[Avengers] Fic: Stranger Things Have Happened
Title: Stranger Things Have Happened (aka How Tony Stark and Steve Rogers came to have a daughter)
Pairings: Steve/Tony, established relationship
Characters: Avengers 2012. Tony, Steve, Thor, Clint, Natasha, Bruce, Fury, Coulson
Warnings: Swearing, admittedly ooc for the sake of laughs and funtimes and wtfery
Summary: Somehow, someway, someone leaves a baby in Tony’s office.
A/N: So. My cousin posted that she wanted this for her hypothetical baby. The first thing I thought when I saw it was: “Tony would so totally get this for his baby.” Except Tony doesn’t have one. So… this happened. There is plot lurking in possible future segments, if I ever actually get to write them (GAHHH WHY IS IT SO HARDDDD). Oh my freaking lord, I wrote a babyfic. @_@
Many thanks to rougewinter for beta-ing this for me. ♥♥♥
==========
There is a baby in his office. It is in a quaint little wicker basket and covered in a powder blue blanket, and it is blinking big newborn blue eyes at him.
Pepper is not going to be pleased.
So, of course, the first thing Tony does is call Pepper, because hey, if she hadn’t been gone, then someone competent would’ve been manning the fort while Tony went and did superhero business, and how the fuck is he supposed to deal with a baby???
A sneeze answers his phone call.
“Tony, I gave you three PA’s numbers and JARVIS is optimizing your schedule. We have talked about this. I cannot go to work until I can breathe through my nose again, and god forbid, you’re the only other one who can actually stand as CEO without our stocks jumping off cliffs in a mass suicide.”
“Pep. There’s a baby on my desk.”
“A baby.”
“On my desk, yes.”
Tony can hear Pepper’s heavy sigh through the phone, clear as day.
“… I’m calling Steve.”
*****
Steve, as can be expected, makes funny faces and coos senselessly at the baby. Tony would find it adorable, except someone left a baby on his desk, and Steve is Not. Helping.
“Why thank you, Captain America, for your invaluable aid.”
Steve barely spares a second to cast an amused eye at Tony before he continues making ridiculous faces at the baby.
“I’m here to keep the baby occupied while you look for whoever left her, and then we can give her back, and then we can go home. Pepper’s orders.”
“I don’t know who left her.”
That, at least, earns him Steve’s undivided attention.
“What?”
“Surveillance on the room has been shut down.” Tony explains, wriggling his brow meaningfully at Steve.
Steve turns a gratifying shade of pink when he finally recalls why, exactly, they left the cameras off when they hurried out to save the world, and attempts to cover his prudish embarrassment by asking about hallway surveillance. Except this is Tony, and so everything that can be checked has already been checked. And re-checked. And triple-checked.
For all intents and purposes, it seems as if the baby just appeared out of thin air. Which, considering the type of people Tony runs around with, is not actually impossible.
*****
They end up bringing the baby home.
Frankly, neither of them is sure how that happens. But she was starting to fuss, and they couldn’t just leave her, so it seemed the next logical step to bring her to the car (with Steve panicking about the lack of car seats) and home to the mansion.
They don’t really mean to keep her, but time is a difficult thing to come by in the lives of superheroes (slash-whatever-their-alter-egos-may-be-doing, as the case may be). It doesn’t really surprise anyone that one day becomes two becomes a week becomes a month, and no one points it out.
*****
The baby has a room, and clothes, and more toys than she’ll ever know what to do with (a pile added to by everyone, including one Nick Fury). Tony isn’t quite sure how it happened, but it’s become pretty clear to him the baby is here to stay. And she needs a name.
When Steve comes home and checks in on them, the first thing that comes out of Tony’s mouth is “Lucy.”
Steve remembers all the pictures of Tony camping out in wardrobes as a child, and smiles. "But as for Lucy, she was always gay and golden-haired, and all princes in those parts desired her to be their Queen, and her own people called her Queen Lucy the Valiant."
Tony smiles back, and beckons Steve to sit with him. “She still needs a second name, though. Can’t think of any.”
Steve wraps an arm around Tony’s waist and presses a kiss to Tony’s cheek. “Lucy Eleanor Stark.”
*****
The first ‘Baby Argument’ comes when a brand new stroller comes in for Lucy. Steve watches Tony unpack it disapprovingly, feet shoulder width apart and arms crossed in front of his chest.
“Really, Tony. A thousand-dollar stroller ?”
Tony rolls his eyes at Steve.
“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s not a thousand-dollar stroller. Just eight-fifty.”
“Just eight-fifty. Tony. You do realize we already have two perfectly fine, not to mention brand new, strollers? And a pram?”
“This has four-wheel suspension.”
“Four wheel sus… Tony. What do we need a stroller with four wheel suspension for?”
“Why not? I don’t get your problem with this, the pram was three thousand, and you weren’t this weird about it then.”
Steve’s eye twitches, just a little, and he takes a deep breath and goes back out the door. Pepper answers the phone on the first ring. She is not very patient.
“Steve. Tony’s not exactly qualified to make baby-safe gadgets. If he can’t make it himself, he’ll keep buying whatever he thinks will be good for Lucy. I know you still can’t really wrap your mind around Tony’s spending habits, but believe me, this is practically loose change. And before you start thinking of all the hungry babies in Africa that could use the money, he already spends on those. And the disaster victims of various earthquakes and tornadoes. And world security. And endangered species. Just… let him, okay?”
Steve concedes defeat. At least the make-up sex is more than worth having to sit through Pepper’s scolding.
*****
Unsurprisingly, Thor is great with the baby. Surprisingly, Natasha is too. Thor is great at making Lucy giggle and, strangely enough, has some inhuman baby-needs-to-change-nappies radar. (“There is something in her eyes which tells me she is experiencing discomfort.”) Natasha, meanwhile, is by far the best at getting her to take a bath. Clint is pretty good at feeding her, and Bruce is apparently a genius at story-telling. Steve, meanwhile, is the best at making Lucy take naps when she needs to but doesn’t want to, and Tony is the best at quieting her when she cries.
It works out pretty well, and when they all need to work at the same time, there’s always Nick Fury and Agent Coulson.
No one’s entirely sure how those two handle Lucy, but she’s always fed and happy and ready for bed when everyone comes back, so no one really cares to look into it.
(And if Tony ever happens to see surveillance videos of Nick Fury staging a sock puppet show, he never tells anyone.)
*****
The biggest surprise the Avengers have gotten since Lucy Eleanor Stark came to be with them is that Nick Fury is capable of having a soft spot. Tony may spend more on her, but Fury gives her anything Tony, for whatever reason, won’t.
Case in point. There is a puppy running around the house. And a fluffy white cat is lounging on the windowsill. And a fish tank with colourful saltwater fish in the kitchen. Apparently, Lucy couldn’t decide which to get.
Tony and Clint spend about three days commiserating with each other about nasty fur allergies before giving in and adding anti-histamine to their daily routine. Steve, meanwhile, obsesses over pet responsibility and frets about the delicate constitutions of the fish. Natasha, Pepper, Rhodey and Bruce (Bruce!) just laugh at them.
==========
NOTES:
1) OMG first ever Steve/Tony fic. @_@
2) Someone has expressed to me some doubt as to the existence of USD3000 prams. Four words: Silver Cross Balmoral Pram. ($3000 is an estimate)
3) About Steve fretting about fish: I tell you, saltwater fish may be really pretty, but they’re bloody hard to manage.
[26 Mar 2012] NOW WITH MORE! Part 2: The Thing About Kids
Pairings: Steve/Tony, established relationship
Characters: Avengers 2012. Tony, Steve, Thor, Clint, Natasha, Bruce, Fury, Coulson
Warnings: Swearing, admittedly ooc for the sake of laughs and funtimes and wtfery
Summary: Somehow, someway, someone leaves a baby in Tony’s office.
A/N: So. My cousin posted that she wanted this for her hypothetical baby. The first thing I thought when I saw it was: “Tony would so totally get this for his baby.” Except Tony doesn’t have one. So… this happened. There is plot lurking in possible future segments, if I ever actually get to write them (GAHHH WHY IS IT SO HARDDDD). Oh my freaking lord, I wrote a babyfic. @_@
Many thanks to rougewinter for beta-ing this for me. ♥♥♥
==========
There is a baby in his office. It is in a quaint little wicker basket and covered in a powder blue blanket, and it is blinking big newborn blue eyes at him.
Pepper is not going to be pleased.
So, of course, the first thing Tony does is call Pepper, because hey, if she hadn’t been gone, then someone competent would’ve been manning the fort while Tony went and did superhero business, and how the fuck is he supposed to deal with a baby???
A sneeze answers his phone call.
“Tony, I gave you three PA’s numbers and JARVIS is optimizing your schedule. We have talked about this. I cannot go to work until I can breathe through my nose again, and god forbid, you’re the only other one who can actually stand as CEO without our stocks jumping off cliffs in a mass suicide.”
“Pep. There’s a baby on my desk.”
“A baby.”
“On my desk, yes.”
Tony can hear Pepper’s heavy sigh through the phone, clear as day.
“… I’m calling Steve.”
*****
Steve, as can be expected, makes funny faces and coos senselessly at the baby. Tony would find it adorable, except someone left a baby on his desk, and Steve is Not. Helping.
“Why thank you, Captain America, for your invaluable aid.”
Steve barely spares a second to cast an amused eye at Tony before he continues making ridiculous faces at the baby.
“I’m here to keep the baby occupied while you look for whoever left her, and then we can give her back, and then we can go home. Pepper’s orders.”
“I don’t know who left her.”
That, at least, earns him Steve’s undivided attention.
“What?”
“Surveillance on the room has been shut down.” Tony explains, wriggling his brow meaningfully at Steve.
Steve turns a gratifying shade of pink when he finally recalls why, exactly, they left the cameras off when they hurried out to save the world, and attempts to cover his prudish embarrassment by asking about hallway surveillance. Except this is Tony, and so everything that can be checked has already been checked. And re-checked. And triple-checked.
For all intents and purposes, it seems as if the baby just appeared out of thin air. Which, considering the type of people Tony runs around with, is not actually impossible.
*****
They end up bringing the baby home.
Frankly, neither of them is sure how that happens. But she was starting to fuss, and they couldn’t just leave her, so it seemed the next logical step to bring her to the car (with Steve panicking about the lack of car seats) and home to the mansion.
They don’t really mean to keep her, but time is a difficult thing to come by in the lives of superheroes (slash-whatever-their-alter-egos-may-be-doing, as the case may be). It doesn’t really surprise anyone that one day becomes two becomes a week becomes a month, and no one points it out.
*****
The baby has a room, and clothes, and more toys than she’ll ever know what to do with (a pile added to by everyone, including one Nick Fury). Tony isn’t quite sure how it happened, but it’s become pretty clear to him the baby is here to stay. And she needs a name.
When Steve comes home and checks in on them, the first thing that comes out of Tony’s mouth is “Lucy.”
Steve remembers all the pictures of Tony camping out in wardrobes as a child, and smiles. "But as for Lucy, she was always gay and golden-haired, and all princes in those parts desired her to be their Queen, and her own people called her Queen Lucy the Valiant."
Tony smiles back, and beckons Steve to sit with him. “She still needs a second name, though. Can’t think of any.”
Steve wraps an arm around Tony’s waist and presses a kiss to Tony’s cheek. “Lucy Eleanor Stark.”
*****
The first ‘Baby Argument’ comes when a brand new stroller comes in for Lucy. Steve watches Tony unpack it disapprovingly, feet shoulder width apart and arms crossed in front of his chest.
“Really, Tony. A thousand-dollar stroller ?”
Tony rolls his eyes at Steve.
“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s not a thousand-dollar stroller. Just eight-fifty.”
“Just eight-fifty. Tony. You do realize we already have two perfectly fine, not to mention brand new, strollers? And a pram?”
“This has four-wheel suspension.”
“Four wheel sus… Tony. What do we need a stroller with four wheel suspension for?”
“Why not? I don’t get your problem with this, the pram was three thousand, and you weren’t this weird about it then.”
Steve’s eye twitches, just a little, and he takes a deep breath and goes back out the door. Pepper answers the phone on the first ring. She is not very patient.
“Steve. Tony’s not exactly qualified to make baby-safe gadgets. If he can’t make it himself, he’ll keep buying whatever he thinks will be good for Lucy. I know you still can’t really wrap your mind around Tony’s spending habits, but believe me, this is practically loose change. And before you start thinking of all the hungry babies in Africa that could use the money, he already spends on those. And the disaster victims of various earthquakes and tornadoes. And world security. And endangered species. Just… let him, okay?”
Steve concedes defeat. At least the make-up sex is more than worth having to sit through Pepper’s scolding.
*****
Unsurprisingly, Thor is great with the baby. Surprisingly, Natasha is too. Thor is great at making Lucy giggle and, strangely enough, has some inhuman baby-needs-to-change-nappies radar. (“There is something in her eyes which tells me she is experiencing discomfort.”) Natasha, meanwhile, is by far the best at getting her to take a bath. Clint is pretty good at feeding her, and Bruce is apparently a genius at story-telling. Steve, meanwhile, is the best at making Lucy take naps when she needs to but doesn’t want to, and Tony is the best at quieting her when she cries.
It works out pretty well, and when they all need to work at the same time, there’s always Nick Fury and Agent Coulson.
No one’s entirely sure how those two handle Lucy, but she’s always fed and happy and ready for bed when everyone comes back, so no one really cares to look into it.
(And if Tony ever happens to see surveillance videos of Nick Fury staging a sock puppet show, he never tells anyone.)
*****
The biggest surprise the Avengers have gotten since Lucy Eleanor Stark came to be with them is that Nick Fury is capable of having a soft spot. Tony may spend more on her, but Fury gives her anything Tony, for whatever reason, won’t.
Case in point. There is a puppy running around the house. And a fluffy white cat is lounging on the windowsill. And a fish tank with colourful saltwater fish in the kitchen. Apparently, Lucy couldn’t decide which to get.
Tony and Clint spend about three days commiserating with each other about nasty fur allergies before giving in and adding anti-histamine to their daily routine. Steve, meanwhile, obsesses over pet responsibility and frets about the delicate constitutions of the fish. Natasha, Pepper, Rhodey and Bruce (Bruce!) just laugh at them.
==========
NOTES:
1) OMG first ever Steve/Tony fic. @_@
2) Someone has expressed to me some doubt as to the existence of USD3000 prams. Four words: Silver Cross Balmoral Pram. ($3000 is an estimate)
3) About Steve fretting about fish: I tell you, saltwater fish may be really pretty, but they’re bloody hard to manage.
[26 Mar 2012] NOW WITH MORE! Part 2: The Thing About Kids