The Wiz
"We'll do ya."
"What?" I thought to myself. "That's it?" I'd just been through a long series of eye exams for the LASIK that I'll be getting a week from Monday. I've been wanting to get LASIK for a long time, and with the problems I've been having with my contacts lately I finally decided that it's time to just swallow the bill and go ahead with the surgery.
My eye doctor, Dr Paxman, who I lovingly refer to as "Doc", told me that I'm the perfect candidate for the LASIK surgery. "Your cornea is a little on the thin side, but that shouldn't be a problem." he said. He then referred me to a certain Dr Hoops. The same Doctor that performed my sister's LASIK surgery just two years ago. "He's the best Doctor in the business." Doc said, "We'll just have to schedule you for your consultation."
The day finally came for my consultation. I arrived at the clinic, found my way to the fourth floor, and was abruptly shuffled into a small waiting room where I was shown a very cheesy video that was, no doubt, made in the early 90's, given some paperwork to fill out, and was told there would be a quiz at the end of the video. As the video was about to begin, another person, a lady, was also shuffled into the room where she took a seat close to me.
I think the video was intended to scare off potential candidates who were having second thoughts about having the surgery. In fact, because of the different sounds issuing from her mouth, I'm a bit surprised that my viewing companion didn't run off ne'r to return in the middle of the video.
When the video and paperwork were finished, I was ushered around by a kind young man named Paul who showed me, from the other side of a glass wall, a room where they kept all of the different lasers and operating tools. He gave a brief, uneducated description of each of them, and then showed me to a small dark room. We then went through some different examinations that, apparently, mapped out the shape of my eye. Paul also ran a few tests on my eyes, asked me a few questions, and then invited me to sit in a hallway.
"What's next?" I thought to myself. "Do I finally get to talk to the wizard?"
After a few moments I heard a male voice from the office behind where I was sitting call my name. I came in and sat down across a desk from a gentleman who referred to himself as Fred Baskin. Disappointed that I was not yet talking to the kind Doctor himself yet, I then sat in silence while Mr Baskin explained all of the prices and legal ramifications that were associated with my prospective surgery. After handing me some pamphlets and different papers to look at, I was again led out into yet another hallway and offered a chair.
A short time passed, and I began to attempt to recall from memory just how long I was told the visit today would take. As I was getting nowhere in my recollection process, I was pleased when a polite young woman, who did not introduce herself, called my name and led me into another chamber.
She asked me to take a seat and said, "Dr Hoops will be in to see you shortly." As she walked out the door my mind began reeling. Dr Hoops, the Wizard, the I Ching was going to walk through that door any second! I would finally be meeting the man who would change my life forever!
As promised, it was no time at all before a short, husky man with rich dark hair and a learned look on his face walked into the room. He briefly introduced himself as Dr Hoops, shook my hand, and began sifting through the mass of paperwork that had accumulated in the hour and a half I had been there. Upon finding the paper he was no doubt looking for he mumbled something about needing another test, and walked out of the room.
I sat there for a second, a little taken back, and wondered if I had done something wrong. As my mind began to work again, my thought processes were again interrupted by the pleasant voice of the nameless nurse who informed me that the Doctor would be back, but that he recommended yet another test.
Into yet another of the seemingly countless rooms we went, where the nameless nurse performed yet another of the seemingly countless tests. Then back to the previous room and into the ocular throne to wait for the Doctor one last time.
The good Doctor appeared in no time at all with the nameless nurse on his heels. Not a friendly glance this time. He was in a hurry to see what the results of the final tests were. Busily he shuffled through the papers one more time, pausing briefly to make mental notes of a number here or a word or two there. After a matter of only a few seconds he then glanced at me, then standing as if to leave he said, "We'll do ya!" and with a curt smile he was gone.
And that was it. I walked to the elevator in a half daze, wondering what had just happened. I had passed all of the sentinels, spoken to the Wizard himself, and would be back to this place in one week and two days to have the Wiz put the little blue men into my eyes to do a little mining. And that's it. That's all. My consultation to change my life.
"What?" I thought to myself. "That's it?" I'd just been through a long series of eye exams for the LASIK that I'll be getting a week from Monday. I've been wanting to get LASIK for a long time, and with the problems I've been having with my contacts lately I finally decided that it's time to just swallow the bill and go ahead with the surgery.
My eye doctor, Dr Paxman, who I lovingly refer to as "Doc", told me that I'm the perfect candidate for the LASIK surgery. "Your cornea is a little on the thin side, but that shouldn't be a problem." he said. He then referred me to a certain Dr Hoops. The same Doctor that performed my sister's LASIK surgery just two years ago. "He's the best Doctor in the business." Doc said, "We'll just have to schedule you for your consultation."
The day finally came for my consultation. I arrived at the clinic, found my way to the fourth floor, and was abruptly shuffled into a small waiting room where I was shown a very cheesy video that was, no doubt, made in the early 90's, given some paperwork to fill out, and was told there would be a quiz at the end of the video. As the video was about to begin, another person, a lady, was also shuffled into the room where she took a seat close to me.
I think the video was intended to scare off potential candidates who were having second thoughts about having the surgery. In fact, because of the different sounds issuing from her mouth, I'm a bit surprised that my viewing companion didn't run off ne'r to return in the middle of the video.
When the video and paperwork were finished, I was ushered around by a kind young man named Paul who showed me, from the other side of a glass wall, a room where they kept all of the different lasers and operating tools. He gave a brief, uneducated description of each of them, and then showed me to a small dark room. We then went through some different examinations that, apparently, mapped out the shape of my eye. Paul also ran a few tests on my eyes, asked me a few questions, and then invited me to sit in a hallway.
"What's next?" I thought to myself. "Do I finally get to talk to the wizard?"
After a few moments I heard a male voice from the office behind where I was sitting call my name. I came in and sat down across a desk from a gentleman who referred to himself as Fred Baskin. Disappointed that I was not yet talking to the kind Doctor himself yet, I then sat in silence while Mr Baskin explained all of the prices and legal ramifications that were associated with my prospective surgery. After handing me some pamphlets and different papers to look at, I was again led out into yet another hallway and offered a chair.
A short time passed, and I began to attempt to recall from memory just how long I was told the visit today would take. As I was getting nowhere in my recollection process, I was pleased when a polite young woman, who did not introduce herself, called my name and led me into another chamber.
She asked me to take a seat and said, "Dr Hoops will be in to see you shortly." As she walked out the door my mind began reeling. Dr Hoops, the Wizard, the I Ching was going to walk through that door any second! I would finally be meeting the man who would change my life forever!
As promised, it was no time at all before a short, husky man with rich dark hair and a learned look on his face walked into the room. He briefly introduced himself as Dr Hoops, shook my hand, and began sifting through the mass of paperwork that had accumulated in the hour and a half I had been there. Upon finding the paper he was no doubt looking for he mumbled something about needing another test, and walked out of the room.
I sat there for a second, a little taken back, and wondered if I had done something wrong. As my mind began to work again, my thought processes were again interrupted by the pleasant voice of the nameless nurse who informed me that the Doctor would be back, but that he recommended yet another test.
Into yet another of the seemingly countless rooms we went, where the nameless nurse performed yet another of the seemingly countless tests. Then back to the previous room and into the ocular throne to wait for the Doctor one last time.
The good Doctor appeared in no time at all with the nameless nurse on his heels. Not a friendly glance this time. He was in a hurry to see what the results of the final tests were. Busily he shuffled through the papers one more time, pausing briefly to make mental notes of a number here or a word or two there. After a matter of only a few seconds he then glanced at me, then standing as if to leave he said, "We'll do ya!" and with a curt smile he was gone.
And that was it. I walked to the elevator in a half daze, wondering what had just happened. I had passed all of the sentinels, spoken to the Wizard himself, and would be back to this place in one week and two days to have the Wiz put the little blue men into my eyes to do a little mining. And that's it. That's all. My consultation to change my life.