, decades of familiarity and intimacy. It's like a drug to him.
In moments of clarity that have grown more and more frequent, he knows Victor's on the edge of being fucked up beyond all recognition. But when Logan breathes Victor in, he feels like he's home. He hopes he'll never have to be without that.
His heart feels heavy as they walk back to camp.
-fin-