Abso-Freakin-Hilarious
This just in from TheOneRing.Net:
The Iron Chef : Lembas Battle - Tehanu @ 18:51 PST
"If memory serves me correct, today's challenger, the wraith who appeased Sauron's palate first trained in the trades of Angmar. He later gained more experience in the fiery kitchens of Orthanc. At the age of several thousand, he opened his own restaurant at Minas Morgul. He specializes in the melding of exotic cuisine with spells and is considered one of Orthanc's finest Mordor-ese chefs."
Commentator Glorfindel, "Who imagined there was of Chef of Mordor cuisine ... this man's food ... someone to closely watch ... let's bring him on ... the Witchking of Angmar."
Commentator Glorfindel, "I hear you handle yourself quite well in the kitchen." Wraith replies, "[bloodcurdling screech]"
Okay, let's bring on Chairman Elrond.
Elrond, "Welcome to my kitchen stadium. And now ... the pride of my gourmet academy ... 3 iron chefs ... I summon Iron Chefs!"
Iron Chef Hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, of the Shire
Iron Chef Elvish, Haldir, of Lorien
Iron Chef Dwarvish, Gimli
Witchking chooses, "Shire ... Baggins."
Commentator Glorfindel, "Born in Hobbiton, Iron Chef Bilbo Baggins trained in the epicurean kitchens of Bag End before moving to Rivendell at the age of eleventy-one. He is known for his long-awaited parties of Hobbit cuisine. It is said no one leaves hungry."
Now chairman Elrond unveils the main ingredient ... Lembas!
"Allez cuisine!"
Commentator Glorfindel, "Of this luxurious ingredient, it is said one bite can fill a grown man's stomach."
"It appears Bilbo is first up to the stand, and he appears to be sampling the theme ingredient already. This lembas is a special treat ... what dishes first come to mind?"
Taster Arwen, "Lembas goes well with everything, it has such a sweet flavor ... I would like to see it in a soup or something."
"Fukui-san ... the Hobbit says he will take this into consideration and plans to mix it with a nice healthy elven wine."
Arwen, "[giggles]"
"And what about you, Aragorn?"
"Something good for the road."
Commentator Glorfindel, "It will be interesting to watch the Witchking, because lembas is not traditionally used in Mordor-ese cooking."
"One minute to go"
"Time is done, the lembas battle is over!"
Challenger Witchking is offering 2 dishes:
- Filet of Fell Beast topped with a Lembas-crumb crust
- Scorched Malice Cake Flambe - in the shape of Orthanc, with a ring of fire around it
Iron Chef Hobbit is offering 5 dishes:
- Ranger Ploughman's lunch w/ Dichon Radish
- Elven-Wine-Onion soup served in a lembas breadbowl, perfectly complimenting each other
- Lembas Pitas, filled with Pork and Benito Shavings, accentuated by Hobbit-pipe infused smoke
- Lembas Stuffing, with mushrooms, truffle oil, and nice crispy bacon
- Lembas Bread Pudding, a simple way to end the meal
Panel of tasters:
Wizard: Gandalf
She-elf: Arwen
Gardener: Sam Gamgee
Ranger: Aragorn
Whose cuisine will reign supreme?
The Iron Chef : Lembas Battle - Tehanu @ 18:51 PST
"If memory serves me correct, today's challenger, the wraith who appeased Sauron's palate first trained in the trades of Angmar. He later gained more experience in the fiery kitchens of Orthanc. At the age of several thousand, he opened his own restaurant at Minas Morgul. He specializes in the melding of exotic cuisine with spells and is considered one of Orthanc's finest Mordor-ese chefs."
Commentator Glorfindel, "Who imagined there was of Chef of Mordor cuisine ... this man's food ... someone to closely watch ... let's bring him on ... the Witchking of Angmar."
Commentator Glorfindel, "I hear you handle yourself quite well in the kitchen." Wraith replies, "[bloodcurdling screech]"
Okay, let's bring on Chairman Elrond.
Elrond, "Welcome to my kitchen stadium. And now ... the pride of my gourmet academy ... 3 iron chefs ... I summon Iron Chefs!"
Iron Chef Hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, of the Shire
Iron Chef Elvish, Haldir, of Lorien
Iron Chef Dwarvish, Gimli
Witchking chooses, "Shire ... Baggins."
Commentator Glorfindel, "Born in Hobbiton, Iron Chef Bilbo Baggins trained in the epicurean kitchens of Bag End before moving to Rivendell at the age of eleventy-one. He is known for his long-awaited parties of Hobbit cuisine. It is said no one leaves hungry."
Now chairman Elrond unveils the main ingredient ... Lembas!
"Allez cuisine!"
Commentator Glorfindel, "Of this luxurious ingredient, it is said one bite can fill a grown man's stomach."
"It appears Bilbo is first up to the stand, and he appears to be sampling the theme ingredient already. This lembas is a special treat ... what dishes first come to mind?"
Taster Arwen, "Lembas goes well with everything, it has such a sweet flavor ... I would like to see it in a soup or something."
"Fukui-san ... the Hobbit says he will take this into consideration and plans to mix it with a nice healthy elven wine."
Arwen, "[giggles]"
"And what about you, Aragorn?"
"Something good for the road."
Commentator Glorfindel, "It will be interesting to watch the Witchking, because lembas is not traditionally used in Mordor-ese cooking."
"One minute to go"
"Time is done, the lembas battle is over!"
Challenger Witchking is offering 2 dishes:
- Filet of Fell Beast topped with a Lembas-crumb crust
- Scorched Malice Cake Flambe - in the shape of Orthanc, with a ring of fire around it
Iron Chef Hobbit is offering 5 dishes:
- Ranger Ploughman's lunch w/ Dichon Radish
- Elven-Wine-Onion soup served in a lembas breadbowl, perfectly complimenting each other
- Lembas Pitas, filled with Pork and Benito Shavings, accentuated by Hobbit-pipe infused smoke
- Lembas Stuffing, with mushrooms, truffle oil, and nice crispy bacon
- Lembas Bread Pudding, a simple way to end the meal
Panel of tasters:
Wizard: Gandalf
She-elf: Arwen
Gardener: Sam Gamgee
Ranger: Aragorn
Whose cuisine will reign supreme?