I've been remiss..
I've been horribly so.. so here's the update on shaman-y things.
I'm being called again.. for the first time in... since... <-.-> since Montana I think... definitely the first time since coming here. Two simple words.. "...then come". In response to so much.
Things before:
This all starts with Christmas really.. My mate got me a wolf ^_^ We'd talked a long time ago about the wolf I once wore, and why I didn't feel that I really wanted to anymore. I looked over the internets and found a few suitable possibilities and shared them with her a while ago.. Unasked and (mostly) by surprise, one showed up in my bag-o-thoughtfulness (stocking for the rest of you) this year. I've replaced the cheap chain it came with with a leather line and have worn it almost without break since. It's been the constant reminder that I've needed to continue talking to the trees (which has become a bit easier), to continue moving away from certain habits and back towards certain others..
My curling team went to Utica this year for the Elizabeth Child's Challenge, the women's 5-yrs-experience and under tourney. It's a measure of how well we fit together as a team that we did better in our first year than other teams that had been there from our club before. We made it to the finals and as we walked the boards behind the piper, something in the back of my head recognized the hollow wooden structure as something other than where you can stand and not worry about falling on your ass... as a drum. So I drummed. Had my ~1/4 shot of Drambuie, toasted the piper, made an offering to wolf.. and continued drumming. The entire game. Every time I was on the boards, I consciously made my steps a dance, a celebration.. and near the beginning of the game was the first time in way too long that I've felt wolf with me.. close enough to ask for teaching... and receive it. The mountains taught me long ago that Joy is a choice.. Focus is also a choice. When my envelopment in feeling and drumming nearly gave several points to the other team, I turned that same envelopment into some of the more intense concentration that I've ever felt.. and the stones responded. My second shot, and last of the game, cut their score to just one stone.. after that there was no doubt in my mind that we'd win. And we did... and then had a rather heart-and-mind wrenching discussion on the way home. We found out that we were all more like eachother than we'd even thought possible.. with some of the same emotional issues, owing the same debts to some of the same relationship-people.. but that's another story for a different place.
I've also begun going back through some books I read in college.. trying to relearn some lessons at the base of what it is to be shaman.. some things about word choice and thought patterns.. basically trying to re-align my internal point-of-view. I have more to seek in that area than I remember from before.. reading for a college class and reading for personal application have very different results. ^_^
I'm being called again.. for the first time in... since... <-.-> since Montana I think... definitely the first time since coming here. Two simple words.. "...then come". In response to so much.
Things before:
This all starts with Christmas really.. My mate got me a wolf ^_^ We'd talked a long time ago about the wolf I once wore, and why I didn't feel that I really wanted to anymore. I looked over the internets and found a few suitable possibilities and shared them with her a while ago.. Unasked and (mostly) by surprise, one showed up in my bag-o-thoughtfulness (stocking for the rest of you) this year. I've replaced the cheap chain it came with with a leather line and have worn it almost without break since. It's been the constant reminder that I've needed to continue talking to the trees (which has become a bit easier), to continue moving away from certain habits and back towards certain others..
My curling team went to Utica this year for the Elizabeth Child's Challenge, the women's 5-yrs-experience and under tourney. It's a measure of how well we fit together as a team that we did better in our first year than other teams that had been there from our club before. We made it to the finals and as we walked the boards behind the piper, something in the back of my head recognized the hollow wooden structure as something other than where you can stand and not worry about falling on your ass... as a drum. So I drummed. Had my ~1/4 shot of Drambuie, toasted the piper, made an offering to wolf.. and continued drumming. The entire game. Every time I was on the boards, I consciously made my steps a dance, a celebration.. and near the beginning of the game was the first time in way too long that I've felt wolf with me.. close enough to ask for teaching... and receive it. The mountains taught me long ago that Joy is a choice.. Focus is also a choice. When my envelopment in feeling and drumming nearly gave several points to the other team, I turned that same envelopment into some of the more intense concentration that I've ever felt.. and the stones responded. My second shot, and last of the game, cut their score to just one stone.. after that there was no doubt in my mind that we'd win. And we did... and then had a rather heart-and-mind wrenching discussion on the way home. We found out that we were all more like eachother than we'd even thought possible.. with some of the same emotional issues, owing the same debts to some of the same relationship-people.. but that's another story for a different place.
I've also begun going back through some books I read in college.. trying to relearn some lessons at the base of what it is to be shaman.. some things about word choice and thought patterns.. basically trying to re-align my internal point-of-view. I have more to seek in that area than I remember from before.. reading for a college class and reading for personal application have very different results. ^_^