I Feel...
So empty. I couldn't sleep last night until about 8 AM. I finally fell asleep out of exhaustion. I can't sleep anymore unless I pass out. As soon as my head hits the pillow all I can think of is the fact that he is no longer mine. I cry randomly during the day. I spent 2 hours sitting in the rain last night. I kept crying and didn't want to bother anyone at Miyakos so I sat out side. I can't close my eyes even now...I am so tired from last night and I can't sleep. I know that when my head hits the pillow all my thoughts of him will come back. Not that they aren't always on my mind but when I am awake I can control myself for the most part...but when I get comfy and start to drift off all I can hear is terms of endearment that I may never get to hear again. I don't know what to do. I want to be friends with him but I am not sure if I can handle it. Can you sit next to someone you love more then anything and contain yourself? Can you forget about how you feel for them? Can you take a love so deep and make it into friendship? Maybe I am better off just not seeing him. That hurts to think about. Just talking to him on the phone makes me feel better...I wish he would call me even if it was just to say hi (I would love if he asked me how I was doing or if he changed his mind...Oh god I wouldn't know how to express my joy). This hole in my heart is so big I feel like I can't survive. I feel like someone has taken more then a piece of me...I feel like a stranger now in my own body.