random update
shocking first bullet!:
after the accident, im finally feeling better (like anyone cares) my whiplash has gone away, and my mom forced me to work outside for 2 days, which means ofcourse im sunburnt as hell and sore, because she was either too lazy or enept to do anything herself except bitch and complain about how "tacky the back yard looks" THEN DON'T LOOK AT IT! it's that simple, but noo, i had to do almost all the fucking work and she bitches at me saying "you live in this damn house and don't do anything to help out!" bullshit, i take out the trash, i do the dishes, i clean the fucking bathroom, even though it's not my responcibillity nor my mess, i still put up with it, and then my brother takes all the credit and i get bitched at more for lieing down all day IM FUCKING NOCTURNAL! i hate the way everyone is always putting me down, like i have the plague or soemthing, as if my self esteem wasn't low enough let's poke fun at all of his wight and innabillity to speak up less it be on LJ or myspace, -.- i hate it when people automaticly jump to conclusions about me, everytime i get out of my room people think the worst, im not a stalker pedophile pervert! or anything, you don't need to say "stay away from my daughter" because i have no intention of porking an 8 year old! what the hell is wrong with people when i can't even go to wal-mart? as if i didn't hate life bad enough my older brother comes back to town (more good news!) in which he jumps on the "get a job you fat lazy fuck" boat, as if mindless random bitching from my mom wasn't bad enough, now i have to hear it from him, my mom buy's me a new car bettery, spark plugs, and carberator cleaner, on her own accord, with no help from me, now she says "you owe me 100 bucks" gee thanks for doing something on you're own, you could have save the trouble and sold the damn thing for parts, not going to affect me any, it's getting to the point to where every day is worse than the day before, i now have a vehicle, with no licinse and no tag's (wow, it's useless to buy things for it when i can't drive it legaly) on par from that my leg won't stop hurting because i used too much of it hauling heavy shit out of the back yard.
18 bags of dirt (could have jsut tossed it aside mom!) she plans to put a fire pit inside of the hole where the pool used to be (a rather large indention) but in the state of oklahoma, there is a little something called a "burn ban" which means no fires... EVER but i told her that, and she ignored everything i said, as usual my advice isn't even glanced at untill someone says what i said "oh, i guess he's right" der! im tired of all this bullshit, i just want to go away, theres an old quote from jinto lin from crest/banner of the stars that goes "i'd rather be forgotten than remembered out of a sence of duty, but i doubt anyone would miss me if i died annyways" this is something in which i belive for myself, again with another quote "if i leave here tomarrow, would you still remember me?" lynard skynard - freebird i ask this to everyone, who would even care if i died? who would care if anything happened? certainly not i, but my life is like that, i don't care anymore, i simply exist, for everytime i gain any form of happiness in my life, fate takes it away, i know im not meant to be happy, so why even bother trying? unlike others i jsut can't be happy anymore, sure i put on a facade when im with friends or talking to people online, but i can't do that anymore, when i don't have a car to drive, no one calls me, when i send out e-mails or update this livejournal, no one reads, why? simple, no one cares about me, why should they, who would spend time with someone who doesent care about their life? no self repsecting person, i wish just for once i could be happy without knowing it won't last.
around 11:30 or so me and david sped off to 12th street park, well, except the speeding thing, when we got there he started hitting me (playfully) but i tried to tell him to stop, i wish he would listen to me, i don't like being hit, even if it is a joke, it makes me feel even more unwelcomed than i believe i am, the last thing i need is to be assulted by someone i consider to be not only a brother, but really the only friend i actually have, most of the night we spent chatting away about my "asshole brother" i could sit ehre and speak volumes about how much of an asshole he is (by that i am reffering to my little brother, not david) however i thing the LJ post space will end before im half way done with that segiment -.-, on another note i havent made a long post in a long time, not one that i took the time to write myself, i have many conflicting emotons and thoughts running through my head, which means im to busy to hate myself right now, i'll do that later, right now im intruding on david's computer, which means around 4-ish he'll kick me off and send me home (or i'll just leave) if anything im intruding on his life (i wonder why he hangs out with me?)
thats it for my post for now, im gunna pretend to be important and try to get more people on my "friends list"
after the accident, im finally feeling better (like anyone cares) my whiplash has gone away, and my mom forced me to work outside for 2 days, which means ofcourse im sunburnt as hell and sore, because she was either too lazy or enept to do anything herself except bitch and complain about how "tacky the back yard looks" THEN DON'T LOOK AT IT! it's that simple, but noo, i had to do almost all the fucking work and she bitches at me saying "you live in this damn house and don't do anything to help out!" bullshit, i take out the trash, i do the dishes, i clean the fucking bathroom, even though it's not my responcibillity nor my mess, i still put up with it, and then my brother takes all the credit and i get bitched at more for lieing down all day IM FUCKING NOCTURNAL! i hate the way everyone is always putting me down, like i have the plague or soemthing, as if my self esteem wasn't low enough let's poke fun at all of his wight and innabillity to speak up less it be on LJ or myspace, -.- i hate it when people automaticly jump to conclusions about me, everytime i get out of my room people think the worst, im not a stalker pedophile pervert! or anything, you don't need to say "stay away from my daughter" because i have no intention of porking an 8 year old! what the hell is wrong with people when i can't even go to wal-mart? as if i didn't hate life bad enough my older brother comes back to town (more good news!) in which he jumps on the "get a job you fat lazy fuck" boat, as if mindless random bitching from my mom wasn't bad enough, now i have to hear it from him, my mom buy's me a new car bettery, spark plugs, and carberator cleaner, on her own accord, with no help from me, now she says "you owe me 100 bucks" gee thanks for doing something on you're own, you could have save the trouble and sold the damn thing for parts, not going to affect me any, it's getting to the point to where every day is worse than the day before, i now have a vehicle, with no licinse and no tag's (wow, it's useless to buy things for it when i can't drive it legaly) on par from that my leg won't stop hurting because i used too much of it hauling heavy shit out of the back yard.
18 bags of dirt (could have jsut tossed it aside mom!) she plans to put a fire pit inside of the hole where the pool used to be (a rather large indention) but in the state of oklahoma, there is a little something called a "burn ban" which means no fires... EVER but i told her that, and she ignored everything i said, as usual my advice isn't even glanced at untill someone says what i said "oh, i guess he's right" der! im tired of all this bullshit, i just want to go away, theres an old quote from jinto lin from crest/banner of the stars that goes "i'd rather be forgotten than remembered out of a sence of duty, but i doubt anyone would miss me if i died annyways" this is something in which i belive for myself, again with another quote "if i leave here tomarrow, would you still remember me?" lynard skynard - freebird i ask this to everyone, who would even care if i died? who would care if anything happened? certainly not i, but my life is like that, i don't care anymore, i simply exist, for everytime i gain any form of happiness in my life, fate takes it away, i know im not meant to be happy, so why even bother trying? unlike others i jsut can't be happy anymore, sure i put on a facade when im with friends or talking to people online, but i can't do that anymore, when i don't have a car to drive, no one calls me, when i send out e-mails or update this livejournal, no one reads, why? simple, no one cares about me, why should they, who would spend time with someone who doesent care about their life? no self repsecting person, i wish just for once i could be happy without knowing it won't last.
around 11:30 or so me and david sped off to 12th street park, well, except the speeding thing, when we got there he started hitting me (playfully) but i tried to tell him to stop, i wish he would listen to me, i don't like being hit, even if it is a joke, it makes me feel even more unwelcomed than i believe i am, the last thing i need is to be assulted by someone i consider to be not only a brother, but really the only friend i actually have, most of the night we spent chatting away about my "asshole brother" i could sit ehre and speak volumes about how much of an asshole he is (by that i am reffering to my little brother, not david) however i thing the LJ post space will end before im half way done with that segiment -.-, on another note i havent made a long post in a long time, not one that i took the time to write myself, i have many conflicting emotons and thoughts running through my head, which means im to busy to hate myself right now, i'll do that later, right now im intruding on david's computer, which means around 4-ish he'll kick me off and send me home (or i'll just leave) if anything im intruding on his life (i wonder why he hangs out with me?)
thats it for my post for now, im gunna pretend to be important and try to get more people on my "friends list"