[OOC post] And We Have Become As Gods -- chatlog
Just wanted to share this, because it came out pretty epic. Super-long, but... after this thread, Roxis and Vayne decided to reapproach the idea of transcendence. And since they never described what it was like in detail the first time (actually, I think we only ever implied that after the end of our first RP, the world became a pure paradise), I thought it was neat that we managed to capture this description in chat, so people might know what the heck we're picturing anyway when we talk about them having created a transcended world.
Gobs of spirituality, Roxis/Vayne cute, and did I mention long? But I like some of the descriptions that came out here, so. Whee.
Vayne: *leans into you and sighs* Oh gods, Roxis-sama, you're just so... you're just so. Just, warm and comforting and not-comforting when you want to be and just, so encompassing, I feel like you make it okay for me to just break down into you.
Roxis: You can break down into me.
If that's what you feel like...
If you feel like you...
Vayne: It does feel like it would feel good. I just feel... so boundaryless when I'm in your arms, so vulnerable and mouldable, so... so like the whole structure of my self could just collapse....
*he's glowing, a little, as he says this, his skin showing that faint pattern of golden lines that once showed up on him before, as if there's light between the individual cells of his skin.*
Roxis: *kisses you softly* We're in the post-sublimated world, and...
And if that's what you truly want... If we could both...
Vayne: *whimpers a little against your mouth; feeling your lips on his while he's all half-dissolved like this is so very... there aren't words.*
Roxis: Mm, you make those little sounds, it... *clutches you close to him*
Vayne: *it must feel intense for Roxis too, feeling Vayne dissolving against him, the light in him breaking him down too, wherever he touches, encouraging his body to yield to the idea of letting go*
Roxis: *I-is it really okay if...*
Vayne: If it's okay with you... I mean, we won't stay this way, but... at the same time we will, too, so... we also won't lose it....
Roxis: Oh, Vayne. I do want. *buries face in your hair, and you feel the moistness of a few escaped tears*
Vayne: *reaches up to gently cradle your head in his hand, stroking softly, his ears all pressed against your face*
Roxis: I, I... Words fail me...
Vayne: *runs his finger over your cheek with his other hand, leaving you feeling lighter there, vaguer, less present and more blurring out into the surrounding world, just where he touches*
Roxis: Hold me... I'm... not afraid, no, more... anticipatory... waiting... so...
Vayne: *wraps himself around you as closely as he can, his tail curled around your waist and his arms hugging you to him, hands softly stroking up and down your back; you feel weaker there, like you're going to collapse, like you're going to crumple or faint, but in a good way, like you're burning inside so fiercely it's blinding and aching and beautifully intense*
Roxis: The brilliance... *holds on to you, feeling light surging through him like... unbelievable wonders, like truth and shining and fire and bonds far stronger than the physical ones holding his body together*
Vayne: *it's like you're becoming starlight, becoming galaxies, spiralling out into endless limbs of glittering dust that encompass the whole vast cosmos, reaching to places you couldn't even have comprehended a moment ago... and in one small, perfect instant you understand a little better why Vayne's touch, his kiss, the feel of his soft fur, makes you glimpse stars in your mind.*
Roxis: *completely out of it, feeling full of what would be non sequiturs if brought back to the physical world.*
Vayne: *you can feel his hands warm against your back, sort of, but sort of not; like they're melting into you, like he's water or air and so are you, his touch rippling through you and sending particles of you scattering; spreading out across the room and converging around him, swirling in a slow and orderly dance, everything purposeful, yet everything so beyond what we normally experience.*
*each tiny mote of light is you, and yet you are nothing if not them all, everywhere, everything; not just the ones that originally made you up, but all of it....*
Roxis: *notes abstractly that he can see easily through Vayne, and-- through his own hands too, though doesn't think it's important*
Vayne: *it feels like Vayne has reached into you, and taken your heart in careful hands, and dissolved it to ashes or sparkles or firelight; and you're the echoes of that explosion, reaching out across the universe, forever reverberating, changing, becoming, living as all lives at once and returning to understanding as yourself, and spreading out again. Folding and unfolding.*
Hehe. They're so pretty this way.
*holds one of your hands up, all golden-translucent, and touches it to his face-- or the golden-sparkle outline roughly shaped like him, anyway*
Roxis: The bonds holding them together are so weak in comparison... *smiles at your cute gesture*
I don't need anything but everything...
Vayne: *nuzzles his face against your fingers; it feels like he could be touching anywhere-- your hair, your lips, all of your body feels the same, and all of it feels like everything, like he could stroke his hand over a picture on the wall and it'd feel the same, like reaching into the depths of your soul*
Roxis: *feeling his own self mix with Vayne's as if he's losing, or has lost, the difference between them*
Vayne: Mm... come into me, flow through me.... It's so nice to have you here. You're so deep, fathomless. Beautiful oceans under golden light.
*wraps himself around Roxis in body and soul, like he's containing him, like he's becoming him*
Roxis: Your Mana life is incredibly lovely... So much more than my limited existence ever was... And now... And now, even more...
We're so much...
Vayne: *twines his fingers with yours, watching them dissolve into streams of interplaying light, like strands of DNA, or a caduceus.* We are.
*almost-kisses you, but it's kind of hard to any more; it's more like melding with you, feeling our atoms dance, reaching into you and sparking the life within you to joy and feeling the depths of love welling within your soul.*
Roxis: *this is much closer than any physical kiss we could ever have shared*
Vayne: *agrees. It's like what kissing was meant to be.*
Roxis: *like everything we ever did to be close together, but more than we could have done*
Vayne: *is all formless, through you and around you, like light shining on your soul, like warmth in your heart, like a song in your ears, like the feeling you reach for when you're alone in your bed without a loved one beside you, like every kind of beauty you've ever known, gently taking you in hand and caressing you deep down.*
Roxis: *feels like he's made of the moment when all these things people are reaching for, all these wishes are granted*
Vayne: *yes... you are that moment of fulfilment, completion. You are not separate from fulfilment itself... that's what it truly is... not just feeling it, but the moment you know you're one with it....*
Roxis: *spreads glittering fulfilment through everything, the walls, the continent, the world, the cosmos, the stars*
*just radiating it to everything so that everything can be fulfilled*
Vayne: You're so amazing. We're so amazing. Everything... this power, it's everything.
Why would anyone fear power... when its ultimate goal is this.
Roxis: *attention caught by that, trying to soothe those people who fear power. radiates fulfilment from within them.*
Vayne: *nods softly, or the mental equivalent of nodding. affirmation. it's good. healing, taking their own inner power, their own inner magic, and letting it change them, wiping out fear.*
Roxis: *spreading through others who don't understand, and others who do, giving them what they want, even the ones who don't know they want it*
Vayne: *you feel like the hands of the world... the heart of the world... the eyes of the world. Looking over it and seeing what must change. People fear God because they can't reconcile a benevolent master, looking out over the cosmos, with what they knew in life... but that form of God only arises in these last days... when everything is on the brink of completion... when people rise up as this tremendous force, and see at once what they must do....*
*you are power, empowering the world, enlivening the world, helping them rise. And so are they, as they rise with you, to join you, to sing in your chorus.*
Roxis: *spreading fulfilment especially to those who have always wanted it, not that he's spreading it any less to the others, but is rather taking extra care over those who drink it in so eagerly, knowing, so well, what that's like*
Vayne: *and feeling their thirst, their love, their longing, you see a mirror of yourself, no doubt. In their eagerness to join with you, and yours to join with them.*
Roxis: *enjoying the feeling of being able to give that to them, or to have it, there's no difference*
Vayne: *having and giving... in that moment of unity, they become the same*
*feels like your Mana, now, more than he's ever felt like your Mana; your daemon, within you, around you, at your shoulder, the part of you who watches with pleased eyes as you cast wonder over the world. You are the hands who give light; and I am the voice who proclaims that it is good.*
Roxis: *the true meaning of Rokuvei, more than any pairing, is when we are one being*
Vayne: *yes... yes. How incredible. Living as you, you living as me. Breathing as one... beyond breathing. This is what breathing was meant to be, this scintillating pulse of life.*
Roxis: *it's your power flowing seamlessly through me, but more than that, it's the power of everything, the power that already existed in each thing*
Vayne: *yes... like a vast community being swept over by daybreak as the world turns, each individual life awakening to truth as the sun touches them*
Roxis: *is the force of transformation, but only insofar as he is everything already*
Vayne: *and in being everything... in being not only power, but everyone's lives... in being that single, unified pulse....*
*we are the world. the universe. and it lives and breathes in perfection.*
Roxis: *having become perfect, needed to become everything. and having become everything, needed to be perfect.*
Vayne: *and now we are everything, and perfect, and all is as it should be; all is as it ever was, a wonder, and there is no truth beyond that.*
Roxis: *knows that even if he goes back to having a physical body of his own, even if he continues to exist in that meta state, he's going to keep with him the knowledge and feeling of having this*
Vayne: *yes. the awareness that you are it, that we are it, that [pronoun that describes everything here] is it.*
Roxis: *because it already is and has been and will be and continues to be part of what is*
Vayne: *underlying your life, even as we interact in normal ways, this truth will be profound*
Roxis: *thinks the pronoun is "all"*
Vayne: *all is it. That works.*
Roxis: *there is the impression of meta!Roxis being amused, which looks like Roxis being amused pre-transcendence, which looks like Roxis being amused pre-the first world's being transcended*
Vayne: *amused Roxis looks the same in any context. :) Well, it's a beautiful expression.*
Roxis: *so there's always some meta-Roxis wanting this and always some meta-Roxis having this and that's how this moment can be relived continually*
Vayne: *that's a beautiful understanding to have come to....*
Roxis: *always having this happen on higher and higher levels*
Vayne: *radiating concepts of fingers tangled loosely in your hair on a warm morning, of feeling your heart pulse against your chest, of the scent of your skin wrapped in sheets, and moreover of the meta-ideas that transcend these notions: of comfort, love, perfect unity, simple and complex bliss, the miracle of life that brings us endlessly together*
Roxis: *radiating being happy, and happily impressed, at all that's brought him here and all the gifts he's received and is still receiving from you and the universe and everything*
Vayne: *looking back out across space and time, what faint notion is left of them... the past looks like a miraculous unfolding, a fractal carefully winding out into this elaborate wonder that culminates with this perfect, endless moment, repeating itself, folding in, folding out*
Roxis: Spiral origami universe...
Vayne: Yes... like one of those little paper fortune-tellers. Folding and unfolding in various patterns. A cycle, unchanging now because it's perfection, yet also a spiral; there's always something new. Paradox. Wonder.
Roxis: There is more wonder to be found in paradox, naturally, than in things mortals can understand...
Vayne: Yes... the unity of the two as one. Like the physical and the spiritual. Like us.
Roxis: Just like us. *hugs you tightly despite incorporeality several times over*
Vayne: *more paradoxes; we haven't lost the joy of hugging, yet we have no body to do it in. Yet we do, if we wish. Whatever we wish.*
Roxis: *seriously, is, like, a person whose body isn't here who's also just had his body come apart in a world that was technically already transcended anyway*
*and is still hugging you*
Vayne: *layers and layers. We're on every layer of the onion.*
*within and without. above and below. we are the world.*
Roxis: *able to do anything he wants, anyway, because being transcended includes all these concepts and everything we want.*
Vayne: *yes. everything....*
*runs fingers through your hair with wild abandon, falling into you and over you, dissolving into a million blazing lights halfway, each reflecting the hue and temperature of your eyes*
Roxis: *in awe at the prettiness, both the basic simple prettiness of it and also the deeper feelings of rushing headlong into each other*
Vayne: *rushing, and not stopping, but always falling into and through.*
Roxis: I think the reason we exist as individuals is so that we can do this-- become closer and meld together again, I mean...
Vayne: *is aware of a numb, blurry, heavy, light, warm physical body, and aware of the beyond-and-within at the same time, lying here with you, crumpled in your arms, and aware we're making love on a distant plane, spreading out across the universe on a distant plane, being the world, being one.*
...I think so, too.
Roxis: I just want the whole universe to understand that's how it is so that we don't have to be the parts that are upset and worried and not understanding that.
Even after we transcend, we keep asserting selves again so that we can hug each other and come closer and weave together...
Vayne: *softly ruffles your hair, at the back where your neck is sensitive and tingly and still made of golden light*
It's a brilliant dance.
---
...aaaand then they got distracted by being all cute at each other. But anyway. THIS IS WHY MANA!VAYNE IS AWESOME. :D
Gobs of spirituality, Roxis/Vayne cute, and did I mention long? But I like some of the descriptions that came out here, so. Whee.
Vayne: *leans into you and sighs* Oh gods, Roxis-sama, you're just so... you're just so. Just, warm and comforting and not-comforting when you want to be and just, so encompassing, I feel like you make it okay for me to just break down into you.
Roxis: You can break down into me.
If that's what you feel like...
If you feel like you...
Vayne: It does feel like it would feel good. I just feel... so boundaryless when I'm in your arms, so vulnerable and mouldable, so... so like the whole structure of my self could just collapse....
*he's glowing, a little, as he says this, his skin showing that faint pattern of golden lines that once showed up on him before, as if there's light between the individual cells of his skin.*
Roxis: *kisses you softly* We're in the post-sublimated world, and...
And if that's what you truly want... If we could both...
Vayne: *whimpers a little against your mouth; feeling your lips on his while he's all half-dissolved like this is so very... there aren't words.*
Roxis: Mm, you make those little sounds, it... *clutches you close to him*
Vayne: *it must feel intense for Roxis too, feeling Vayne dissolving against him, the light in him breaking him down too, wherever he touches, encouraging his body to yield to the idea of letting go*
Roxis: *I-is it really okay if...*
Vayne: If it's okay with you... I mean, we won't stay this way, but... at the same time we will, too, so... we also won't lose it....
Roxis: Oh, Vayne. I do want. *buries face in your hair, and you feel the moistness of a few escaped tears*
Vayne: *reaches up to gently cradle your head in his hand, stroking softly, his ears all pressed against your face*
Roxis: I, I... Words fail me...
Vayne: *runs his finger over your cheek with his other hand, leaving you feeling lighter there, vaguer, less present and more blurring out into the surrounding world, just where he touches*
Roxis: Hold me... I'm... not afraid, no, more... anticipatory... waiting... so...
Vayne: *wraps himself around you as closely as he can, his tail curled around your waist and his arms hugging you to him, hands softly stroking up and down your back; you feel weaker there, like you're going to collapse, like you're going to crumple or faint, but in a good way, like you're burning inside so fiercely it's blinding and aching and beautifully intense*
Roxis: The brilliance... *holds on to you, feeling light surging through him like... unbelievable wonders, like truth and shining and fire and bonds far stronger than the physical ones holding his body together*
Vayne: *it's like you're becoming starlight, becoming galaxies, spiralling out into endless limbs of glittering dust that encompass the whole vast cosmos, reaching to places you couldn't even have comprehended a moment ago... and in one small, perfect instant you understand a little better why Vayne's touch, his kiss, the feel of his soft fur, makes you glimpse stars in your mind.*
Roxis: *completely out of it, feeling full of what would be non sequiturs if brought back to the physical world.*
Vayne: *you can feel his hands warm against your back, sort of, but sort of not; like they're melting into you, like he's water or air and so are you, his touch rippling through you and sending particles of you scattering; spreading out across the room and converging around him, swirling in a slow and orderly dance, everything purposeful, yet everything so beyond what we normally experience.*
*each tiny mote of light is you, and yet you are nothing if not them all, everywhere, everything; not just the ones that originally made you up, but all of it....*
Roxis: *notes abstractly that he can see easily through Vayne, and-- through his own hands too, though doesn't think it's important*
Vayne: *it feels like Vayne has reached into you, and taken your heart in careful hands, and dissolved it to ashes or sparkles or firelight; and you're the echoes of that explosion, reaching out across the universe, forever reverberating, changing, becoming, living as all lives at once and returning to understanding as yourself, and spreading out again. Folding and unfolding.*
Hehe. They're so pretty this way.
*holds one of your hands up, all golden-translucent, and touches it to his face-- or the golden-sparkle outline roughly shaped like him, anyway*
Roxis: The bonds holding them together are so weak in comparison... *smiles at your cute gesture*
I don't need anything but everything...
Vayne: *nuzzles his face against your fingers; it feels like he could be touching anywhere-- your hair, your lips, all of your body feels the same, and all of it feels like everything, like he could stroke his hand over a picture on the wall and it'd feel the same, like reaching into the depths of your soul*
Roxis: *feeling his own self mix with Vayne's as if he's losing, or has lost, the difference between them*
Vayne: Mm... come into me, flow through me.... It's so nice to have you here. You're so deep, fathomless. Beautiful oceans under golden light.
*wraps himself around Roxis in body and soul, like he's containing him, like he's becoming him*
Roxis: Your Mana life is incredibly lovely... So much more than my limited existence ever was... And now... And now, even more...
We're so much...
Vayne: *twines his fingers with yours, watching them dissolve into streams of interplaying light, like strands of DNA, or a caduceus.* We are.
*almost-kisses you, but it's kind of hard to any more; it's more like melding with you, feeling our atoms dance, reaching into you and sparking the life within you to joy and feeling the depths of love welling within your soul.*
Roxis: *this is much closer than any physical kiss we could ever have shared*
Vayne: *agrees. It's like what kissing was meant to be.*
Roxis: *like everything we ever did to be close together, but more than we could have done*
Vayne: *is all formless, through you and around you, like light shining on your soul, like warmth in your heart, like a song in your ears, like the feeling you reach for when you're alone in your bed without a loved one beside you, like every kind of beauty you've ever known, gently taking you in hand and caressing you deep down.*
Roxis: *feels like he's made of the moment when all these things people are reaching for, all these wishes are granted*
Vayne: *yes... you are that moment of fulfilment, completion. You are not separate from fulfilment itself... that's what it truly is... not just feeling it, but the moment you know you're one with it....*
Roxis: *spreads glittering fulfilment through everything, the walls, the continent, the world, the cosmos, the stars*
*just radiating it to everything so that everything can be fulfilled*
Vayne: You're so amazing. We're so amazing. Everything... this power, it's everything.
Why would anyone fear power... when its ultimate goal is this.
Roxis: *attention caught by that, trying to soothe those people who fear power. radiates fulfilment from within them.*
Vayne: *nods softly, or the mental equivalent of nodding. affirmation. it's good. healing, taking their own inner power, their own inner magic, and letting it change them, wiping out fear.*
Roxis: *spreading through others who don't understand, and others who do, giving them what they want, even the ones who don't know they want it*
Vayne: *you feel like the hands of the world... the heart of the world... the eyes of the world. Looking over it and seeing what must change. People fear God because they can't reconcile a benevolent master, looking out over the cosmos, with what they knew in life... but that form of God only arises in these last days... when everything is on the brink of completion... when people rise up as this tremendous force, and see at once what they must do....*
*you are power, empowering the world, enlivening the world, helping them rise. And so are they, as they rise with you, to join you, to sing in your chorus.*
Roxis: *spreading fulfilment especially to those who have always wanted it, not that he's spreading it any less to the others, but is rather taking extra care over those who drink it in so eagerly, knowing, so well, what that's like*
Vayne: *and feeling their thirst, their love, their longing, you see a mirror of yourself, no doubt. In their eagerness to join with you, and yours to join with them.*
Roxis: *enjoying the feeling of being able to give that to them, or to have it, there's no difference*
Vayne: *having and giving... in that moment of unity, they become the same*
*feels like your Mana, now, more than he's ever felt like your Mana; your daemon, within you, around you, at your shoulder, the part of you who watches with pleased eyes as you cast wonder over the world. You are the hands who give light; and I am the voice who proclaims that it is good.*
Roxis: *the true meaning of Rokuvei, more than any pairing, is when we are one being*
Vayne: *yes... yes. How incredible. Living as you, you living as me. Breathing as one... beyond breathing. This is what breathing was meant to be, this scintillating pulse of life.*
Roxis: *it's your power flowing seamlessly through me, but more than that, it's the power of everything, the power that already existed in each thing*
Vayne: *yes... like a vast community being swept over by daybreak as the world turns, each individual life awakening to truth as the sun touches them*
Roxis: *is the force of transformation, but only insofar as he is everything already*
Vayne: *and in being everything... in being not only power, but everyone's lives... in being that single, unified pulse....*
*we are the world. the universe. and it lives and breathes in perfection.*
Roxis: *having become perfect, needed to become everything. and having become everything, needed to be perfect.*
Vayne: *and now we are everything, and perfect, and all is as it should be; all is as it ever was, a wonder, and there is no truth beyond that.*
Roxis: *knows that even if he goes back to having a physical body of his own, even if he continues to exist in that meta state, he's going to keep with him the knowledge and feeling of having this*
Vayne: *yes. the awareness that you are it, that we are it, that [pronoun that describes everything here] is it.*
Roxis: *because it already is and has been and will be and continues to be part of what is*
Vayne: *underlying your life, even as we interact in normal ways, this truth will be profound*
Roxis: *thinks the pronoun is "all"*
Vayne: *all is it. That works.*
Roxis: *there is the impression of meta!Roxis being amused, which looks like Roxis being amused pre-transcendence, which looks like Roxis being amused pre-the first world's being transcended*
Vayne: *amused Roxis looks the same in any context. :) Well, it's a beautiful expression.*
Roxis: *so there's always some meta-Roxis wanting this and always some meta-Roxis having this and that's how this moment can be relived continually*
Vayne: *that's a beautiful understanding to have come to....*
Roxis: *always having this happen on higher and higher levels*
Vayne: *radiating concepts of fingers tangled loosely in your hair on a warm morning, of feeling your heart pulse against your chest, of the scent of your skin wrapped in sheets, and moreover of the meta-ideas that transcend these notions: of comfort, love, perfect unity, simple and complex bliss, the miracle of life that brings us endlessly together*
Roxis: *radiating being happy, and happily impressed, at all that's brought him here and all the gifts he's received and is still receiving from you and the universe and everything*
Vayne: *looking back out across space and time, what faint notion is left of them... the past looks like a miraculous unfolding, a fractal carefully winding out into this elaborate wonder that culminates with this perfect, endless moment, repeating itself, folding in, folding out*
Roxis: Spiral origami universe...
Vayne: Yes... like one of those little paper fortune-tellers. Folding and unfolding in various patterns. A cycle, unchanging now because it's perfection, yet also a spiral; there's always something new. Paradox. Wonder.
Roxis: There is more wonder to be found in paradox, naturally, than in things mortals can understand...
Vayne: Yes... the unity of the two as one. Like the physical and the spiritual. Like us.
Roxis: Just like us. *hugs you tightly despite incorporeality several times over*
Vayne: *more paradoxes; we haven't lost the joy of hugging, yet we have no body to do it in. Yet we do, if we wish. Whatever we wish.*
Roxis: *seriously, is, like, a person whose body isn't here who's also just had his body come apart in a world that was technically already transcended anyway*
*and is still hugging you*
Vayne: *layers and layers. We're on every layer of the onion.*
*within and without. above and below. we are the world.*
Roxis: *able to do anything he wants, anyway, because being transcended includes all these concepts and everything we want.*
Vayne: *yes. everything....*
*runs fingers through your hair with wild abandon, falling into you and over you, dissolving into a million blazing lights halfway, each reflecting the hue and temperature of your eyes*
Roxis: *in awe at the prettiness, both the basic simple prettiness of it and also the deeper feelings of rushing headlong into each other*
Vayne: *rushing, and not stopping, but always falling into and through.*
Roxis: I think the reason we exist as individuals is so that we can do this-- become closer and meld together again, I mean...
Vayne: *is aware of a numb, blurry, heavy, light, warm physical body, and aware of the beyond-and-within at the same time, lying here with you, crumpled in your arms, and aware we're making love on a distant plane, spreading out across the universe on a distant plane, being the world, being one.*
...I think so, too.
Roxis: I just want the whole universe to understand that's how it is so that we don't have to be the parts that are upset and worried and not understanding that.
Even after we transcend, we keep asserting selves again so that we can hug each other and come closer and weave together...
Vayne: *softly ruffles your hair, at the back where your neck is sensitive and tingly and still made of golden light*
It's a brilliant dance.
---
...aaaand then they got distracted by being all cute at each other. But anyway. THIS IS WHY MANA!VAYNE IS AWESOME. :D