Feeling a bit melancholy

[alpisme]

Ever since graduation, I have been like so hung up over this one guy who doesn't give a shit about me. He doesn't care about me, so why do I care so much about him? I am a bit confused, I guess you could say. I know I should just forget about him, but it is hard. I mean, I haven't even cried over him, like I cried over Jesse, but I feel like this continuous feeling, like lonliness and sadness. Why the hell do I feel like this?!?!?! Would someone please tell me why????? I am sure later on I will get over this but now it just hurts so bad. I mean he went to prom with me and talked to me for a long time that night, like I guess you could say it was a "tete a tete", and I finally got the courage to tell him I have liked him ever since I was a sophomore. Man was he surprised that I liked him for such a long time and didn't tell him any sooner than that night. I feel really comfortable around him, like I can do something stupid or dorky and not be embarassed about it. Like I even did dorky stuff like "sang" a song to him. Actually what I did was type out the song lyrics to a song I really liked that reminded me of him and dedicated it to him on my xanga. He said that was the sweetest thing a girl had ever done for him. And everyone was always asking us if we were going out, and he was like "ummm...." About a week before graduation, I asked him if he felt the same way about me as I did about him....and he said no, he didn't. I mean he shouldn't have led me on and all if he didn't feel the same way. Why am I so unlucky in love? All my friends have sweet guys that will do anything for them; Ruby has Josh, Kati has Bobby, and Catie has Ed. Hopefully, by the time I move into college, I will put it all behind me. well here are some lyrics that further illustrate how I feel.

This Time Imperfect
by AFI

I cannot leave here, I cannot stay
Forever haunted, more than afraid
Asphyxiate on words I would say
I'm drawn to blackened sky as I turn blue

There are no flowers, no not this time
There will be no angels gracing the lines
just these stark words I find

I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak
I'd share with you, could I only speak
Just how much this hurts me

I cannot stay here, I cannot leave
Just like all I've loved, I'm make believe
Imagined heart, I disappear
Seems like no one will appear here and make me real

There are no flowers, no not this time
There will be no angels gracing the lines
Just these stark words I find

I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak
I'd share with you, could I only speak
Just how much this hurts me

I'd tell you how it haunts me
I'd tell you how it haunts me
(Cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams)
I'd tell you how it haunts me
(Cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams)
You don't care that it haunts me

There are no flowers, no not this time
There will be no angels gracing the lines
Just these stark words I find

I'd show a smile but I'm too weak
I'd share with you could I only speak
Just how much this hurts me
Just how much this hurts me
Just how much you hurt me...