(no subject)
My self esteem recently hit an all time low. I think I realize why I don't like having sex or being intimate. I think I know why I'm always angry and the closer I get to people, the more I push them away.
I hate myself. More than anything, I hate myself.
I'm jealous of everyone, because they're all more successful, better looking, smarter, nicer, more social than me. Why even try? Why even try anymore to try and keep up with the rest of them? If I could just find one thing that I was good at. One thing that I could say I was the best at, would I fit in? No. There is not one good aspect about me.
I remember when I was a kid, everyone we ran into would comment on how pretty my hair was, what a great color it had. That was the best thing about me. The color of my hair. But you know what? Its straight and unmanageable. You can't put it up, you have to brush it constantly, in the winter it gathers static like its going out of style, and more than anything, I want to dye it. I want to cover up that color and lock it away.
I hate looking in the mirror. I hate seeing myself.
I try not to think about it. If I don't think about it, I can't feel sorry for myself, and I can go on living each day normally. This is how I carry on.
I hate myself. More than anything, I hate myself.
I'm jealous of everyone, because they're all more successful, better looking, smarter, nicer, more social than me. Why even try? Why even try anymore to try and keep up with the rest of them? If I could just find one thing that I was good at. One thing that I could say I was the best at, would I fit in? No. There is not one good aspect about me.
I remember when I was a kid, everyone we ran into would comment on how pretty my hair was, what a great color it had. That was the best thing about me. The color of my hair. But you know what? Its straight and unmanageable. You can't put it up, you have to brush it constantly, in the winter it gathers static like its going out of style, and more than anything, I want to dye it. I want to cover up that color and lock it away.
I hate looking in the mirror. I hate seeing myself.
I try not to think about it. If I don't think about it, I can't feel sorry for myself, and I can go on living each day normally. This is how I carry on.