D is for diatribe
Warning: ANGST. Angst angst angst. This is NOT a happy story. It is also directly related to my C entry, so I suggest you read that first if you haven't already done so. Actually, sparked by sarcasticsra's comment on my crow fic, I decided to make it the first of a six-part series of vignettes. This, therefore, is the second part. Crow will be the first; diatribe the second; esoteric the third; gravity the fourth; horology the fifth and ineluctable the sixth. My other twenty Wolfstar fics will be unrelated to this. So, onwards to one of my most depressing fics ever, cross-posted to my LJ.
Title: A Marauder's Heartbreak
Author: edna_blackadder
Fandom: Harry Potter
Medium: Book
Genre: Slash
Pairing: Sirius/Remus
Theme: D is for diatribe
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling.
A Marauder's Heartbreak
Remus Lupin knew that people tend to hurt the ones they love, but this was far worse than he could have ever imagined. He simply could not comprehend … what in Merlin’s name had Sirius been thinking? How could he have done it? Remus reviewed the conversation in his mind, desperately seeking a loophole, but there was none. Professor Dumbledore had definitely said that Sirius Black had told Severus Snape how to follow the path to the Shrieking Shack, where Remus, fully possessed by his savage wolf half, would have almost certainly killed him if not for the intervention of James Potter, who had chased after his sworn enemy and saved his life.
James had saved Snape from being brutally killed by Remus, at Sirius’ behest. In other words, James had saved Remus from becoming Sirius’ hitman in Snape’s murder. Remus would not believe it; he could not believe it …
It would have been bad enough if Sirius had been a mere friend; but he was more than that. Well, nothing had happened yet, but Remus had been in love with him for longer than he cared to recall and he had finally been showing signs of loving him back. Remus admonished himself, still too shocked for tears … he had actually thought that by the next Hogsmeade weekend, they might be lovers. Instead, Sirius had tried to make him commit murder. Remus felt like asking Madam Pomfrey if there was any chance he had somehow died during his transformation and gone to Hell, because if there was a hell, then he was in it.
James and Snape had both been admitted to the hospital wing, and Madam Pomfrey had wanted to keep them overnight. James, though he claimed to feel fine, made no objections and was now snoring in the bunk opposite Remus’. Snape, however, had refused to stay and raced out the door before Madam Pomfrey could even begin to shout at him. Professor Dumbledore had let him go. Remus couldn’t blame him. He had no idea how he was going to face Snape the next day, and the thought of facing Sirius was even worse. James had given him a sombre hug when he was brought in, so he knew he still had one friend, but he thought it was probably safe to assume that the rest of his life had fallen apart.
Now he would have to do what he had feared. He would have to stand up and yell at Sirius, to tell him that the Marauders had become bullies and he could not stand for it and that if this continued, their friendship was over, his foolish heart be damned.
And he would have to do it sooner than he thought, because right then, the door swung open, and Sirius entered, looking shaken and horrified. Slowly but deliberately, he walked up to Remus’ bed.
‘Look … it’s all right if you hate me,’ he said in a broken voice. ‘Professor Dumbledore is suspending me, as well he should. They’re going to spend the Easter holidays deciding whether or not I should be allowed to remain at Hogwarts, which means I’ll probably be expelled because I know I deserve it … he said I could visit you before I go.’
Remus felt like he might as well have been looking at a ghost. Sirius seemed to have aged ten years in the last ten hours; his eyes plainly showed that he was positively brimming with guilt over what he had done. Remus didn’t know how to react. Part of him wanted to acknowledge that guilt and forgive Sirius, but his rational side overrode that impulse. Before he could speak though, Sirius continued. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said weakly. ‘I know that’s not enough, but I’m so sorry; I know I’ve hurt you - I - ’
‘Well, I’m glad you know you’ve hurt me,’ Remus spat, his eyes fixed upon the boy he had loved, and to his horror, he still did love - ‘I’m glad to know that while I was stupid enough to be friends with an arrogant, double-crossing murderer, at least I was never friends with an idiot. Now that would have been the icing on the cake, if I’d fallen in love with an idiot, don’t you think, Padfoot?’
‘If you’d - what?’ Sirius choked out, his eyes wide.
‘I was afraid this would happen, you know,’ Remus said, biting his lip as tears threatened to fall. ‘I was afraid that I would have to confront the three of you about being bullies, and that I would lose your friendship, and especially that I would lose you, because my wasted werewolf heart loved you. I was actually afraid that you would expose me as a werewolf, but clearly I’m not cut out for Divination, because I predicted that would come after my life-shattering speech, not before. I still can’t believe - I still can’t - I still can’t - ’
Remus was never able to finish that sentence, because the tears were now flowing full force, and after staring up at Sirius for a moment, he rolled over and buried his face in his pillow, sobs shaking his body. Sirius, who was seconds away from crying himself, bent down and kissed Remus’ cheek. ‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered. ‘I’m so sorry, Moony - ’
‘Sod off,’ Remus managed to say, before dissolving once more into sobs. He heard Professor Dumbledore come to fetch Sirius, who too was now crying, albeit silently. He heard James’ voice calling his name from across the ward, but did not have the heart to answer.
FINIS
I'm sorry about that. Unfortunately for the HMS Wolfstar, The Prank is canon. This is my first attempt to deal with it unless you count an angsty one-shot about Sirius and Snape's enmity, so if this sucks majorly or even if it sucks minorly, please forgive me and don't hesitate to tell me but be nice to me 'cause it's my birthday today. Seriously, give me real critiques. I love compliments, but I know that if I get concrit it's a) a good thing and b) most probably deserved. So, have at it.
Title: A Marauder's Heartbreak
Author: edna_blackadder
Fandom: Harry Potter
Medium: Book
Genre: Slash
Pairing: Sirius/Remus
Theme: D is for diatribe
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling.
A Marauder's Heartbreak
Remus Lupin knew that people tend to hurt the ones they love, but this was far worse than he could have ever imagined. He simply could not comprehend … what in Merlin’s name had Sirius been thinking? How could he have done it? Remus reviewed the conversation in his mind, desperately seeking a loophole, but there was none. Professor Dumbledore had definitely said that Sirius Black had told Severus Snape how to follow the path to the Shrieking Shack, where Remus, fully possessed by his savage wolf half, would have almost certainly killed him if not for the intervention of James Potter, who had chased after his sworn enemy and saved his life.
James had saved Snape from being brutally killed by Remus, at Sirius’ behest. In other words, James had saved Remus from becoming Sirius’ hitman in Snape’s murder. Remus would not believe it; he could not believe it …
It would have been bad enough if Sirius had been a mere friend; but he was more than that. Well, nothing had happened yet, but Remus had been in love with him for longer than he cared to recall and he had finally been showing signs of loving him back. Remus admonished himself, still too shocked for tears … he had actually thought that by the next Hogsmeade weekend, they might be lovers. Instead, Sirius had tried to make him commit murder. Remus felt like asking Madam Pomfrey if there was any chance he had somehow died during his transformation and gone to Hell, because if there was a hell, then he was in it.
James and Snape had both been admitted to the hospital wing, and Madam Pomfrey had wanted to keep them overnight. James, though he claimed to feel fine, made no objections and was now snoring in the bunk opposite Remus’. Snape, however, had refused to stay and raced out the door before Madam Pomfrey could even begin to shout at him. Professor Dumbledore had let him go. Remus couldn’t blame him. He had no idea how he was going to face Snape the next day, and the thought of facing Sirius was even worse. James had given him a sombre hug when he was brought in, so he knew he still had one friend, but he thought it was probably safe to assume that the rest of his life had fallen apart.
Now he would have to do what he had feared. He would have to stand up and yell at Sirius, to tell him that the Marauders had become bullies and he could not stand for it and that if this continued, their friendship was over, his foolish heart be damned.
And he would have to do it sooner than he thought, because right then, the door swung open, and Sirius entered, looking shaken and horrified. Slowly but deliberately, he walked up to Remus’ bed.
‘Look … it’s all right if you hate me,’ he said in a broken voice. ‘Professor Dumbledore is suspending me, as well he should. They’re going to spend the Easter holidays deciding whether or not I should be allowed to remain at Hogwarts, which means I’ll probably be expelled because I know I deserve it … he said I could visit you before I go.’
Remus felt like he might as well have been looking at a ghost. Sirius seemed to have aged ten years in the last ten hours; his eyes plainly showed that he was positively brimming with guilt over what he had done. Remus didn’t know how to react. Part of him wanted to acknowledge that guilt and forgive Sirius, but his rational side overrode that impulse. Before he could speak though, Sirius continued. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said weakly. ‘I know that’s not enough, but I’m so sorry; I know I’ve hurt you - I - ’
‘Well, I’m glad you know you’ve hurt me,’ Remus spat, his eyes fixed upon the boy he had loved, and to his horror, he still did love - ‘I’m glad to know that while I was stupid enough to be friends with an arrogant, double-crossing murderer, at least I was never friends with an idiot. Now that would have been the icing on the cake, if I’d fallen in love with an idiot, don’t you think, Padfoot?’
‘If you’d - what?’ Sirius choked out, his eyes wide.
‘I was afraid this would happen, you know,’ Remus said, biting his lip as tears threatened to fall. ‘I was afraid that I would have to confront the three of you about being bullies, and that I would lose your friendship, and especially that I would lose you, because my wasted werewolf heart loved you. I was actually afraid that you would expose me as a werewolf, but clearly I’m not cut out for Divination, because I predicted that would come after my life-shattering speech, not before. I still can’t believe - I still can’t - I still can’t - ’
Remus was never able to finish that sentence, because the tears were now flowing full force, and after staring up at Sirius for a moment, he rolled over and buried his face in his pillow, sobs shaking his body. Sirius, who was seconds away from crying himself, bent down and kissed Remus’ cheek. ‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered. ‘I’m so sorry, Moony - ’
‘Sod off,’ Remus managed to say, before dissolving once more into sobs. He heard Professor Dumbledore come to fetch Sirius, who too was now crying, albeit silently. He heard James’ voice calling his name from across the ward, but did not have the heart to answer.
FINIS
I'm sorry about that. Unfortunately for the HMS Wolfstar, The Prank is canon. This is my first attempt to deal with it unless you count an angsty one-shot about Sirius and Snape's enmity, so if this sucks majorly or even if it sucks minorly, please forgive me and don't hesitate to tell me but be nice to me 'cause it's my birthday today. Seriously, give me real critiques. I love compliments, but I know that if I get concrit it's a) a good thing and b) most probably deserved. So, have at it.