Pretty Good Year
2005 is two days away from ending.
It has been a rough year on almost every level. I spent a good portion of the year in a state of distress and worry. My personal life moved through one dramatic episode after another. Friendships ended and began and were tested. I moved through an unsuccessful series of relationships. And I spent a lot of money in an effort to avoid my problems. But, there were bright moments. I received a lot of recognition for my academic efforts, including a hefty thesis grant that increased my DVD collection a fair amount. I had fun with friends, despite the soap operas. I came to a greater appreciation of my family. And I even found God, but only for a few fleeting, stress-induced moments.
In the end, 2005 was what it was. A year with some highs and many lows. It was probably the most flawed I’ve ever been. I stumbled through a lot of things this year. But, this was probably the most human I’ve ever been as well. My neuroses, my insecurities…they were on display this year. And I managed to get through it all somehow.
As the year ends, though, I find myself in the odd position of actually having New Year’s Resolutions. I never make resolutions. Actually, I should say that I never make New Year’s Resolutions. I’ve never understood why one needs the excuse of a new year to make changes. But, sitting here in the position that I am…I think I understand. There is something about this time of the year that facilitates improvement. The days are slowly getting longer. A new semester is beginning. This truly is the best time for change. And I want change.
-I want to be kinder. Over the past year and a half, I have become this bitter, pessimistic person. It’s not an enjoyable place to occupy. I know it sounds sappy, but I do want to be nicer to people. That means letting go of my arrogance, my superiority complex, and my inferiority complex. You can only be kind when you believe you’re on equal terms.
-I want to be more careful in my spending. Last semester, I was a bit extravagant. I didn’t need to be, and the only reason why I was was because I was using consumerism to escape introspection. It’s easier to watch Desperate Housewives than to write in a journal, and I indulged a bit too much. This semester, though, I want to be more sparing in my expenditures.
-I want to be less stressed. It’s something that I’ve been trying to accomplish since…forever. But, I hit a bottom of sorts this past semester. At least once a week there was a night where I could not sleep because of anxiety. That’s dangerous. And so, I am now doing the things that I should have always been doing. I’m meditating before I go to sleep. I’m doing yoga. And when the semester begins, I’m going to return to therapy. It helps. Next semester, God willing, will not be as stressful as the past semester. But, I have a thesis to work on and a conference paper to present and a little thing called graduation. There will be many opportunities for me to freak-out. I want to learn how to avoid having panic attacks at every new challenge.
It has been a rough year on almost every level. I spent a good portion of the year in a state of distress and worry. My personal life moved through one dramatic episode after another. Friendships ended and began and were tested. I moved through an unsuccessful series of relationships. And I spent a lot of money in an effort to avoid my problems. But, there were bright moments. I received a lot of recognition for my academic efforts, including a hefty thesis grant that increased my DVD collection a fair amount. I had fun with friends, despite the soap operas. I came to a greater appreciation of my family. And I even found God, but only for a few fleeting, stress-induced moments.
In the end, 2005 was what it was. A year with some highs and many lows. It was probably the most flawed I’ve ever been. I stumbled through a lot of things this year. But, this was probably the most human I’ve ever been as well. My neuroses, my insecurities…they were on display this year. And I managed to get through it all somehow.
As the year ends, though, I find myself in the odd position of actually having New Year’s Resolutions. I never make resolutions. Actually, I should say that I never make New Year’s Resolutions. I’ve never understood why one needs the excuse of a new year to make changes. But, sitting here in the position that I am…I think I understand. There is something about this time of the year that facilitates improvement. The days are slowly getting longer. A new semester is beginning. This truly is the best time for change. And I want change.
-I want to be kinder. Over the past year and a half, I have become this bitter, pessimistic person. It’s not an enjoyable place to occupy. I know it sounds sappy, but I do want to be nicer to people. That means letting go of my arrogance, my superiority complex, and my inferiority complex. You can only be kind when you believe you’re on equal terms.
-I want to be more careful in my spending. Last semester, I was a bit extravagant. I didn’t need to be, and the only reason why I was was because I was using consumerism to escape introspection. It’s easier to watch Desperate Housewives than to write in a journal, and I indulged a bit too much. This semester, though, I want to be more sparing in my expenditures.
-I want to be less stressed. It’s something that I’ve been trying to accomplish since…forever. But, I hit a bottom of sorts this past semester. At least once a week there was a night where I could not sleep because of anxiety. That’s dangerous. And so, I am now doing the things that I should have always been doing. I’m meditating before I go to sleep. I’m doing yoga. And when the semester begins, I’m going to return to therapy. It helps. Next semester, God willing, will not be as stressful as the past semester. But, I have a thesis to work on and a conference paper to present and a little thing called graduation. There will be many opportunities for me to freak-out. I want to learn how to avoid having panic attacks at every new challenge.