2017 in Review
Diving right in...
In the Spring semester, I was interning at the Guardianship Program of Dade County. Trying my awkward hand at professional dress and office work, teasing at my PTSD with trips to hospitals' psych departments, hoping not to be attacked at ILFs. Lots of annoying documentation. Those three days per week, I ate packaged salads for lunch many days, and carried the fanciest bag I've ever owned. I was also taking 12 more credits of grad school, in the form of evening classes two nights per week. I did well and got good grades. I also made a couple of real friends. I spent the bulk of multiple downtime days texting with my friend and dragon, Mills.
During those months, man. Ananda got a concussion in January. Super scary, lots of followup, ultimately she was withdrawn from high school.
Before that, we attended the memorial fire for our friend Diana, who had committed suicide in late December of 2016. It was a beautiful thing, led by a shaman and with tons of rad people sharing, but also of course sad. Diana was a trans sex worker and the partner of my friend LJ, who went on to spend ALL of 2017 grieving very openly.
We all went to their first/my second Florida Herbal Conference, in February. It was wonderful but there was also mega stress between Grant and me.
We had a plumbing emergency in the front yard when a pipe burst.
My online friend Michael Kindt, aka http://early-onset-of-night.tumblr.com/ , died of liver cirrhosis. Ironically, he coined the joke that the liver is very important, and that's why it's called that. He was an out and unashamed alcoholic and would not have been surprised by this turn of events, but I was disappointed.
My grandfather (Pa) died, in April, in a way that involved multiple trips to Lakeland for me... alone in a hotel room, then with my family in an AirBnB. Lots of time in the ICU, lots of bonding with my sister and brother, lots of rage at my mother, some serious heartache in my marriage. I got some good time in with Pa at the end. I wrote and gave his eulogy.
I spent awhile texting with Mills about all that, too, and even asked him to come and be with me. Alas, he did not have a way. Nobody really did (I asked a couple of others, as well). Possibly for the best, in the end.
Isaac turned 13 in February, and Elise turned 10 in May.
I discovered the Kimchi Cuddles poly comic and read ALL of it (recommended).
Discovered a plant and seed swap group, went to a couple meetings, took tulsi seedlings to share.
I discovered and subscribed to Duotrope, and started submitting poetry through them, and got some accepted for publication by various markets. Still waiting on some answers and planning to submit more. I organized a whole thematic chapbook, too, that I'd like to enter at a few more places.
Grant was still really, really depressed during these months, and very addicted to/dependent on the GPS based game Ingress - to a degree that was really bananas. He was off and on suicidal, but also on antidepressants and in counseling, and generally doing what he could to try to pull himself up and out of it.
Our still-financed, relatively new (to us) Ford Fiesta's transmission died, beginning a long series of expensive repairs that have ultimately yielded a very expensive lawn ornament.
Ananda went to prom with her boyfriend, and took everyone's breath away. A month later she attended his high school graduation. A year and a half into this relationship (about 2 weeks ago), they broke up.
In the summer semester, I took a break from interning but did have 3 classes/9 more credits. Again doing well, and with more cementing of the friendships I'd made. I went to a "choices in death and dying" seminar for extra credit and gave a presentation on it, and thought about career directions.
Grant took a work trip to Missouri that was good, and then an Ingress trip to the sequoias in California that was GREAT. He came home from that one certain that he had to move to CA, even saying he was going to go with or without me, which was a bit of a fucking surprise. He took it back soon after. He seemed happier overall.
I went in to get bloodwork done, and found out serendipitously I could totally have surgery to fix my (huge) hernia and (major) diastasis anytime - that my weight is not a barrier at all, like I'd been told and believed for years. I had surgical consults, felt mega-triggered and had nightmares semi-regularly for the first time in years, but also got excited (and, later, disappointed that I'd have to wait many months due to scheduling and funding issues). This is still happening.
I took my annual solo summer roadtrip, picking Mills up along the way. This was with Grant's full approval and lots of talks about it. The summer before, I'd visited Mills 3 different days of the trip. This time, we had a lot of adventures in Gainesville, and Tallahassee, and Orlando, and fell in love, and met a bunch of each others' friends, and I said this about it on tumblr when Grant was devastated by the whole turn of events:
"A promise to 'rock your world' is a flirty and seductive euphemism, but to literally have one’s world rocked is actually a much more complicated disaster."
Aaron went to the mountains of North Carolina for a two week long summer hike deal. Elise attended several weeks of Girl Scout day camp.
Ananda turned 17, and Aaron turned 16.
Grant and I "processed" ENDLESSLY, about his jealousy and my refusal to give up this new relationship. Mills and I video chatted, and messaged, and I sent him a card and then he came to our house, and met our kids, and stayed with us for weeks that were wild. He was washing dishes and sleeping in the living room, I was taking him to all my favorite restaurants, Elise was chattering endlessly to him about her ponies. He was easily passing every unspoken test I could have had for him, from how to interact with my gorgeous 17 year old daughter to how to respect my spacey and silly 10 year old. This is to say nothing of bowing to every whim and mood of my erratic husband as everyone adjusted (Mills has been poly for a long ass time, has lead groups about it, etc). We swam in a lot of pools, and spent sweet nights together when Grant was on work trips, and my sister was horrified at my scandalous behavior and refused to meet him and generally put a big wall up between the two of us.
Grant had a small fling, and then got a real long distance girlfriend of his own. I was pretty freaked in both instances by how headlong and rapidly he was flinging himself at relative strangers, but also trying to be supportive. It became clear that we should have talked about expectations I'd assumed were mutual, and would maybe just have to do away with expectations altogether.
He claimed to have "woken up" from his years-long depression, citing a combination of dietary changes (no more grains or sugar) and realizations stemming from counseling and his travels. I never want to discount those things, but I also think it was clear that jealousy and shock played some roles. He lost a ton of weight, improving his blood pressure and getting rid of his sleep apnea. He felt excited about a lot of things in life for the first time in forever. He also felt lots of fear and anxiety about poly.
The fall semester, I started interning at a hospice, and taking more classes. The hospice training and orientation period were intense, in a beautiful way. The people there were authentic and wonderful. I was VERY distracted, though, by Drama at home.
Isaac took a 10 day trip to Colorado, to stay with his friend Jeylin.
Mills kept coming back, for weeks at a time, and then being gone for weeks. Grant and him became real friends, albeit with the tension of Grant having periodic outbursts of emotion about him being here. Isaac built a relationship with Mills, and there were all kinds of things between the two of us.... a trip to Jacksonville to see my friend Kristin, a trip to Key West for my birthday, free surprise tickets to a masquerade ball/fundraising gala, whole seasons of shows like Kyle XY and High Maintenance. We drove as a family up to Gainesville to surprise him at his birthday party, and we spent our hurricane evacuation week up there, too. Mills ended up at our house for Thanksgiving, and Christmas. We've logged a lot of highway hours, and filled every one of them with easy endless talking except for when he was reading me his favorite Harry Potter fanfiction. He came along with all of us to full moon drum circles, to Shaun's wedding, to Santa's Enchanted Forest. We made him a room as a Christmas present. I sewed him a stocking to match the rest of ours. He quietly put a dream catcher near my bed.
I have several new facebook friends that were his first, and a couple of real friend-friends.
I got in major trouble at school, for being late to a particular class too many times. It's a BS class, and I made the mistake of treating it that way, and the teacher said I should be kicked out (a shockingly hardass stance), which would mean no more internship, which would mean expulsion from the whole degree program. Meeting with admins, emails galore, massive frustration - I ended up losing a couple of classes and my internship progress, that semester, but keeping the rest, and will be restarting that same internship this coming term. It's pushed back my graduation a few months (from May to August), but shouldn't be the end of the world.
So much fighting with Laura, about Mills. A horrible phone call from my mother, about him. But my Dad was supportive, and my Aunt Michelle took us out to lunch, and hugged him and said, "Thanks for making her happy."
Grant and I flew with all the kids to Boston, and stayed with my beloved Nancy, and went and saw the Dresden Dolls.
He fell in love, or something like it (reports vary) with a monogamous classmate friend of mine. She seemed smitten with him, too. Nonstop BS rollercoaster ride, of them cutting off all contact/just being friends/hanging out one time to see if they had chemistry/saying zero contact/drunk chatting "one more time," etc etc AD INFINITUM good lord.
I got multiple speeding tickets this year, after several years without one. I was hit by another car, too, which is my first moving collision in all my years of driving.
I bleached the bottom 5 inches of my hair, and then dyed it a dark bluish green.
We were without AC for about 2 sticky months, before we caved and cashed out Grant's 401k to replace our unit.
Had New Years Eve in Gainesville, staying with Mills and (his partner) Norma, and hanging out with (his) my friends there.
Some books I read at least part of:
-More Than Two
-Uncommon Arrangements
-Stranger in a Strange Land
Some music I ate up:
-Beautiful Chorus
-Mother Mother
-Kishi Bashi
-The Veronicas
-new Lorde
-Nahko Bear
I really can't recommend the YouTube series The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo highly enough.
Aaaand that's a wrap.
In the Spring semester, I was interning at the Guardianship Program of Dade County. Trying my awkward hand at professional dress and office work, teasing at my PTSD with trips to hospitals' psych departments, hoping not to be attacked at ILFs. Lots of annoying documentation. Those three days per week, I ate packaged salads for lunch many days, and carried the fanciest bag I've ever owned. I was also taking 12 more credits of grad school, in the form of evening classes two nights per week. I did well and got good grades. I also made a couple of real friends. I spent the bulk of multiple downtime days texting with my friend and dragon, Mills.
During those months, man. Ananda got a concussion in January. Super scary, lots of followup, ultimately she was withdrawn from high school.
Before that, we attended the memorial fire for our friend Diana, who had committed suicide in late December of 2016. It was a beautiful thing, led by a shaman and with tons of rad people sharing, but also of course sad. Diana was a trans sex worker and the partner of my friend LJ, who went on to spend ALL of 2017 grieving very openly.
We all went to their first/my second Florida Herbal Conference, in February. It was wonderful but there was also mega stress between Grant and me.
We had a plumbing emergency in the front yard when a pipe burst.
My online friend Michael Kindt, aka http://early-onset-of-night.tumblr.com/ , died of liver cirrhosis. Ironically, he coined the joke that the liver is very important, and that's why it's called that. He was an out and unashamed alcoholic and would not have been surprised by this turn of events, but I was disappointed.
My grandfather (Pa) died, in April, in a way that involved multiple trips to Lakeland for me... alone in a hotel room, then with my family in an AirBnB. Lots of time in the ICU, lots of bonding with my sister and brother, lots of rage at my mother, some serious heartache in my marriage. I got some good time in with Pa at the end. I wrote and gave his eulogy.
I spent awhile texting with Mills about all that, too, and even asked him to come and be with me. Alas, he did not have a way. Nobody really did (I asked a couple of others, as well). Possibly for the best, in the end.
Isaac turned 13 in February, and Elise turned 10 in May.
I discovered the Kimchi Cuddles poly comic and read ALL of it (recommended).
Discovered a plant and seed swap group, went to a couple meetings, took tulsi seedlings to share.
I discovered and subscribed to Duotrope, and started submitting poetry through them, and got some accepted for publication by various markets. Still waiting on some answers and planning to submit more. I organized a whole thematic chapbook, too, that I'd like to enter at a few more places.
Grant was still really, really depressed during these months, and very addicted to/dependent on the GPS based game Ingress - to a degree that was really bananas. He was off and on suicidal, but also on antidepressants and in counseling, and generally doing what he could to try to pull himself up and out of it.
Our still-financed, relatively new (to us) Ford Fiesta's transmission died, beginning a long series of expensive repairs that have ultimately yielded a very expensive lawn ornament.
Ananda went to prom with her boyfriend, and took everyone's breath away. A month later she attended his high school graduation. A year and a half into this relationship (about 2 weeks ago), they broke up.
In the summer semester, I took a break from interning but did have 3 classes/9 more credits. Again doing well, and with more cementing of the friendships I'd made. I went to a "choices in death and dying" seminar for extra credit and gave a presentation on it, and thought about career directions.
Grant took a work trip to Missouri that was good, and then an Ingress trip to the sequoias in California that was GREAT. He came home from that one certain that he had to move to CA, even saying he was going to go with or without me, which was a bit of a fucking surprise. He took it back soon after. He seemed happier overall.
I went in to get bloodwork done, and found out serendipitously I could totally have surgery to fix my (huge) hernia and (major) diastasis anytime - that my weight is not a barrier at all, like I'd been told and believed for years. I had surgical consults, felt mega-triggered and had nightmares semi-regularly for the first time in years, but also got excited (and, later, disappointed that I'd have to wait many months due to scheduling and funding issues). This is still happening.
I took my annual solo summer roadtrip, picking Mills up along the way. This was with Grant's full approval and lots of talks about it. The summer before, I'd visited Mills 3 different days of the trip. This time, we had a lot of adventures in Gainesville, and Tallahassee, and Orlando, and fell in love, and met a bunch of each others' friends, and I said this about it on tumblr when Grant was devastated by the whole turn of events:
"A promise to 'rock your world' is a flirty and seductive euphemism, but to literally have one’s world rocked is actually a much more complicated disaster."
Aaron went to the mountains of North Carolina for a two week long summer hike deal. Elise attended several weeks of Girl Scout day camp.
Ananda turned 17, and Aaron turned 16.
Grant and I "processed" ENDLESSLY, about his jealousy and my refusal to give up this new relationship. Mills and I video chatted, and messaged, and I sent him a card and then he came to our house, and met our kids, and stayed with us for weeks that were wild. He was washing dishes and sleeping in the living room, I was taking him to all my favorite restaurants, Elise was chattering endlessly to him about her ponies. He was easily passing every unspoken test I could have had for him, from how to interact with my gorgeous 17 year old daughter to how to respect my spacey and silly 10 year old. This is to say nothing of bowing to every whim and mood of my erratic husband as everyone adjusted (Mills has been poly for a long ass time, has lead groups about it, etc). We swam in a lot of pools, and spent sweet nights together when Grant was on work trips, and my sister was horrified at my scandalous behavior and refused to meet him and generally put a big wall up between the two of us.
Grant had a small fling, and then got a real long distance girlfriend of his own. I was pretty freaked in both instances by how headlong and rapidly he was flinging himself at relative strangers, but also trying to be supportive. It became clear that we should have talked about expectations I'd assumed were mutual, and would maybe just have to do away with expectations altogether.
He claimed to have "woken up" from his years-long depression, citing a combination of dietary changes (no more grains or sugar) and realizations stemming from counseling and his travels. I never want to discount those things, but I also think it was clear that jealousy and shock played some roles. He lost a ton of weight, improving his blood pressure and getting rid of his sleep apnea. He felt excited about a lot of things in life for the first time in forever. He also felt lots of fear and anxiety about poly.
The fall semester, I started interning at a hospice, and taking more classes. The hospice training and orientation period were intense, in a beautiful way. The people there were authentic and wonderful. I was VERY distracted, though, by Drama at home.
Isaac took a 10 day trip to Colorado, to stay with his friend Jeylin.
Mills kept coming back, for weeks at a time, and then being gone for weeks. Grant and him became real friends, albeit with the tension of Grant having periodic outbursts of emotion about him being here. Isaac built a relationship with Mills, and there were all kinds of things between the two of us.... a trip to Jacksonville to see my friend Kristin, a trip to Key West for my birthday, free surprise tickets to a masquerade ball/fundraising gala, whole seasons of shows like Kyle XY and High Maintenance. We drove as a family up to Gainesville to surprise him at his birthday party, and we spent our hurricane evacuation week up there, too. Mills ended up at our house for Thanksgiving, and Christmas. We've logged a lot of highway hours, and filled every one of them with easy endless talking except for when he was reading me his favorite Harry Potter fanfiction. He came along with all of us to full moon drum circles, to Shaun's wedding, to Santa's Enchanted Forest. We made him a room as a Christmas present. I sewed him a stocking to match the rest of ours. He quietly put a dream catcher near my bed.
I have several new facebook friends that were his first, and a couple of real friend-friends.
I got in major trouble at school, for being late to a particular class too many times. It's a BS class, and I made the mistake of treating it that way, and the teacher said I should be kicked out (a shockingly hardass stance), which would mean no more internship, which would mean expulsion from the whole degree program. Meeting with admins, emails galore, massive frustration - I ended up losing a couple of classes and my internship progress, that semester, but keeping the rest, and will be restarting that same internship this coming term. It's pushed back my graduation a few months (from May to August), but shouldn't be the end of the world.
So much fighting with Laura, about Mills. A horrible phone call from my mother, about him. But my Dad was supportive, and my Aunt Michelle took us out to lunch, and hugged him and said, "Thanks for making her happy."
Grant and I flew with all the kids to Boston, and stayed with my beloved Nancy, and went and saw the Dresden Dolls.
He fell in love, or something like it (reports vary) with a monogamous classmate friend of mine. She seemed smitten with him, too. Nonstop BS rollercoaster ride, of them cutting off all contact/just being friends/hanging out one time to see if they had chemistry/saying zero contact/drunk chatting "one more time," etc etc AD INFINITUM good lord.
I got multiple speeding tickets this year, after several years without one. I was hit by another car, too, which is my first moving collision in all my years of driving.
I bleached the bottom 5 inches of my hair, and then dyed it a dark bluish green.
We were without AC for about 2 sticky months, before we caved and cashed out Grant's 401k to replace our unit.
Had New Years Eve in Gainesville, staying with Mills and (his partner) Norma, and hanging out with (his) my friends there.
Some books I read at least part of:
-More Than Two
-Uncommon Arrangements
-Stranger in a Strange Land
Some music I ate up:
-Beautiful Chorus
-Mother Mother
-Kishi Bashi
-The Veronicas
-new Lorde
-Nahko Bear
I really can't recommend the YouTube series The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo highly enough.
Aaaand that's a wrap.