Thoughts
So...I am sitting here....listening to the "song of the week"....thinking....
And I know you are asking...what the heck is she thinking about??
And honestly....I am not sure....
Of course now you are thinking....how can she not be sure what she is thinking?? :::::under your breath:::::crazy girl:::::
Anyways....I went to Cincinnati this past week for my job....stayed in a nice hotel...was fed a whole bunch of cheesecake factory food...and had fun...but i missed my home, my roommates, and my bed...even though i hardly ever sleep in it because i'm always passed on out the couch...and i guess i sleep on the couch because the back of the couch tricks my mind and makes me think that there is someone there....
....sigh....
Things are going good for me though right now...I am doing well with my job...and from what people tell me...they like me....which is a good thing....they say i'm always in a good mood and that i always make them laugh...i don't know...could this be the beginning of me becoming who i use to be???
I know that we can't change the things that happen to us...and I'll never understand why we have to go through such hardships in our lives...but like I've said before...we should have no regrets...the past is finished....there is nothing to be gained by going over it....whatever it gave us in the experience...it brought us something we had to know.....
But the thing is...yeah...I do have regrets....regrets because of the decisions I made didn't just affect me...I hurt people along the way...said things I shouldn't have said....did things that I shouldn't have done...and it seems as if everything I did was just another lie to cover up a different one....
I have now realized though that every decision I made stemmed from what I thought I was....and it represented the value that I had put into myself...so in the end...I guess I felt as if I didn't have much self worth....that i didn't value who i was as a person....
I started talking to this guy that I use to work with at Tumbleweed...I texted him the other day...and we got to talking...and he invited me to come see this play that he was in with his church...of course...the first thing that came to my mind was "you go to church?"...and of course i didn't say that...but i thought it...so i was like...ok...i'll go....
Let's just talk about how it was a swift kick in the butt and made me realize A LOT of things....it was a good play...and the preacher...wow is all i have to say...he kept my attention which says a lot....so needless to say...I am going to go to church with MJ on sunday....i think it will be a good thing....
I can't predict what is going to happen in the future...nor do I really want to....but right now...I feel good....I feel good with how things are and the way that they are going...and this is the first time in a long time that I have felt this way....
I intend to make amends with the things that I regret...because I know that admitting my weaknesses is the only way that I will be able to deal with those scary ghosts that haunt me....right now...it is just one step at a time....and one day at a time....
And I know you are asking...what the heck is she thinking about??
And honestly....I am not sure....
Of course now you are thinking....how can she not be sure what she is thinking?? :::::under your breath:::::crazy girl:::::
Anyways....I went to Cincinnati this past week for my job....stayed in a nice hotel...was fed a whole bunch of cheesecake factory food...and had fun...but i missed my home, my roommates, and my bed...even though i hardly ever sleep in it because i'm always passed on out the couch...and i guess i sleep on the couch because the back of the couch tricks my mind and makes me think that there is someone there....
....sigh....
Things are going good for me though right now...I am doing well with my job...and from what people tell me...they like me....which is a good thing....they say i'm always in a good mood and that i always make them laugh...i don't know...could this be the beginning of me becoming who i use to be???
I know that we can't change the things that happen to us...and I'll never understand why we have to go through such hardships in our lives...but like I've said before...we should have no regrets...the past is finished....there is nothing to be gained by going over it....whatever it gave us in the experience...it brought us something we had to know.....
But the thing is...yeah...I do have regrets....regrets because of the decisions I made didn't just affect me...I hurt people along the way...said things I shouldn't have said....did things that I shouldn't have done...and it seems as if everything I did was just another lie to cover up a different one....
I have now realized though that every decision I made stemmed from what I thought I was....and it represented the value that I had put into myself...so in the end...I guess I felt as if I didn't have much self worth....that i didn't value who i was as a person....
I started talking to this guy that I use to work with at Tumbleweed...I texted him the other day...and we got to talking...and he invited me to come see this play that he was in with his church...of course...the first thing that came to my mind was "you go to church?"...and of course i didn't say that...but i thought it...so i was like...ok...i'll go....
Let's just talk about how it was a swift kick in the butt and made me realize A LOT of things....it was a good play...and the preacher...wow is all i have to say...he kept my attention which says a lot....so needless to say...I am going to go to church with MJ on sunday....i think it will be a good thing....
I can't predict what is going to happen in the future...nor do I really want to....but right now...I feel good....I feel good with how things are and the way that they are going...and this is the first time in a long time that I have felt this way....
I intend to make amends with the things that I regret...because I know that admitting my weaknesses is the only way that I will be able to deal with those scary ghosts that haunt me....right now...it is just one step at a time....and one day at a time....