lonesome sundown.
i'm going away [camp] for a week. i'm kinda scared. i get homesick.
i don't know. i don't know why i'm so hesitant to get to know people. i don't know why the worst thing in the world is having someone see you cry. i don't know why i assume no one gets me when i never even try to tell them what i think they won't get. i don't know why i feel like the only one on the earth sometimes. or why i never make phone calls. or why lately, when i say i'm going to read a book or clean my room or make a collage, i end up listening to music, watching TV, or playing computer games. the people i consider myself closest to, i don't know very well. we don't talk about much serious. it's easiest to feel alone when you are surrounded by strangers, or friends. or couples, that's the worst. sometimes it feels good to be alone. but lately, i just want, want, want.
and this is a pretty personal entry for livejournal.
sometimes i'm happy. sometimes i'm not.
but right now, i'm neither.
i don't feel much of anything.
but i feel really off track.
and really distant.
and i miss feeling like i'm doing something, going somewhere.
bored?
maybe.
most people would say i have a lot, maybe some people would say i always get what i want. but that's not true. because no one knows what i want. sometimes i think i know. but then i find out what i thought i wanted wasn't as great as i thought. i have decided i'm indecisive. and that's a fact. i hear all the right things from all the wrong people.
so
"please, please, please, let me get what i want. Lord knows, it would be the first time."
i don't know. i don't know why i'm so hesitant to get to know people. i don't know why the worst thing in the world is having someone see you cry. i don't know why i assume no one gets me when i never even try to tell them what i think they won't get. i don't know why i feel like the only one on the earth sometimes. or why i never make phone calls. or why lately, when i say i'm going to read a book or clean my room or make a collage, i end up listening to music, watching TV, or playing computer games. the people i consider myself closest to, i don't know very well. we don't talk about much serious. it's easiest to feel alone when you are surrounded by strangers, or friends. or couples, that's the worst. sometimes it feels good to be alone. but lately, i just want, want, want.
and this is a pretty personal entry for livejournal.
sometimes i'm happy. sometimes i'm not.
but right now, i'm neither.
i don't feel much of anything.
but i feel really off track.
and really distant.
and i miss feeling like i'm doing something, going somewhere.
bored?
maybe.
most people would say i have a lot, maybe some people would say i always get what i want. but that's not true. because no one knows what i want. sometimes i think i know. but then i find out what i thought i wanted wasn't as great as i thought. i have decided i'm indecisive. and that's a fact. i hear all the right things from all the wrong people.
so
"please, please, please, let me get what i want. Lord knows, it would be the first time."