Seeing, Chapter 6
Title: Seeing
Pairing: Demi/Selena,
Rating: M
Summary: Sometimes you need more your than eyes in order to see what's in front of you.
A/N: For this chapter, I wanted to do my part to introduce Demi's mom in a different way from what I've seen in previous stories. It's kind of experimental for me. Hope you guys like it :)
Disclaimer: Again I don't own Selena Gomez or Demi Lovato. No one does ;-). Nor do I own the song used here.
Chapter: 6
Demi was always thinking in terms of musical notations. Everything was a form of music to her. How people walked, how they talked, the tones in their voices, music was everywhere she looked. And that was what gave her the desire to pursue a musical career. Sometimes when she would be by herself, she would idly write lyrics down on her note pad along with a few melodic chords she was playing on her instrument. But she didn't have a typical note pad stuffed with lyrics like most musicians. No, her note book was in her head, full of musical inspiration.
Wanna scream out
No more hiding
Don't be afraid of what's inside
Gonna tell ya, you'll be alright
“Alright...I...got nothing.” Demi's mind drew a blank as she leaned her back against the sofa cushion. As hard as she tried to concentrate on a new song, she couldn't. Her hands idly strummed her acoustic guitar as she replayed the events of last night over in head. She still couldn't believe what had happened. Selena kissed her. She almost kissed her. If Demi didn't stupidly open her mouth that is. Over and over again, she re-imagined the scenario in her head, wondering how it would have played it if she would've just kept her mouth shut.
It was rather ironic that the one thing that the one person she was trying to write about was the same thing that seemed to be blunting her attention.
What the hell did all of this mean? Was she gay? Did this make her a lesbian, a bi-sexual? The idea of being with a girl didn't even enter her mind before she met Selena. But there was just this huge...connection she was feeling. Like she was rooted to the scarred girl that briefly held her in her arms.
The numerous thoughts continued to pile up as she continue to play random notes on her instrument. With each note and chord she played, more thoughts of Selena entered her subconscious.
The taste from her strawberry lip gloss still lingered on her mind every time she ran her tongue across her lips. The fresh scent of lilacs that wafted across her neighbors garden and into her own always brought her friend to her mind. And each time, a goofy smile would always spread to her lips. She didn't know what exactly started this feeling, but what was going on inside of her was undeniable.
And her feelings for Selena were getting stronger by the minute.
Ugh, she couldn't take it any more! These thoughts were driving her crazy. Placing her guitar next to her chair, she decided that it was time for a little fresh air. Perhaps a small walk around the block my clear her cluttered mind. Just as she was about to grab her cane, the ringing from her door bell halted her task.
“Who is it?” Demi called out.
“Demi? Is that you?”
Demi's heart skipped at beat at the sound of the very familiar voice coming from the other end, her hand resting on the knob as she slowly turned the handle. Opening the door, she was greeted by a very nervous looking Selena.
At that moment, Selena was glad that Demi was visually handicapped. Her nervousness took over her senses as she looked away from her blind friend. The unspoken incident still lingered between them as she just stared into Demi's tinted shades. As her eyes traveled to her lips, she could feel her flustering stomach starting to rise at the sight of Demi's pout red lips.
Gosh darn it. Everything about her was just so...irresistible. She wanted to kiss them right then and there.
“Hey Selena.” Demi tried to sound as cheery as she could, hoping that her squeaky voice didn't give away her nervousness. Her figiting feet did very little to help as she was bombarded with that familiar scent of lilacs again. That intoxicating aroma was enough to make Demi's senses whirl in a frenzy.
Selena herself seemed unable to bring her voice into fruition, as the speech that she had planned seemed to have evaporated from her brain.
“Uh Hey.” Selena tried to muster up a decent and believable smile as her hands fidgeted with the strings of her navy blue hoodie. “What was that you were playing?” Selena inquired, motioning her head to the acoustic guitar.
“Oh it's nothing. Just a little something I'm working on.” Demi waved her hand wistfully hoping that Selena didn't catch the red blush that started to spread to her face.
“Well it sounds really pretty. Is it about anything?” Selena inquired, generally interested in the lyrical song that Demi was working on. She was just met with another dismissing wave.
“Not really. Just about...stuff.” Demi tried to hide the wavering in her voice as her sightless eyes shifted behind her glasses, “You wanna come in?” she asked stepping aside.
Selena graciously accepted her friend's invitation. Stepping into her home, she realized that this had been the first time she had truly been inside of Demi's house. There was certainly a nice homely feature to it. Decorated with a light shade of pastel white, she felt at ease with the calming atmosphere. A smile came to her face when her eyes drifted to what appeared to be a family photo with Demi, Dallas and her parents.
“I like your family photo.” Selena commented on the large framed portrait. She felt a goofy grin tug at her lips as she saw of what appeared to be a 15 year old Demi Lovato, the dark tinted glasses even on her face at that time which looked about a few sizes too big. Even back then, Demi seemed just way to adorable.
“Thank you.” Demi replied, the thought of her supportive family brought joy to her heart every time. Walking towards the direction of Selena's voice, she outstretched her arm as her fingers grazed the glass covering of the large family portrait. It was of her favorite items in the entire house.
“Here.” Demi took Selena's fingers in her own hands and gently guided them over each respective faces of her family members in the photo. Selena was surprised at how well she could memorize the entire photograph given her handicapped state.
“That's my big sister Dallas, my Half sister Madison.” As soon as their fingers traced over her mother's face, Demi's heart swelled up with pride at the thought of her mother. The same woman that held Demi's hand whenever she needed it, the same woman that was her should to cry on when things in life seemed to weigh her down, and the same woman who never gave up on her child and encouraged her daughter to reach for her goals. No mater how the odds were stacked against her.
“And that's my mom.” Demi replied, a sense of pride laced in her voice. Selena peered over her friend's shoulder as her eyes viewed the statuesque blonde woman in the photograph.
“Wow, she's beautiful. I can see where you got your good looks from.”
“Aww flattery will get you everywhere.” Demi teased with a wink, her face blushing with Selena's compliment. “DO you want something to drink? I was just heading into the kitchen.”
“Yeah sure.” Selena followed Demi into her large kitchen. Her eyes were glue to her friend as she watched how Demi managed to effortlessly navigate her way through her home. She was impressed by how Demi used her hands to feel her way around the kitchen, knowing that her sense of touch was one of her greatest assets in her daily activities, she wondered about other skills that the girl had acquired over the years.
Her fingers accidentally grazed Demi's fingers as she graciously accepted the glass of sweetened iced tea from her friend. As soon as their fingers touched, Selena body froze. The contact with her skin sent Selena's senses in a frenzy. Looking deep into Demi's tinted lenses, she could imagine the complicated thoughts that were going through her mind.
There was definitely an attraction between them. Selena could feel it coming a mile away. She felt her body automatically react to the contact of Demi's hand as she placed the glass back on the counter top, her hand still linked with the musician's.
Before she knew it she felt her lips crashing against Demi's. To her surprise, the blind girl didn't pull away. Quite the contrary in fact, she was kissing Selena back to the best of her abilities.
She was obviously inexperienced. Selena thought to herself as her lips massaged her friends. Or her...girlfriend, maybe, possibly, she didn't know at this point. She's not sure anymore after this complication. But as inexperienced as Demi was, kissing her felt rather...nice. Almost comforting. She felt real affection from the girl in front of her as she relaxed her hands on the shorter girl's hips. A muffled moan came from Demi's lips as Selena's hands slowly crept up her side.
Demi's senses were sent into a tale spin when Selena had kissed her. After daydreaming about Selena kissing her and holding her in her arms, she never imagined that this would be happening to her, nor did she ever dream that it would be this intense. It was beyond anything she ever dreamed about. Selena's hands felt so strong against her body, she could melt into her fortified embrace, feeling safer than she did in her entire life.
She was so sure that Selena only saw her in a friendship capacity that she mentally discarded any possibility of a romantic relationship with the girl. But alas, here she was in a heated make out session.
“Selena...” Demi panted between her breath, between the intense strawberry flavored kisses that were being placed on her lips. “I...we...”
“I know...” Selena muttered, running her hand through Demi's silken locks as she smiled against her lips.
But when she felt Selena move her hand towards her glasses, her defense mechanism kicked in.
“No!” Demi shouted as she swatted Selena's hand away from her face, knocking her glasses from the Latina girl's hand.
Breaking the heated kiss, Selena gasped in shock as she stared at the now frail looking girl desperately covering her eyes with her arms.
“Demi!” Selena shouted, her mind trying to come up with ways to soothe the frantic blind girl in front of her.
“My glasses...where are they? I...I need my glasses!” Demi cried out, her hands still covering her eyes as she frantically backed herself into a corner. Selena raised her hands up, trying to calm her down.
“Demi it's ok! I see them.” Selena did her best to try and reassure her friend. Spotting the glasses underneath the kitchen table, she quickly reached them, and slid them back onto Demi's face. She sighed in relief as Demi's body started to relax.
“Are you ok?” Selena asked with genuine concern.
Demi nodded slowly, her breathing returning to normal as she placed her hand over her now slow beating heart. “Yes...thank you.” As Selena took Demi by her arms, she walked with her towards the couch.
“Come on, why don't you sit down.” Demi nodded at the suggestion as she closed her eyes.
From the corner of Selena's eyes, she saw what Demi was trying to hide from behind those glasses of hers. The heart breaking sight of the scars around Demi's eyes made Selena's insides twist. Knowing what kind of pain her friend must have been in when she lost the use of her eyes, made Selena's heart wrench.
“Demi I told you, you don't have to keep apologizing. It's ok. Really.”
“I know it's just...” Demi tried to regain her composure as she attempted to apologize for the millionth time. Only stopping mid sentence after Selena kept reminding her that an apology wasn't necessary.
“Demi, I get it. Really it's OK, you don't have to explain it to me.”
She knew why Demi kept those glasses on her at all times. Having the comfort of a security shield over your visual short comings was something that Selena was all to familiar with. Even with her significant improvement and outlook on her life, she still wouldn't walk out the door without some sort of cap or a long hoodie to try and cover up her face in fear of people staring at her facial blemish. She was in the same boat as Demi in that aspect.
“It's just that, if you're still freaked out and you want to leave, I'll be OK with that.”
“Really?” Selena teased, raising her brow, smirked etched onto her mouth.
“Well no I won't.” Demi admitted with a shake of her head. “I'll be totally crushed. But I'll get it. Kinda, maybe. OK I won't get it either and I'll probably end up on a peanut butter and fudge ice cream bender.”
Selena shared a laughed with her friend, once again feeling that sense of calmness that just seemed to follow her and Demi around. She loved the fact that she could be herself with her. She didn't have to impress anyone or flash a fake smile for a thousand paparazzi camera's. It was a nice little reminder that fame and fortune isn't everything.
Then there was that elephant in the room. The whole 'so how bout that spontaneous make out session that happened no less than twenty minutes ago.' elephant. What could they possibly say about that?
“You know, were going to have to talk about...that. Right?” Demi timidly reminded Selena as she picked at her long sleeve turtleneck. Her fingers nervously touching the soft fabric. And just like that, their security bubble has been popped as they were dropped back to the plains of reality.
“Yeah...sucks doesn't it?”
Demi nodded for a second before her head popped up. “Wait...what sucks? Did the kiss suck? Was I...not good?” she asked, a hurt expression plastered over her face.
Selena was quick to reassure her that it wasn't the case. “No! Not at all! It was fine I liked it. It was...nice.”
Demi's demeanor seemed to relax at Selena's reassurance. Her body seemed to loosen up on her own accord as a relaxing smile came to her face as she was complimented on her kissing skills.
“It's just that. I'm not gay Demi.” Selena said, almost as if she was trying to convince herself.
“Oh, well that's good, neither am I.” Demi's nervous voice hung in the air, mimicking Selena's attempt to convince herself that she wasn't sexually confused. And she wasn't. Right? She wasn't gay at all. She never even thought about girls until she met Selena. Selena, with her strong arms holding her, making her feel all safe and secure, her melodic voice that effortlessly pulls Demi into a dream like trance, and how her hands seem to make her skin burst every time she touches her.
Damn it! She was doing it again. Thinking about something inappropriate when they were trying to have a serious discussion.
“So then, what does all this mean?” Selena asked again. Unsure of herself as she returned her gaze towards Demi, who responded with a mere shrug and a small voice.
“I don't know. I'm not to sure myself. Maybe we should take it slow? See where it goes?” Demi suggested, with a feeling of hope brewing inside of her. Hoping that maybe Selena felt the same way she did. The unreadable silence between them was starting to weigh on her.
“S-Selena?” Demi spoke again. Her chest tightened with every second passing.
“I'd like that Demi.” came Selena's simple response. It was a simple yet true response coming from a willing friend. Someone willing to take the journey with her. And just like that, Demi's heart was once again soaring.
“Honey, I'm home.” Demi heard her mother call out from the living room, with her acoustic guitar still on her laps, she idly continued to play a few chords as she heard her mom close the front door. The conversation she had with Selena, still fresh in her mind as she placed her instrument back in it's respective stand.
“I'm in the living room!” she called out to her mom. Hearing the familiar foot step of her mother's designer high heeled black boots, she wondered how her mother would react to her seeing a girl, let alone having a new friend in her life. Her mom had the reputation around the household and the neighborhood as an over protective 'mama bear' when it came to her children.
Especially when it came to Demi. She remembered the countless times Dianna spent waking up at the crack of dawn taking Demi to music school when she was in her early teens as well as the many nights she would console her child after the mental and physical abuse that her biological father put her entire family through.
She was the strongest woman that Demi had the pleasure of knowing. Next to her sister. Someone that she truly looked up to. But being overprotective was one of Dianna's best and worse traits. A lot of friendships that came and went, that weren't necessarily horrible were lost because of her mother's overprotective nature that scared a lot of people away.
Demi felt a smile tug at her lips as a familiar motherly arm wrapped around her shoulders - and feeling her lips pressed against her temple.
“There's my little artist. Hard at work as usual.” Her mother stated proudly at her daughter's dedication to her music. “Working on something spectacular I presume.”
“Hey mom.” Demi greeted her mother, snuggling into her embrace, her familiar perfume filling the air. “I dunno maybe. It's still a work in progress.”
“Well I'm sure it's going to be amazing. You're too talented to make it anything but ordinary.” Her mom encouraged, giving a reassuring smile and a motherly kiss on her daughter's cheek before breaking the embrace.
Demi's mom always knew the right words to say to give their daughter the courage they needed. It was a skill that Dianna prided herself with since the day her children were born. Always encouraging them when they needed it, always telling them to never give up, she vowed to herself that she would never treat her children the same way her mother had raised her. She was past that phase in her life, and now her devotion was to the family she loved more than anything else.
“You'll never guess who I ran into today. Tony Anderson!” Demi's mom called from the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.
“Mister Anderson? My 6th grade music teacher?” The young 18 year old called back,
“Yup, he said he was at your last show. You reminded him of a young Yo-Yo Ma.”
“Yo-Yo Ma?” Demi snorted with laughter as she picked up her acoustic guitar once again, preparing to work on her song. “He's one of the best cellists in modern age mom. I can only DREAM of being as good as he is.”
“Nonsense Demetria.”
Demi felt her mother sit close to her as she felt the weight shift on the plush sofa she was resting on.
“I keep telling you, there is nothing that you can't achieve in life. Look at all that you've accomplished now. How many blind 18 year olds can say they play for California Conservatory of Music? Hell how many people in general can say that?”
“I get it mom. Thanks.” Demi wistfully replied, leaning her head against her mother's shoulder. A warm feeling of love motherly love coursed through her body as she felt her mom's fingers gently stroke her dark brunette locks. Their mother/daughter bonding moment however was broken by a very familiar shrill voice.
“Mom! A little help! Here!” A struggling Dallas shouted out as she desperately tried to balance two large grocery bags in her arms attempting to walk through the front door.
“Sorry!” Dianna quickly got up and rushed to her eldest daughter's aid, grabbing one of the bags from Dallas's arm. The familiar yet jovial bicker between her mother and her older sister brought a sense of comfort to the young musician as she was quickly reminded of the love that they shared with each other. And her mother loved her. Unconditionally right?
So she shouldn't care that Demi was developing strange feelings for her new friend. A new friend that she had yet to tell her mother about.
That sense of fear returned to her as she tapped her fingers against the hollow body of her acoustic guitar. What if her mom did care? What if her mother did care that her daughter had these thoughts about another girl? Would their bond be strong enough for her mom to be accepting of this new discovery?
She couldn't risk it. Not yet. She still had trouble introducing new friends to her mom. She'd take it slow first. Just say that she met a friend. That's it. A girl can have her friends right? Friends who aren't Girlfriends. 'Here goes nothing' She thought to herself as she took the familiar steps into the family kitchen, hearing Dallas and her mom having some debated discussion on what's better. The organic yogurt that they bought, or the yo plait that was still in their fridge.
“So I uhm. I invited a friend to dinner this Friday.” Demi opted for the direct approach, feeling it would be much better than something subtle. Regret seeped through her body as the riveting yogurt debate of 2011 came to a screeching halt. “I hope that's OK...”
“Really?...do I know this friend?” Dianna cautiously turned towards her blind daughter and narrowed her eyes slightly.
“You mean the ones you didn't scare off mom?” Dallas interjected.
“Can it Dal.” came their mother's stern warning. The eldest blonde daughter just raised her hands up in the air, leaning back on the seat she was sitting on.
“So who's this friend of yours.”
“You've met her before. The neighbor from across the street, Selena?” Demi timidly reminded her mom of the visit they paid when welcoming the new neighbor to their street. From the tone of her voice, Demi was stating to think that this was a mistake.
“I never actually met her. Only her parents but...isn't she supposed to be one of those crazy type of hollywood girls??”
Demi inwardly winced at the label that her mother gave her friend.
“Hmm.” Was all Dianna had to say about the situation. Everyone in the room knew what she was thinking though. She pretty much made up her mind about this girl without even meeting her. Despite the fact that she loved her mother dearly, she could be pretty judgmental at times.
“Mom she's a nice girl.” Dallas did her best to reassure her mother. “She's been hanging out with Demi for a while now. And honestly...she's an OK person.”
Demi flashed a toothy grin for her sister. The fact that Dallas was starting to take to Selena and positively vouch for her, gave Demi a little hope. Hope that her mother would maybe take that into consideration.
Dianna just tapped her manicured nails against their granite table top. Demi cold just imagine the unreadable expression on her mother's face as she was processing this new information.
“Well I guess, we'll have to set another plate for this Friday.” Her mother stated going back to her tasking of putting their groceries in their respective places.
Demi sighed in relief at her mother's surprisingly relaxed reaction. Little did the youngest daughter know about Dianna's cautious thoughts that were brewing in that over protective “mother hen” mindset of hers right now.
Little did Demi know, her mother sometimes watches her from afar when she is practicing in her room. Tonight was no exception as Dianna was watching her daughter playing her cello like it was second nature from the corner of her hallway. She smiled proudly at the way her daughter's hands seemed to effortlessly strum her bow across the wooden instrument. Yohan, Bach, Mozart, it was almost as if the great musicians of the past were embedded into her DNA.
Those hands, those multi talented hands that she held when she was a little girl all the way to when she bought her her first violin, and took her to her first piano lesson turned into instruments that created works of arts for the entire world to enjoy. That simple thought made Dianna proud to call Demi her daughter.
Her daughter was precious to her. All her children were. But she made it her duty to pay close attention to Demi after her accident. An accident caused by her biological father. Images of that horrid night still plagued her mind whenever she closed her eyes. The sound of her daughter tearful scream, the vision of blood profusely pouring down her face with sharp jagged shards of glass sticking out of her eye sockets was as she begged her mom to stop the unimaginable pain was enough to make her heart break all over again.
It was that moment that she silently promised her daughter to always protect her from whatever evils that were out there in the world. Some people may call it an unrealistic goal, she called it motherly love.
This was her family. The one thing in her life that meant more to her than anything in the world, and she would be damned if some shallow Hollywood brat was going to corrupt HER daughter.