(no subject)
It's been so long since I've written anything meaningful--It's been so long since I've found any kind of meaning in my life.
I want things to change, some--
I want to be the person I've always wanted to be.
I seperate my ideal world from the real world--hoping one day they'll coincide.
I saw someone yesterday, that I hadn't seen in awhile. After we talked, I realized--"How often do I doubt myself?" and later that night, I'd go on to discover how much I really do.
Trusting people is hard. I know every one has their own motives. I have mine--and them theirs. I just get touchy when I can not figure them out (including mine). Even more so, when I get them wrong. Do I make terrible motives for them as an excuse to exclude them?
I'm haunted by guilt--in everything I do. I do not know how to live life. I feel guilty if I ever enjoy myself--I wonder, "At whose expense could it have been?" "How silly I must have been.." "How annoying.."
I watched Dogville not toolong ago, and I feel it talked about some of the things I so often wonder--the ulterior motives of people--their facades--forgiveness--and well, the ending.
Solitude may be lonely--but it is far more comforting than the second-guessing and guilty life of being around other people.
I want things to change, some--
I want to be the person I've always wanted to be.
I seperate my ideal world from the real world--hoping one day they'll coincide.
I saw someone yesterday, that I hadn't seen in awhile. After we talked, I realized--"How often do I doubt myself?" and later that night, I'd go on to discover how much I really do.
Trusting people is hard. I know every one has their own motives. I have mine--and them theirs. I just get touchy when I can not figure them out (including mine). Even more so, when I get them wrong. Do I make terrible motives for them as an excuse to exclude them?
I'm haunted by guilt--in everything I do. I do not know how to live life. I feel guilty if I ever enjoy myself--I wonder, "At whose expense could it have been?" "How silly I must have been.." "How annoying.."
I watched Dogville not toolong ago, and I feel it talked about some of the things I so often wonder--the ulterior motives of people--their facades--forgiveness--and well, the ending.
Solitude may be lonely--but it is far more comforting than the second-guessing and guilty life of being around other people.