You can love me too.
I think I left my coherence at the door when I started typing. I apologize for that.
Best read with a frantic, fast-paced tone and without stopping to breathe.
makokitten and I chat play sometimes, and I needed the conventions of paragraph form that isn't limited to my 160 character text message limit. This is what happened. Cloud's speaking lines are her words, not mine.
Should also be noticed that this is silly, cheesy and probably out of character for Sephiroth.
title: You can love me too.
word count: 700
pairing: Sephiroth/Cloud
“I love you. Do you believe me?”
“I do.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever been happier than when I’m with you.”
“I’m glad, Cloud. You deserve to be happy.”
Sephiroth wanted to say so much more, but he didn’t, he couldn’t, he wasn’t able to string the feelings into words. And then he didn’t know what it was he was feeling. He wanted to kiss Cloud, wanted to kiss him and never let him go, he wanted him, but stopped himself.
He didn’t want to scare Cloud again.
Yet, he wanted him. There was a certain desperation, lurking in the back of his mind, stalking, wanting, lusting after Cloud. And he wondered if this was love. It wasn’t. It couldn’t be, not really, not like that. But it was, somewhere, behind the lust, behind the wanting, behind the urge to tear Cloud apart. There was love.
That was what he’d started to say before. I love you. But then he reconsidered. He wondered if he did, he wondered what love was, what the chemical or biological formula for love was, whether it could be grown in a tank in the labs or created the same way an airship was.
“You think so?”
“Yes.”
He knew so. He wanted to say that too, but it sounded cheesy in his mind, not like something he’d say, not like something befitting of a General, but he didn’t need to be the General with Cloud, did he? He didn’t. It was ingrained into his mind, he didn’t have a choice. He was always the General, he was born the General. He couldn’t change that.
“You do too. Deserve happiness.”
“You think so?” Sephiroth mirrored Cloud’s intonations. He didn’t know if he did, really deserve happiness, that is. He was born a killer, he was raised a machine, he was the General of SOLDIER, he was the Shinra corporation’s child. The nagging memory of what he’d caught a snippet of, what may or may not have been relevant to Genesis and Angeal, what Genesis had told him the night Genesis visited him, resurfaced and made him question everything again. “Thank you.”
And then the memory left, got pushed back, because the conversation went on and Cloud smiled and Sephiroth loved him. He realized he didn’t need to explain it, not to himself, not to anyone else, he just needed to know it, and he knew. Sephiroth loved him.
Cloud was the thing that was keeping him grounded, keeping him from locking himself in his office and finishing all of his work and sending himself on a mission to go through the files locked away in other laboratories belonging to Shinra in other small towns, beneath Mako reactors, where tests were conducted long ago.
He needed that research, it would explain everything, and it might help him at least know what had happened to his two friends. There was no bringing back Angeal, Angeal was dead, or Genesis, the man Sephiroth knew as Genesis was also dead, but at least he would know what had happened. He was curious, he wanted to know, but it all came second to Cloud, to Cloud’s smile, because that boy had been through so much for Sephiroth and he loved Sephiroth anyway.
It was simple as that, and Sephiroth loved Cloud too. And they laughed together and promised to do that more often.
“You can love me too, if you want.”
The answer was ‘I do,’ automatically, unquestionably, but Sephiroth’s lips refused the words, and he kissed Cloud’s temple instead and pulled him a little bit closer and hoped the boy would just understand him. He didn’t know how to say it. He tried, but his mouth went dry and his voice failed, and he stopped trying at a risk of sounding like a fish out of water, gasping for breath, and Cloud didn’t understand him.
Sephiroth couldn’t expect him to.
“It’s okay.”
“I’m sorry.”
Sorry he couldn’t say it back, sorry because he felt it, because he wanted to say it, but he couldn’t. Cloud would continue to misunderstand, he’d continue to not know, because Sephiroth couldn’t.
But Sephiroth knew he loved him and it was keeping him sane. At least for now.
Best read with a frantic, fast-paced tone and without stopping to breathe.
makokitten and I chat play sometimes, and I needed the conventions of paragraph form that isn't limited to my 160 character text message limit. This is what happened. Cloud's speaking lines are her words, not mine.
Should also be noticed that this is silly, cheesy and probably out of character for Sephiroth.
title: You can love me too.
word count: 700
pairing: Sephiroth/Cloud
“I love you. Do you believe me?”
“I do.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever been happier than when I’m with you.”
“I’m glad, Cloud. You deserve to be happy.”
Sephiroth wanted to say so much more, but he didn’t, he couldn’t, he wasn’t able to string the feelings into words. And then he didn’t know what it was he was feeling. He wanted to kiss Cloud, wanted to kiss him and never let him go, he wanted him, but stopped himself.
He didn’t want to scare Cloud again.
Yet, he wanted him. There was a certain desperation, lurking in the back of his mind, stalking, wanting, lusting after Cloud. And he wondered if this was love. It wasn’t. It couldn’t be, not really, not like that. But it was, somewhere, behind the lust, behind the wanting, behind the urge to tear Cloud apart. There was love.
That was what he’d started to say before. I love you. But then he reconsidered. He wondered if he did, he wondered what love was, what the chemical or biological formula for love was, whether it could be grown in a tank in the labs or created the same way an airship was.
“You think so?”
“Yes.”
He knew so. He wanted to say that too, but it sounded cheesy in his mind, not like something he’d say, not like something befitting of a General, but he didn’t need to be the General with Cloud, did he? He didn’t. It was ingrained into his mind, he didn’t have a choice. He was always the General, he was born the General. He couldn’t change that.
“You do too. Deserve happiness.”
“You think so?” Sephiroth mirrored Cloud’s intonations. He didn’t know if he did, really deserve happiness, that is. He was born a killer, he was raised a machine, he was the General of SOLDIER, he was the Shinra corporation’s child. The nagging memory of what he’d caught a snippet of, what may or may not have been relevant to Genesis and Angeal, what Genesis had told him the night Genesis visited him, resurfaced and made him question everything again. “Thank you.”
And then the memory left, got pushed back, because the conversation went on and Cloud smiled and Sephiroth loved him. He realized he didn’t need to explain it, not to himself, not to anyone else, he just needed to know it, and he knew. Sephiroth loved him.
Cloud was the thing that was keeping him grounded, keeping him from locking himself in his office and finishing all of his work and sending himself on a mission to go through the files locked away in other laboratories belonging to Shinra in other small towns, beneath Mako reactors, where tests were conducted long ago.
He needed that research, it would explain everything, and it might help him at least know what had happened to his two friends. There was no bringing back Angeal, Angeal was dead, or Genesis, the man Sephiroth knew as Genesis was also dead, but at least he would know what had happened. He was curious, he wanted to know, but it all came second to Cloud, to Cloud’s smile, because that boy had been through so much for Sephiroth and he loved Sephiroth anyway.
It was simple as that, and Sephiroth loved Cloud too. And they laughed together and promised to do that more often.
“You can love me too, if you want.”
The answer was ‘I do,’ automatically, unquestionably, but Sephiroth’s lips refused the words, and he kissed Cloud’s temple instead and pulled him a little bit closer and hoped the boy would just understand him. He didn’t know how to say it. He tried, but his mouth went dry and his voice failed, and he stopped trying at a risk of sounding like a fish out of water, gasping for breath, and Cloud didn’t understand him.
Sephiroth couldn’t expect him to.
“It’s okay.”
“I’m sorry.”
Sorry he couldn’t say it back, sorry because he felt it, because he wanted to say it, but he couldn’t. Cloud would continue to misunderstand, he’d continue to not know, because Sephiroth couldn’t.
But Sephiroth knew he loved him and it was keeping him sane. At least for now.