Between the Light and the Darkness Lies the Murky Twilight Called Life
Hello everyone. It sure has been a while, hasn't it? My life has been so chaotic lately, in some very good ways and some very bad ways, that I haven't had any time to do update my blog at all. There's so much and so little to say, I don't really know where to begin.
I guess I'll start with the basics. I remain alive and well. I have somehow avoided getting sick since coming back to Japan, despite everyone around me going down for the count at least once and sometimes multiple times. My new apartment is almost complete, missing only a gas stove, which I will buy at some point. But as you all know, I have a very debilitating fear of cooking, so I know that even if I buy it my take-out dinner habit won't change much, haha.
My new apartment is in the Sugita District of Yokohama at the far southern edge of the city. There is very little here save for houses and apartment complexes, but thanks to that it is always very quiet here. If you head down toward Sugita Station and further on to Shin-Sugita Station, there are more shops and a one or two supermarkets. If you head the other direction, you can find nothing but more apartment complexes. No restaurants, no shops, nothing but residential districts as far as the eye can see. However, if you turn back to the direction of the train stations, you will be forced to catch your breath at the view. The sparkling scene of the Shin-Sugita shopping district fades into the darkness of the coast, but off in the distance the Landmark Tower, symbol of Yokohama and tallest building in Japan, stands stalwart and glowing in the murky evening sky. A stunning view visible from the hill just outside my apartment.
Every morning I walk with my portfolio case from my apartment the 12 minute or so walk to Shin-Sugita Station to hop on a train for a 10 minute ride to Kannai where my office is in the center of the city. You could walk to Landmark Tower from there in only 10 minutes or so. Before entering the building, I usually stop at one of two cafes along the way for a quick cup of tea and a sandwich. At first I did it because I didn't have anywhere to keep milk for my morning cereal, but now I find it such a relaxing part of my morning that I can't really stop. Work begins at 9:30am and continues until 5:30pm with a 1 hour lunch break which we can take more or less whenever we want once it passes noon. Unfortunately 7 hours is not nearly enough time to get all the work of the day done, so my coworkers and I almost always do large amounts of overtime. I don't think I've done less than an hour of overtime on any single day for something like 2 months, and I've done even up to 3 hours of overtime before.
Worse than the overtime, however, has been the fact that the coworker who was the one assigned to train me in all my new duties and whose work I would eventually take over completely was suddenly hospitalized for a serious eye infection. She had surgery and will be at home for the rest of the month. Obviously her recovery is top priority, but that meant that everything she was handling at the time fell to me in one grand swoop, including a ton of stuff I had no idea how to handle. Not very many people in the office understand what her work entailed either, so we're all kind of stumbling in the dark. Just Friday one of the shipping companies we use asked us for a form they need every so often, and my coworkers and I just stared at each other in confusion. Eventually we did find what we needed to give the company, but we were all in panic mode for a good 10 minutes or so. Come to think of it, we tend to be in panic mode a lot at our office. On Thursday a customer's packages suddenly vanished without a trace from our storehouse and it took the entire morning to figure out what happened to them. That was terrifying.
Still, all that being said, I'm slowly getting used to my work there, and I don't need to ask a billion questions every time something happens. I'm still not perfect, but I can say that my coworkers all seem relatively satisfied with my performance and are impressed with how I've been handling things even with the sudden loss of my "teacher" so to speak. That's not to say I haven't been making mistakes, but so far nothing major and my coworkers say that I'm doing just fine. With hundreds of customers and thousands of products being tossed around, little mistakes are inevitable. Even big mistakes will happen time to time like the vanishing of boxes (which ended up being my boss's fault, not mine at all). Though I definitely was saying this before, I realize that now I can't say I hate my job. It's anything but perfect, but it's not awful.
As for my friend situation, again very good news and very bad news. I'm making new friends at least online daily, and I've become close enough with many of them that we are making plans to meet up at some point in the future. Obviously not all of them will work out, but it gives me hope that I can develop a social circle here that I can live and breathe within. Without that, I know I wouldn't be able to go on. In fact, this coming Saturday I will be having a house-warming party to celebrate the completion of my apartment and solidify some of my closer new friendships. It won't be a really major affair, just friends over for pizza and video games/movies, etc., but this will be the first time anyone aside from me has ever stepped foot in my apartment. Not only that, but 4 people at once! It took two whole years for that same number of people ever to step foot in my apartment in Asahikawa. I wonder if that's progress, of if I'm just going crazy XD.
Unfortunately, there were originally going to be 5 guests to my party, but one of them I am no longer on speaking terms with. Due to a series of misunderstandings and carelessly used phrases that I think were partially my fault but which others, including those who know both of us, say are entirely the other side's fault, my friendship with this person is probably beyond saving. What hurts the most was that this party was intended to bring us all together, and instead I succeeded in killing one of my friendships. Even if it is entirely the other side's fault, it still has drawn a pall over everything lately. One of my closest friends is friends with this person, so I probably won't be able to see him as often because I know I won't be welcome when the other friend is around. Furthermore, I was on the verge of making friends with a group of people who frequently play video games together online which I thought would be a lot of fun to be a part of. Unfortunately this person I am not speaking to anymore is a key member of this group, so all of that is down the drain.
I know that probably makes me sound selfish, and maybe I am. Still, even if all that other stuff weren't true, it hurts to lose a friend. It's not like I have that many here, and I had some good times with this person in spite of everything. ::Sigh::
Maybe my problem is I try too hard to make friends, and become too emotionally attached too early. But I spent 2 years in Asahikawa hoping that I would make friends naturally, and I never really did. If I don't work hard and put an emotional investment into things, I know I won't get anywhere. But sometimes I go too far. I throw around the words "best friend" too quickly; I expect to be understood more deeply than is possible. Of course the reason for that is the fact that I simply want to be special in people's eyes. I don't want to be just some sort of throwaway acquaintance, which unfortunately seems to more often than not turn out to be the case. I want to love and be loved, just like everybody else, but I also know that that feeling often blinds me to the fact that I already have that with a large number of people.
I know I will never be *the* special person for anyone, but the very least I can do is try to be *a* special person to the people I love. Even if that leads me to lose friends rather than gain them, I can still say that I never wanted anything but the people around me to be happy. Despite everything that happened, I still consider that person a friend and I wish him all the best.
Sorry I got a little emotional there in the end. This only happened a few days ago, so the wounds are still fresh. Anyway, I hope the party works out in spite of the problems that led up to it. I'm very excited to see everyone who is coming, some of whom I haven't seen in a long time. I will do my best to ensure everyone has a good time, so wish me luck!
I guess that's it for now. Thanks for reading!
I guess I'll start with the basics. I remain alive and well. I have somehow avoided getting sick since coming back to Japan, despite everyone around me going down for the count at least once and sometimes multiple times. My new apartment is almost complete, missing only a gas stove, which I will buy at some point. But as you all know, I have a very debilitating fear of cooking, so I know that even if I buy it my take-out dinner habit won't change much, haha.
My new apartment is in the Sugita District of Yokohama at the far southern edge of the city. There is very little here save for houses and apartment complexes, but thanks to that it is always very quiet here. If you head down toward Sugita Station and further on to Shin-Sugita Station, there are more shops and a one or two supermarkets. If you head the other direction, you can find nothing but more apartment complexes. No restaurants, no shops, nothing but residential districts as far as the eye can see. However, if you turn back to the direction of the train stations, you will be forced to catch your breath at the view. The sparkling scene of the Shin-Sugita shopping district fades into the darkness of the coast, but off in the distance the Landmark Tower, symbol of Yokohama and tallest building in Japan, stands stalwart and glowing in the murky evening sky. A stunning view visible from the hill just outside my apartment.
Every morning I walk with my portfolio case from my apartment the 12 minute or so walk to Shin-Sugita Station to hop on a train for a 10 minute ride to Kannai where my office is in the center of the city. You could walk to Landmark Tower from there in only 10 minutes or so. Before entering the building, I usually stop at one of two cafes along the way for a quick cup of tea and a sandwich. At first I did it because I didn't have anywhere to keep milk for my morning cereal, but now I find it such a relaxing part of my morning that I can't really stop. Work begins at 9:30am and continues until 5:30pm with a 1 hour lunch break which we can take more or less whenever we want once it passes noon. Unfortunately 7 hours is not nearly enough time to get all the work of the day done, so my coworkers and I almost always do large amounts of overtime. I don't think I've done less than an hour of overtime on any single day for something like 2 months, and I've done even up to 3 hours of overtime before.
Worse than the overtime, however, has been the fact that the coworker who was the one assigned to train me in all my new duties and whose work I would eventually take over completely was suddenly hospitalized for a serious eye infection. She had surgery and will be at home for the rest of the month. Obviously her recovery is top priority, but that meant that everything she was handling at the time fell to me in one grand swoop, including a ton of stuff I had no idea how to handle. Not very many people in the office understand what her work entailed either, so we're all kind of stumbling in the dark. Just Friday one of the shipping companies we use asked us for a form they need every so often, and my coworkers and I just stared at each other in confusion. Eventually we did find what we needed to give the company, but we were all in panic mode for a good 10 minutes or so. Come to think of it, we tend to be in panic mode a lot at our office. On Thursday a customer's packages suddenly vanished without a trace from our storehouse and it took the entire morning to figure out what happened to them. That was terrifying.
Still, all that being said, I'm slowly getting used to my work there, and I don't need to ask a billion questions every time something happens. I'm still not perfect, but I can say that my coworkers all seem relatively satisfied with my performance and are impressed with how I've been handling things even with the sudden loss of my "teacher" so to speak. That's not to say I haven't been making mistakes, but so far nothing major and my coworkers say that I'm doing just fine. With hundreds of customers and thousands of products being tossed around, little mistakes are inevitable. Even big mistakes will happen time to time like the vanishing of boxes (which ended up being my boss's fault, not mine at all). Though I definitely was saying this before, I realize that now I can't say I hate my job. It's anything but perfect, but it's not awful.
As for my friend situation, again very good news and very bad news. I'm making new friends at least online daily, and I've become close enough with many of them that we are making plans to meet up at some point in the future. Obviously not all of them will work out, but it gives me hope that I can develop a social circle here that I can live and breathe within. Without that, I know I wouldn't be able to go on. In fact, this coming Saturday I will be having a house-warming party to celebrate the completion of my apartment and solidify some of my closer new friendships. It won't be a really major affair, just friends over for pizza and video games/movies, etc., but this will be the first time anyone aside from me has ever stepped foot in my apartment. Not only that, but 4 people at once! It took two whole years for that same number of people ever to step foot in my apartment in Asahikawa. I wonder if that's progress, of if I'm just going crazy XD.
Unfortunately, there were originally going to be 5 guests to my party, but one of them I am no longer on speaking terms with. Due to a series of misunderstandings and carelessly used phrases that I think were partially my fault but which others, including those who know both of us, say are entirely the other side's fault, my friendship with this person is probably beyond saving. What hurts the most was that this party was intended to bring us all together, and instead I succeeded in killing one of my friendships. Even if it is entirely the other side's fault, it still has drawn a pall over everything lately. One of my closest friends is friends with this person, so I probably won't be able to see him as often because I know I won't be welcome when the other friend is around. Furthermore, I was on the verge of making friends with a group of people who frequently play video games together online which I thought would be a lot of fun to be a part of. Unfortunately this person I am not speaking to anymore is a key member of this group, so all of that is down the drain.
I know that probably makes me sound selfish, and maybe I am. Still, even if all that other stuff weren't true, it hurts to lose a friend. It's not like I have that many here, and I had some good times with this person in spite of everything. ::Sigh::
Maybe my problem is I try too hard to make friends, and become too emotionally attached too early. But I spent 2 years in Asahikawa hoping that I would make friends naturally, and I never really did. If I don't work hard and put an emotional investment into things, I know I won't get anywhere. But sometimes I go too far. I throw around the words "best friend" too quickly; I expect to be understood more deeply than is possible. Of course the reason for that is the fact that I simply want to be special in people's eyes. I don't want to be just some sort of throwaway acquaintance, which unfortunately seems to more often than not turn out to be the case. I want to love and be loved, just like everybody else, but I also know that that feeling often blinds me to the fact that I already have that with a large number of people.
I know I will never be *the* special person for anyone, but the very least I can do is try to be *a* special person to the people I love. Even if that leads me to lose friends rather than gain them, I can still say that I never wanted anything but the people around me to be happy. Despite everything that happened, I still consider that person a friend and I wish him all the best.
Sorry I got a little emotional there in the end. This only happened a few days ago, so the wounds are still fresh. Anyway, I hope the party works out in spite of the problems that led up to it. I'm very excited to see everyone who is coming, some of whom I haven't seen in a long time. I will do my best to ensure everyone has a good time, so wish me luck!
I guess that's it for now. Thanks for reading!