I think I have to stop wanting things so much.
Yea, I do believe I am going to switch schools for my 11th grade year. I thought about it, and this school really makes me depressed and everything, I need new friends, a new life..just something new. If I can't move. Then I guess I got to change something here. I just want to run off with all my good friends...yea..the few that I have. I know people hate me, I know they do. They have reason, and I bet they are just laughing it up that I am in such a horrbile place right now. So I guess I will just "feed the fire". I am so lonely, I feel like I dont have enough people to turn to. The people I have are great and all...omega, niesho, whitney, cristina, but seeing as 3 of them live MILES and MILES away....
so yea I sit here everyday wishing I could just have one week or day with them. To just help me not feel lonely. I feel like shit here. Its horrible, not that I feel like this, but its horrible that I deserve it all. I have been such a terrible, son/student/friend/boyfriend/ and all out person, this year. All I can wish for is things to get better, which I have done for such a long time and they still haven't. I dont know what to do anymore. Me and my mom are not speaking because of an argument we had. She turns everything into a medication thing...."Bruce do you want to get back on your medication" its always about that, its not going to help me much. I felt like this while I was on it......i hate the feeling of loneliness..it makes me just feel empty, like there is nothing left of me. The only time there is, is when I am joking around with niesho, or talking about omegas day with her..or whiteny telling me about her boyfriend robert, or when cristina tells me i am a "nice kid"...those are the only times I feel like something, or someone. I need them all. I need them with me, like right here, next to me. But no, can't have it. so whatever, I was listening to this song and it reminds me of niesho so bam..posting the lyrics
Feelings non existent
Loss of a tortured soul
So cold and fearful
Unnoticed and unaclaimed
Left as one alone
On the endless road
To bear on for a lifetime
Of loneliness
She sits alone
And slowly fades away into nothingness
And as she struggles on
Her mind begins to wander
Thoughts of endless bliss
The wind her only friend
Never again to be cared for
She tries to hold her head up high
Just a mask to hide the tears behind
Only wanting to die
As they sit by and watch
Another dead existence
Dreams torn apart
As the spirit dies
Hiding behind the lies
And silent darkness
it just seems like something she would like..so bam..seeing as she is like the only one who reads this, besides omega, i post it for her.
so yea I sit here everyday wishing I could just have one week or day with them. To just help me not feel lonely. I feel like shit here. Its horrible, not that I feel like this, but its horrible that I deserve it all. I have been such a terrible, son/student/friend/boyfriend/ and all out person, this year. All I can wish for is things to get better, which I have done for such a long time and they still haven't. I dont know what to do anymore. Me and my mom are not speaking because of an argument we had. She turns everything into a medication thing...."Bruce do you want to get back on your medication" its always about that, its not going to help me much. I felt like this while I was on it......i hate the feeling of loneliness..it makes me just feel empty, like there is nothing left of me. The only time there is, is when I am joking around with niesho, or talking about omegas day with her..or whiteny telling me about her boyfriend robert, or when cristina tells me i am a "nice kid"...those are the only times I feel like something, or someone. I need them all. I need them with me, like right here, next to me. But no, can't have it. so whatever, I was listening to this song and it reminds me of niesho so bam..posting the lyrics
Feelings non existent
Loss of a tortured soul
So cold and fearful
Unnoticed and unaclaimed
Left as one alone
On the endless road
To bear on for a lifetime
Of loneliness
She sits alone
And slowly fades away into nothingness
And as she struggles on
Her mind begins to wander
Thoughts of endless bliss
The wind her only friend
Never again to be cared for
She tries to hold her head up high
Just a mask to hide the tears behind
Only wanting to die
As they sit by and watch
Another dead existence
Dreams torn apart
As the spirit dies
Hiding behind the lies
And silent darkness
it just seems like something she would like..so bam..seeing as she is like the only one who reads this, besides omega, i post it for her.