(no subject)
i have some definite issues.
for one- i cant let go.
i see photos of my old apartment and my heart starts tugging at my tear ducts and i start to miss living small. right now i live all alone in this four bedroom house. weekends are full of max and i playing house but other than that...its random company and way too much room to groove. i miss feeling confined to the point where i just left the house. where i came home just to sleep and do laundry because i wasnt just going to sit in that apartment and wait for it to get bigger. and it was so much easier to keep clean.
two- my brain keeps hurting,
my head is hurting constantly again. nausea and temperatures follow this feeling. i feel like im just forgetting to breathe and when i concentrate on breathing i feel like its not enough oxygen. like theres some other biological quota im not filling by just functioning.
three- i cant stop living in the future.
my heart wants to get back to broward/ somewhere in south florida so bad but i cant find any logical reason to it. i dont really have anything there to go back to. potential friendships with people i only sorta talked to while i lived there. while here, there are people begging me to hang out and i just dont want to. my mind races with thoughts of failure. what if i dont get accepted to a university after this semester? what will i do? where will i go?
im filled to the brim with this feeling that everyone that i know that goes to university is exponentially smarter, manages time better, and has super powers that allow them to travel, volunteer, work a real job and hang out- all while keeping on top of school enough to make something of themselves. while over here on my side of the fence i feel like i cant do that...so why would i be accepted in to college?
and...do chickens just lay infertile eggs and wait for the roosters to fertilize them? is this the difference between baby chicks and omelets?
for one- i cant let go.
i see photos of my old apartment and my heart starts tugging at my tear ducts and i start to miss living small. right now i live all alone in this four bedroom house. weekends are full of max and i playing house but other than that...its random company and way too much room to groove. i miss feeling confined to the point where i just left the house. where i came home just to sleep and do laundry because i wasnt just going to sit in that apartment and wait for it to get bigger. and it was so much easier to keep clean.
two- my brain keeps hurting,
my head is hurting constantly again. nausea and temperatures follow this feeling. i feel like im just forgetting to breathe and when i concentrate on breathing i feel like its not enough oxygen. like theres some other biological quota im not filling by just functioning.
three- i cant stop living in the future.
my heart wants to get back to broward/ somewhere in south florida so bad but i cant find any logical reason to it. i dont really have anything there to go back to. potential friendships with people i only sorta talked to while i lived there. while here, there are people begging me to hang out and i just dont want to. my mind races with thoughts of failure. what if i dont get accepted to a university after this semester? what will i do? where will i go?
im filled to the brim with this feeling that everyone that i know that goes to university is exponentially smarter, manages time better, and has super powers that allow them to travel, volunteer, work a real job and hang out- all while keeping on top of school enough to make something of themselves. while over here on my side of the fence i feel like i cant do that...so why would i be accepted in to college?
and...do chickens just lay infertile eggs and wait for the roosters to fertilize them? is this the difference between baby chicks and omelets?