Mini-van Confessional
I'm bored and I was remembering bits and pieces of conversation as best I can remember from our trip home from Palm Springs last Tuesday. Content has been highly edited for length and well, completely inane content. Keep in mind the heavy boredom of a cartrip with 3 kids and no real reading material. And the transcendental feeling of leaving my in-laws behind:
Me (looking askance at Mike's black t-shirt with the Olympic rings over his heart as he is driving): "Where'd you get that shirt?"
Him (looking down, then looking defensive): "Why?"
Me:"I don't know, just wondering....."
HIm:"What's wrong with it? I got it in Salt Lake after the Olympics.."
Me (my look lingering on the Olympic ring insignia): "It just kind of looks like those t-shirts you get at a trinket stand, 3 for $9.99..."
Him (now completely defensive): "What?? I like it! It has all the flags of the nations on the back."
I look ahead and a voice out of nowhere is in my left ear:
Alex:"I heard that if you fart 15 times a day it means you're healthy. Serious."
Me: " Well that means you could probably be on the cover of Men's Fitness" (or some other smartass comment).
Mike:"No doubt, dude. What about taking bowl-clogger poops in the hotel toilet so they overflow and flood out into the hall? Does that mean you're healthy too?"
Alex (angry):"Yeah, Dad you should talk, whatever!!!!(angry sounds, 'you're mean',etc)"
Me: "Yeah Alex, your name should be Logs A'Cloggin, or if you're Scottish: Logs McClaggen."
Alex (now beside himself with fury and muffled sounds coming from his pillow and kicks into the back of my seat): "Mom, you're so mean! You're the meanest Mom ever!!!!!!"
Mike (looking at me): "First you make mean comments out of the blue about my shirt.....and then go and completely redeem yourself."
(We exchange high fives or solids of some form of parental solidarity while Alex yells and kicks with righteous indignation behind me while MIke and I laugh ourselves silly.)
I didn't realize I was such an antagonistal nit-picking beeotch until I wrote parts of this out. And yes, Alex really did clog the potty in our hotel room and flooded everything. Just another day in the life.
Alex recovered from the embarrassment eventually and now calls us 'Mr. and Mrs. McLaggen" occasionally. I don't think we scarred him for life. Yet.
Me (looking askance at Mike's black t-shirt with the Olympic rings over his heart as he is driving): "Where'd you get that shirt?"
Him (looking down, then looking defensive): "Why?"
Me:"I don't know, just wondering....."
HIm:"What's wrong with it? I got it in Salt Lake after the Olympics.."
Me (my look lingering on the Olympic ring insignia): "It just kind of looks like those t-shirts you get at a trinket stand, 3 for $9.99..."
Him (now completely defensive): "What?? I like it! It has all the flags of the nations on the back."
I look ahead and a voice out of nowhere is in my left ear:
Alex:"I heard that if you fart 15 times a day it means you're healthy. Serious."
Me: " Well that means you could probably be on the cover of Men's Fitness" (or some other smartass comment).
Mike:"No doubt, dude. What about taking bowl-clogger poops in the hotel toilet so they overflow and flood out into the hall? Does that mean you're healthy too?"
Alex (angry):"Yeah, Dad you should talk, whatever!!!!(angry sounds, 'you're mean',etc)"
Me: "Yeah Alex, your name should be Logs A'Cloggin, or if you're Scottish: Logs McClaggen."
Alex (now beside himself with fury and muffled sounds coming from his pillow and kicks into the back of my seat): "Mom, you're so mean! You're the meanest Mom ever!!!!!!"
Mike (looking at me): "First you make mean comments out of the blue about my shirt.....and then go and completely redeem yourself."
(We exchange high fives or solids of some form of parental solidarity while Alex yells and kicks with righteous indignation behind me while MIke and I laugh ourselves silly.)
I didn't realize I was such an antagonistal nit-picking beeotch until I wrote parts of this out. And yes, Alex really did clog the potty in our hotel room and flooded everything. Just another day in the life.
Alex recovered from the embarrassment eventually and now calls us 'Mr. and Mrs. McLaggen" occasionally. I don't think we scarred him for life. Yet.