Impending FAIL
It's the big 21 next week, and for the second year in a row I don't feel like celebrating. Last year it was redundnacy, this year it's lack of friends, funds & fun. Before I was quite excited about my birthday, as people generally are, especially hitting a benchmark age, and if I hadn't have already blabbed to Gav when my birthday was, I wouldn't even be celebrating at work. But it's not going to be like a TNT celebration. There's going to be no streamers, no tannoy announcements, no presents, no cards even. Just me, bringing in a shed load of cakes that wont even get eaten.
I've been thinking for a while what my spread will be like. I've always wanted to bake the cakes I bring in, but after the last one I made... (TNT had a bake sale, mine didn't even sell one slice. I made two, took them 'home' with me and threw them in the skip at Spencers) But I'd be making fairy cakes and donut muffins this time - tried and tested favourites that I can't really fuck up. But as everyone else buys a selection from Tesco, will they sneer at my efforts? Will they think of my offerings as meagre?
Great. I'm now hiding my birthday from my friends. Considered removing it from FB the other day. Think I might. (Now have) Text Steve yesterday asking if he was quizzing (no) then asked him what he was doing next Friday and got no response. He plays football on Saturday's which we go to every now and again, he asked if I was coming this weekend and I said I would, but wasn't sure about Phil as he needs a couple of hours to do some shopping. Missed out the "to get my birthday present" part.
There are so many expectations for a birthday these days though, especially at my age. I'm expected to go out and get drunk and post pictures of me and other people vicariously having fun. But there will be no drunkeness. There will be no photo upload. There wont even be any going out. At the most, Phil & I might go out for a meal. Not Cibo's. Not La Fontana. Not a pub. I'd want a nice restaurant. Not too nice. Fuck it, I'm just bloody awkward, think we might skip the meal.
I don't want Phil to feel this way around his birthday, so I'd best get planning now what we'll do. Hopefully I'll be driving by then, so I can take us somewhere special, he can have a few drinks.
I've been thinking for a while what my spread will be like. I've always wanted to bake the cakes I bring in, but after the last one I made... (TNT had a bake sale, mine didn't even sell one slice. I made two, took them 'home' with me and threw them in the skip at Spencers) But I'd be making fairy cakes and donut muffins this time - tried and tested favourites that I can't really fuck up. But as everyone else buys a selection from Tesco, will they sneer at my efforts? Will they think of my offerings as meagre?
Great. I'm now hiding my birthday from my friends. Considered removing it from FB the other day. Think I might. (Now have) Text Steve yesterday asking if he was quizzing (no) then asked him what he was doing next Friday and got no response. He plays football on Saturday's which we go to every now and again, he asked if I was coming this weekend and I said I would, but wasn't sure about Phil as he needs a couple of hours to do some shopping. Missed out the "to get my birthday present" part.
There are so many expectations for a birthday these days though, especially at my age. I'm expected to go out and get drunk and post pictures of me and other people vicariously having fun. But there will be no drunkeness. There will be no photo upload. There wont even be any going out. At the most, Phil & I might go out for a meal. Not Cibo's. Not La Fontana. Not a pub. I'd want a nice restaurant. Not too nice. Fuck it, I'm just bloody awkward, think we might skip the meal.
I don't want Phil to feel this way around his birthday, so I'd best get planning now what we'll do. Hopefully I'll be driving by then, so I can take us somewhere special, he can have a few drinks.